Should I Tell Parents/Siblings?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
You are lucky to have parents who you know would be supportive of you in your sobriety.
In my case, I decided to not tell anyone, but simply to do it. I had made too many promises to my husband and kids that I had not kept, so for me, it was time to DO something.
In my case, I decided to not tell anyone, but simply to do it. I had made too many promises to my husband and kids that I had not kept, so for me, it was time to DO something.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 22
Thanks to ALL
To everyone who has written on this thread: thank you so much. It's so corny, but this has actually been really helpful to me today, not just in terms of the family aspect. It's made me feel really good to be able to have a sense of support for a problem that has been a deep dark secret.
On a related note, I made the decision to go to my first AA meeting today. This is something I had considered for months. I guess today I just needed some community, and so I nervously made the trip to a local church where meetings are held.
I walked in and saw a group of 15 or so folks sitting around in a circle. They were all a bit older, and very conservatively dressed (not trying to perpetuate any stereotypes about what drinkers should or shouldn't look like). I nervously asked if this was "the meeting?" One woman replied, "which meeting are you looking for?"
"The AA meeting?" I replied.
"Oh," she said, "this is the Pastor's meeting."
Turns out I got the wrong night. I was already embarrassed about who I might see at the meeting, but hadn't expected to say I was looking for an AA meeting to a group of pastors.
Oh well. No shame I guess, but it was kind of funny at the time.
On a related note, I made the decision to go to my first AA meeting today. This is something I had considered for months. I guess today I just needed some community, and so I nervously made the trip to a local church where meetings are held.
I walked in and saw a group of 15 or so folks sitting around in a circle. They were all a bit older, and very conservatively dressed (not trying to perpetuate any stereotypes about what drinkers should or shouldn't look like). I nervously asked if this was "the meeting?" One woman replied, "which meeting are you looking for?"
"The AA meeting?" I replied.
"Oh," she said, "this is the Pastor's meeting."
Turns out I got the wrong night. I was already embarrassed about who I might see at the meeting, but hadn't expected to say I was looking for an AA meeting to a group of pastors.
Oh well. No shame I guess, but it was kind of funny at the time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 26
Congratulations, JohnGalt! You're making a great decision to quit drinking.
I think I'm going to be in the minority here, but I have some regrets about telling my parents. Well, I should say that I regret how much I told my parents. In retrospect, I wish I had just told them that I had quit drinking because I felt like it was detrimental to my health, and just left it that. But since I told them a lot about the amounts that I drank, the physical withdrawal during quitting, the secret drinking, etc., I feel like I have now become the Alcoholic Son rather than just the son. They mean well, but it starts to get irritating when they constantly ask how I'm doing with the sobriety: "Any temptations lately?", "Do you think you'll be okay at the ball game without beer?", "Did you see the latest episode of Intervention?", etc. I kinda feel like I'm ready to turn the page and just get on with life...
So, I guess I would just say that there is no need to tell EVERYTHING. Be judicious.
I think I'm going to be in the minority here, but I have some regrets about telling my parents. Well, I should say that I regret how much I told my parents. In retrospect, I wish I had just told them that I had quit drinking because I felt like it was detrimental to my health, and just left it that. But since I told them a lot about the amounts that I drank, the physical withdrawal during quitting, the secret drinking, etc., I feel like I have now become the Alcoholic Son rather than just the son. They mean well, but it starts to get irritating when they constantly ask how I'm doing with the sobriety: "Any temptations lately?", "Do you think you'll be okay at the ball game without beer?", "Did you see the latest episode of Intervention?", etc. I kinda feel like I'm ready to turn the page and just get on with life...
So, I guess I would just say that there is no need to tell EVERYTHING. Be judicious.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey John. I haven't read through all the other posts, however I know that the others here have probably already gave you tons of support, shares, and great advice.
What I loved in your question up there was in regards to accountability, and that is key to being sober. It's one of the things that are great and helpful with having a sponsor that you call every day. If you're calling, then you're staying sober........I think you get the gist.
So with that, I think that's great, it will help you to keep yourself on track and focused on your goal. Accountability is great, along with so many other things you can utilize with staying sober.
Welcome to SR!! You found a great site here, I love it. My best to you!
What I loved in your question up there was in regards to accountability, and that is key to being sober. It's one of the things that are great and helpful with having a sponsor that you call every day. If you're calling, then you're staying sober........I think you get the gist.
So with that, I think that's great, it will help you to keep yourself on track and focused on your goal. Accountability is great, along with so many other things you can utilize with staying sober.
Welcome to SR!! You found a great site here, I love it. My best to you!
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by JohnGalt 
Turns out I got the wrong night. I was already embarrassed about who I might see at the meeting, but hadn't expected to say I was looking for an AA meeting to a group of pastors.
Oh well. No shame I guess, but it was kind of funny at the time.
Oh well. No shame I guess, but it was kind of funny at the time.
You'll see all sorts of types of people in AA. It really is a place to fit in for anyone with a desire to stop drinking.
all the best.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 16
Hi John,
I am 28 and you know what they say about 25 being the new 18. Even though I have gone to college, moved to a different state, blah blah I am still dependent on my parents until I finish my degree. That being said I have chosen not to tell them about my new sobriety, or my drinking problem that made me want to get sober. My alcohol abuse really started when I moved 1400 miles away from all my family and friends. So, it's been pretty easy to keep under wraps.
My main motivation to get sober was for me, my health, tired of the daily hangovers, etc. However, other motivations have helped me also. Such as my family NOT finding out. I've always been a worrier so worry and fear have gotten me sober for 13 days now.
No easy feat for me. I drank every single day for three years. If you would have asked me before I stopped, "On a 1-10 of pain, what do you think quitting will be like?" I would have said 10. 13 days in I am going to say honestly that it was a 4 on some days and a 6 on others but never a 10. Maybe around 5-6 pm the number went up to 7-8 but never higher. Give sobriety a shot. I feel so very much better. No headaches, hangovers, more money, more time, digesting food properly, and I have a new sense of hope for the future. Now my dream of buying a 2011 Volkswagen Cabriolet seem so possible and exciting.
Wow. I apologize for going on a bit. Good luck and I hope you hang around. This site has been a God send for me, and I'm not even religious!
I am 28 and you know what they say about 25 being the new 18. Even though I have gone to college, moved to a different state, blah blah I am still dependent on my parents until I finish my degree. That being said I have chosen not to tell them about my new sobriety, or my drinking problem that made me want to get sober. My alcohol abuse really started when I moved 1400 miles away from all my family and friends. So, it's been pretty easy to keep under wraps.
My main motivation to get sober was for me, my health, tired of the daily hangovers, etc. However, other motivations have helped me also. Such as my family NOT finding out. I've always been a worrier so worry and fear have gotten me sober for 13 days now.
No easy feat for me. I drank every single day for three years. If you would have asked me before I stopped, "On a 1-10 of pain, what do you think quitting will be like?" I would have said 10. 13 days in I am going to say honestly that it was a 4 on some days and a 6 on others but never a 10. Maybe around 5-6 pm the number went up to 7-8 but never higher. Give sobriety a shot. I feel so very much better. No headaches, hangovers, more money, more time, digesting food properly, and I have a new sense of hope for the future. Now my dream of buying a 2011 Volkswagen Cabriolet seem so possible and exciting.
Wow. I apologize for going on a bit. Good luck and I hope you hang around. This site has been a God send for me, and I'm not even religious!
Last edited by Archives28; 06-03-2010 at 02:56 AM. Reason: Indent paragraphs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 16
I guess I was just writing to share my experience that I am very comfortable and successful in my new sobriety without telling my parents. For others though, as other people have mentioned, it can be a good thing to tell them.
I did tell my longtime best friend a few weeks back before I stopped drinking that I was planning to stop. My immediate thought after telling him was "Oh NO!!! Now......uhh.....I think I actually have to stop?!?! The cat's out of the bag!"
Everybody here is correct that you and only you will be accountable for quitting the drink.
I did tell my longtime best friend a few weeks back before I stopped drinking that I was planning to stop. My immediate thought after telling him was "Oh NO!!! Now......uhh.....I think I actually have to stop?!?! The cat's out of the bag!"
Everybody here is correct that you and only you will be accountable for quitting the drink.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Archives28
Hi John,
I am 28 and you know what they say about 25 being the new 18. Even though I have gone to college, moved to a different state, blah blah I am still dependent on my parents until I finish my degree. That being said I have chosen not to tell them about my new sobriety, or my drinking problem that made me want to get sober. My alcohol abuse really started when I moved 1400 miles away from all my family and friends. So, it's been pretty easy to keep under wraps.
My main motivation to get sober was for me, my health, tired of the daily hangovers, etc. However, other motivations have helped me also. Such as my family NOT finding out. I've always been a worrier so worry and fear have gotten me sober for 13 days now.
No easy feat for me. I drank every single day for three years. If you would have asked me before I stopped, "On a 1-10 of pain, what do you think quitting will be like?" I would have said 10. 13 days in I am going to say honestly that it was a 4 on some days and a 6 on others but never a 10. Maybe around 5-6 pm the number went up to 7-8 but never higher. Give sobriety a shot. I feel so very much better. No headaches, hangovers, more money, more time, digesting food properly, and I have a new sense of hope for the future. Now my dream of buying a 2011 Volkswagen Cabriolet seem so possible and exciting.
Wow. I apologize for going on a bit. Good luck and I hope you hang around. This site has been a God send for me, and I'm not even religious!
I am 28 and you know what they say about 25 being the new 18. Even though I have gone to college, moved to a different state, blah blah I am still dependent on my parents until I finish my degree. That being said I have chosen not to tell them about my new sobriety, or my drinking problem that made me want to get sober. My alcohol abuse really started when I moved 1400 miles away from all my family and friends. So, it's been pretty easy to keep under wraps.
My main motivation to get sober was for me, my health, tired of the daily hangovers, etc. However, other motivations have helped me also. Such as my family NOT finding out. I've always been a worrier so worry and fear have gotten me sober for 13 days now.
No easy feat for me. I drank every single day for three years. If you would have asked me before I stopped, "On a 1-10 of pain, what do you think quitting will be like?" I would have said 10. 13 days in I am going to say honestly that it was a 4 on some days and a 6 on others but never a 10. Maybe around 5-6 pm the number went up to 7-8 but never higher. Give sobriety a shot. I feel so very much better. No headaches, hangovers, more money, more time, digesting food properly, and I have a new sense of hope for the future. Now my dream of buying a 2011 Volkswagen Cabriolet seem so possible and exciting.
Wow. I apologize for going on a bit. Good luck and I hope you hang around. This site has been a God send for me, and I'm not even religious!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by parasol
Congratulations, JohnGalt! You're making a great decision to quit drinking.
I think I'm going to be in the minority here, but I have some regrets about telling my parents. Well, I should say that I regret how much I told my parents. In retrospect, I wish I had just told them that I had quit drinking because I felt like it was detrimental to my health, and just left it that. But since I told them a lot about the amounts that I drank, the physical withdrawal during quitting, the secret drinking, etc., I feel like I have now become the Alcoholic Son rather than just the son. They mean well, but it starts to get irritating when they constantly ask how I'm doing with the sobriety: "Any temptations lately?", "Do you think you'll be okay at the ball game without beer?", "Did you see the latest episode of Intervention?", etc. I kinda feel like I'm ready to turn the page and just get on with life...
So, I guess I would just say that there is no need to tell EVERYTHING. Be judicious.
I think I'm going to be in the minority here, but I have some regrets about telling my parents. Well, I should say that I regret how much I told my parents. In retrospect, I wish I had just told them that I had quit drinking because I felt like it was detrimental to my health, and just left it that. But since I told them a lot about the amounts that I drank, the physical withdrawal during quitting, the secret drinking, etc., I feel like I have now become the Alcoholic Son rather than just the son. They mean well, but it starts to get irritating when they constantly ask how I'm doing with the sobriety: "Any temptations lately?", "Do you think you'll be okay at the ball game without beer?", "Did you see the latest episode of Intervention?", etc. I kinda feel like I'm ready to turn the page and just get on with life...
So, I guess I would just say that there is no need to tell EVERYTHING. Be judicious.
Rather than say "Hey guys, for the last 3 years, I drank every single night. Large amounts of disgusting rum and diet soda cocktails. It started to, like, get to me, or something. Remember that girl I should have married? Yeah, alcohol ruined that."
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 22
So I just spent my first night sober in 9 months.
The last time I spent a night w/o drinking, it was not a part of an attempt to quit. I had to travel for work, and so I did a trial night of abstention before the trip to make sure I could do it. I had no intention of quitting, so resumed drinking as soon as my work obligation was finished.
This time the hard part was during the day, up until about 7:30, at which time I would usually begin to drink. I was extremely anxious throughout the day (see frequency of my posts above for evidence...). I knew it would be the easiest thing in the world to fall back into my boozy routine.
But after the evening got underway, it got much easier. I didn't do anything amazingly fun, but I kept contrasting it with how little enjoyment I get from drinking.
Hope to be around for a while.
The last time I spent a night w/o drinking, it was not a part of an attempt to quit. I had to travel for work, and so I did a trial night of abstention before the trip to make sure I could do it. I had no intention of quitting, so resumed drinking as soon as my work obligation was finished.
This time the hard part was during the day, up until about 7:30, at which time I would usually begin to drink. I was extremely anxious throughout the day (see frequency of my posts above for evidence...). I knew it would be the easiest thing in the world to fall back into my boozy routine.
But after the evening got underway, it got much easier. I didn't do anything amazingly fun, but I kept contrasting it with how little enjoyment I get from drinking.
Hope to be around for a while.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
Congrats on getting through day 1, JG. That really is a big step! 
Since it sounds like you aren't having major hangover/withdrawal problems, I'd suggest that you plan things to keep busy during the time period when you used to drink.
Boredom was one of my drinking triggers and I think that is pretty common.
Anyway, best wishes and keep posting. SR is a great place to get help.
Since it sounds like you aren't having major hangover/withdrawal problems, I'd suggest that you plan things to keep busy during the time period when you used to drink.
Boredom was one of my drinking triggers and I think that is pretty common.
Anyway, best wishes and keep posting. SR is a great place to get help.
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