whats going on. I like that...here it is
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
whats going on. I like that...here it is
I suck (well not literally). Drank 4 glasses of wine last night, and didnt have the slightest high- actually i felt down. so here i go again- what the hell is did i do???. i will stop wasting all of your time. this is ridiculous. catch you later at some point.
Dub
Dub
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Posts: 43
Not ridiculous D. That's what we do.
I have been there more times than I can even count. The embarassment, shame and guilt kept me out there for the last four years. This time, I've decided to not let those things make me drink again. And I've got 10 days today. It hasn't been easy but I'm finally starting to feel better.
Early sobriety is very very hard. That glass of wine will always beckon. I've decided to go through the short term pain in order to receive long term gain as opposed to the other way around.
Don't think that just because you drank last night you can't do it. You don't have to drink today. You can do this! If I can go 10 days, anybody can. I'm hardcore. And in amazement that I am not drinking. I really hope you will not drink today and join me. Together we can all do incredible things.
Hang in there buddy,
Steven
I have been there more times than I can even count. The embarassment, shame and guilt kept me out there for the last four years. This time, I've decided to not let those things make me drink again. And I've got 10 days today. It hasn't been easy but I'm finally starting to feel better.
Early sobriety is very very hard. That glass of wine will always beckon. I've decided to go through the short term pain in order to receive long term gain as opposed to the other way around.
Don't think that just because you drank last night you can't do it. You don't have to drink today. You can do this! If I can go 10 days, anybody can. I'm hardcore. And in amazement that I am not drinking. I really hope you will not drink today and join me. Together we can all do incredible things.
Hang in there buddy,
Steven
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SOUTH,LA
Posts: 59
Dub,
You dont suck,booze does I'm starting over again also......never quit quiting....it took me three years to kick nicotine, never thought I could do it, but I did .......a long time ago..now Alcohol.....I will win this battle just as you will.......NEVER QUIT QUITTING! I'm with ya bro......I'm with ya.......Peace,Lazyboy
You dont suck,booze does I'm starting over again also......never quit quiting....it took me three years to kick nicotine, never thought I could do it, but I did .......a long time ago..now Alcohol.....I will win this battle just as you will.......NEVER QUIT QUITTING! I'm with ya bro......I'm with ya.......Peace,Lazyboy
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Dub - We're all alcoholics for goodness sake. Why would we judge you?
We just want you to get well.
If this was easy, we wouldn't all be here.
For me, I just had to stop trying to solve it my way (as my approach wasn't working) and just do the program. Keep coming back!
We just want you to get well.
If this was easy, we wouldn't all be here.
For me, I just had to stop trying to solve it my way (as my approach wasn't working) and just do the program. Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
How many days sober did you have before the wine? those days helped you feel better.....easier said than done, but don't let the 4 glasses of wine take over your resolve.
I cannot watch beer commercials or certain cooking shows that show people enjoying drinks.....even references on TV shows where a nurse says ' I want a vodka and cranberry" sets me into a funk....(notice how i remember that)...i have to walk away from the TV.
I cannot watch beer commercials or certain cooking shows that show people enjoying drinks.....even references on TV shows where a nurse says ' I want a vodka and cranberry" sets me into a funk....(notice how i remember that)...i have to walk away from the TV.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Dub,
You remind me of me. I couldn't stay sober either, however much I wanted to. I know how hopeless it feels.
But you know you can go to AA, call that old sponsor of yours and ask him to show you how to stay sober. You are not alone and all you have to do is ask for help.
You remind me of me. I couldn't stay sober either, however much I wanted to. I know how hopeless it feels.
But you know you can go to AA, call that old sponsor of yours and ask him to show you how to stay sober. You are not alone and all you have to do is ask for help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Dub, I realize you can probably get something to drink just about any time, but doesn't it make sense to create a minimum set of boundaries from it while you are adjusting to being sober? In other words, was that wine in the house for your wife? Or was it there because it's communal and part of the house, and therefore an option for you?
Your other post recently about being ticked (to put it mildly) about what was going on at home reminds me of how we expect/need everything around us to be clean as we are getting clean. Being around alcohol that you can give in to is only setting the odds against yourself in the wee early stages of putting some days together.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a know-it-all. I've only got me to contend with. No clue whether I could maintain what I am maintaining if I had a family as well as me. Well, I certainly won't have them in an instant at this point either, ha ha.
I guess in your head you were not doing something differently, the way you were remarking how it helps to do things differently in your actions, on the way home, etc. I don't know what that needs to be for you. The ironic thing about people like us is that some of us "know" what we should be doing more than others do, we just don't do it.
Stop saying it's a waste of people's time, Dub. It's not a waste of people's time to want you to stop if that's what you've been wanting all along. Restart.
Your other post recently about being ticked (to put it mildly) about what was going on at home reminds me of how we expect/need everything around us to be clean as we are getting clean. Being around alcohol that you can give in to is only setting the odds against yourself in the wee early stages of putting some days together.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a know-it-all. I've only got me to contend with. No clue whether I could maintain what I am maintaining if I had a family as well as me. Well, I certainly won't have them in an instant at this point either, ha ha.
I guess in your head you were not doing something differently, the way you were remarking how it helps to do things differently in your actions, on the way home, etc. I don't know what that needs to be for you. The ironic thing about people like us is that some of us "know" what we should be doing more than others do, we just don't do it.
Stop saying it's a waste of people's time, Dub. It's not a waste of people's time to want you to stop if that's what you've been wanting all along. Restart.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I was caught in that very same trap more times than I'd like to remember. Going thru w/d and felt so bad I drank to take the edge off... then had to start all over again.
Start over again today. And DON'T DRINK! You can beat this but you've got to put your best effort into it. I wish you all the best. Please don't drink today.
Start over again today. And DON'T DRINK! You can beat this but you've got to put your best effort into it. I wish you all the best. Please don't drink today.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi Dub. You can't get sober if you keep taking the first drink.
I know for me I was totally sick and tired of the alcoholic lifestyle that I was living and the actual time in between drinking was often worse than the actual waking up from blackouts after the binges. Hopeless feeling and I was done with it. My thinking/mind/self-esteem was f*cked.
I don't know your situation and I appreciate you've got a family and that must bring it's own difficulties. I had/have to make the most of my situation and use it to my advantage.
I have had to totally change my life and attitude towards life to stay gratefully sober. It takes work and is a diffifult thing but I knew I didn't have a choice. The alternative wasn't good.
I guess my situation is also different as I wasn't functional at all. I was a messy blackout drunk and druggy when binging and my life was totally destroyed almost. There never was 4 glasses of wine for me so I guess I can't relate to you there much. When I drank I wouldn;t stop untill I was passed-out. I don't think I would have lived another 5 years. But every alcoholic is different. I wasn't a daily drinker like yourself but a binger.
I guess you've just got to keep on going mate but I know that I couldn't have stayed sober without going to AA. The experiences/people/shares/heartache that I saw there all helped my resolve to stay sober. I was also willing to do what I had/have to do to stay away from that first drink. Regarding the steps, try to apply em to your life. Pretty simple I found you just gotta actively approach and live life differently. I found that I didn't need the BB explained to me to be able relate to it as I could see myself in it and pretty much understood it to a large extent.
It ain't rocket science. But it ain't easy either. Just try to keep positive and be willing to give recovery another go.
I know for me I was totally sick and tired of the alcoholic lifestyle that I was living and the actual time in between drinking was often worse than the actual waking up from blackouts after the binges. Hopeless feeling and I was done with it. My thinking/mind/self-esteem was f*cked.
I don't know your situation and I appreciate you've got a family and that must bring it's own difficulties. I had/have to make the most of my situation and use it to my advantage.
I have had to totally change my life and attitude towards life to stay gratefully sober. It takes work and is a diffifult thing but I knew I didn't have a choice. The alternative wasn't good.
I guess my situation is also different as I wasn't functional at all. I was a messy blackout drunk and druggy when binging and my life was totally destroyed almost. There never was 4 glasses of wine for me so I guess I can't relate to you there much. When I drank I wouldn;t stop untill I was passed-out. I don't think I would have lived another 5 years. But every alcoholic is different. I wasn't a daily drinker like yourself but a binger.
I guess you've just got to keep on going mate but I know that I couldn't have stayed sober without going to AA. The experiences/people/shares/heartache that I saw there all helped my resolve to stay sober. I was also willing to do what I had/have to do to stay away from that first drink. Regarding the steps, try to apply em to your life. Pretty simple I found you just gotta actively approach and live life differently. I found that I didn't need the BB explained to me to be able relate to it as I could see myself in it and pretty much understood it to a large extent.
It ain't rocket science. But it ain't easy either. Just try to keep positive and be willing to give recovery another go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
i just feel like i suck. and i am totally completely frustrated. not hungover, not wd's, not anything but WEAK. Screw me and i am completely absolutely sick of myself, my mind playing tricks on me, and everything. i could knock a hole in the wall right now, i might just go do it for therapy. damn this ****, i want to tear something up, like i do myself. how screwed up is that. that is not even close to my personality but its where i am at. i could sling this computer through the wall.
not even dub
not even dub
Toro Solo
Join Date: May 2010
Location: san francisco
Posts: 103
don't know if you really want to hear any of this crap but it helps me to say it so guess it doesn't matter.
I'm 48 years old, been drinking like an alcoholic from the first time at 12 or 13.. i got arrested due to drinking in my teens and got my first dui and ended in rehab at 17... it's been thirty years and I've now got 14 days.. 2 freaking weeks... along the way i was sober for as long as 5 years (aprox. as I really can't remember exactly as I wasn't going to meetings and celebrating birthdays at the end).
For the last 10 years I've tried so hard to control my drinking and I just can't. It's not possible for someone like me. I also have been unable to not drink for any real period of time other than a couple times when my best friend and i would quit for january.. even then it was simply white knuckle and as soon as the month was over it was biz as usual..
Today I feel better than I normally would on a Sunday, I'm not hungover, not embarrassed simply feel fine. Not great but fine.
I have problems as do most of us. Problems with my business, problems with my wife etc. but I know in my heart that I can manage them better if I'm not drinking. I make really bad choices when I drink and care little about the consequences.. and if i do regret something i've done drinking makes me forget or at least distracts me for the time I'm drunk.. hell of a pattern.
Bottom line for me is that no matter the sh** I have going on drinking is not going to make it better I've known this for 30 years and for today I'm going to believe it...
Doing my best not to drink
Day 14
I'm 48 years old, been drinking like an alcoholic from the first time at 12 or 13.. i got arrested due to drinking in my teens and got my first dui and ended in rehab at 17... it's been thirty years and I've now got 14 days.. 2 freaking weeks... along the way i was sober for as long as 5 years (aprox. as I really can't remember exactly as I wasn't going to meetings and celebrating birthdays at the end).
For the last 10 years I've tried so hard to control my drinking and I just can't. It's not possible for someone like me. I also have been unable to not drink for any real period of time other than a couple times when my best friend and i would quit for january.. even then it was simply white knuckle and as soon as the month was over it was biz as usual..
Today I feel better than I normally would on a Sunday, I'm not hungover, not embarrassed simply feel fine. Not great but fine.
I have problems as do most of us. Problems with my business, problems with my wife etc. but I know in my heart that I can manage them better if I'm not drinking. I make really bad choices when I drink and care little about the consequences.. and if i do regret something i've done drinking makes me forget or at least distracts me for the time I'm drunk.. hell of a pattern.
Bottom line for me is that no matter the sh** I have going on drinking is not going to make it better I've known this for 30 years and for today I'm going to believe it...
Doing my best not to drink
Day 14
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Dub you can do it but not if you drink. Get back up, dust off and do it again. This time maybe with a program? AA or counseling? It does get better but staying sober is about getting into your recovery.
Dump out that darn booze. I know only you can do it when you are ready but you have shown yourself it can be done. Why not do it for good? Life is always worse when you drink yourself through it.
Dump out that darn booze. I know only you can do it when you are ready but you have shown yourself it can be done. Why not do it for good? Life is always worse when you drink yourself through it.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by dedubya 
i want to tear something up, like i do myself. how screwed up is that. that is not even close to my personality but its where i am at. i could sling this computer through the wall.
not even dub
not even dub
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
its your life dub..no ones here to judge..sounds like your bein pretty hard on yerself..ive messed up an relapsed...many many times, ive finally hit on a run of continuos sobriety,
and once you get passed a certain point..you really start to beleive,your on your way,
and theres no turnin back...heres hopin,but gotta say feels good, wish you well, takes a lot to come on here an be so honest, hats off to you.
and once you get passed a certain point..you really start to beleive,your on your way,
and theres no turnin back...heres hopin,but gotta say feels good, wish you well, takes a lot to come on here an be so honest, hats off to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
We've all been there Dub - every one of us.
I struggled weekly for 15 years - I didn't get anywhere until I accepted two things - one: I'm an alcoholic and cannot drink at all...ever; and two....I needed to adjust my life to fit that.
Doing it on your own clearly doesn't cut it for you Dub - you need to add something.
Get some help - I dunno if that's counselling or rehab, or AA or some other recovery programme...but you owe it to yourself to do something Dub.
Don't leave here - add stuff, don't subtract.
This is your life you're fighting for Dub - don't get mad - get even - do something, mate.
D
I struggled weekly for 15 years - I didn't get anywhere until I accepted two things - one: I'm an alcoholic and cannot drink at all...ever; and two....I needed to adjust my life to fit that.
Doing it on your own clearly doesn't cut it for you Dub - you need to add something.
Get some help - I dunno if that's counselling or rehab, or AA or some other recovery programme...but you owe it to yourself to do something Dub.
Don't leave here - add stuff, don't subtract.
This is your life you're fighting for Dub - don't get mad - get even - do something, mate.
D
Awakening...
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Surrender Dub, just surrender. You seem pretty powerless right now, and from what you've described, you're life is pretty unmanagable. Tap into a higher power, either outside yourself, or within, doesn't matter.
Just surrender.
Just surrender.
seeking recovery
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NSW
Posts: 171
I have discovered to my chagrin that I am a chronic relapser ..that can be the nature of this disease..am completely powerless over the stuff...off to vegas tomorrow and just praying to stay SAFE FROM MYSELF!
have found the first few days off it the hardest... day 3-4 the worst as the withdrawals (although subtle)are at their peak and have to drink to feel ok again
the way forward for me is
AA meetings
Abstinence
change my present routines
daring to have new dreams where i need to be living sober to fulfill !!!
have found the first few days off it the hardest... day 3-4 the worst as the withdrawals (although subtle)are at their peak and have to drink to feel ok again
the way forward for me is
AA meetings
Abstinence
change my present routines
daring to have new dreams where i need to be living sober to fulfill !!!
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