day 8
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 27
day 8
hi everyone, so glad to find this place.
I'm a 36 yo female, married, with no children, but a huge animal lover. I have two dogs, one who died in sept. and one who is still with us, a dachshund, age 12. He is my lifeline right no w.
I have been drinking beer solid for 14 years. Throughout all of this, I have managed to finish school, hold a good job, and appear "okay". On the inside however, it is a daily struggle, sometimes a daily darkness that I don't know how to fight. I have only been sober for 8 days but this is the first time I decided I had to make a change. Getting through the first few days was critical for me, alot of tears, re-evaluation of relationships, etc. I know this will continue as I grow stronger.
My husband supports my choice of sobriety but does drink himself. However, he does not have the addiction like I have. I told him that I was done drinking and he said, "Good," but then that first night he went out to a bar to hear music with friends. I knew I could not attend as I would quickly convince myself that "1 beer" would be okay. I felt so stranded and alone that night and tried to let him know this the next day. However, he went out again the next night. I realized that I will end up doing alot of this alone, at least as far as finding support from friends. I also am very ashamed so I'm not running to the street corner to announce my discovery that i've been an alcoholic for 14 years. Therefore, there's not much support my way as I have trouble reaching out for it.
Day 8 is better than day 1. I am sleeping better, have more energy, and feel less guilt and shame so far. I know I have alot to learn and work out. I am tired of secrets, I am tired of shame, I'm tired of wanting to just erase myself from existance. I worry about hurting those I love.
Sometimes it seems that others don't worry about hurting me the way I do them.
I'm just rambling here and trying to express some of my feelings. I haven't b een able to share what the last 8 days have been really like. I am finally waking up. But now is painful.
I know I have to keep going, keep staying sober for the next minute. It's better than drowning the way I was.
I hope to at least find some electronic support and to offer some back.
I really need a helping hand.
Thanks for listening..........
I'm a 36 yo female, married, with no children, but a huge animal lover. I have two dogs, one who died in sept. and one who is still with us, a dachshund, age 12. He is my lifeline right no w.
I have been drinking beer solid for 14 years. Throughout all of this, I have managed to finish school, hold a good job, and appear "okay". On the inside however, it is a daily struggle, sometimes a daily darkness that I don't know how to fight. I have only been sober for 8 days but this is the first time I decided I had to make a change. Getting through the first few days was critical for me, alot of tears, re-evaluation of relationships, etc. I know this will continue as I grow stronger.
My husband supports my choice of sobriety but does drink himself. However, he does not have the addiction like I have. I told him that I was done drinking and he said, "Good," but then that first night he went out to a bar to hear music with friends. I knew I could not attend as I would quickly convince myself that "1 beer" would be okay. I felt so stranded and alone that night and tried to let him know this the next day. However, he went out again the next night. I realized that I will end up doing alot of this alone, at least as far as finding support from friends. I also am very ashamed so I'm not running to the street corner to announce my discovery that i've been an alcoholic for 14 years. Therefore, there's not much support my way as I have trouble reaching out for it.
Day 8 is better than day 1. I am sleeping better, have more energy, and feel less guilt and shame so far. I know I have alot to learn and work out. I am tired of secrets, I am tired of shame, I'm tired of wanting to just erase myself from existance. I worry about hurting those I love.
Sometimes it seems that others don't worry about hurting me the way I do them.
I'm just rambling here and trying to express some of my feelings. I haven't b een able to share what the last 8 days have been really like. I am finally waking up. But now is painful.
I know I have to keep going, keep staying sober for the next minute. It's better than drowning the way I was.
I hope to at least find some electronic support and to offer some back.
I really need a helping hand.
Thanks for listening..........
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I know I have to keep going, keep staying sober for the next minute. It's better than drowning the way I was.
I'm an animal lover too, especially dogs, as if it wasn't obvious!
That's a big reason for staying sober: to take the best care of them. I'm no longer too drunk or sick to feed them right and on time. I take them for regular walks. And with the money I'm not spending on wine, I can afford to take them to the vet. It's a win/win situation all the way around.
Welcome to the SR family!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Oh its soo hard without support... my husband drinks too but doesnt seem to have the problem as badly as I do. However, I have asked that he keep his drinking away from me and let him know that his support is a requirement if we are to continue this relationship. I will not let anyone take me down. I know I will be losing some friends along the way but those relationships dont mean much if they cant be supportive of this change
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Welcome price! You will find support here. You have made a good decision to stop. I am sorry you are not getting more support at home. You need to do what is right for you.
I too looked ok from the outside. People didn't know about my problem. I was dying on the inside. No one knew that.
Keep coming back!
I too looked ok from the outside. People didn't know about my problem. I was dying on the inside. No one knew that.
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I too am an animal lover and 36 year old female. I drank for 8 years, daily and to excess- mostly beer. I am on day 8 too! Hang in there- as far as support you may consider joining AA. For me, I've made a few connections so far that have helped me through the first week, and SR is helpful as well.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
Hey Price, I just wanted to give you a shout out, congratulations on making it to day 8. I'll also be 36 in 11 days (eek!). I'm divorced and have 2 dogs and a cat (no kids).
I find they are often the most supportive "people" in my life, although AA is great too.
GG
I find they are often the most supportive "people" in my life, although AA is great too.
GG
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I have dogs, I know how they can be like family members. That sucks that your husband is being less than supportive, but you're right, you have to do this for you. Maybe he'll come around.. I know my husband had a hard time knowing how best to support me, I of course thought he was more intuitive than he is (lol), and ended up having to tell him exactly what would be supportive, or not.
You have a hard time reaching out, but look.. you're here, and that's a great start!
The emotions and turmoil of dealing with this stuff alone is consuming, I know.. I lived it for many many years myself. That darkness is indescribable to anyone who hasn't been there. I eventually, after lots of crash and burns realized I needed more help than I was getting from coming here, or going to meetings, which I only did infrequently. I saw an addictions counselor.. it was terrifying, but the RELIEF after even that first meeting.. getting it out to someone who could HELP and not just listen.. it was great. Probably saved my life, along with my own determination and eventual courage.
I'm glad you're here!!!
You have a hard time reaching out, but look.. you're here, and that's a great start!
The emotions and turmoil of dealing with this stuff alone is consuming, I know.. I lived it for many many years myself. That darkness is indescribable to anyone who hasn't been there. I eventually, after lots of crash and burns realized I needed more help than I was getting from coming here, or going to meetings, which I only did infrequently. I saw an addictions counselor.. it was terrifying, but the RELIEF after even that first meeting.. getting it out to someone who could HELP and not just listen.. it was great. Probably saved my life, along with my own determination and eventual courage.
I'm glad you're here!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Price
Congratulations on your sober time
I remember the daily darkness very well.
I'm sorry you haven't got the real life support you'd like, but that why many here use SR - you'll always find support here.
Groups like AA or SMART can be helpful in that respect too - there's a sticky post at the top of the alcoholism forum with links to the main recovery players if you want to go that way
Welcome to SR
D
Congratulations on your sober time
I remember the daily darkness very well.
I'm sorry you haven't got the real life support you'd like, but that why many here use SR - you'll always find support here.
Groups like AA or SMART can be helpful in that respect too - there's a sticky post at the top of the alcoholism forum with links to the main recovery players if you want to go that way
Welcome to SR
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
