I hate this time of night :(
 

I dont want to drink thats the last thing I want to do, it makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.

What I want is to sleep, I lay down try to pray and my mind goes and goes and goes. I try to sleep I get up I wander around, try to read the big book 9again) try to read here, try to stretch, try to breathe, but I cant turn my mind off to the damage I have done to my life and wonder if I am going to be able to fix it.

I know time takes time and this too shall pass and I know will be OK as opposed to last week, right at this time I was drunk, depressed, really thinking it would be better to be dead than alive, eaier at least.

I no longer have those thoughts... thanks to not drinking, AA, and SR... but, now I worry about the fact I was almost there, that I would have left my young daughter alone without a mother for the REST of her life, my husband without a wife, etc etc.

I know thats the past, I need to stay in the present, thats what I am trying to do but at this point it really isnt easy.

Writing that just helped though, I need to stay in the present, breathe, relax and keep doing what I am doing and I will be OK, life will go on, there will be ups and downs, but my family will heal, my daughter will have the mother I always dreamed I had and that I would be, and I will become closer to God and he will show me the way to contentment.

In the meantime this is really hard at the moment...

<3 Dream
:wild

Hang in there and don't drink no matter what.

I had a real ****** day too, I have arthritis in both knees and always counted on alcohol as my pain killer. It did kill the pain - in my knee - but it caused so much other pain it was never worth it. Remember your pain, and you won't drink.

Thanks, wont drink like I said, right now dont even want to, just want to sleep and be content, I need to give myself a break, but its easier said than done...

<3 Dream

Is it raining there too dgillz, or about to like it is here in GA?

I have degenerative disk disease and had my spine fused, and usually when it rains like it is here my arthritis flares like crazy, in my back, hips and knees, usually before the rain.
Is that what your knees do?
I hope you get some relief soon...

<3 Dream

Hi, DC!

I know what you mean. We are all pessimistic sometimes when we are recovering. I am also the one of them. But recently I am very happy to sleep, even I can not sleep straight away. The time during the bed is a comfortable and no worrying anything lately. My future is still no plot at the moment. One day at a time.

Not at the moment, but it is supposed to tomorrow. I think my issue is that I have had the flu for a few days and my arthritis always flares up when I get sick like this - once a year whether I need it or not.

Hey Dream
there are some good sleeping tips here
Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures

Try not to dwell on the what ifs...they didn't happen - or the regrets...whats past is gone...it's hard enough dealing with the what is :)

Hope everyone with pain has a good night regardless.
I'm pushing my chair back and getting out of here to rest my body too :)

D

Yeah, I know the sleeping can be tough and so can friday night. This is what I am listening to right now, relating, recovering & laughing.

http://www.xa-speakers.org/speakers/...z2002cd196.mp3

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Take Care,

NB

Thanks D, I am off to attempt sleep again, Ill check out that link real quick though..what time is it where you are?

Sweet Dreams!

<3 Dream

Its 12:12 here (I am on the Pacific coast). I find watching some tv shows & movies helps as well, in the background at least. Google search "Ninja Video" for a great movie/TV site.

Here is the link to the AA speakers XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Earl H Rules http://www.xa-speakers.org/speakers/...z2002cd196.mp3

It's nearly 6 on a Saturday night Dream
Time for me to clock off :)

Sleep well
D

I feel like you feel very often. I cannot believe what sort of a monster I was turning into. My blood runs cold with the thoughts. It's been two weeks on Monday for me and time is a healer. Things are slowly getting better. I am focusing on the future and the better person that I am becoming. I will prove to myself and my family that I can be trusted. xx

Hi Dream, thinki ng of you, pray GOD will give u healing peace and comfort. (((HUGS)))

My witching hour is 8:00 now. It used to be 5:00 PM on the nose. Not that I even took a drink at 5 PM but my mind would start romancing the thought.
I am on day 30. It gets easier every day. Every night I read BB and am starting to work the steps.
I can't wait to get to the inventory part. I think that is one of the keys to this program.

Good luck to you. Keep on going.

Thanks guys I finally fell asleep about 5AM the last thing I wanted to see was the sun come up having not been drinking. Either way I knew today would be a terrible day if i stayed up all night.
Its sad my witching hour was 11:30 AM HA HA, That's when I started for the last year and 1/2 at least then didn't stop until I passed out. Pretty much on the weekends my withing hour was as early as 8 AM or whenever I woke form the night before. I tried to always leave at least half of 1 tall boy of beer for the am so when I got up and got it out of the fridge my husband though I was getting juice or something and then would go to my closet where I proceeded to slam it and pretend to be hanging up laundry.
When I first start that routine it as fun gave me energy for the day, made me want to plan something w/ my husband and daughter and by the end it was just what I had to to do get out of bed.
I didn't do that today, and pray I have the strength to never do that again, or take another drink for that matter, but I also see its going to be a looongnggg weekend, but i am going to make the best of it and see what happens.
<3 Dream

"witching hour" that's funny!! mine was around 3:00pm...when I was finished work....the first month or two I found that time really hard....so I started going to the gym instead....then started reading again and watching movies.....physical activity i find really helps with sleeping...I still have early morning wake ups (around 2-3am) but it's definetely getting better as the months go by....