New OP counselor is awful - jump ship or stick it out?
 

Hiya SR! I've been reading but not posting for about the last week. I wish I had something more positive to post about tonight, but I don't - and I really, really need to vent.

My outpatient treatment is 32 sessions long (84 total hours), and tonight was my 25th session. The group population fluctuates between 8-10 "patients" a night. We have two interns and had a great counselor up until two weeks ago. The new permanent counselor has been there for one solid week - tonight starts her 2nd week. Aside from a completely different group style (that everyone, and I mean everyone, is grumbling about/straight-up objecting to), I had an encounter with the new woman tonight that left my nerves standing straight on end - like when I've been called into the boss's office to be "talked to" - distracted all night here, and now considering just not going back.

I, like most of us, never got a phone number for the new counselor's office. I had something come up with my apartment where I couldn't go to group last Thursday (group is only M-Th), so I called one of the group members who's phone number I actually do have, told them what was up, and asked them to let the new counselor, or the interns, know where I was. When I talked with my member friend this weekend, he said that was accepted just fine, and then he told me he was going to be out of town for tonight's meeting, and asked me to return the favor and let the counselor/interns know about his whereabouts.

When I get there, it was time for my one-on-one check in anyway, so one of the interns pulled me aside to go over my plan, how many sessions I have, etc. I asked her if "Chuck" had let them know where I was. She said he did and was curious what happened. I told her, and everything was fine. She didn't give any indication that my notification-via-group member was problematic in any way shape or form.

At the first break, I had an opportunity to go up to the new counselor to say "Chuck asked me to let you know he's still out of the state tonight".
Her response?
In as sarcastic a tone as possible "What, do you two live together or something?"
Shocked, I only managed a meek "No, he goes to the AA meeting I live by, and asked me to pass it along in case he couldn't call". She said "Don't either of you have the number?" I opened my phone and showed her my contacts and said "No one's ever given it to me; here, I can even enter it now. Do you have it."
She responded "No, I don't have it memorized yet, and they're still working on getting me my cards. Ask one of them (the interns)". I let her initial response sink in for the rest of the group.

Rather than just keep my thoughts toxic-ally to myself, I approached her at the end of group.
"I really didn't appreciate what you said to me earlier" I told her. She looked particularly disgusted with me. "Jen, you're a grown woman and you've been here how many times?"
"25..."
"And you didn't have the number?"
"... Did you listen to what I just said to you? It makes you really unapproachable."
"You shouldn't be passing messages for "Chuck", and he shouldn't for you."
"I'm not passing a message - he only asked me to let you know just in case you didn't get his message."
"He's not your responsibility."
"Do you not care that I just said you're unapproachable?"
"Really. You've been here 25 times and you expect me to believe you didn't have the number?"
"Really. You're fixated on that? Wow.... that's great."
Her mumbled response,again dripping with sarcasm, was "yeah, well you're great"

I was so f'n pissed off at her complete illogical conclusion that she'd gotten herself fixated on (25 appearances, yes, but that magical phone number happens to have changed in the last 5, and SHE couldn't even give me the g-damn thing) that I didn't even try to point out that I was merely looking out for a group-mate - like I would for a co-worker if they'd asked me to back them up.

Eugh, my blood is still boiling for this. Her initial, sarcastic, response was so utterly inappropriate, that I'm actually flabbergasted.

Okay, I'm done ranting. Thanks for giving me the space SR. I'm gonna go grab a Pepsi, have a bite-sized Snickers, and get ready for bed.

*Growl*

Merry part,
WW

Have you started the AA meetings and got a sponsor yet, imagine getting someone to help you that has multiple years of sobriety, is free from alcoholic and helping you for you and not for money...

This is very unprofessional behaviour for a counselor, she sounds like she could do with working the steps lol

Seriously though i have a great deal of disrespect for counsellers as a whole, i am certain that the majority have helped many an alcoholic and addict to an early grave and not just through ignorance...tell you how much i love my CBT counselor, this guy was a gift hope you get one like him at some point, i work abroad and we do skype sessions at my request, worked out well for him too he found that more of his clients wanted to do this when they left Gib and he has a nice little home business on the side now...thats bit doesnt help you one bit but is a nice story...?!

Anyways hit the AA route if you not already, maybe thats your plan after OP until then suck it up, keep speaking up and take care!

You know, i know they are just people like you and me and everyone has bad days but really you shouldnt be in this sort of profession if you cant control your emotions and feelings to some degree! A neurotic counselor...super!

I vote for stick it out though, you know what we are like we never usually finish anything will be good to see the courses through to the end!

I had a counselor once-twice, actually, the guy was filling in for the regular guy who happened to be on vacation, I got to see this guy twice, several years apart.

He spent the entire session talking about-himself!

But I can't claim that he had the sort of flippant, unprofessional attitude that your counselor had.

Just because the person has a diploma, doesn't make this person a good counselor. I would go higher up the food chain on this one, no one should be treated disrespectfully, especially in a setting of that sort.

Wow, that is what is called counseling? God help us. Sorry to hear WW!! That is total b.s. and I probably would've laid into the b!tch. Hellllloooo.....she is in a field that is all about helping people and it sounds like she could use to some help herself.

I don't have much tolerance for that and the so called "bad days." I work with kids and never once in all of my years have I brought my issues to a classroom. Can you imagine me snapping at a child? Ummm....no.

I would definitely go back as she is new and maybe she was overwhelmed with trying to get settled. She could be frustrated or maybe she gives out tough love or something. If she still gives off the negative vibe next week then definitely speak to someone in the program about what has happened and how you feel. If my counselor treated me like that.....I would be pretty heated too. You are going there for help for crying out loud.

Hang in there WW and know you can always vent here! Just breath deep and return with as open of a mind as possible.

I am proud of you and how you are handling this. You so did the right thing by bringing it to her attention. Lets see if it hit home with her.

Huggs....we are here for ya!

You did not tell her any of this?

WW, your counselor was beyond inappropriate and I'm so sorry you had to deal with such unprofessional and sh!tty behavior from her. I'd definitely complain to someone higher up in the OP program. In the meantime, just try not to let her get to you - easier said than done, I know. Glad you shared here, and take care.

Stephanie

Hi WW,

I have no experience with OP, ,,, but damn,


beats all I ever stepped in.



You hang in there, sounds like she must've been having a rough time of it.

Well, it does sound like dealing with people is not a strong suit for her. If it's possible to make it through to the end without allowing them to be all about her, then keep going. Actually, you may need to get through to the end whether it feels like it's all about her or not. You're more than 75% of the way there.

Go to one of her superiors and tell them of her conduct. Disgusting. Can you go and just pointedly ignore her?

I want to thank everyone for the support and suggestions. I want to respond to each of your posts - but that's going to have to wait until I get home from work (no OP tonight - I'm on "phase 2", apparently - news to me -, and I only go on Mondays and Thursdays). My ride is running late, so I wanted to quick hop on and shoot out a quick acknowledgment that I was here and read everything so far.

I'll get back to you guys tonight. Thank you very much once again!

Have a good day!
WW

The treatment center I went to had a "tone" that was in the same universe as what you are experiencing in your OP treatment. As I get further away from that rehab experience I am able to look at some of those kind of interactions with a bit more objectivity ;)....

I can look at now it as living life on life's terms... Kind of like when I had a teacher in school that was a whack-o... I knew it, my parents knew it, every one knew it.... The message I got was... Suck it up son, there are always people like that in the world that you'll have to deal with... Makes one's own blood boil doesn't it... that kind of response to a legitimate gripe?

If you are in a program that you enrolled in completely voluntarily, change it. If it is a mandated program... well, just let it roll off your back, the kind of resentment that you are describing is not good for your recovery.

I am in a mandated OP program still, 20 months later. I can really let it bug me, what we talk about in group is bullsh1t... I remember one discussion that went on forever by someone who was having a hard time deciding on the color of his kitchen cabinets... and I drive an hour and a half every week for this nonsense??

Oh well.... It's expected that I'll be there... that's life :)

Mark

BTW... she sounds like a real ********.

Perhaps there's a reason your HP put you together with that counselor?

Just throwing that out there.

hey Whitewave - Great thread. The best counselor I ever had worked in a treatment center and had been through something like 50 treatment centers himself (seriously). He didn't judge anyone but, as you can guess, he really had a passion for sobriety.

I like what justanothr and Mark said in their posts. Maybe you could use this as an exercise to practice detachment (trying to remain peaceful inside, not letting her set up shop in your head etc.). Expect her to be a royal a** and pretend like you're in a play where you're just observing her behavior and letting it roll off your back. You can still speak you mind, but it will be from the heart, instead of the anger.

Does that make any sense? The problem is it's really hard to be objective once that anger gets going, so if it messes with you too much, it's not worth it. At least you had the guts to say something to her, which is something I always had a hard time doing.

Good luck on this!!

The world is full of difficult, not-so-nice people.

I've had the opportunity to work with many over the years at various jobs.

One that comes to mind is a manager I had at Casey's General Stores where I worked in the kitchen.

Her supervisory skills sucked. Her people skills were even worse.

I'd tell myself each day that it was X amount of hours that day I would be around her, and the rest of the day without!

I knew that job wasn't forever, and I reminded myself of that too!

I worked hard at not letting her take up space in my head rent-free.

I stayed active in my recovery through AA.

I read the Big Book a lot-especially the sections on resentment.

My back eventually went south on me. I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease, and was subsequently fired because I could no longer do the heavy lifting required for my position.

A few months later that manager put her resignation in, and gave a month's notice. Apparently corporate had been unhappy with her a long time and fired her the day after she put in her resignation.

We all have consequences for our actions/behaviors. If I pay the electric bill on time, I have electricity! That's a good consequence! :lmao

Somewhere along the way, that counselor will have consequences too.

Try to be the bigger person and get something out of your remaining sessions in spite of her. :)

:ghug3

a passion for sobriety. I need to work on making my passion for sobriety stronger.

WW

I can understand why you might be very mad. I will say I believe their job goes beyond just listening to us. To me they are to challange us and hold us accountable so we learn to hold ourself accountable.. Yes even phone numbers. I mean do we/I want to be treated like I have to treat my 7 year old sometimes. Once we get sober we need to learn new ways of dealing with ourself and people..

The living together thing were to be asked of me I would have said,,, Yea we have this bondage thing in common,, want to join,,, with a smile and chuckle...

I mean we need to learn to enjoy life and not take things word for word..

AG

So now you have resentment. The BB tells us how dangerous that is and what to do about it. I think it's in the step 4 part of "How it works," but I could well be wrong. I peed away a lot of brain cells!