New Person
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 40
New Person
Hey yall,
I’m new to this website, (and forum posting in general). I guess this is where my intro rambling goes. I’ve been using drugs since I was about twelve, (I’m twenty-six now). I’ve used different drugs depending on what time frame I was in.
The Good News: After a real rough time of it I was able to clean things up quite a bit two years ago. In the past two years I’ve gotten my GED, started college, divorced my abusive husband and moved into stable housing with my kids. I am a volunteer intern at my University and do pretty well (3.8gpa – who would have ever expected).
The Bad News: I lead a second secret life filled with awful no good things. I’m such a closet case user – nobody that I associate with now would ever expect my secrets. By day I’m a student, activist and parent. By night I’m rolling balls and turning tricks.
I’m seeing a counselor at the moment. I think it is helping – I figured all the extra support the better. I was attending NA meetings but some stupid stuff went down between this guy and me so I haven’t been back. (I’m thinking I need to work on myself and my personal issues with men before I put myself in a super vulnerable situation like that again)
I’m at two days and I know it will only get worse. Even if (when) I fail at least it’s better than being content in defeat. This is one of the first times in my life that I’ve even thought it was possible to be sober. I realize that it’s going to be a process – something that’s been 14 years in the making will be difficult to fix. In any case, I do feel better after writing this – it’s like, “Okay, now my secret is somewhere else.”
Cheers,
Chavo!
I’m new to this website, (and forum posting in general). I guess this is where my intro rambling goes. I’ve been using drugs since I was about twelve, (I’m twenty-six now). I’ve used different drugs depending on what time frame I was in.
The Good News: After a real rough time of it I was able to clean things up quite a bit two years ago. In the past two years I’ve gotten my GED, started college, divorced my abusive husband and moved into stable housing with my kids. I am a volunteer intern at my University and do pretty well (3.8gpa – who would have ever expected).
The Bad News: I lead a second secret life filled with awful no good things. I’m such a closet case user – nobody that I associate with now would ever expect my secrets. By day I’m a student, activist and parent. By night I’m rolling balls and turning tricks.
I’m seeing a counselor at the moment. I think it is helping – I figured all the extra support the better. I was attending NA meetings but some stupid stuff went down between this guy and me so I haven’t been back. (I’m thinking I need to work on myself and my personal issues with men before I put myself in a super vulnerable situation like that again)
I’m at two days and I know it will only get worse. Even if (when) I fail at least it’s better than being content in defeat. This is one of the first times in my life that I’ve even thought it was possible to be sober. I realize that it’s going to be a process – something that’s been 14 years in the making will be difficult to fix. In any case, I do feel better after writing this – it’s like, “Okay, now my secret is somewhere else.”
Cheers,
Chavo!
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Welcome to Sober Recovery. It is not easy, but if you want to stop and be clean and enjoy life MORE THAN you want to use, you can do this!
I used for 17 years. Every day. (Except for my pregnancy's, which I basically slept, eat and went to the Dr.s for 9 months)
One day it just clicked. I am done. I want to be done.
What have you tried? Meetings? Rehab? Coming here is a good thing!
I used for 17 years. Every day. (Except for my pregnancy's, which I basically slept, eat and went to the Dr.s for 9 months)
One day it just clicked. I am done. I want to be done.
What have you tried? Meetings? Rehab? Coming here is a good thing!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family!
There's lots of support and good information here so read and post as you like. Congrats on deciding to live clean and sober. It's a life worth living, for sure.
There's lots of support and good information here so read and post as you like. Congrats on deciding to live clean and sober. It's a life worth living, for sure. Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Chavo)) - welcome to SR!!
You're definitely among friends..SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery!
I abused the heck out of a lot of things, for many years. Managed to hide it pretty darned well, have a good career, nice things, etc. Then I discovered crack and it went downhill fast. I hope you manage to stop things in their track, now, before you reach the point I did.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You're definitely among friends..SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery!
I abused the heck out of a lot of things, for many years. Managed to hide it pretty darned well, have a good career, nice things, etc. Then I discovered crack and it went downhill fast. I hope you manage to stop things in their track, now, before you reach the point I did.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Hi and Welcome!!
I'm 4 months sober, a place I never thought I would be..I led a double life too..upstanding business woman by day...drunk wino at night...who is now facing a DUI charge...life is more mangeable now, as you will find further in your recovery.....I wish you all the best xo
I'm 4 months sober, a place I never thought I would be..I led a double life too..upstanding business woman by day...drunk wino at night...who is now facing a DUI charge...life is more mangeable now, as you will find further in your recovery.....I wish you all the best xo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Seen my self on police video....
yep...and it wasn't pretty..made me sick to my stomach...it turns out the police who pulled me over had a video mounted camera in his car....I went to see my lawyer and he had a copy of it...it gave me chills... because i am so far removed from that "person" now.....I was so upset....but didn't drink!! went to the gym instead..... very stressful time for me right now.....I just want to say I really hate alcohol and this disease!!!!
went to the gym instead..... very stressful time for me right now.....I just want to say I really hate alcohol and this disease!!!!
SORRY!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 40
Thanks for the welcome y'all! 
To SlvrMag -"What have you tried? Meetings? Rehab? Coming here is a good thing!"
I was in rehab as a teenager but nothing recent. I also attended meetings about a year ago but made some stupid decisions with this guy there (I take a lot of responsibility for that situation). I plan on going back to meetings once I can figure exactly where I went wrong and am more aware for next time.
To Coming_Clean - Yea, it's difficult moving away from what has been our normal. Hopefully we'll both have a new 'clean' normal this year I'm writing my days clean on my hand right below my thumb in marker everyday so I have a visual cue when my hands want to do bad things. (also keeps me showering to wash the old number off so the new one can go on)
To Loveon2legs - Yea, it's difficult when you're a good person by day and a very different person by night. I think it makes the secrets and lies that much more dirty and shameful. Ouch, they have the tape of your DUI. . . well at least you can use that to really drill the image in your head. I have a video of my last trip where I smoked heroin and ate a bunch of DXM. It doesn't look good. I really understand you there. I NEVER before thought I looked stupid on drugs - until watching that video.
-Chavo
To SlvrMag -"What have you tried? Meetings? Rehab? Coming here is a good thing!"
I was in rehab as a teenager but nothing recent. I also attended meetings about a year ago but made some stupid decisions with this guy there (I take a lot of responsibility for that situation). I plan on going back to meetings once I can figure exactly where I went wrong and am more aware for next time.
To Coming_Clean - Yea, it's difficult moving away from what has been our normal. Hopefully we'll both have a new 'clean' normal this year
I'm writing my days clean on my hand right below my thumb in marker everyday so I have a visual cue when my hands want to do bad things. (also keeps me showering to wash the old number off so the new one can go on)To Loveon2legs - Yea, it's difficult when you're a good person by day and a very different person by night. I think it makes the secrets and lies that much more dirty and shameful. Ouch, they have the tape of your DUI. . . well at least you can use that to really drill the image in your head. I have a video of my last trip where I smoked heroin and ate a bunch of DXM. It doesn't look good. I really understand you there. I NEVER before thought I looked stupid on drugs - until watching that video.
-Chavo
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