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-   -   Right now I want to drink and... (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/202178-right-now-i-want-drink.html)

Recovery1983 06-02-2010 01:14 AM

Hey Someone, I'm sorry to hear about your losses. I'm not going to lie but if I were in your position, I'd probably use too. I did a tour in Iraq and while I was out drinking here in the states, I found out of people I knew that I had died during duty. It is hard to cope with those things. At that time, I was already drinking so it just gave me more reasons to keep drinking.

When it comes to relationships, I want to be that tough guy but deep down, I get very emotional. All my relationships always end up bad and yeah, it really hurts. People will tell me to get over it or go do this or do that but they just dont know. A lot has happened to you over a short period of time and you do need time to grieve. In fact, you deserve it. Like everyone else has said above, drinking wont help. Drinking wont bring back your uncle or your brother. Drinking wont bring back your ex boyfriend. Drinking might make you do regrettable things. Drinking will only numb the pain temporarily and the pain will come back twice as hard when the effects wear off. Point is that drinking wont do you any good, however. I might be condemned for saying this but maybe drinking is okay for you right now.

In the end, drinking will not be the answer and it will only make things worse. I dont know you but I dont think any less of you for drinking right now because like I said, it would probably be what I would do. None of us can know exactly what you are going through but I am sorry that you are feeling pain. I'm still new to this sobriety thing too but I would suggest you to talk with your therapist or maybe even your friends or parents. Whatever you do, I do hope the best for you.

Starburst 06-02-2010 01:35 AM

So sorry for you loss, please rather speak to someone, GOD doesnt punish people, HE has compassion for you. Drinking is just a bad thing to do, when you get sober all the pain will still be there, rather work your way through it, suicide will not do it either. People who break up on FB are not worth it. Please just take care of you, you need time to process all that has happened and time to heal. (((HUGS)))

Grace2 06-02-2010 05:58 AM

Please listen to what we are all saying. Your life is precious and people do care about you. Look at all the friends you have made here. Please go and see your Doctor.Keep writing your feelings on here too. My thoughts are with you. xx

SomeoneSomwhere 06-02-2010 09:43 AM

Thank you. You guys are all amazing and your words really do help.

That being said I have a confession.

Last night was really bad.
Made up some ******** lie to get out the house, I was so wasted that I donít really know how my parents didnít notice. Donít even really remembering driving but I know it was bad. Ended up on the WRONG SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY somehowÖgoing in the opposite directionÖ pretty much almost died. (My GPS told me to go that wayÖ) Rear ended someone but luckily we were going slow enough that his car was fineÖ
Pulled over on the side of the road by a bridgeÖsat there bawling my eyes out for like 20 minutes. Some guy pulled over to see if I was okay. Wanted to call the cops. Talked him out of it. I ended up going home with him. And stuff happened.
Awesome.
So Iím going to rehab. As soon as I see my shrink Iím going to tell her I want in.

Desert2trees 06-02-2010 09:58 AM

Wow Somewhere.... so glad you didn't get hurt, or hurt anyone else when you wrecked. Even happier you decided to get help. Must've been a really smart guy you spent time with, sounds like he may have helped you get some perspective.... not to minimize that your accident could have been much worse and I know that must have been motivating too.

Grief can cause us to spin out of control really bad... I know: lost my hubby 2 yrs ago to a motorcycle accident which led me eventually to recovery - after the time I spent drinking and using drugs to numb it all.... and had relationships and awful breakups since, which, of course, only made my escaping worse.

Hope to see you around here, and look forward to you sharing all the great things recovery is doing in your life soon. hug

Kmber2010 06-02-2010 10:19 AM

SS.....you need help and going into rehab and contacting your dr. is what you really need.

I wish you the best and glad you are here and no one got hurt last night. When are drinking not only endangers us but the lives of others.....well somebody has to do something.

All the best.

smacked 06-02-2010 10:26 AM

Glad you'll be getting help, and staying off the streets for awhile.

Recovery1983 06-02-2010 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeoneSomwhere (Post 2614004)
Thank you. You guys are all amazing and your words really do help.

That being said I have a confession.

Last night was really bad.
Made up some ******** lie to get out the house, I was so wasted that I donít really know how my parents didnít notice. Donít even really remembering driving but I know it was bad. Ended up on the WRONG SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY somehowÖgoing in the opposite directionÖ pretty much almost died. (My GPS told me to go that wayÖ) Rear ended someone but luckily we were going slow enough that his car was fineÖ
Pulled over on the side of the road by a bridgeÖsat there bawling my eyes out for like 20 minutes. Some guy pulled over to see if I was okay. Wanted to call the cops. Talked him out of it. I ended up going home with him. And stuff happened.
Awesome.
So Iím going to rehab. As soon as I see my shrink Iím going to tell her I want in.

Yeah you should probably stay away from the alcohol. By the grace of your higher power, you avoided what could have been a huge accident. Sh*t could have really hit the fan for you. What if you collided into oncoming traffic and someone go injured or even worse, someone got killed. That would automatically be manslaughter or murder. Like I mentioned in my last post, drinking will bring actions that you will regret.

From what I interpreted, you said you went home with this random guy and stuff happened. I'm pretty sure that was something you did not plan and had you been sober, you probably would have never done that. That kind of stuff is dangerous. Dont try to do this alone and get some help. You are literally on the verge of doing something that might have consequences that will affect the rest of your life. Be careful please!!!

Dee74 06-02-2010 03:43 PM

I'm very glad to hear from you SS.

You already know how dumb the things you did when you were drunk last night were, so I think it's awesome you're looking at treatment again.

I'm glad you're still here to tell the tale :)
D

SomeoneSomwhere 06-02-2010 05:27 PM

IDK I hurt so much likeÖwordsÖthere arenít any.
I just wish I could talk to himÖhear his voiceÖget some kind ofÖany kind of explanation

I need him. =( I donít want to be alone. I donít know where to go from here. My future was with him. Now I donít even know if I want a future.
I talked to my Mom about rehab Iím going to go my Step Dad is really pissed my Mom is a little less harsh. They did take away my right to borrow the car which is very much understandable.

Anyways Iím scared of rehab but whatever at this point it canít get any worse. Iím at rock bottom

But I hurt =( I need him now more than ever. I have everyone here and I have amazing friends and a supportive family but my heart just wants him =(.

Dee74 06-02-2010 05:55 PM

Putting my neck on the line again LOL....

SS? the guy broke up with you...on Facebook.

Sure I dunno the guy, I may be wrong, I certainly don't want to argue - but I think you deserve better - I just hope you see that one day.

Right now though, I think rehab is the very best thing you can do for yourself.

D

dedubya 06-02-2010 06:16 PM

hey SS
rehab is good. not sure how much you know about it, but i have done it. and it's nothing but good. not one single negative thing came out of it- actually i met some awesome friends there, that i stay in touch with (although it's all anonymous- we still traded emails....some of us).
My friend-
take a deep breath, or a few, and relax your body and mind. Take a break from all this BS. YOU deserve it. Like D, I dont know you or your situation, but i do know that you have a good spirit from your posts- you are just struggling. Get help from the detox- it will be awesome for you. Will be thinking about you.
Best wishes and Love
Dub

SomeoneSomwhere 06-02-2010 06:32 PM

Thank you guys. Seriously youíre all amazing. Like you have no idea how much peopleís words here mean to me. It means so much to know that a board of people who donít know me care. And yeah he broke up with me on FB itís pretty messed up and I deserve better but itís the whole abandonment issues thing againÖthatís why this is so hard but whatever.

I guess we will see how rehab goes. I think itís going to be good in the long run. It canít get any worse right now.

Anway I'm sober right now...puking your guts out with nothing in your stomach but alcohol and bile (EWW I KNOW) is kind of a wake up call. Anyway I will post here and let you guys know before I go. God bless you guys though seriously. Thank you all so much.

dedubya 06-02-2010 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeoneSomwhere (Post 2614447)
Thank you guys. Seriously youíre all amazing. Like you have no idea how much peopleís words here mean to me. It means so much to know that a board of people who donít know me care. And yeah he broke up with me on FB itís pretty messed up and I deserve better but itís the whole abandonment issues thing againÖthatís why this is so hard but whatever.

I guess we will see how rehab goes. I think itís going to be good in the long run. It canít get any worse right now.

Anway I'm sober right now...puking your guts out with nothing in your stomach but alcohol and bile (EWW I KNOW) is kind of a wake up call. Anyway I will post here and let you guys know before I go. God bless you guys though seriously. Thank you all so much.

Well SS- I have to respond to this one. I am on day 2 -working on 3- and I have been puking water every morning for the last 3 days (not to mention previous times). Its time to stop my friend. People I love (many here) have told me that, puking water isn't much fun, actually its quite crazy (I can say that- I will probably do it tomorrow...). However! I do know from rehab that this only goes away, and quickly, if you quit. So I am still pulling for you my Friend. You hang in- and don't let outside influences take over your mind. Your mind is YOURS. Live YOUR life, and take care of yourself.
Still thinking about you-
Best
Dub

Fandy 06-02-2010 07:06 PM

SS, i'm glad you are getting help....alcohol and reactive depression is a dangerous combination...Rehab will help you heal and focus on the most important person which is yourself. Your sense of happiness WILL return and you will then realize that you are worth so more than this weasel=coward could ever give you.

like staying sober, each day will get better and it will hurt a little less.

BTW, puking blood is a lot scarier than puking bile......(sorry for the graphics)...please consider what could happen be4 you start the car....yeah, imagine the worst and call someone to drive you....if you harm someone because you drive drunk, the pain you'll feel and cause to others will stay with you.

suki44883 06-02-2010 07:06 PM

Hon, you will get out of rehab what you put into it. When I did it, I threw myself into it because I didn't ever want to have to go through that whole nightmare ever again. And I haven't had to. Some were there just going through the motions to please either a judge, a wife, parents, etc. They just wanted it to be over so they could go home. I loved it so much, I wanted to stay! LOL!

dedubya 06-02-2010 07:16 PM

me too Suki- I didnt want to leave- wish i could live there for a while (with my guitars) and take it easy.
SS- we all obviously are concerned about you, and me for one even though I dont know you have a love for you, and know your situation. Do the right thing.
Have a smooth, peaceful night- and just relax, thats what i am going to do. Think about the ocean waves, and the beauty of the sky on a nice day- then smile!! Things will go good when you get your mind on getting sober.
Later my Friend
Dub

LovesToTravel 06-02-2010 10:25 PM

Should I tell you the story about my friend who was hit while on a motorcycle by a drunk driver going the wrong way on the expressway? He lost an arm and a leg because the drunk driver dragged him for over a mile. You are lucky you didn't hurt anyone!

Ronan 06-03-2010 02:59 AM

Just a couple of things. You're incredibly young. You say that Ryan guy was your future, but you're only 21! I'm 25 and 21 seems like a very distant memory to me right now. You don't know sh1t when you're 21 despite what you might think. I don't think anyone of any age ever really knows as much as they think and it's important to be aware of that.

Secondly, that was absolutely idiotic as hell drinking and driving...down the wrong side of the road. Then hooking up with some randomer at the side of the street? Jeeze, I don't want to be judgmental but you make it hard. You're lucky you didn't hurt someone and lucky you didn't get hurt yourself.

Lastly, I don't think it's a good idea to be all "We'll see how rehab goes". You need to WANT to quit for it to be of any use to you. From the sounds of it you aren't anywhere near that stage. I know times are tough, but all you're doing is making times a lot tougher on yourself by drinking. It makes heartbreak ten times worse.

Good luck in the future, and please don't drink and drive again. Do what you want to yourself, but don't cripple/kill some poor innocent because some random guy "broke your heart"

Kmber2010 06-03-2010 03:32 AM

SS.....I am love your follow up posts. You know that rehab is your best option at this point. Take it and use it because your life and others do depend on it.

As far as Ryan goes.....well that is simply age and booze talking. I was married (now that is real commitment) and owned a home and had many years of my life and all that we had created together - GONE when I got divorced. His family, our friends, and everything just poof!

Point of my saying that is......I felt like I couldn't live or breath without him and I had many reasons for feeling that way which were justifiable. Divorce is like death in a sense that we grieve. To make it all the worse, he filed for it when I was at my most vulnerable. I was a full time grad student and had not a pot to **** in without him to be direct.

Guess what? I made it on my own, met another wonderful person who is far more of a man then my ex ever could have been and I got sober!

The dude broke up with you on facebook. That isn't something you should continue drinking for. Once you have been off the sauce a while....your self-esteem will rebuild and you will look at this chapter in your young life and say wow.....I can't believe how great sobriety is and how alcohol made me think things were so bad that I was on the edge over a jerk who dumped me on facebook.

You sooooo deserve better and the fact you get support for each of your posts/threads speaks volumes over how much all of us care about you.

I am so rallying the troops over here for ya girl. You are doing the right thing and I am so proud of you to take control of your life :)

Huggs.


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