day 10 and dreams
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 27
day 10 and dreams
hi there. Day 10. I am able to do more now than I have done in years as far as work goes. I have a job interview on Monday for a job that will make me much more money and give me some freedom. I worked on my resume last night, read some, and then off to bed.....
Seems the night time and sleep is rough. I sleep a full 8 hours but it is full of dreams and most of them are about using, disappointing people who did not fully know the extent of my drug use, and seeing people in my dreams that are deceased but back for a moment. It's enough to make me feel uneasy for the first few hours of the morning. I have to remind myself that I didn't drink and that these loved ones i keep dreaming about are really gone.
In my dreams, I am drinking vodka (i drank beer when drinking and not liquor) and I am disappointed in myself for having to start at day 1 again. Also, it's like everyone knows my secrets in my dreams, secrets that I want to just push away and move forward from. I wake up feeling guilty and ashamed.
On a more positive note, i never thought i would have a day 10 in my life. I have pTSD so i guess i've always had this sense of a foreshortened future. I still crave, especially after a long day of work.
Ive been feeling more like my recovery is just as big as a secret as my alcoholism was.....not sure how to stop this hiding and these supposed secrets. I mean, it's not necessary to tell everyone of my dilemna is it? The few friends I am close to know and my husband, but I am not saying much other than that. I feel this need to confess.....
Hope everyone has a good day and makes it through, sober and safe. That is my goal for today. Anyone with similar experiences out there?
Peace to each of you.....Price
Seems the night time and sleep is rough. I sleep a full 8 hours but it is full of dreams and most of them are about using, disappointing people who did not fully know the extent of my drug use, and seeing people in my dreams that are deceased but back for a moment. It's enough to make me feel uneasy for the first few hours of the morning. I have to remind myself that I didn't drink and that these loved ones i keep dreaming about are really gone.
In my dreams, I am drinking vodka (i drank beer when drinking and not liquor) and I am disappointed in myself for having to start at day 1 again. Also, it's like everyone knows my secrets in my dreams, secrets that I want to just push away and move forward from. I wake up feeling guilty and ashamed.
On a more positive note, i never thought i would have a day 10 in my life. I have pTSD so i guess i've always had this sense of a foreshortened future. I still crave, especially after a long day of work.
Ive been feeling more like my recovery is just as big as a secret as my alcoholism was.....not sure how to stop this hiding and these supposed secrets. I mean, it's not necessary to tell everyone of my dilemna is it? The few friends I am close to know and my husband, but I am not saying much other than that. I feel this need to confess.....
Hope everyone has a good day and makes it through, sober and safe. That is my goal for today. Anyone with similar experiences out there?
Peace to each of you.....Price
Sobriety Date: Feb 2009
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Osaka, Jpn
Posts: 389
Hi, price! Good luck for your job interview!
As long as you stay sober, your future is bright. Here are a lot of people who have experience and knowledge to keep sobriety. Read and write posts here in SR. Supporting others supports yourself as well.
As long as you stay sober, your future is bright. Here are a lot of people who have experience and knowledge to keep sobriety. Read and write posts here in SR. Supporting others supports yourself as well.
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