Just to explain my "sobriety" status
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
Just to explain my "sobriety" status
Since I have been quite active on here I want to make sure I let you all know my status w/out feelingg like I am not being totally honest.
I am on day 3 of not drinking today, several weeks off of injecting opiates, but I am still taking a small amount of opiates until I get to my Dr. this week to figure out the fastest and most comfortable way to get off them. If you know about the opiate WD's then you know the hell and I really dont feel like I, well I know if I just try to stop i will be unsuccessful.
Stoppong the "method" (injecting) was easy to stop but just stopping them on a whole is nearly impossible after being on them for almost 2 years since I had my spine fused.
I just wanted to make that clear, b/c I know that doesnt make me 100% sober, which is my goal, but I can not endure the sickness that comes with quitting opiates cold turkey, it is absolute hell on earth, for those that have experienced know, and for those that dont, its pretty clear in movies when you see someone going through Heroin WD's, the sick gross shaking, vomiting, all body parts leaking, your eyes your nose, everything hurts SO bad, youcant be touched, yourt hot then cold, sweats, fecers, chills, no sleeping and when you do nightmares, hallucinations, emotional craziness, crying, TONS of rebound pain (for me to my back where i had my surgery) it feels like someone is hitting it with a sledge hammer, and more, and take all this and multiply it by 100% and thats what the opiate WD's are like for me and everytime I try to stop its worse. I think my body is mad at me for doing this again so its ready to punsih and your body just wants that drug SO badly.
But thats my "sober" status" I didnt feel I was bieng totally honest. Although i am counting the days on alcohol right now, which is still a success for me b/c there was a MAJOR problem there, if not the worst, but I am not sober b/c of the opiates.
I hope you all understand and I am sure you do. I have gotten some great suggestions yesterday on how I can possibly medically detox in my area for free, which I need right now, which I am going to check out right now.
Otherwise if anyone has any suggestions on how they got off opiates for good and mainly got through the WD's I would love to hear it.
Thanks and Good Morning!
<3 Dream
I am on day 3 of not drinking today, several weeks off of injecting opiates, but I am still taking a small amount of opiates until I get to my Dr. this week to figure out the fastest and most comfortable way to get off them. If you know about the opiate WD's then you know the hell and I really dont feel like I, well I know if I just try to stop i will be unsuccessful.
Stoppong the "method" (injecting) was easy to stop but just stopping them on a whole is nearly impossible after being on them for almost 2 years since I had my spine fused.
I just wanted to make that clear, b/c I know that doesnt make me 100% sober, which is my goal, but I can not endure the sickness that comes with quitting opiates cold turkey, it is absolute hell on earth, for those that have experienced know, and for those that dont, its pretty clear in movies when you see someone going through Heroin WD's, the sick gross shaking, vomiting, all body parts leaking, your eyes your nose, everything hurts SO bad, youcant be touched, yourt hot then cold, sweats, fecers, chills, no sleeping and when you do nightmares, hallucinations, emotional craziness, crying, TONS of rebound pain (for me to my back where i had my surgery) it feels like someone is hitting it with a sledge hammer, and more, and take all this and multiply it by 100% and thats what the opiate WD's are like for me and everytime I try to stop its worse. I think my body is mad at me for doing this again so its ready to punsih and your body just wants that drug SO badly.
But thats my "sober" status" I didnt feel I was bieng totally honest. Although i am counting the days on alcohol right now, which is still a success for me b/c there was a MAJOR problem there, if not the worst, but I am not sober b/c of the opiates.
I hope you all understand and I am sure you do. I have gotten some great suggestions yesterday on how I can possibly medically detox in my area for free, which I need right now, which I am going to check out right now.
Otherwise if anyone has any suggestions on how they got off opiates for good and mainly got through the WD's I would love to hear it.
Thanks and Good Morning!
<3 Dream
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
i've been through opiate withdrawal countless times. the last time, i did it cold turkey and while it was horrible, i haven't used in six months. i used to try to taper off or take methadone but would eventually just abuse those things and go right bacfk to where i was. For me, the pain of that last dope sickness is burned into my brain as a reminder of where i don't want to ever go again. But that's just me....
What opiates are you taking? I think you mentioned OC before. Are you snorting it still? Or chewing it? Perhaps just swallowing the pills with the time release would help, as it would diminish the rush and high but still give you the opiate to avoid dope sickness. But my experience has been that eventually i was going to have to go through some pain, even if i was coming off methadone or suboxone or whatever. I found that going through that pain, on the other side was where the real change and peace began to become available. That's obvious i guess.
Thanks for being honest about your status. You didn't have to tell us, this is a message board afterall and we're strangers of sorts, and your personal honesty is critical and will serve you well.
Keep it up and i look forward to eharing of your life once it's 100% drug free. It gets better, believe me. Up until december of 09 i was snorting 4-500mg of OC a day. I haven't used anything, including alcohol in nearly six months. You can do it!
What opiates are you taking? I think you mentioned OC before. Are you snorting it still? Or chewing it? Perhaps just swallowing the pills with the time release would help, as it would diminish the rush and high but still give you the opiate to avoid dope sickness. But my experience has been that eventually i was going to have to go through some pain, even if i was coming off methadone or suboxone or whatever. I found that going through that pain, on the other side was where the real change and peace began to become available. That's obvious i guess.
Thanks for being honest about your status. You didn't have to tell us, this is a message board afterall and we're strangers of sorts, and your personal honesty is critical and will serve you well.
Keep it up and i look forward to eharing of your life once it's 100% drug free. It gets better, believe me. Up until december of 09 i was snorting 4-500mg of OC a day. I haven't used anything, including alcohol in nearly six months. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi there
Look forward to hearing what the doc says, you'll let us know yes?
Staying off the booze is a great stuff and well done on the 3 days:-)
Looking at your join date this has been going on for a while now, its definitely time to keep getting outside face to face help and its worth remembering that ALL the time...I've got reeally good friends that go to both NA and AA, some longer members float between the two...its all about getting help for you at the moment, which is why IMO it is called a selfish program...not because we are a bunch of self seeking asses but because you will not be able to help anyone, least of all yourself, until you recover...so do what you need to do and concentrate on getting help for you!
Look forward to hearing what the doc says, you'll let us know yes?
Staying off the booze is a great stuff and well done on the 3 days:-)
Looking at your join date this has been going on for a while now, its definitely time to keep getting outside face to face help and its worth remembering that ALL the time...I've got reeally good friends that go to both NA and AA, some longer members float between the two...its all about getting help for you at the moment, which is why IMO it is called a selfish program...not because we are a bunch of self seeking asses but because you will not be able to help anyone, least of all yourself, until you recover...so do what you need to do and concentrate on getting help for you!
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
Hey guys,
Thanks a lot I am leaving for a meeting in a few minutes but I have been snorting (when I have them 2 weeks out of the month or maybe 1 up to 500 mg's a day or OC or roxie, whatever I have. I was shooting up the same of roxies until about a month ago and will NEVER do that again but it did cross my mind this morning but I WONT do it. Luckily if I do my husband has finally (alhtough he has issues with same but NEVER crossed that line w/ the needle luckily he is a major needle phobe and would NEVER do it) but he saw the crazed junkie I was becomming and put his foot down on that, b/c usually he wont b.c he knows he is doing the same thing but on this one he is (finally after about a year of doing that on and off after his brother moved in with us for a short while and introduced me to that) as I am legitimately prescribed it due to my back surgery. But of course I do it to get high not just for the pain, b.c I actually still have the pain when high, I know the only thing going to help my back pain is going to be exercise.
It has been a year of, i am sure you guys knkow a couple weeks on a couple weeks of hell but lately I have also gotten a large script of methadone I don when out of the oc's. I know thats bad.
I am going to see that Dr this week and try the sub again. I tried it before but wasnt as commited to recovery as I am now. I know that sounds confusing considering I am still using the OC but the drinking is what lead me to always craving the needle and then doing a lot of stupid things, like quitting my REALLY great job that I worked 15 10 years to get promoted to. I had supplies and was supposed to work 2 12 hour shifts in a row and that would have prevented me from shooting so i just didnt go back and I was hung over as well.
Right now I just got my script a couple days ago, and promise myself I am using it to taper down but I never do. The last couple days I tell myself Ill just "get high: 1 more time, then Ill get on my taper program, and I hgavent yet. Today I have had only the smallest amount probably 60 mg. b/c I am going to AA and I dont want to go there high so just enough not to get sick. I am hoping when I come home I feel strong enough to take enough to not get sick and do something I have NEVER done TAKE it not snort it.
It feels really scary writing this on a public board, but I would have had to OM the last 3 of you that responded and I dont have time so I can only pray if this is read by the wrong person they understand I am really really really trying to get off everything but I have no idea how to get off the opiates b/c of the hell of the WD's I dont know if its b.c I am female but my husband handles them very well and I go crazy, especially my temper, break things etc. and that is so out of character for me.
I reall wish I could at least have 3 days in a detox center but the only way i know how to go for free are by going in the 72 hour hold way and thats not good either.
I guess i will try the sub, come clean w/ my Dr. and keep going to AA and praying.
Let me know what you guys think and Ill be home after the meeting, very nervous, but im going, noting is stopping me.
<3 Dream
Thanks a lot I am leaving for a meeting in a few minutes but I have been snorting (when I have them 2 weeks out of the month or maybe 1 up to 500 mg's a day or OC or roxie, whatever I have. I was shooting up the same of roxies until about a month ago and will NEVER do that again but it did cross my mind this morning but I WONT do it. Luckily if I do my husband has finally (alhtough he has issues with same but NEVER crossed that line w/ the needle luckily he is a major needle phobe and would NEVER do it) but he saw the crazed junkie I was becomming and put his foot down on that, b/c usually he wont b.c he knows he is doing the same thing but on this one he is (finally after about a year of doing that on and off after his brother moved in with us for a short while and introduced me to that) as I am legitimately prescribed it due to my back surgery. But of course I do it to get high not just for the pain, b.c I actually still have the pain when high, I know the only thing going to help my back pain is going to be exercise.
It has been a year of, i am sure you guys knkow a couple weeks on a couple weeks of hell but lately I have also gotten a large script of methadone I don when out of the oc's. I know thats bad.
I am going to see that Dr this week and try the sub again. I tried it before but wasnt as commited to recovery as I am now. I know that sounds confusing considering I am still using the OC but the drinking is what lead me to always craving the needle and then doing a lot of stupid things, like quitting my REALLY great job that I worked 15 10 years to get promoted to. I had supplies and was supposed to work 2 12 hour shifts in a row and that would have prevented me from shooting so i just didnt go back and I was hung over as well.
Right now I just got my script a couple days ago, and promise myself I am using it to taper down but I never do. The last couple days I tell myself Ill just "get high: 1 more time, then Ill get on my taper program, and I hgavent yet. Today I have had only the smallest amount probably 60 mg. b/c I am going to AA and I dont want to go there high so just enough not to get sick. I am hoping when I come home I feel strong enough to take enough to not get sick and do something I have NEVER done TAKE it not snort it.
It feels really scary writing this on a public board, but I would have had to OM the last 3 of you that responded and I dont have time so I can only pray if this is read by the wrong person they understand I am really really really trying to get off everything but I have no idea how to get off the opiates b/c of the hell of the WD's I dont know if its b.c I am female but my husband handles them very well and I go crazy, especially my temper, break things etc. and that is so out of character for me.
I reall wish I could at least have 3 days in a detox center but the only way i know how to go for free are by going in the 72 hour hold way and thats not good either.
I guess i will try the sub, come clean w/ my Dr. and keep going to AA and praying.
Let me know what you guys think and Ill be home after the meeting, very nervous, but im going, noting is stopping me.
<3 Dream
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
My chronic knee and hip pain and hip replacement surgery allowed me to justify my "prescription" opiate abuse. For years. But it was all a grotesque charade. My prescription didn't indicate that i was to crush and snort the pills at an hourly rate commensurate to a half days recommendation. My prescription didn't give me license to obtain the pills illegally once i blew through my script in 10 days or less. Didn't give me license to obtain scripts from several different doctors, as well as an online pharmacy.
When i finally talked to my doctor, and told her the complete truth about what i was doing, well that was that. No more narcotics for me. And thank goodness. I had used her as a drug dealer and thankfully had the sense to finally come clean.
Withdrawals are awful. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But at some point the drugs have got to be put down. Your post is eerily reminiscent of the same insanity i was in when i tried to bargain and weasle and find the easy path to recovery. It didn't work! I kept abusing the drugs just like you are! I'd talk to my doctor about some sort of detox. What's the problem with the 72 hour thing you mentioned?
Sure, anything is possible and i simply want you to get clean by whatever means, but i've never seen someone get clean using your current methods. As i long as i continued to put opiates into my system like you're doing it continued to fuel my obsession to use and compulsive using. People like us can't taper unless under medical supervision. If i had a dollar for ever time i'd said I'll get high "just once more, then taper.." well i'd own this website.
I wish you all the best. You can do this thing, but i think you know it's time to try something different.
When i finally talked to my doctor, and told her the complete truth about what i was doing, well that was that. No more narcotics for me. And thank goodness. I had used her as a drug dealer and thankfully had the sense to finally come clean.
Withdrawals are awful. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But at some point the drugs have got to be put down. Your post is eerily reminiscent of the same insanity i was in when i tried to bargain and weasle and find the easy path to recovery. It didn't work! I kept abusing the drugs just like you are! I'd talk to my doctor about some sort of detox. What's the problem with the 72 hour thing you mentioned?
Sure, anything is possible and i simply want you to get clean by whatever means, but i've never seen someone get clean using your current methods. As i long as i continued to put opiates into my system like you're doing it continued to fuel my obsession to use and compulsive using. People like us can't taper unless under medical supervision. If i had a dollar for ever time i'd said I'll get high "just once more, then taper.." well i'd own this website.
I wish you all the best. You can do this thing, but i think you know it's time to try something different.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
As far as AA/NA, the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop so i would encourage you to keep coming back. Every day, more than once a day if possible. The support is amazing and the steps change you as a person.
Good luck with your doctor. I cannot stress how important it was for me to be 100% honest with my doctor about what/how/how much/how often i was doing opiates and everything else. 100% honest. Not only did it allow for a realistic treatment plan it was an incredible sense of relief and helps with future protection as it's in my file that i'm an addict and can no longer get a quick script for whatever little bs issue i have.
Good luck with your doctor. I cannot stress how important it was for me to be 100% honest with my doctor about what/how/how much/how often i was doing opiates and everything else. 100% honest. Not only did it allow for a realistic treatment plan it was an incredible sense of relief and helps with future protection as it's in my file that i'm an addict and can no longer get a quick script for whatever little bs issue i have.
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
Thanks August,
Well yes are stories are basically exactly the same, and I just started trying to do all of this and I am in no way trying to justify my opiate use I know what I am doing and I think I am taking the right steps as far as I know how right now to do so.
Such as going to AA, praying and using this site. As far as AA I had never been before just NA several years ago, the praying has not been for a good 15 years (except for when I am praying for the WD's to stop HAHA Im not tryingto be really funny but I am sure you can relate is what I mean) So all of these things are something different for me. When I went to NA before I didnt get a sponser, I didnt pray and thats why I only got 30 days a few times and besides that I was sober my entire pregnancy 3 and 1/2 years ago and loved every second of it. But at that time I had never taken a pain pill before recreationally. It was the percs they gave me right after my delivery (not blaming anyone I didnt have any pain, I took them knowing I hadnt done anyhting in almost a year and I would be high like I was from the versed they gave me in the delivery room) and from there I have been off, sad my daughters entire life
I always promised I would never let her see what I saw growing up, and that is why I am trying to break the cycle now.
When I mention the 72 hour thing I believe the only way to go that route is to say your suicidal or you want to harm someone else. I guess I am suicidal, indirectly, but I wouold never do that on purpose and I am jusr scared in the profession I am in it would be ruined if someone was to find out I had been commited for suicidal thoughts.
Someone OM's me yesterday about a way here in my area to get into detox for basically free then payments, but I didnt get it until late last night and just got back from another GREAT meeting (that is consistantly same time place mon wed fri) so until i am back at work I will be there, so I am going to read that PM now and see what they said and hopefully my detox answers will be there.
I appreciate your candor, honestly, having a good friend tha I dont know if they will ever be a friend b/c of my antics, told me to get help, so i have started the process, but he was very frank with me, and my husband, and I was immediately mad at him for not talking to me first (b/c he went to my husband to tell him what Ive been doing although he used to do it with me but this IS about me) but I obviously now forgvie him b.c he damn well may have saved my life.
This is why I wanted to be honest about the opiate use even though I am counting my alcohol free days, b/c I needed this type of feedback and aq little tough love and honesty and I appreciate you for that b/c I have to admit to myself thios "taper" plan is nott going to work out for me, I just dont know what to do b/c I am so scared of the WD's CT again, but if I keep going this way that is exactly what is going to happen b/c I will run out like usual and get sick, have to buy them for street price instead of paying my mortgage and probably going to lose my house like I am about to anyway for quitting my job b/c I am a junkie and allcoholic.
OK I am quite scared now, I can do this, I just have to figure out how, I REALLY do want to be SOBER and your right although Ive only been at it a few days Im not doing it right. I already promiosed myself 3 days ago ws the last timee I would snort them, then I was going to taper and its 3 days later of sitting in AA meetings high.
But this is why I was honest b/c I needed more help than I could provide for myself.
You did it, I can too, thank you...I dont mind if you want to keep asking for updates, I dont have a lot of or really any family b/c of their own addictions so I really dont have anyone to kick me in the a@$ and call me out on my shi#% like you did and I appreciate it.
Thank you,
<3 Dream
Well yes are stories are basically exactly the same, and I just started trying to do all of this and I am in no way trying to justify my opiate use I know what I am doing and I think I am taking the right steps as far as I know how right now to do so.
Such as going to AA, praying and using this site. As far as AA I had never been before just NA several years ago, the praying has not been for a good 15 years (except for when I am praying for the WD's to stop HAHA Im not tryingto be really funny but I am sure you can relate is what I mean) So all of these things are something different for me. When I went to NA before I didnt get a sponser, I didnt pray and thats why I only got 30 days a few times and besides that I was sober my entire pregnancy 3 and 1/2 years ago and loved every second of it. But at that time I had never taken a pain pill before recreationally. It was the percs they gave me right after my delivery (not blaming anyone I didnt have any pain, I took them knowing I hadnt done anyhting in almost a year and I would be high like I was from the versed they gave me in the delivery room) and from there I have been off, sad my daughters entire life
I always promised I would never let her see what I saw growing up, and that is why I am trying to break the cycle now.When I mention the 72 hour thing I believe the only way to go that route is to say your suicidal or you want to harm someone else. I guess I am suicidal, indirectly, but I wouold never do that on purpose and I am jusr scared in the profession I am in it would be ruined if someone was to find out I had been commited for suicidal thoughts.
Someone OM's me yesterday about a way here in my area to get into detox for basically free then payments, but I didnt get it until late last night and just got back from another GREAT meeting (that is consistantly same time place mon wed fri) so until i am back at work I will be there, so I am going to read that PM now and see what they said and hopefully my detox answers will be there.
I appreciate your candor, honestly, having a good friend tha I dont know if they will ever be a friend b/c of my antics, told me to get help, so i have started the process, but he was very frank with me, and my husband, and I was immediately mad at him for not talking to me first (b/c he went to my husband to tell him what Ive been doing although he used to do it with me but this IS about me) but I obviously now forgvie him b.c he damn well may have saved my life.
This is why I wanted to be honest about the opiate use even though I am counting my alcohol free days, b/c I needed this type of feedback and aq little tough love and honesty and I appreciate you for that b/c I have to admit to myself thios "taper" plan is nott going to work out for me, I just dont know what to do b/c I am so scared of the WD's CT again, but if I keep going this way that is exactly what is going to happen b/c I will run out like usual and get sick, have to buy them for street price instead of paying my mortgage and probably going to lose my house like I am about to anyway for quitting my job b/c I am a junkie and allcoholic.
OK I am quite scared now, I can do this, I just have to figure out how, I REALLY do want to be SOBER and your right although Ive only been at it a few days Im not doing it right. I already promiosed myself 3 days ago ws the last timee I would snort them, then I was going to taper and its 3 days later of sitting in AA meetings high.
But this is why I was honest b/c I needed more help than I could provide for myself.
You did it, I can too, thank you...I dont mind if you want to keep asking for updates, I dont have a lot of or really any family b/c of their own addictions so I really dont have anyone to kick me in the a@$ and call me out on my shi#% like you did and I appreciate it.
Thank you,
<3 Dream
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
Dream,
I'm pulling for you and will definitely kick you in the ass if your posts warrant such a response in the future. My friends in recovery don't pull any punches, and why would they? This is serious business and the truth must be told. I'm of the opinion that the worst thing you can do for someone you care about is to co-sign their ********.
Honesty is critical to recovery. Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. You've already gotten valuable information by just being honest about your opiate use. Keep being hoest with yourself and others!
Do you have a sponsor? If not, get one pronto. Do a 90 in 90 and get a homegroup. Get a job in the homegroup. Make coffee, greeter, whatever. Get at elast one phone number at every meeting you attend, and dial them don't file them. You're gonna need a network of recovering friends on this journey. The day will come when that phonecall to someone will be the very thing that stands between you and drinking/using drugs.
Most importantly, start working on the steps with your sponsor. Other things that i started doing from the beginning that i still do daily to support my recovery are exercise, good nutrition(no crappy food!), prayer, meditation, making a list of activities daily and actually doing them! Making a gratitude list. Finding a reason to laugh at least once a day, even if it's at the absurdity of my life and my addiction. All these have been huge for me. Meditation prolly at the top of the list.
Please keep us posted on your recovery. We're pulling for you!
I'm pulling for you and will definitely kick you in the ass if your posts warrant such a response in the future. My friends in recovery don't pull any punches, and why would they? This is serious business and the truth must be told. I'm of the opinion that the worst thing you can do for someone you care about is to co-sign their ********.
Honesty is critical to recovery. Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. You've already gotten valuable information by just being honest about your opiate use. Keep being hoest with yourself and others!
Do you have a sponsor? If not, get one pronto. Do a 90 in 90 and get a homegroup. Get a job in the homegroup. Make coffee, greeter, whatever. Get at elast one phone number at every meeting you attend, and dial them don't file them. You're gonna need a network of recovering friends on this journey. The day will come when that phonecall to someone will be the very thing that stands between you and drinking/using drugs.
Most importantly, start working on the steps with your sponsor. Other things that i started doing from the beginning that i still do daily to support my recovery are exercise, good nutrition(no crappy food!), prayer, meditation, making a list of activities daily and actually doing them! Making a gratitude list. Finding a reason to laugh at least once a day, even if it's at the absurdity of my life and my addiction. All these have been huge for me. Meditation prolly at the top of the list.
Please keep us posted on your recovery. We're pulling for you!
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
I just started meeting on Monday, I met a bunch of woman then and today was my second meeting, and there were only 3 woman there, but I am going to a meeting tonight and an all womans meeting tomorrow night that woman from both Mondays meeting and todays told me is wonderful so I am hoping to find a sponser between one of those 2 meetings.
I really really really want one and want to start the steps asap, and I am getting #'s and called someone yesterday and will call someone today too becasue I am going to call at least one person a day no matter what b/c that is what was suggested. I will take all of your suggestions and between my 2 whole meetings I have taken all of the suggestions so far. I have my big book with my schedule and all my #'s in it that I am going to carry with me, that was suggested so i am doing that.
I started exercising yesterday, walked my dog for the first time since I have had him (poor thing about 6 months) and did all of the stretching my Dr told me to do on Monday so I really am doing everything recommended by everyone in AA and my Dr since I made this commitment on Monday.
I guess I just finished my last double scoop of ice cream waffle cone w/ rainbow sprinkles I know I am craving those extra calories I dont have from the alcohol anymore so my stomach is constantly eating itself and I am sooo hungry but luckily other than somewhat decent "bad food" like ice cream I dont eat fast food and have natuarally always been thin and eat healthy, the main thing now is eating more though, b.c I didnt eat much when drinking, of course, and Im not super thin but luckily I just prefer vegies and have never been a big meat eater, but I could still do better.
I really need the to do list, right now I am so anxious I have things I want to do but I feel like I am wandeing around my house all day getting nothing accomplished, I am reading my big book, and of course a lot of SR.
I am working on 90 in 90 and so far so good, and I think i know what group i want to be my homegroup if I dont find one I like better by next mon night b/c that one was truly amazing!
I know how important honesty is, thats why I posted this, i have felt like I wahiding something by counting day but not letting SR know I was counting alcohol free days but i was still dealing with th opiates, I want to be honest with everything in my life right now and I am sure you remember by the end of your days how you were so tiesd up in a web of secrecy and lies and lies and lies, and my specialty the manipuolation, so honesty is the most important thing to me right now especially b.c I have to repair my marriage and relationship w/ my daughter for several specific issues but also just for being "checked out" for as long as I was. I became a totally different person and I hate her, my husband says he wants me back an dI was afraid I had changed so much through this that maybe thats not who I wanted to be or I had just gotten older and the old me was gone, but i KNOW that was me trying to take the easy way out so I could use and not care. I love who I used to be and I want her back too.
Thanks so much man, I really appreciate it!
<3 Dream
I really really really want one and want to start the steps asap, and I am getting #'s and called someone yesterday and will call someone today too becasue I am going to call at least one person a day no matter what b/c that is what was suggested. I will take all of your suggestions and between my 2 whole meetings I have taken all of the suggestions so far. I have my big book with my schedule and all my #'s in it that I am going to carry with me, that was suggested so i am doing that.
I started exercising yesterday, walked my dog for the first time since I have had him (poor thing about 6 months) and did all of the stretching my Dr told me to do on Monday so I really am doing everything recommended by everyone in AA and my Dr since I made this commitment on Monday.
I guess I just finished my last double scoop of ice cream waffle cone w/ rainbow sprinkles
I know I am craving those extra calories I dont have from the alcohol anymore so my stomach is constantly eating itself and I am sooo hungry but luckily other than somewhat decent "bad food" like ice cream I dont eat fast food and have natuarally always been thin and eat healthy, the main thing now is eating more though, b.c I didnt eat much when drinking, of course, and Im not super thin but luckily I just prefer vegies and have never been a big meat eater, but I could still do better.I really need the to do list, right now I am so anxious I have things I want to do but I feel like I am wandeing around my house all day getting nothing accomplished, I am reading my big book, and of course a lot of SR.
I am working on 90 in 90 and so far so good, and I think i know what group i want to be my homegroup if I dont find one I like better by next mon night b/c that one was truly amazing!
I know how important honesty is, thats why I posted this, i have felt like I wahiding something by counting day but not letting SR know I was counting alcohol free days but i was still dealing with th opiates, I want to be honest with everything in my life right now and I am sure you remember by the end of your days how you were so tiesd up in a web of secrecy and lies and lies and lies, and my specialty the manipuolation, so honesty is the most important thing to me right now especially b.c I have to repair my marriage and relationship w/ my daughter for several specific issues but also just for being "checked out" for as long as I was. I became a totally different person and I hate her, my husband says he wants me back an dI was afraid I had changed so much through this that maybe thats not who I wanted to be or I had just gotten older and the old me was gone, but i KNOW that was me trying to take the easy way out so I could use and not care. I love who I used to be and I want her back too.
Thanks so much man, I really appreciate it!
<3 Dream
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