Day 3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 35
Day 3
Having a rough third day. I'm thinking what did I get myself into? I have three kids and a wonderful wife that depend on me. Have a great job. Just find my self on the wrong end of the beer can on the weekends. I have promised them to quit. But in all reality I'm very shy (even around my family). I find myself sober now and hold up in my bedroom not wanting or feeling like communicating with the family. It especially gets me going when the kids argue or get wound up. Would just rather be alone. I have never physically harmed anyone. Alcohol was what gave me the courage to come out of my whole and be able to talk and temper the situation. I don't have this problem at work, just around my family. I'm not too sure how long I can do this without picking up one or two beers. Went to an AA meeting yesterday and after listening to the peoples problems I thought to myself, I'm really not that bad.
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by mftrader 
Having a rough third day. I'm thinking what did I get myself into? I have three kids and a wonderful wife that depend on me. Have a great job. Just find my self on the wrong end of the beer can on the weekends. I have promised them to quit. But in all reality I'm very shy (even around my family). I find myself sober now and hold up in my bedroom not wanting or feeling like communicating with the family. It especially gets me going when the kids argue or get wound up. Would just rather be alone. I have never physically harmed anyone. Alcohol was what gave me the courage to come out of my whole and be able to talk and temper the situation. I don't have this problem at work, just around my family. I'm not too sure how long I can do this without picking up one or two beers.
.I'm on Day 3 too. I can't give you any insight to what it's like being sober over a long period, but I can fully sympathise with your situation. Just remember that one or two beers will drag you back into the old cycle, and before you know it you'll be feeling sick physically and completely ashamed mentally. Your family need you to be strong, and you are strong, all alcohol does is an illusion, any time you've been able to control things in the past come from within, not from a bottle.
I think it's a good idea to talk with your wife, tell her how you're feeling, you say your family depends on you well open up to your wife and let her help.
Take care, don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Definitely talk with your wife... you'll need support from all sides right now, I hope she can ease your worries. Being sober means we have to learn to live differently.
I remember when my step dad quit drinking (only ever for a few weeks at a time) he always got alot quieter. When he was drinking, he was a happy drunk - the life of the party sometimes but I much prefered the quiet sober dad he was when not drinking... I wonder if he knew that? Maybe I should have told him, maybe he would have stayed sober longer than a few weeks.
I remember when my step dad quit drinking (only ever for a few weeks at a time) he always got alot quieter. When he was drinking, he was a happy drunk - the life of the party sometimes but I much prefered the quiet sober dad he was when not drinking... I wonder if he knew that? Maybe I should have told him, maybe he would have stayed sober longer than a few weeks.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome mfTrader! Glad you're here! I know what it's like to have to deal with kids and the expectations of being married and being a parent. I didn't really start depending on alcohol to "relax" until I was in the same situation. I also like being by myself (much more peaceful!).
I found it impossible to moderate/quit drinking without support. The problem with drinking is that it doesn't stay the same - it will progress. You'll find you need it a little more often, or that you build a bit of a tolerance and so have to drink more to get the same feeling. You'll start hiding it from your wife and kids and if you don't stop, you'll eventually do all those things you heard about in the AA meeting. If you'd made promises to your family and would like to quit but can't, you're definitely in the right place!
Keep posting and reading - it really helps!
I found it impossible to moderate/quit drinking without support. The problem with drinking is that it doesn't stay the same - it will progress. You'll find you need it a little more often, or that you build a bit of a tolerance and so have to drink more to get the same feeling. You'll start hiding it from your wife and kids and if you don't stop, you'll eventually do all those things you heard about in the AA meeting. If you'd made promises to your family and would like to quit but can't, you're definitely in the right place!
Keep posting and reading - it really helps!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 35
Thanks for your kind reply's. It kind of scary to try to learn a new way of living. Having the same safety blanket to come home to has worked for so many years. I won't even tell my parents due to the temptation of failure.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by mftrader
I'm really not that bad..
.YET = Your eligible too
First of all welcome and congratulations. Don't forget IF you are an alcoholic you are eligible for all of that misery you hear about in the meetings. You can get off the elevator to hell now if you want, don't have to go any lower.
I thought the same thing during my first try in AA, "Dude, I ain't that bad" and I went back out and alot of things that happened to "those people" happened to me.
My humble advice, try to focus on what you have in common with the people in the meeting rather than what separates you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 83
I could have written your post except that I have 2 kids and I'm the wonderful wife(NOT!). Others have said it so well. If I could thank SR for one message, it would be this: It's a very deep hole and you've just starting digging. Cover it up and move on. There's nothing there for you.
The evenings are very challenging for me but I'm getting better at dealing with conflict and loudness. I do still retreat at times and scream into a pillow or something. However, when I do "stick it out" and actively engage instead of turn into a grumpy robot going through the motions, I experience moments of magic. These didn't exist when I was drinking.
The evenings are very challenging for me but I'm getting better at dealing with conflict and loudness. I do still retreat at times and scream into a pillow or something. However, when I do "stick it out" and actively engage instead of turn into a grumpy robot going through the motions, I experience moments of magic. These didn't exist when I was drinking.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
The first three or four days are the worst, as far as physical discomfort goes. I agree with Seeker7 and Chops: look for the similarities at meetings, not the differences. And yes, if you continue to drink those "really bad things" can happen to you too. I've read SO MANY posts here from people who thought they "weren't that bad", kept on drinking, and had horrible things happen to them.
Please try to stay sober, one day at a time, cause the results are so worth the effort. I'm sober six months now and loving it.
Welcome to the SR family!
Please try to stay sober, one day at a time, cause the results are so worth the effort. I'm sober six months now and loving it.
Welcome to the SR family!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Hang in there. It does get better and I think counseling may help you with your social concerns.
You have so much at stake and I know you can do this!! Take it one day at a time.
I too was quite scared to start over and not have my "crutch" but I am rebuilding day by day and my outlook and life is tons better and continuously improving. I am not wealthy or perfect but the attitude that I have gotten in my recovery is a building block for my life.
Here is to another sober day. Remember....just don't drink....not even a sip.
You have so much at stake and I know you can do this!! Take it one day at a time.
I too was quite scared to start over and not have my "crutch" but I am rebuilding day by day and my outlook and life is tons better and continuously improving. I am not wealthy or perfect but the attitude that I have gotten in my recovery is a building block for my life.
Here is to another sober day. Remember....just don't drink....not even a sip.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by mftrader
Went to an AA meeting yesterday and after listening to the peoples problems I thought to myself, I'm really not that bad.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 159
Hey MF,
Your own thoughts can lie to you, that's why SR is such a good soundboard.
I was never that bad, but it's right where I would be heading If I continued to drink. And really, it was still bad enough or I wouldn't have found my way to SR. You?
Reading all the posts here helped me realize that and I wanted off that bus asap!
Hope you do too. Like others said, you'll notice a lot of similarities, some people just got off a few stops later. Use their experience to your benefit.
Your own thoughts can lie to you, that's why SR is such a good soundboard.
I was never that bad, but it's right where I would be heading If I continued to drink. And really, it was still bad enough or I wouldn't have found my way to SR. You?
Reading all the posts here helped me realize that and I wanted off that bus asap!
Hope you do too. Like others said, you'll notice a lot of similarities, some people just got off a few stops later. Use their experience to your benefit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 35
Here we go. Day 4 with work meetings the next two days with guys from phoenix. I'm sure they will want to go out to eat et. al. in the evenings. Feel surprisingly calm for a change. Or maybe that's because its 4:30 in the morning and can't sleep.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 224
The worst of the startup physical withdrawal may be over for you. An alkie counselor told me that the sleep problems can persist for months, but that they do get better. Craving of the intense sort for me lasted about two weeks. Now, at about 40 days, going to lots of meetings and beginning to work the steps, I feel pretty darn good.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hi MF.
Well, ONE thing's for sure. Any "normal" drinker wouldn't be having problems like that in stopping. I don't say that to hurt your feelings but to help you realize what you're dealing with. You may be more like "those ppl" at the meeting you went to then you think. None of us alcoholics went from our first beer to a fifth per day, DUI's, divorce and/or homeless overnight. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.....it grows over time.
Your bottom (if this is it) may not be as low as others' but why in the world would you want to or feel you need to hit their bottom? In the "12 Steps and 12 Traditions" on p. 23 (I had to look it up, I don't have pages memorized - LOL) there are some lines about being able to admit you're an alcoholic and how you don't have to wait till you lose your health, family, job, cars or home. Many of us did....but it's sure as heck not a requirement.
The keys are:
When you drink, can you always control the amount you drink. For me, once I started I was off on another tear almost every time. In other words, once I had one or two, I'd alllllllways want more. "Normal" drinkers don't feel that. I was consistently "over served" (and most of the time, I was my own bartender - lol)
When you drink, do you do things that violate your morals or value system? Can you guarantee that nothing bad will happen once you start?
When you're NOT drinking, do you feel crumby? Are you irritable, restless, discontent?
Let's pretend you can't control it once you start, can't guarantee you actions when you're drinking and, when you're sober, you feel like crap...... in other words, lets pretend you ARE DEFINITELY and alcoholic for a moment. Left unchecked and "untreated"......and given enough time......your life WILL get just as bad as every story you heard. Maybe it'll get worse.
The thing to do is, for the folks hell-bent on talking about war-stories, try to see if there are any similarities in how they felt with how you're feeling. See if there are any similar characteristics in how they acted with how you're acting. The amounts may be different, the frequency may be different, but ..........if you're an alcoholic....... there should be some similarities.
Best of luck to you.
Well, ONE thing's for sure. Any "normal" drinker wouldn't be having problems like that in stopping. I don't say that to hurt your feelings but to help you realize what you're dealing with. You may be more like "those ppl" at the meeting you went to then you think. None of us alcoholics went from our first beer to a fifth per day, DUI's, divorce and/or homeless overnight. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.....it grows over time.
Your bottom (if this is it) may not be as low as others' but why in the world would you want to or feel you need to hit their bottom? In the "12 Steps and 12 Traditions" on p. 23 (I had to look it up, I don't have pages memorized - LOL) there are some lines about being able to admit you're an alcoholic and how you don't have to wait till you lose your health, family, job, cars or home. Many of us did....but it's sure as heck not a requirement.
The keys are:
When you drink, can you always control the amount you drink. For me, once I started I was off on another tear almost every time. In other words, once I had one or two, I'd alllllllways want more. "Normal" drinkers don't feel that. I was consistently "over served" (and most of the time, I was my own bartender - lol)
When you drink, do you do things that violate your morals or value system? Can you guarantee that nothing bad will happen once you start?
When you're NOT drinking, do you feel crumby? Are you irritable, restless, discontent?
Let's pretend you can't control it once you start, can't guarantee you actions when you're drinking and, when you're sober, you feel like crap...... in other words, lets pretend you ARE DEFINITELY and alcoholic for a moment. Left unchecked and "untreated"......and given enough time......your life WILL get just as bad as every story you heard. Maybe it'll get worse.
The thing to do is, for the folks hell-bent on talking about war-stories, try to see if there are any similarities in how they felt with how you're feeling. See if there are any similar characteristics in how they acted with how you're acting. The amounts may be different, the frequency may be different, but ..........if you're an alcoholic....... there should be some similarities.
Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Congrats on your day four and welcome to SR mftrader!
I can SO relate to struggling with emotions when I quit! I had the feeling: "Hey, where are all these emotions coming from?"
I didn't have to grapple with my emotions when I drank because I used alcohol to numb my feelings so I could retreat into a comfortably numb and emotionally dead zone. I'm not implying that is what you did when you drank, because we are all unique...and often drank for different reasons. But that's what I did.
When I quit, there they were: anger, rage, self-pity, nervousness, etc, etc. And I thought: what do I do now?
I would suggest that you choose a recovery program of some kind and stick with it: keep going back to AA, or find an alternative to AA, an outpatient therapy service, etc. All of these programs will help you examine what is happening to you emotionally and will give you tools for experiencing your emotions sober.
I can SO relate to struggling with emotions when I quit! I had the feeling: "Hey, where are all these emotions coming from?"
I didn't have to grapple with my emotions when I drank because I used alcohol to numb my feelings so I could retreat into a comfortably numb and emotionally dead zone. I'm not implying that is what you did when you drank, because we are all unique...and often drank for different reasons. But that's what I did.
When I quit, there they were: anger, rage, self-pity, nervousness, etc, etc. And I thought: what do I do now?
I would suggest that you choose a recovery program of some kind and stick with it: keep going back to AA, or find an alternative to AA, an outpatient therapy service, etc. All of these programs will help you examine what is happening to you emotionally and will give you tools for experiencing your emotions sober.
Wandering Student of Life
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: MSP MN
Posts: 126
Originally Posted by Norther
Just in terms of withdrawal, day three was about the worst for me.
Blessed be,
WW
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