Day 10 - Double Digits
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Posts: 43
Day 10 - Double Digits
I am pleased to say I have 10 days today. Sleep last night was even better than the night before and I am starting to sweat a little less. Lots of crazy dreams though.
When I first wake up each morning, I am immediately consumed with anxiety and fear for the first few minutes. It takes about 10 minutes before I fully wake up and am able to start to deal with the feelings and it starts to ease up. The main reason for the anxiety is that I will have to go to court to face the consequences of my actions on the last day that I drank. Very stupidly, I walked into a grocery store, took a beer off the shelf and went into the restroom to drink it. Of course security caught me and I was arrested, sent to jail to be booked and processed, then released on my own recognizance. I will have to appear in front of a judge at some point in the next couple of months. The charge is 'retail theft' (petit theft) and it is punishable with a max $500 fine and 60 days in jail. I am absolutely petrified and freaked out about facing this. I spoke to a lawyer who advised that we can probably work out a deal with the State where I make restitution and they will either withhold adjudication with a sentence of time served, or probation only.
Now, this is all really really horrible for me because I just am not the kind of guy that steals. I was completely wasted and somewhat in a blackout and only really came to when security apprehended me in the bathroom. The situation is bad enough but in my case it's extra scary because I am a Green Card, Permanent resident of the US for the last 10 years. I have never stolen before and have a clean record. The US Immigration department looks at theft very seriously and it is a deportable offense. I am currently in the process of renewing my green card and I am so scared that I have totally screwed up my US residency and any chance of citizenship in the future. I am from Canada and I keep reminding myself that if I had to go back home, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Canada is a wonderful country and although I would HATE the winter, I could have a very nice life there.
I am just really angry with myself for being so stupid. Embarrassed and guilty and scared. I needed to post this here not to whine or give a sob story. Just to get it out and begin to heal. I have decided with absolute certainty that to drink again would only make this situation much much worse and most likely result in further charges.
SO, today, I choose to talk about it, share my fears with another alcoholic and work through it, SOBER. I am prepared to face whatever I have to face and deal with any consequences. In a way, I am almost grateful it happened since nothing prior to this was enough to make me stop drinking and realize just how grave my alcoholism is. I can and will face this. I can and will get through it without drinking. I am feeling so much better physically. Now comes the 'emotional hangover'. With prayer and your support, I know I can make it.
Today, once again, I don't want to drink. Would I like some relief from worry and fear? Hell yes! Will I get it from alcohol or drugs? Yes, for a few hours at the most, and then I lose the last place I have left to live, most likely go to jail, end up with new charges that will definitely get me deported or worse, or end up dead. So I am NOT drinking to solve this. The ONLY way to solve this is to stay sober and face it head on.
Thank God I understand that this morning. Thank God for all of you here. Thank God for this opportunity to recover.
Have a great day everyone - I'm not going to drink today. Care to join me? :-)
When I first wake up each morning, I am immediately consumed with anxiety and fear for the first few minutes. It takes about 10 minutes before I fully wake up and am able to start to deal with the feelings and it starts to ease up. The main reason for the anxiety is that I will have to go to court to face the consequences of my actions on the last day that I drank. Very stupidly, I walked into a grocery store, took a beer off the shelf and went into the restroom to drink it. Of course security caught me and I was arrested, sent to jail to be booked and processed, then released on my own recognizance. I will have to appear in front of a judge at some point in the next couple of months. The charge is 'retail theft' (petit theft) and it is punishable with a max $500 fine and 60 days in jail. I am absolutely petrified and freaked out about facing this. I spoke to a lawyer who advised that we can probably work out a deal with the State where I make restitution and they will either withhold adjudication with a sentence of time served, or probation only.
Now, this is all really really horrible for me because I just am not the kind of guy that steals. I was completely wasted and somewhat in a blackout and only really came to when security apprehended me in the bathroom. The situation is bad enough but in my case it's extra scary because I am a Green Card, Permanent resident of the US for the last 10 years. I have never stolen before and have a clean record. The US Immigration department looks at theft very seriously and it is a deportable offense. I am currently in the process of renewing my green card and I am so scared that I have totally screwed up my US residency and any chance of citizenship in the future. I am from Canada and I keep reminding myself that if I had to go back home, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Canada is a wonderful country and although I would HATE the winter, I could have a very nice life there.
I am just really angry with myself for being so stupid. Embarrassed and guilty and scared. I needed to post this here not to whine or give a sob story. Just to get it out and begin to heal. I have decided with absolute certainty that to drink again would only make this situation much much worse and most likely result in further charges.
SO, today, I choose to talk about it, share my fears with another alcoholic and work through it, SOBER. I am prepared to face whatever I have to face and deal with any consequences. In a way, I am almost grateful it happened since nothing prior to this was enough to make me stop drinking and realize just how grave my alcoholism is. I can and will face this. I can and will get through it without drinking. I am feeling so much better physically. Now comes the 'emotional hangover'. With prayer and your support, I know I can make it.
Today, once again, I don't want to drink. Would I like some relief from worry and fear? Hell yes! Will I get it from alcohol or drugs? Yes, for a few hours at the most, and then I lose the last place I have left to live, most likely go to jail, end up with new charges that will definitely get me deported or worse, or end up dead. So I am NOT drinking to solve this. The ONLY way to solve this is to stay sober and face it head on.
Thank God I understand that this morning. Thank God for all of you here. Thank God for this opportunity to recover.
Have a great day everyone - I'm not going to drink today. Care to join me? :-)
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Steven, thanks for sharing. Of course you feel fear and anxiety in those circumstances. I hope that things work out for you with the Court.
Take care. And well done on being sober for 10 days.
Take care. And well done on being sober for 10 days.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 83
Hey Steve thanks for sharing, 10 Days!~! That's Awesome!! Way to go. I understand you have fears and anxieties about having to deal with life on life's terms. Even though we get sober, life still goes on. Just remember, that no matter what happens it's not worth picking up. Keep going man, it's great to hear your successful story.
Lithobid
Lithobid
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Steven,
If your current lawyer is not a specialist in immigration law, you might want to get one. A friend of a friend is a Mexican national trying to get permanent citizenship and had a DUI. He had a parade of people vouching for him including his employer and a bunch of AA folks. He got probation with some conditions on his immigration status that if he screwed up again, his pending citizenship would not happen.
Congrats on the 10 days. Keep us posted on what happens.
If your current lawyer is not a specialist in immigration law, you might want to get one. A friend of a friend is a Mexican national trying to get permanent citizenship and had a DUI. He had a parade of people vouching for him including his employer and a bunch of AA folks. He got probation with some conditions on his immigration status that if he screwed up again, his pending citizenship would not happen.
Congrats on the 10 days. Keep us posted on what happens.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Lithobid 
I understand you have fears and anxieties about having to deal with life on life's terms. Even though we get sober, life still goes on. Just remember, that no matter what happens it's not worth picking up. Keep going man, it's great to hear your successful story.
Lithobid
Lithobid
But simply being aware of this has been very important.
Toro Solo
Join Date: May 2010
Location: san francisco
Posts: 103
Hi Steven,
Try and be optimistic.
We Americans seem to like Canadians so you'll probably be okay.
Without a previous record stealing one beer is a pretty minor offense but of course it's still stealing.
I'd suggest being completely honest with the court and letting them you know you've realized that you have a drinking problem and that you've stopped and are seeking help and well you know...
Congratulations on making it 10 days!
the part about your lawyer saying you might have to make restitution make me smile.. that has to an all time record as to the minimal monetary cost of making amends.. unless of course it was a really rare beer.
Good luck,
nn
Try and be optimistic.
We Americans seem to like Canadians so you'll probably be okay.
Without a previous record stealing one beer is a pretty minor offense but of course it's still stealing.
I'd suggest being completely honest with the court and letting them you know you've realized that you have a drinking problem and that you've stopped and are seeking help and well you know...
Congratulations on making it 10 days!
the part about your lawyer saying you might have to make restitution make me smile.. that has to an all time record as to the minimal monetary cost of making amends.. unless of course it was a really rare beer.
Good luck,
nn
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sunny Down Under
Posts: 64
Steve, congrats on 10 days. If might seem like a short time, but we alcoholics know those first 10 days feel like 10 weeks!
Even though I never ended up getting in trouble with the police I think I understand how you feel. The feeling that you did something really stupid while not in control of yourself and can't even remember doing. I've had many, many of such incidents. Waking up barefooted on a park bench at 11 in the morning when I was supposed to be at work at 9 with my phone ringing and waking me up (surprise, surprise it was my employer wondering where the hell I was) is just one incident that springs to mind.
The fear, anxiety, and paranoia of not being able to remember my actions and then face the looming consequences were crippling for about 3-4 days. Then when I had mananged to smooth things over I would be back to drinking within the week. Eeesh, makes me cringe. Looking back on things now, I'm shocked I didn't end up in jail or do serious harm to myself or others.
My advice to you would be don't ever forget this incident. Whenever I did something ridiculous I promised others that I would ease up on the sauce and once the problem had disappeared I found my motivation to stay sober had as well. Best of luck to you, many people here can empathize and rooting for you.
Even though I never ended up getting in trouble with the police I think I understand how you feel. The feeling that you did something really stupid while not in control of yourself and can't even remember doing. I've had many, many of such incidents. Waking up barefooted on a park bench at 11 in the morning when I was supposed to be at work at 9 with my phone ringing and waking me up (surprise, surprise it was my employer wondering where the hell I was) is just one incident that springs to mind.
The fear, anxiety, and paranoia of not being able to remember my actions and then face the looming consequences were crippling for about 3-4 days. Then when I had mananged to smooth things over I would be back to drinking within the week. Eeesh, makes me cringe. Looking back on things now, I'm shocked I didn't end up in jail or do serious harm to myself or others.
My advice to you would be don't ever forget this incident. Whenever I did something ridiculous I promised others that I would ease up on the sauce and once the problem had disappeared I found my motivation to stay sober had as well. Best of luck to you, many people here can empathize and rooting for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 159
Congratulations on your ten days Steven!
Thanks for sharing your story, seems to me that this might be one of those lifesaving incidents. I believe things don't happen to us but for us, even it might not seem so at the time.
From experience I know fear and shame can easily be cast aside after a while, so if you need extra help to stay sober, from SR, a higher power, AA, ...please do get it.
Good luck with the paperwork and court.
Thanks for sharing your story, seems to me that this might be one of those lifesaving incidents. I believe things don't happen to us but for us, even it might not seem so at the time.
From experience I know fear and shame can easily be cast aside after a while, so if you need extra help to stay sober, from SR, a higher power, AA, ...please do get it.
Good luck with the paperwork and court.
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
Congrats on your 10 days Steve!
I wouldn't get too stressed out about the stealing a beer thing. Like you said, you were drunk, but have since addressed your alcoholism and are working hard to ensure something like this never happens again. To most judges, this is going to be a relief, and they will want to work with you. Considering how many belligerent and non-repentent little punks they have to deal with every day, getting someone like you, with an honest desire to fix the problem, is likely to inspire their desire to support you, and give you a chance.
Good luck, and don't kill yourself with worry over it!
Rev
I wouldn't get too stressed out about the stealing a beer thing. Like you said, you were drunk, but have since addressed your alcoholism and are working hard to ensure something like this never happens again. To most judges, this is going to be a relief, and they will want to work with you. Considering how many belligerent and non-repentent little punks they have to deal with every day, getting someone like you, with an honest desire to fix the problem, is likely to inspire their desire to support you, and give you a chance.
Good luck, and don't kill yourself with worry over it!
Rev
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I second Rev's post, and was just wondering if you're going to any AA meetings? It might help to have some people in the program to cite as references for your sobriety. If you've seen a doctor or counselor, that would count for alot, too.
Under the circumstances, I would find it hard to imagine you would face any kind of jail time. Maybe if you wrote a letter about your experience and ensuing commitment to get sober, your lawyer could file that with the judge? I'm talking off the cuff here, as I don't have any experience with being arrested. I know I should have gotten a few DUI's, but somehow I managed to go undetected. Like you said, this whole thing could be a blessing in the end. Keep hanging in there!! You're doing great!
Under the circumstances, I would find it hard to imagine you would face any kind of jail time. Maybe if you wrote a letter about your experience and ensuing commitment to get sober, your lawyer could file that with the judge? I'm talking off the cuff here, as I don't have any experience with being arrested. I know I should have gotten a few DUI's, but somehow I managed to go undetected. Like you said, this whole thing could be a blessing in the end. Keep hanging in there!! You're doing great!
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