Starting over again
 

Starting over again today. Just got to make it though today.

Me too. It's so.o.o.o hard. Good Luck!!

What support do you have in your recovery? Might wanna amp it up a bit..

One day/hour/moment at a time, and it starts to get better after three or four days. (There's a whole thread on what it's like to quit.) (In case you forgot.)

Oh, and going to meetings really helps. I can't explain it, but it does.

I wish I could be addicted to sobriety. Meetings are fine, but for me they just occupy the time. I don't seem to be as inspired by them as many do, wish I could be. Just have to focus and do it. I don't have much support, I am a closet drinker.

Me too..
 

I was also a closet drinker in the sense that I frequently drank in front of other people (mainly my partner) but despite how much I was drinking (at least a bottle of wine, sometimes more every night) not once did he ever question my drinking, and I have never openly said am an alcoholic.
Trying to hide from him how ill I felt every day was difficult but somehow I managed it.
I am on day 5 without a drink and am not attending any support group. Reading the threads here have really helped me to understand that I am not the only one who is and has felt this way. More importantly it shows that being sober can be achieved as there are so many brave members of this forum who have done just that. I am praying that I will continue not to drink so that I can start to feel and look normal again. I have found today quite hard but I am determined. The key is to keep busy and not have ANY DRINK in the house. Good luck and dont drink!!! Just for today :-)

I know I can do it. Like most people here, I have "quit" dozens of times. I have also done it enough to know that the 1st 4 days are not really the hard part. I used to tell myself that if I could just get through 4 days, then I would be fine since I hate my drinking and know that it makes me feel terrible. Now I know that it is the rest of my life that is the hard part. At least it feels great to not have a hangover!

One thing that makes me laugh about myself is that I have friends that think I don't drink (since I am a closet drinker)

It is great that you see your pattern. Relasping is like banging your head against the wall and saying "ouch" and doing it again. You are obviously in the pattern and you see that you feel good without that dull hangover feeling.
I have some observations about this particular page so bear with me. There seem to be a lot of folks drinking and quitting, & drinking and quitting.
That might be the best thing for you to see day after day in your first part of recovery.
At least that is my thought.
I know that you can do this.

Only the once...
 

I have been drinking heavily for 6 years and have only ever stopped once. That was 4 years ago and I stopped for 3 months. Told myself I was ok to drink again and you guessed it..... I wasnt. I have not been for a day without a drink since. I even drank when I wasnt well. Nothing stopped me. And then all of a sudden I had enough. Got sick and tired of being sick and tired. My eyes went really dull over night and the fear of what this might mean had me running to the doctors for bloods. He said I didt have jaundice but my MCV levels were high and my B12 was low. Drank heavily for a couple of months after finding this out. I got fed up being scared and anxious all the time. I got fed up of looking at other people around me and envying them for not being an alcoholic.
I wish everyone trying to beat this the best of luck - we all need it as it is far from easy.

I drink a 1/2 gallon of vodka every 2 days (or used to, I should say).

I feel like such a joke of a person. I am living such a lie! There is a medicine called a GI cocktail which is a mixture of medicines that help acid/stomach ache (which I always have in the am). I noticed that when I take it, it also makes my headache go away. I went around telling everyone how great it is for a headache. Everyone kept telling me that they tried it and it didnt help their headache. Then the other day I was looking at the label and noticed it has alcohol in it and it dawned on me that I was not having hangovers like I thought--I was withdrawing in the morning and the GI cocktail was making me stop withdrawing!

Better throw that stuff away while you're at it. (Just the name is bad enough.)

I had them make it without the alcohol--but I am pretty sure if I don't drink my "stomach" problem and my "migraines" will go away.

Hi Folks -

As Smacked said, we all got a lot better once we focused on a program of recovery.

From my experience, we have to un-learn self-will. We have to realize that we can't solve this ourselves and that we need to DO rather than THINK.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but a program of recovery gives you the tools to live life. Your problem isn't the alcohol, you are just using alcohol to escape from your problem(s). When I got the tools to live a generally happy life, I no longer needed the alcohol to medicate myself.

These tools - for me at least - were learned through a program of recovery. SR is great and a wonderful compliment, but for me, it wasn't enough.

Life can be so wonderful -- but you can't do it alone.

That is the frustrating problem for me--I don't have any real problems, except alcohol. I have a great life, I am very successful and well respected, I have a great family that loves me, I am a wealthy self made man, I have managed to avoid legal issues (DUI) but I cannot seem to get rid of the alcohol. I guess that makes me a "functional" alcoholic.

I know it is going to make me feel terrible when I drink. I know I am going to wake up hung over (and tell everyone I have a "migraine"), I know I am not going to feel well until about 2 pm, yet at 5 pm, Ill start again. I dont even get drunk anymore--so it does not even feel good while I am drinking.

JSM --

That is what I thought too. I was similar to you in that I hadn't had all the "problems" such as DUIs, lost homes, lost families, etc. And so, I didn't stop drinking.

But, when I finally hit my bottom and got into a program of recovery, that is where I learned that I really did have problems. Because I was self-medicating with alcohol, I wasn't growing anymore. I was stagnating in my life and not developing as a human being.

Keep in mind that the phase of drinking where the "alcohol doesn't even do it for us anymore" - is a late stage of alcoholism. It just goes down fast from there. Remember: No problems YET.

Please keep reading SR. I won't be able to convince you, as only you can do that for yourself. You can avoid the pain of what comes next; but you have to want it for yourself.

Keep going, NewMe, I don't know--what is next?

JSM - No one knows for sure. Some people can drink alcoholically for many years, others have liver failure and die suddenly.

In the late stages of alcoholism, the alcohol stops working for most people. Then, they end up dead, in jail, or worse.

My point is that while this is really hard, with support, you can do this.

I highly recommend going to AA and actively working a program of recovery. Read SR, work with other alcoholics, get a sponsor.

I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, so just read SR -- it will give you the best examples. There are a lot of stories of people in the late stages of alcoholism here.

You can avoid all these problems by doing something that is simple in theory but hard in practice.

When you are ready, you will be ready. I wish you the best.

You can do it! Keep posting and hit the chat room if that helps.