Dee74

Hi JSM

I remember so well being in your position - I'd quit, then feel better, and drink again...noone really knew I had a problem cos all my mates drank...and I did the really 'serious' drinking alone....and so on and on it went for years and years, not getting better but getting worse and worse...

for me, I wanted to stop being a drunk but I didn't really want to change any other aspects of my life - everything else was ok, it was just that pesky drink....

I wanted to be like a lot of my friends who drank and seemed to suffer no ill effects...and who could take it or leave it.

The fact was I wasn't like them and my life wasn't fine 'but for the drinking'...and I wasn't functional at all....in the end I was drinking all the waking hours God gave me.

I nearly died....and sadly, it took that for me to take action. Be smarter than me.
You have all these stories here, all this collective experience...

Whatever you decide to do - whether it's go back to AA and try getting a sponsor, try another recovery programme, counselling, inpatient or outpatient rehab - do it soon jsm.

In my opinion just wishing things will get better, or hoping you'll somehow manage it this time by doing the same things you did last time, doesn't really cut it for guys like us, jsm.

D

betterlate

Last Friday, thoughts of cold beer kept entering my mind. So I attended a meeting and a couple of people there told stories of having seizures and collapsing from drinking, ending up in the hospital for some time, having to use walkers to get around at first...even though I can't say I ever got "that bad", I was probably headed that way.

Hearing their stories definitely bolstered my desire to stay away from alcohol. That's what I get from meetings...other folks perspectives on their alcoholic experiences. Very helpful for keeping me sober.

coffeenut

Welcome to SR. Keep reading and posting!

lauraandersen4

Congratulations on your decision JSM. So many times I started over just to last 3 weeks or a month and end up going back to it in full form... enough to make me sick and my head feel unclear and foggy for 3 days or more.

When I started to have suicidal thoughts during and after these bouts, I realized I'm not helping myself.

I wish you success and personal growth as much as I wish it for myself.

Sunny1942

Good 4 u JSM. Our stories are similar. I can only tell you that when I decided to stop I just knew it. I had a moment of clarity when I realized that I could think back 10 years and not remember 1 day when I hadn't had a drink or woken up totally fogged or ashamed that I had violated my own pledge not to stop the day before.

Getting to a meeting was the first smart thing I did. And then going back again and again. Sounds like a cliche but in my case it did and does work. It started with I HAD to go to a meeting and became I GET to go to a meeting. Lots of them, often. I can't explain it. But when I don't, I feel I'm missing out.

The other thing that worked for me is that I got a Big Book and read it like a novel, cover to cover. That way I thought I couldn't just dismiss it out of hand. That worked as well. Since, I find a tremendous amount of helpful information, stories, and truth that applies to me.

Getting a sponsor and working a program can be of great benefit to most, but in my experience might take awhile to make sense. Meeting others who have helped me tremendously.

I've read this over and it must sound really trite to a newcomer. Obviously, I didn't get any of the principles for my 32 years of using and abusing alcohol or I wouldn't have done it.

Dream2bClean

Good Luck we can do this if we stay close to this site and the other tools you decide to use for your recovery. God, AA, NA, whatever you need grab onto it tight and dont let go.
<3 Dream

jsm

thank you all for the supportive thoughts. Keep them coming, they are really helpful.

jsm

Today is hard for me because I am off on Wednesday and this is typically (along with Sat and Sunday) the days when I used to hit it the hardest. I am going to make it though! (with some help from all of you)

artsoul

hi jsm - I practically lived here for the first two weeks. I have to remind myself every day right now that I am an alcoholic and can't control my drinking. Coming here, reading and posting, makes me feel safe and motivated and helps so much with the cravings.

I know it's hard when we have idle time. We're so used to having an easy out for everything. But rather than making things easier to deal with, addiction robs us of our inner strength and takes away any chance at a good life. Just get through today and think about how good it will feel to wake up in the morning and say that you did it!

jsm

I did not make it. I did manage to limit myself to only a few, but failed none the less. Trying again today. Thursday is usually my best day.

NewMe11109

JSM - Don't beat yourself up. You just learned something that doesn't work.

Please don't try to do this alone. Try AA or another recovery group.

Reach out to people on SR ... PM them and they will be glad to give you their numbers to talk.

spudida

JSM: No matter how many times you "Start Again" it's important that you don't stop your commitment to try again...and keep talking....everyone here wants you to succeed. Remember, is here.

Good Luck....keep talking

jsm

I have (temporary I know) been successful in cutting back, but I feel terrible about myself that I can't seem to quit. In the past, I have always been able to "quit" for a period of time, but not this time. Im still trying, though--if trying means chugging a moderate amount of vodka daily instead of a whole bottle!

jsm

I am totally committed starting today. How do I count my days sober? Starting with this am or starting with my last drink last night? I am JSM, I am an alcoholic, I am powerless over the addiction but in control and responsible for my life!