Kmber2010

Ok had to post for everyone not just my Aprillers because if I say the devil himself was about today....OMG.....I would be lying.

Before I share will all of you about today here is a quickie update:

1. Drs still didn't have my complete results when I went for my appt Thursday. Pissed both hubby and I off to the point he was flipping out with a Colonel and I was hysterical crying. End result is it looks like less then 2% cancer at this point so we will redo mammo in 3/6 months or so. Do I believe these clowns???? Ummm....no but I gotta move on. We will be stateside in 14 months and I am just gonna hang on till then to do a complete follow through. Kinda screwed here.

2. Hubby is doing better.

3. Nutty friend is still nutty but patched things up to the point we are ok terms but I have blocked and deleted her and will not take her calls. Just leave it that I am busy.

Ok back to day. It was sooooo bad.....I am LMAO!!! I think you might too.

So hubby and I take a tour today on the Rhein River in Germany. A nice relaxing motorcoach and boat ride and cable car and lunch......blah blah. Sightseeing day.

Starts off about booze on the bus. No biggie....I won't buy any. Then we end stoping at a Winery and free samples of ise wein and brandy. OMG....I was in this little shop with booze offered everywhere....are you kidding me. Kinda pushy and EVERYONE on the tour is sampling but I held off.

At that point I got ancy and I was cranky so my attempt at quitting smoking ended sharply by me making a beeline for a gas station to buy a pack. Yeah....smoking is my last addiction/bad thing if you will but man I was shaking in the store.

Then we get on the boat ride and its German beer heaven. Everyone is boozing.....OMG. I was getting really ancy and cranky. Hubby has been boozing at each place and I was annoyed. Mad at myself for being an alcoholic.

Then we do lunch and of course free German beer and wine. I am many hours into a booze soaked trip and I am just a bitch. Yeah....fidgity and cranky. I had no clue this trip was gonna involve booze.

Then it gets better. WINE TASTING????? Yup.....I had so many different wines in front of me to sample and I looked, swirled but did not sip nor drink a bit. OMG....again....I am now laughing up a storm because I am losing it. Wine effing tasting for an alcoholic???? I couldn't leave but through sheer willpower I got through. I had everyone say oh come on...have some....its just a bit. I said no....I can't. I made numerous comments along the lines that this is not conducive to my recovery and my support group will not be happy.

Hubby drank all day long and I am glad for him....He doesn't have a problem and why shouldn't enjoy all the free alcohol. I guess he got angry with me at one point saying that ever since I got sober....I make him feel guilty when he drinks. That I make him feel like he shouldn't drink at all.

I know I shouldn't do that but I guess I do. I don't drink because I have a problem.....a disease. I was literally starting to pace a bit today and was so snippy. I just didn't need an entire 14 hours to somehow have alcohol involved in each part of the trip. Seriously, Germany is all about drinking.

I did survive sober though everyone. I grit my teeth and held firm. I feel like crap though. I am depressed a bit just for knowing what I am, I guess how I make my hubby feel when he drinks around me.

I tell you I was beyond tempted today. Something evil was on this trip....LOLOL....but I had tons of fun and I and the 3 school age kids on the tour were the only ones sober though.....LOL.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

JohnnyRay

My mind is like a magnifying glass, the more I look at something the bigger it gets.

Pretty soon that is all that I see.

NEOMARXIST

Sounds like a mental day. I can't really add anything as my experience/life story is obviously very different to yours.

I guess it must be hard being married and being an alcoholic. Particularly if your husband likes drinking.

All I know is that I would run a mile from a wine-tasting trip. Man that sounds pretty mental. Does your husband know that you're an alcoholic? Does he know what an alcoholic means? Life or death?

Looking forward to beating Germany in the world cup!! They'l need to drink after England have dealt with them!!! hahaha. I'm sure we'll meet, we usually do. Though I haven't checked out the indiviual groups yet. Only Englands obviously. Bring it on!!

An alcohol free world-cup. Who'd have thought it eh? NEOMARXIST perfectly contented to watch the football without getting hammered and singing rowdy football chants with 'the boys' and lobbing a pint of Carlsberg in a plastic cup when we score!! AHHH, Fond memories!! LOL.

Peace x

dkayvins125

Kmber2010 I am glad that you held on to your sobriety. I could not imagine being in predicament(?) like that.
Do let go of your sobriety.
Hope when you get state side that everything turns out okay with the doctors.
Thanks
Dean

artsoul

WHOA! Yeah, I'd be thinking it was a conspiracy or that I had been singled out for "trial by fire" by a not-so-nice diety. I'm so impressed that you got through it and actually laughed in the end (probably at the absurdity of it all). Thanks for the story Kmbr - it made my day!!! (And now when I get a craving, I'll say man, if Kmbr can stay sober on a German Booze Excursion, I can get through today, too)!

Ghostly

Wow Kim...that was actually pretty funny in a sick way. Sorry you had to go through that but that is amazing you stuck with it. Really inspiring actually. Nice job!

Kmber2010

LOL...guys thanks!! Hubby is a sweetie and is one of my biggest supporters but it is a bit difficult and shame on me for not being stronger but at this stage in my sobriety.....I am not 100% comfortable with hubby saying honey you will get through this as he is guzzling a huge beer, then brandy and coffee and then another beer. Yeah.....kinda like do as I say not as I do. Of course, I am the one with the disease not him.

Its just a bit tough. Have to work out some better strategy for dealing with that. I won't give in but I just can't seem to be perfectly ok at this stage with being around boozing. Grrrrrr on me.

least

Good for you for resisting temptation! There will be days like this sometimes, but I think that each time you get thru such a day sober you are stronger for it. Keep on keepin' on!

NEOMARXIST

I think that's perfectly natural. I don't think any recovering alcoholic is going to get much from a wine-tasting trip!! LOL. It kind of defeats the object really. Booze is usueless to a recovering alcoholic. It's not like you can actually taste it!

Keep The Faith.

Kmber2010

At one point even hubby said to me......too bad the SR crew wasn't here. I felt the same way since I really wish there was someone to relate to today. Friends/Family can be wonderfully supportive but until you have battled the inner beast known as alcoholism.....it is hard to understand what a person feels.

I was thinking if I had an iphone or something I could post today for support.

I know no one can get us or keep us sober other then ourselves.....but man.....support support support sees us through these rough patches.

It was so ridiculous that you had to laugh. I just laughed through most of it. I even blurted out that I didn't think the trip today was AA approved....lolol. Yeah, most were too buzzed to notice.

Kmber2010

So true Neo....thats what I thought.....All of these great places but useless for me the alcoholic. I couldn't enjoy wine tasting or the brandy shop. I actually felt uncomfortable.

artsoul

Too bad they didn't have a seperate room where alcoholics could go and smash the empties! Would that be fun!?!

Kmber2010

Yeah Art....that is awesome idea. I should've put that on the comment card.

308win

God almighty, Congrats on making it through that one, I really dont think I could have, ecspecially through the beer part. No I wouldnt say that was a AA aproved event, I would be going through a list of #'s like crazy.

intention

That was a particularly difficult situation you got through. Something you can learn from. I think developing a strategy is a great idea. Perhaps, though, when your anger has calmed down and he is not hungover, like he probably will be tomorrow. He may not be too receptive to you.

Do you have anyone you can talk these things through with face to face or on the phone? It helps to have somewhere to vent the frustration rather than in the direction where it will come back to you and make things worse for you.

At least you are going to be hangover free in the morning

Dee74

I'm sorry Kim - I'm glad you can laugh now but it must have been pretty discomforting at times.

Well done tho - just don't try it too often LOL
D

Reubena

Holy cow, Kim... What a day! Glad you stayed strong. This experience will sure come in handy when tackling future bad days.

yeahgr8

Wow sounds like a truly hellish day, shame you have to be in those situations...i couldnt have handled that in the first 3 months would have told whoever i was with to **** themselves and gone home?!

Is there anyway to avoid these kind of outings for the time being until you get to the point where you are strong enough to make the choice not to have to do them at all?

ozgoddess

OMIGOD Kim...don't ever put yourself through that again!!! LOL

:ghug3

stephnc

What a great story. Glad you got through the day and glad you're able to laugh about it.