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-   -   Right now I want to drink and... (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/202178-right-now-i-want-drink.html)

Kmber2010 06-03-2010 03:40 AM

Oh and I forgot to add that when I relapsed in April.....I was alone and felt again much of what you are feeling. I got up without my husband around and got clean. Been sober since and will never return to drinking. I did it for myself and that is what you need to do.

Life goes on and through sobriety.....well man it is amazing.

Saphie 06-03-2010 04:44 AM

Go into rehab and enjoy every single moment of it.
I was only there for about 6 days (detox & rehab), but I wish I had stayed the recommended 28 days.
I felt out of place for a couple of days, but once I got to know some people there it was like home from home. At that point better actually, because people there were going through the same thing.
Concentrate on getting sober, nothing else. You'll forget about Ryan in no time, honestly you will. You'll make new friends there, people who have been through the same and some through much worse.
It will help you put things in perspective. Take inventory. I wish I would have done so at your age. Good luck and like I said enjoy.
PS: The food was fantastic :)

Recovery1983 06-03-2010 09:02 AM

Hey Someonesomewhere, how is everything today? Even if you are drinking, just keep posting on here. I keep coming back just to see an update from you to make sure you are okay. If you are drinking, just stay put at home and make sure you dont drive or go out.

SomeoneSomwhere 06-03-2010 10:12 AM

Okay so I guess I’m not going to rehab…I’m looking into changing to a therapist who specializes in substance abuse…

Dorchester Substance Abuse Therapist - Substance Abuse Therapist Dorchester, Suffolk County, Massachusetts (MA) - Substance Abuse Counseling Dorchester

That’s who my Mom wants me to go see her words “You’re not an alcoholic, you don’t need rehab and I don’t want you with those people, there are scummy people who go to those programs” I don’t really know if therapy is the answer since it hasn’t been helping me much but IDK. She’s very against it. But I am an adult and could check myself in but she told me I’m being ridiculous and don’t need to do that. And they sort of need me to stick around right now.

Not really sure this is the answer though, therapy is different...and I'm smart enough realize what my problems are but I need more than therapy...IDK

Kmber2010 06-03-2010 10:25 AM

SS.....check yourself in friend. Your mother may be in denial but you need some serious help and if you have been the therapy route before and it hasn't helped you get to the place you want to be then you must take action. Your mom won't be living with the negative consequences of alcoholism - you are and will continue to.

You know what you need to do. I hope you do it before something happens that can't be taken back.

I don't think I can say it any clearer then saying this - screw what she says on this one. She is being ridiculous but you have the control here. Make that call.

Recovery1983 06-03-2010 10:43 AM

Hey somewheresomeone, the people in rehab are not scummy people. I went to rehab last year and although I relapsed after 10 months, I can assure you the people in there are quite the opposite. Yeah, some people in there might be there for court ordered but the staff and most of the people are there to get better. It is no different than the people on here.

If you have any questions about rehab, there are plenty of past posts on here that talk about it and other's experiences of going through it. If you want to hear my personal 30 day inpatient story or just even have questions, dont hesitate to message me.

Rehab or anything else what solve your problems instantly and even after 30 days you still have to do work. What it will do is put you in a safe environment where you can just concentrate on yourself. From the info that I have gathered from your posts, I think it would be wise to go into rehab if that is what you truly want. You are not just suffering from alcoholism but you are also suffering from emotional pain and loss from the uncle and ex boyfriend.

If you go to a counselor, that might only be 1 hour. You will still have the rest of the day for temptations and you'll more than likely just think about the bad things which will tempt you to drink. If you go into the rehab, they constantly have activities and small groups and other programs that keep you busy throughout the day. There are many rehabs out there but I went to The Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs. They are NOT a spa, wine and dine type of rehab. They have a very structured program and you have to be out of bed by 6am kind of deal. They even give you ratings on how well you keep your room clean. As bad as that sounds, you'll realize that it is for the best.

I'm super glad to see you post. I have been at that stage where I'm just a lost person drinking, however. You are also dealing with a loss of a uncle and an ex boyfriend. I cant imagine what you are going through emotionally so I guess i'm worried. Just concentrate today and keep posting. Thank you for posting and letting us know what is going on.

gardner 06-03-2010 10:48 AM

Wow. Wish I could give you a big hug. That sounds like a lot to deal with. Congratulations on loving yourself so much that you are willing to try rehab. That is huge! I have done so many stupid things with men because of alcohol. I have felt like killing myself because a man didn't love me anymore because of alcohol. Your post made me realize that since I eliminated the booze, I have not done one thing that I regret with men. I have found myself in the sense that I have finally decided on a career (I am 35 so it took a while but I did it!). I am able to work on all the other things I would like to work on in therapy because I am not constantly in hangover crisis.

I just know that recovery will help you find yourself as well.

Life gets more manageable when you remove the alcohol. Bad things may still happen. Since I have quit drinking, I have still had huge things to deal with--deaths, death of relationships, heartache, severe depression--but I have been able to get through them and carry on. Things are so much better now.

Best of luck! I am pulling for you.

gardner 06-03-2010 10:51 AM

Ooops...I missed the post where you said that you are not going to rehab. Please do what is best for you. The only one that you can take care of in this moment is yourself. Good that you are switching to an addiction specialist. Do your parents know about ending up on the wrong side of the road and what ensued afterwards?

Lenina 06-03-2010 11:02 AM

SS,

I'm sorry your mother doesn't understand. When I was in rehab, there were many professional people, well-educated and intelligent. My program was only 30 days and excellent. The counselors were excellent and I learned so much. It changed my life for the better. Once the alcoholism was addressed, I was better able to work on my other issues.

Being inpatient gave me the breathing room to begin healing. It was the best thing for me. It was a safe place where I had 24 hour guidance and help.

My family didn't understand. Most programs have Family days where your family can attend and learn for themselves what it's all about. They'll learn alcoholism isn't a moral failing. It's a medical condition. And one that can be treated.

Please give it some thought if the counseling isn't enough.

Much love,

Lenina

Fandy 06-03-2010 11:19 AM

If i may ask, is your mother aware of the extreme behavior....? like drinking at school, in the morning, drunk driving? your despondency where you don't care about yourself?

you have 10 big red flags, you aren't functioning and you don't seem to be able to pull yourself out with the therapy you've been getting. Is it an insurance coverage issue? maybe you want to tell her everything you have been going through and she will see/understand your needs better to detox and get some 24/7 professional support.

you could ask your current therapist to speak to your parents too. you are asking for help for several weeks?

SomeoneSomwhere 06-03-2010 12:16 PM

Well we just have Masshealth, it’s public insurance and while it covers mental health, it is pretty limited in what it covers and I’ve already used some of my allotted mental health coverage in therapy…
My Mom hates my current therapist (I’m apathetic…) , she doesn’t think she’s a good fit. Mostly because it hasn’t been helping, she is always pushing medication and she didn’t think suggesting I go to AA meetings and an outpatient dual diagnosis program was a good idea. My Mom didn’t like any of those ideas…
They do want to help me but my Mom think right now I need to be around my family and my friends, not cut off from everyone. And I agree that they’re not scummy people at all I’ve gone to plenty of meetings and everyone was great…
My Mom has a way about getting her way though, if she really doesn’t think rehab is the answer then that’s probably the way it will be. I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow and I’ll talk to him, see what he thinks…maybe if he agrees that I need rehab (Which I assume he wil…) then she’ll listen…I don’t know.

Kmber2010 06-03-2010 12:47 PM

I don't know what it will take but I hope you find your way before anyone loses their life. The other night was what I would call a miracle and the fact you are alive, no others were injured or killed at your hands and the fact that stranger didn't kill you, should have you kicking and screaming for the help you know you need.

Nothing more can be said from me since this is about you taking a stand.

God bless my friend.

smacked 06-03-2010 12:49 PM

Why is it up to your mom to decide? Your recovery is your responsibility.. please if you're going to continue to self destruct, don't put other innocent lives on the line any further, it's selfish and irresponsible.. which you have every right to be, with your own life.

Fandy 06-03-2010 01:05 PM

i don't think that this about "your mother getting her way"...I think it is about you saving yourself. I hope you do that and find a way to think clearly and as it's been said, take responsibility before there is more tragedy. I found what you wrote the other day, horrifying....you made some poor judgment decisions and are LUCKY to be alive.

that being said by many, I'm bowing out and wish you the best for some healing.

artsoul 06-03-2010 01:19 PM

I'm wondering about something that Fandy brought up earlier: did you tell your mom the extent of your drinking and what happened the other night? You didn't really answer that. If your mom really knew the extent of the problem, why wouldn't she support you going to treatment?

I hope your new counselor can see the severity of the situation and talk to your mother about it. She doesn't seem to know much about addiction or recovery, even though she has a lot of opinions about it. Wishing you all the best.........:ghug3

Toronto68 06-03-2010 02:44 PM

Well, for some reason the idea of heavy concentration on rehab for a couple of weeks and a meeting group to keep up with every week sounds like a good idea to me. A new job scene too. You have a lot of bereavement and adjusting to go through. I had a complex bereavement issue and a breakup at the same time back when my alcoholism was in the very early stages. Then another couple of bereavement issues after I had already crossed the line. Then just years of dullness and alcohol. I didn't get into the worst messes in the world, but: what a WASTE. People that know me probably would never guess how difficult things were for me inside, and how much more I added to it with my addiction. But I think I'm lucky I survived it thus far. Either your mother doesn't have all the details or she is just not of the right opinion. This needs to be a big personal project all about you, and if things are as upsetting as you are letting on here, then you should get just as serious about working on these issues constructively. This is not a family Xmas tree, this is your mental well-being; use the resources available to you as well as your own good sense. Things will improve inch by inch.

Brucel 06-03-2010 02:58 PM

I had to go to rehab just to stop the world from spinning. You wont regret it. Don't talk yourself out of it. Probably the best idea you have considering yesterday. Good luck and God Bless

Dee74 06-03-2010 03:04 PM

SS
Your mom might not understand whats been going on and whats at stake - but you do.
It's not up to your mom - it's up to you - you're an adult.

If you baulk at doing something decisive about your situation now, I'm sorry - but I really fear where you're gonna end up...

D

LovesToTravel 06-03-2010 05:33 PM

My guess is that Mom doesn't really know the whole story. And I agree with D...

Quote:

It's not up to your mom - it's up to you - you're an adult.

SomeoneSomwhere 06-03-2010 08:04 PM

Not the whole story no. I mean I'm ashamed. I just told her it was really bad. But giving all the little details seems too hard.

Yes my Mother pretty much knows the extent. She knows I was in the hospital after a heavy night of drinking. She suspects drunk driving, while I haven’t told her straight up she knows. She knows I drink during the day..and she knows I drink heavily.
All her and my step dad do is telling me what an idiot I am and they’ve grounded me. They bought a few of those one time use breathalyzers for when they suspect I’ve been drinking. They search my room and bags when I get home after work and they take any chance they get to make some sarcastic comment about my poor decision of using alcohol as a coping mechanism and then my Mom whines that I need to get help but when I bring up the idea of rehab she’s says it a “terrible” idea… so I really really don’t know.
I have an appointment with that therapist tomorrow, I’ll tell him I really think rehab is my best option and hopefully he’ll try and talk my Mom into it. My Step Dad said that he’s not letting be back into the house if I disrespect my Mother by going to rehab… I don’t know why they’re so worried about me going but they are.
I'm going to straight up tell this therapist I want to go into rehab...maybe he can make my mom see I need it


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