sobermax

Hello everyone,

today was a little crunchier than the rest of the week has been. Already, I catch myself thinking things like 'surely three meetings a week is plenty, even two. I bet the rest of them don't go that often. What a bunch of frauds!' when I have been clearly advised to get to as many as I possibly can by very non-fraudulent people; or when someone shares 'well, I was never THAT bad' etc. I posted yesterday about always fantasising about chilled white wine - today the fantasy was a rich ruby red by a roaring fire. In other fantasies I am the greatest sober person in the universe, more sober than anyone has ever been, preaching about sobriety to millions of adoring worshippers. Sigh.

I suppose it is a positive thing to be becoming more conscious of these thought patterns but it struck me how deeply ingrained and cunning alcoholism is. Someone described it as 'a master of disguise' today, someone else said 'it is the only illness that tells you that you don't have it'.

HOWEVER

Took Pooch (my dog) for a walk in the park to clear my head and heard someone calling my name - it was J, the member who spent yesterday talking to me. He asked if I was going to a particular meeting this evening (I was) and if so, would I like a lift. The lift turned out to be M, who remembered me from my brief attendances at meetings in 2004/5. Having been wanting to find a sponsor all week, he is the first person about whom my gut immediately said 'ask him!'. I will do this tomorrow (only just got his number sent through someone else's phone - really not procrastinating for once!). Whether or not he's willing to do so seems less important than the fact that I was in need today, and suddenly, exactly the right sort of help arrived from nowhere.

Going to keep my thoughts as clearly on the here & now as I am able and pray to my higher power.

Thanks all. x

least

Ouch. So so true.

artsoul

I can relate to the fantasies, sobermax - the drinking ones and the sober ones (save the world, haha!)..... But it always comes down to that moment of each day when I'm by myself and could take a drink and no one would know the difference. That's when it counts and those are the times we have to pat ourselves on the back for. I like your story, and I believe things do happen for a reason, especially when we're willing.

Dee74

Fantasy? yep. Walter Mitty had nothing on me - even before I took my first drink....
(LOL most of you will now have to hit Google, or ask your parents...)

I'm glad things are coming together Sobermax
D

sobermax

Thanks Dee,

I only wish I were in a demographic that didn't know about Walter Mitty!

Kind of on the same topic - thanks for your PM. When I saw it but before I read it I instantly thought 'I've been saying the wrong things to people, going to get kicked off the site and pilloried by the entire SR community!'

Not quite everything is about me after all, it seems.

x

intention

Hi Max,

You heard the expression "when the student is ready the teacher appears" ?

It sounds like you got exactly what you needed yesterday in the park. As to the fantasies, this is exactly the problem with alcohol that we have. There's a paragraph on p24 of the Big Book which is in italics and is very important.

We have no power of choice, we have no will power - so we need a power. That is why we work the 12 Steps so that we can reach that power so the obsession, which convinces us to drink alcohol despite all the consequences, is removed.

Well done on another day sober.

laurie6781

Yes I do believe fantasies are a part of our alcoholism. However, something I have learned after many ODAATs is that fantasies in sobriety are not bad as long as we know they are fantasies. Some times they can be a 'goal of sorts.'

Why do I say that? Well sometimes our fantasies can come true. For years drunk and then sober I had fantasized about re-uniting with my first love. It was a 'teaser' fantasy and I just knew that it would never happen. Even up to late 2007 I was 'searching' for him. Finally, as I felt it was an obsession and getting worse I threw up my hands and said ENOUGH. I stopped that fantasy and stopped my searching.

Early in January of this year ............................ I received a call from my 'fantasy.' Yes, he is alive and well and had been living out of country for over 30 years (thus my not being able to find him). Today, 44 years later, after drifting apart (caused by a wedge being put between us by both sets of parents) not only have we re-united but are an 'item' so to speak. (This is the reason I have been scarce on the boards since January, rofl)

So, our 'fantasies' (I prefer to say "my dreams of my future") can come true.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Taking5

This s what we call a "God shot" in my home group. I don't know if other groups use that term but I think it fits. They are a lot more common than you think and way more common than we alcoholics and addicts deserve. But they are way too precious to waste. Don't waste this one.

Kmber2010

Glad you analyzing these feelings/fantasies. They certainly can be become strong and we so many times fall victim to believing them. I just accept that I don't drink and I find other positive ways to feel good.

I tell you.....I had a treat the other day. Called strawberry lemonade. Man that felt great on a warm sunny day. Non-alcoholic too so a zillion times better.

Keep posting and sharing. I do lots of walks with my dog. If it weren't for him.....well I wouldn't have forced myself out of the house a few days after quitting.