New poster. Hello....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 1
New poster. Hello....
Hello, my name is Michael and I SUSPECT that I'm an alcoholic.
Today, I googled the word "oduals" (near beer), and found this site. The reason I googled that word is because someone that loves me bought some for me, and while I was on my third bottle, I found a long thread of people talking about the 'teaser' effect, etc. Buy the way, someone mentioned that the 'beer' was .05 alcohol, but it is in fact .5%. You can imagine I went through the rest of my night thinking about how much I would have to drink to get a little buzz. Here is the torment of what I was thinking.... "So, beer is 5%, so that's 1/10th of a beer, so on my third beer, I would have drank xx% of one beer...". So, you see the kind of torment I was going through. I couldn't even finish that equation without giving up. And I'm an engineer.
I'll be upfront with everyone, because I don't want to build my first post on lies, but I just mixed a shot of liquor with the oduals, just to get 'the effect'. So, I need help. And I want it.
I think that my biggest problem is finding things to do, to keep me from getting bored, before I start drinking. For example, I have my own business out of my own home, and when I get off work, I'm bored. But, during the times when I'm 'sooo busy' and I'm working till 11PM on a clients job, I have
no desire at all to drink. So, this is my reasoning of the 'bored'.
O.k., this has already gone on too long. The real reason I'm now on this site, is because my health is going bad. I'm 37 and I've developed gall stones, and I've had chest pains for about 3 years now. BUT, the ABSOLUTELY MOST EXCRUCIATING development is with my brain. I've developed anxiety attacks... or more accurately, a "PANIC DISORDER". For any educated person out there, they are aware that alcohol can give a person this disorder. It's absolutely horrible because I cannot even be at a stop light in traffic without having the utmost fear of being 'trapped forever' and the utmost will to escape.
I'll post more, but that's all I can write at this point.
Today, I googled the word "oduals" (near beer), and found this site. The reason I googled that word is because someone that loves me bought some for me, and while I was on my third bottle, I found a long thread of people talking about the 'teaser' effect, etc. Buy the way, someone mentioned that the 'beer' was .05 alcohol, but it is in fact .5%. You can imagine I went through the rest of my night thinking about how much I would have to drink to get a little buzz. Here is the torment of what I was thinking.... "So, beer is 5%, so that's 1/10th of a beer, so on my third beer, I would have drank xx% of one beer...". So, you see the kind of torment I was going through. I couldn't even finish that equation without giving up. And I'm an engineer.
I'll be upfront with everyone, because I don't want to build my first post on lies, but I just mixed a shot of liquor with the oduals, just to get 'the effect'. So, I need help. And I want it.
I think that my biggest problem is finding things to do, to keep me from getting bored, before I start drinking. For example, I have my own business out of my own home, and when I get off work, I'm bored. But, during the times when I'm 'sooo busy' and I'm working till 11PM on a clients job, I have
no desire at all to drink. So, this is my reasoning of the 'bored'.
O.k., this has already gone on too long. The real reason I'm now on this site, is because my health is going bad. I'm 37 and I've developed gall stones, and I've had chest pains for about 3 years now. BUT, the ABSOLUTELY MOST EXCRUCIATING development is with my brain. I've developed anxiety attacks... or more accurately, a "PANIC DISORDER". For any educated person out there, they are aware that alcohol can give a person this disorder. It's absolutely horrible because I cannot even be at a stop light in traffic without having the utmost fear of being 'trapped forever' and the utmost will to escape.
I'll post more, but that's all I can write at this point.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Welcome to SR Michael 
I was bored a lot of the time too - I worked from home on one job - played music for the other - when I was between work at home I drank, when I was busy with the home job I didn't drink - until I started drinking in the evenings to unwind....
Pretty soon it became normal to work with a hangover, with a 'hair of the dog' to start me off...then it became normal to work with a few beers for a break at lunch...
In the end I worked with a beer beside me.
I'm still ashamed to admit that now - I pride myself on my work - but it is what is.
Coming here helped me face my own hypocrisy and sort some things out.
I hope we can help you too
Welcome!
D
I was bored a lot of the time too - I worked from home on one job - played music for the other - when I was between work at home I drank, when I was busy with the home job I didn't drink - until I started drinking in the evenings to unwind....
Pretty soon it became normal to work with a hangover, with a 'hair of the dog' to start me off...then it became normal to work with a few beers for a break at lunch...
In the end I worked with a beer beside me.
I'm still ashamed to admit that now - I pride myself on my work - but it is what is.
Coming here helped me face my own hypocrisy and sort some things out.
I hope we can help you too
Welcome!
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 224
I am convinced that alcohol caused my problems with panic disorder. Complete abstinence banishes them for me. It makes sense that the kick-back from a depressant will look like panic and anxiety (and fear and anger and and and). The longer you indulge, the heavier these problems become. (You may think, of course, that the alcohol is helping you to deal with the problems, whereas it is in fact causing or exacerbating them.) I also go to meetings and work the steps of AA. After just 36 days, I feel so much better, and I am off all anti-anxiety meds. I'm sure you could have the same experience. There's hope.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Hi Michael,
I am so glad you found this site... There is so much support and information here.
I drank at night, mainly because I was bored. I also suffered from severe anxiety.
I have been sober a little more than 60 days. I have found other things to do at night besides drink. My kids are happier, my husband is happier and of course, I am happier. I have been working on things that I have been putting off for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time. My anxiety seems to have disappeared.
I hope you give sobriety a serious go. You will be amazed at the results.
I am so glad you found this site... There is so much support and information here.
I drank at night, mainly because I was bored. I also suffered from severe anxiety.
I have been sober a little more than 60 days. I have found other things to do at night besides drink. My kids are happier, my husband is happier and of course, I am happier
. I have been working on things that I have been putting off for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time. My anxiety seems to have disappeared. I hope you give sobriety a serious go
. You will be amazed at the results.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I remember experiencing my first "real" comedown/WD. I was 20 and had been bingeing very heavily for about 36 hours solid on beer, cider, whisky, gin, vodka + about 12 ecstacy pills and a couple of grams of Cocaine and Amyl Nitrate.
I could feel anxiety/panic building throughout the day but more booze and cannabis kept it manageable. Untill about 11pm sitting in my room with my mate and I just went into proper full on panic/anxiety. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. Mind racing, breathing totally out of rhythm, heart beating really fast. It was terrible.
Once I experienced that then it was always knocking about from then on really when I had a session, obviously increased more so with the drugs but I still felt it when i just used alcohol. I could also see how this panic/anxiety would also cross into my life when I wasn't drinking.
I didn't stop for another 3 years after that night and suffered some worse comedowns/wd's than that first proper one. I almost got used to them, riding them out lying awake for 5/6 hours. My drinking increased as a result of the axiety/panic as I would just drink through my comedowns/hangovers to lessen the intensity of the anxiety/panic so that the drugs could get out of my system.
I don't really suffer any anxiety/panic anymore. If I do then I use my 'tools' that i have learned in recovery to deal with it.
Basically, yes, drink causes anxiety/panic and really screws with your mind. It did to me anyway.
I could feel anxiety/panic building throughout the day but more booze and cannabis kept it manageable. Untill about 11pm sitting in my room with my mate and I just went into proper full on panic/anxiety. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. Mind racing, breathing totally out of rhythm, heart beating really fast. It was terrible.
Once I experienced that then it was always knocking about from then on really when I had a session, obviously increased more so with the drugs but I still felt it when i just used alcohol. I could also see how this panic/anxiety would also cross into my life when I wasn't drinking.
I didn't stop for another 3 years after that night and suffered some worse comedowns/wd's than that first proper one. I almost got used to them, riding them out lying awake for 5/6 hours. My drinking increased as a result of the axiety/panic as I would just drink through my comedowns/hangovers to lessen the intensity of the anxiety/panic so that the drugs could get out of my system.
I don't really suffer any anxiety/panic anymore. If I do then I use my 'tools' that i have learned in recovery to deal with it.
Basically, yes, drink causes anxiety/panic and really screws with your mind. It did to me anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
I found that pot (marijiana) and booze both had a HUGE hand in my anxiety. I suffered from panic attacks when I was in my early 20s. I quickly stopped smoking pot (my drug of choice at the time) and stopped drinking caffienne and also didnt drink any alcohol for about 6 months and I havnt had one since.
HOWEVER, since I began drinking heavily I found they are trying to come back. I have alot of anxiety and I can feel the panic trying to creep back in.
Last June I quit drinking for about 2 months and stopped smoking and I never felt soo good. Thats why I am doing it again. Sobriety is the only way to feel good. I was so very surprised at how my anxiety and panic dissapeared after only a few weeks.
HOWEVER, since I began drinking heavily I found they are trying to come back. I have alot of anxiety and I can feel the panic trying to creep back in.
Last June I quit drinking for about 2 months and stopped smoking and I never felt soo good. Thats why I am doing it again. Sobriety is the only way to feel good. I was so very surprised at how my anxiety and panic dissapeared after only a few weeks.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Posts: 43
Hi Michael,
I was told that nonalcoholic beer is for nonalcoholics!
I can totally relate to your anxiety/panic attacks. I have them too. However I have discovered they were almost completely attributable to alcohol and drugs. I've only stopped for 12 days and it is now becoming manageable. With each day that passes and I don't drink, I feel better. That alone is enough to keep me from drinking today. I just keep remembering that if I drink, I go right back to that horrible feeling of impending doom.
I have to sit through those feelings and not medicate them. One day at a time, that's what I'm doing and it's working.
I wish you the very best and hope you will keep posting here. You can do it!
I was told that nonalcoholic beer is for nonalcoholics!
I can totally relate to your anxiety/panic attacks. I have them too. However I have discovered they were almost completely attributable to alcohol and drugs. I've only stopped for 12 days and it is now becoming manageable. With each day that passes and I don't drink, I feel better. That alone is enough to keep me from drinking today. I just keep remembering that if I drink, I go right back to that horrible feeling of impending doom.
I have to sit through those feelings and not medicate them. One day at a time, that's what I'm doing and it's working.
I wish you the very best and hope you will keep posting here. You can do it!
Welcome Michael!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 69
Six weeks ago I had a series of panic attacks - my situation is very similar to your's - sometimes long hours of client work without drinking, then drinking. I stopped drinking and have since got my anxiety well under control. Sometimes it takes a little time of not drinking to see that it was a problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome to SR Michael!
Good for you for taking the initiative to acquire information about your situation.
I had some real anxiety issues as well, which subsided immensely when I stopped drinking. As you probably know, alcohol wreaks havoc on our central nervous system so it stands to reason that panic and anxiety is highly attributed, or at least elevated, while drinking.
I work from home too. It's enough of a management skill just to keep business and downtime in balance without the obligatory suiting up and showing up aspect of work.
Add alcohol to the mix and my life became alot more downtime than business.
Only you know if you're an alcoholic or not. I don't get hung up on labels. Yeah, I'm an alcoholic, but I'm also a woman, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a volunteer, a business person, etc. etc.
One of my favorite quotes about the "Am I an alcoholic?" question comes from the book Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.
"When you question your alcoholism, you say to yourself: If I am an alcoholic, I shouldn't drink and if I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need to."
That's a nice piece of logic. You say: People who aren't alcoholics do not lie in bed at two-thirty in the morning wondering if they're alcoholics.
This was a pretty good reality check for me, anyway.
Glad you're with us, Michael. Look forward to hearing more from you!
Good for you for taking the initiative to acquire information about your situation.
I had some real anxiety issues as well, which subsided immensely when I stopped drinking. As you probably know, alcohol wreaks havoc on our central nervous system so it stands to reason that panic and anxiety is highly attributed, or at least elevated, while drinking.
I work from home too. It's enough of a management skill just to keep business and downtime in balance without the obligatory suiting up and showing up aspect of work.
Add alcohol to the mix and my life became alot more downtime than business.
Only you know if you're an alcoholic or not. I don't get hung up on labels. Yeah, I'm an alcoholic, but I'm also a woman, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a volunteer, a business person, etc. etc.
One of my favorite quotes about the "Am I an alcoholic?" question comes from the book Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.
"When you question your alcoholism, you say to yourself: If I am an alcoholic, I shouldn't drink and if I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need to."
That's a nice piece of logic. You say: People who aren't alcoholics do not lie in bed at two-thirty in the morning wondering if they're alcoholics.
This was a pretty good reality check for me, anyway.
Glad you're with us, Michael. Look forward to hearing more from you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 69
On the issue of whether one is an alcoholic, I was speaking to a colleague who stopped drinking years ago when she found she was drinking too much in the same sitting. Her response was:
"Am I an alcoholic? Well, I chose to stop drinking before I had to figure that out."
I thought that was pretty good.
"Am I an alcoholic? Well, I chose to stop drinking before I had to figure that out."
I thought that was pretty good.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Michael - so glad you joined the family! Wonderful that you're realizing changes need to be made, at such a young age. I was much older before I got it & almost lost my life trying to moderate.
SR took me from drinking 24/7 to sobriety. It took a few months to get up the courage to stop all together, but I knew when I first came here the booze had to go. I felt stronger and more resolved the more I read here. I wanted what these people had. They were just like me, I was no longer alone. That was huge for me, because I had no one else to discuss it with in my life - everyone could have a few and leave it at that.
We look forward to hearing how it's going for you - I'm glad you decided to reach out for help. This place can work miracles.
SR took me from drinking 24/7 to sobriety. It took a few months to get up the courage to stop all together, but I knew when I first came here the booze had to go. I felt stronger and more resolved the more I read here. I wanted what these people had. They were just like me, I was no longer alone. That was huge for me, because I had no one else to discuss it with in my life - everyone could have a few and leave it at that.
We look forward to hearing how it's going for you - I'm glad you decided to reach out for help. This place can work miracles.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Michael, welcome to SR. Dealing with the boredom when I first stopped drinking was very difficult for me as most of my drinking was 'boredom drinking'. Initially I filled the void with chocolate, I wouldn't necessarily recommend this but it worked for me; but then I got a new dog and started going for long walks and found other new interests and I found I enjoyed everything MORE and enjoyed and liked myself MORE w/o the hangover or the need to drink.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Michael! I've never had a full blown panic attack, but I've laid in bed sweating, heart pounding, wondering if I was going to have a heart attack. I had a tremendous amount of anxiety, too. I was shakier inside than I ever was outside. It really is a horrible feeling.
Like another poster said, I was SO surprised to find how calm I felt after a week of sobriety. I thought those horrible anxious feelings were "just me," but I was wrong, THANK GOODNESS!
I'm so glad you've joined us. Keep posting and reading - if we can do it, so can you!!!
Like another poster said, I was SO surprised to find how calm I felt after a week of sobriety. I thought those horrible anxious feelings were "just me," but I was wrong, THANK GOODNESS!
I'm so glad you've joined us. Keep posting and reading - if we can do it, so can you!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
Welcome to SR, Michael!
I don't know exactly what you are going through, but some parts of it remind my of myself. I am a functional alcoholic, meaning, that I can drink and work, for the most part. I'm an adrenaline junkie for work, so it's got to be interesting and absorbing and completely consume me.
But when I'm not working, drinking has become a routine and it's taking up more and more of my life. It seems that all I have left is work and drinking, and there are random and weird things happening like shaky hands and twitchy eyelids. And an indescribable feeling of dread. And I think maybe it has something to do with the drinking.
Your experience may be completely different from mine. I would say this to anyone, though, in total earnestness: it's never a bad idea to consider your drinking habits objectively, and think about how drinking affects your life.
There are lots of people here who have lots to say about drinking, and life, and work, and family...good vibes all around
I don't know exactly what you are going through, but some parts of it remind my of myself. I am a functional alcoholic, meaning, that I can drink and work, for the most part. I'm an adrenaline junkie for work, so it's got to be interesting and absorbing and completely consume me.
But when I'm not working, drinking has become a routine and it's taking up more and more of my life. It seems that all I have left is work and drinking, and there are random and weird things happening like shaky hands and twitchy eyelids. And an indescribable feeling of dread. And I think maybe it has something to do with the drinking.
Your experience may be completely different from mine. I would say this to anyone, though, in total earnestness: it's never a bad idea to consider your drinking habits objectively, and think about how drinking affects your life.
There are lots of people here who have lots to say about drinking, and life, and work, and family...good vibes all around
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