Radio33

Hi folks:

Difficult to know where to start. I've been drinking heavily for almost 30 years and never thought I had a problem. I've never missed work because of drinking, although I have gone to work horribly hung-over; drinking has caused tension between me and my wife, but I always manage to wiggle my way out of it.

But in January of this year I had to have an operation. While poking around inside, the surgeon found cirrhosis of the liver. Since that time I had quit drinking completely for 2 months. I lost 20 pounds and found I had quite a bit more energy. Then I fell back into old ways. This past weekend, starting around Noon on Friday, I was on a bit of a binge.

I don't like it. I can actually FEEL the damage I'm doing to my liver! It actually hurts.

During the 2 months without drinking I MISSED it, but didn't NEED it; I had no physical craving, just a mental longing for it. I must stop now.

I cannot bring myself to go to an AA meeting, but have got a call in to a counselor.

At the moment I just need to be around (even just electronically) others with the same problems. I'll just have to try harder to just stop drinking.

Thanks.

least

Welcome to SR! You have valid health reasons to stop drinking and have done it before so you know you CAN do it. Good call on seeing a counselor. I have a good one and she helps me in so many ways.

There are lots of methods to stop drinking, but the simplest one is to just not pick up that first drink.

Kjell

Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support here and it's a great place to vent (I do it often).

That never worked for me. Sure, I'd stop for a bit or maybe even control it for a while, but I'd always end back up drunk with consequences again...and again...and again....

I'm not suggesting AA is the only game in town, but I'm over 150 days sober now b/c of the program. Why can't you bring yourself to go to an AA meeting?

intention

Hi Radio and welcome to SR.

Those AA meetings are not so bad, you know...but if you are not ready for that, I understand.

It's good that you are doing something different this time by logging on here and seeing a counsellor. In recovery we have lot of funny little sayings like "if nothing changes, nothing changes"

You're changing something this time around. That's a good start. Well done on quitting again.

artsoul

Hi Radio - sorry to hear about the damage to your liver. Yes, you have to stop, and it may mean getting every bit of support you can: counseling, AA, online, etc..... This forum pretty much saved my life, as I could feel my health starting to decline too. I hang out here at least an hour or two every day, reading and posting, and it helps keep me focused on why I need/want to be sober.

I'm glad you're here. Remember to take it a day at a time! You really can do this!

Ghostly

Welcome Radio. Congrats on your decision to stop. Glad you're gounna see a counselor. Stick around here too and you'll find support. You can do this and from what you wrote, need to do it now. Welcome.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You are right that you need to stop drinking and you've found a place with lots of support. Take care of your health and do what you need to do to stay sober.

I wish you well!

Dee74

Hi again radio

I'm guessing you don't need to be reminded how insane it is to drink with an ailing liver.

I have different health issues but for me it wasn't trying harder - it was, finally, accepting the way I drink would kill me.

I was 40 years old - I wasn't ready to die (still not LOL)

I hope posting here, and the counselling, can help turn things around for you.

welcome to SR!
D

topspin

Hi Radio,

Before I learned how to get to "acceptance";..... accepting I couldn't ever drink "normally " again , ....I went through a bit of a surrender process. Just "letting go " ....

like" throwing in the towel" , I 'refused" to fight anymore , me "getting in the ring with a bottle of booze" .....accepting "I will lose every single time".

Just letting go of any more "trying hard" to quit.

Parodoxically , by going through the surrendering process, I began to gradually win a new life ,a life with sobriety; ........a life second to none.


Find what works for you , and hang on to it , my friend


.

Radio33

Thanks to everybody. I had a long, uncomfortable night last night; sweating, tossing and turning, unable to sleep for the longest time. But I did manage to get some sleep, and I feel just that little bit better today. I know I'll feel better tomorrow.

It's going to be a long road, I know. My biggest fear is loss of the only "social life" I've known for the past 30 years. I work rotating 12-hour shifts and don't really have a so-called normal lifestyle. Aside from those with whom I work, I have no other friends; no activities I can attend on a regular basis because of the shift work.

I quit smoking 25 years ago; I'm pretty sure I can quit drinking, too. To tell the utter truth I don't WANT to quit, really, I just HAVE to.

To use a phrase my brother-in-law hates: "It is what it is." Thanks.

Radio33

Too much reliance on the intervention and support of a deity which I believe is a figment of ancient imaginations and which continues to hold sway today. But I didn't mean to get into a theological discussion. If that is what helps others, good for them, and I sincerely envy them. But I have to "own" this problem.

However, others have alluded to other forms of support. I'll give darn-near anything else a try.

Thanks again to all.

flutter

I hate that 'it is what it is' phrase too, but sometimes it's the best thing to say! lol

Welcome!

Reading your last post I wanted to mention that I (and a ton of people here) didn't use AA for recovery. However, I knew I couldn't do it on my own.. if I could have, I would have and tried it until I pretty much killed myself. I found and started seeing an addiction specialized psychologist. I saw him for an hour, 2x per week. I don't know how that would have 'worked' if I wasn't already ready to be done. I came to a place where I desperately wanted to be sober, and would do anything to get there. It was a good support, and great to have someone outside of my 'life' to talk to about my feelings, my past, my shame, my guilt (and so on).

I did attend a handful of AA meetings, and though I didn't end up working the program for my recovery, I found them to be incredibly helpful at least very early on. Mostly to just know I wasn't alone.. to feel that communal support of other people that knew what it was like. I'll tell ya one thing, that one hour of meeting was a darn better place for me to be physically, mentally, and emotionally than anywhere else at that moment that I could have thought of or found myself in. To use yet another overused phrase, "don't knock it til you try it"

Glad you're here!!

Radio33

Thank you, and that's a good point. I have been checking the lists of local AA meetings online, and I have a fairly wide choice of times and places, every day. Who knows? Maybe tonight.

Norther

Maybe it's just sitting in a room and listening to others who have the same problem - I don't know - but going to meetings made it a lot easier not to drink. For the first couple of weeks, I just showed up and sat there - no work or even particular thought about the higher power business - and it worked anyway. I think that this has been the experience of millions. I hope you'll give it a try.

Kmber2010

Welcome and know that you can do it. You proved that by doing 2 months. Since your health depends on it.....well you have every reason to get sober. Counseling is a great option and it definitely helps me.

Keep posting and know that we are here for you. Most of us know and have experienced what you are feeling. All the best!

Severian

Radio33, I just wanted to say that your post here really resonated with me. I, too have been a heavy drinker, but have managed a successful career and to placate my wife's concerns about my drinking. Doctors are now using terms like "metabolic syndrome" and I know I have to quit. Life's too good to give up on!