I want to stop. Help, please.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 6
I want to stop. Help, please.
Hi, All,
I am stuck, and I know I need help. I used to abuse alcohol terribly, after a horrible experience in 2002. I drank out of depression and loneliness and just to numb out from life. Mission accomplished; I wasted 2 years just trying to survive, or maybe, actually, trying not to survive at all. I had nothing left. Sometimes I think I hit rock bottom and then made myself abuse alcohol to bare it. Then I met my husband, and it was clear from the get-go he would not tolerate a drunk. So, I controlled it as best I could. I would drink on the weekends and skip, but I started to hide my drinking - or the amount - so to convince him I didn't have a problem. We married, I got pregnant, and I stopped drinking for the baby and really cut down (1x week at most, if that), once the baby was born. Got pregnant again, stopped again. Drank even less while nursing the second, which I did till pregnant with third. Never drank while pregnant, drank very little while nursing. Well, he's about to be weened, and I am starting to drink more. I hate myself for doing this. My life is good now, so I have no excuse. I don't want to lose this life, or hurt my children by my behavior. I don't drink till dinner time and only on the weekends, but still, even though I am sweet, happy drinker (oh the release it gives from the stressful days of 3 kids and a very grumpy dear husband!), I know I am moody during the week, bc my patience is worn thinner by the lack of the alcohol. I am more short-tempered after my weekends where I indulge, and I am so scared that I will lose control. That my anger will flair. I have never struck my kids - ever. But I have yelled, and I hate it. There have been a few times where I got way over mad, yelling. I know that can happen to any parent, but I don't forgive myself. I lie to my husband about how much I drink (ie., I sneak drinks in between, so he thinks I am a light weight - to the contrary!). I have vodka hidden in the pantry. I can polish off a bottle and a half to two bottles of wine in one night. Or 3-4 strong drinks. Lying to my husband and always wanting just one more is what makes me believe I have a problem. Two drinks is NOT enough. I want 4, minimum. When I've had two, and my husband says enough, I start thinking of ways to sneak the other 2. If my husband knew what I did, it would be a major problem: I would have to stop. But, I want to stop anyhow. I don't want to be this person or have this problem, but I do and I am. Please, help me. I don't want my kids to be raised by an alcoholic. They deserve better, and I deserve to finally enjoy this good life I worked so hard for and let go of the shackles of the horror of 2002. Please, anyone, help me. Tell me how to do this. Tell me what to do, how to do it, help me. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you so much.
I am stuck, and I know I need help. I used to abuse alcohol terribly, after a horrible experience in 2002. I drank out of depression and loneliness and just to numb out from life. Mission accomplished; I wasted 2 years just trying to survive, or maybe, actually, trying not to survive at all. I had nothing left. Sometimes I think I hit rock bottom and then made myself abuse alcohol to bare it. Then I met my husband, and it was clear from the get-go he would not tolerate a drunk. So, I controlled it as best I could. I would drink on the weekends and skip, but I started to hide my drinking - or the amount - so to convince him I didn't have a problem. We married, I got pregnant, and I stopped drinking for the baby and really cut down (1x week at most, if that), once the baby was born. Got pregnant again, stopped again. Drank even less while nursing the second, which I did till pregnant with third. Never drank while pregnant, drank very little while nursing. Well, he's about to be weened, and I am starting to drink more. I hate myself for doing this. My life is good now, so I have no excuse. I don't want to lose this life, or hurt my children by my behavior. I don't drink till dinner time and only on the weekends, but still, even though I am sweet, happy drinker (oh the release it gives from the stressful days of 3 kids and a very grumpy dear husband!), I know I am moody during the week, bc my patience is worn thinner by the lack of the alcohol. I am more short-tempered after my weekends where I indulge, and I am so scared that I will lose control. That my anger will flair. I have never struck my kids - ever. But I have yelled, and I hate it. There have been a few times where I got way over mad, yelling. I know that can happen to any parent, but I don't forgive myself. I lie to my husband about how much I drink (ie., I sneak drinks in between, so he thinks I am a light weight - to the contrary!). I have vodka hidden in the pantry. I can polish off a bottle and a half to two bottles of wine in one night. Or 3-4 strong drinks. Lying to my husband and always wanting just one more is what makes me believe I have a problem. Two drinks is NOT enough. I want 4, minimum. When I've had two, and my husband says enough, I start thinking of ways to sneak the other 2. If my husband knew what I did, it would be a major problem: I would have to stop. But, I want to stop anyhow. I don't want to be this person or have this problem, but I do and I am. Please, help me. I don't want my kids to be raised by an alcoholic. They deserve better, and I deserve to finally enjoy this good life I worked so hard for and let go of the shackles of the horror of 2002. Please, anyone, help me. Tell me how to do this. Tell me what to do, how to do it, help me. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you so much.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to SR! 
Have you considered a recovery program like AA? Or something like counseling for yourself? It might be a good idea too to talk to your doctor about quitting so that you can get thru the withdrawals safely and more comfortably.
You've taken a big first step just by admitting there is a problem and that you want to solve it. You'll find lots of support and good information here so read and post your questions and we'll do our best to help you.
AA's phone number should be in the phone book. You can call them and tell them your story and they will help you.
Have you considered a recovery program like AA? Or something like counseling for yourself? It might be a good idea too to talk to your doctor about quitting so that you can get thru the withdrawals safely and more comfortably. You've taken a big first step just by admitting there is a problem and that you want to solve it. You'll find lots of support and good information here so read and post your questions and we'll do our best to help you.
AA's phone number should be in the phone book. You can call them and tell them your story and they will help you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you're here! I know what it's like to crave that next drink. I would promise myself to have just a glass or two of wine, and 99% of the time I finished it and wanted more. 
It's nice to get off the insane merry-go-round of drinking/withdrawing/craving/drinking. You can do it. Stick around and keep posting and reading. People here know exactly what you're going through!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 6
[QUOTE=MissMissy;2606305]Hi, All,
We married, I got pregnant, and I stopped drinking for the baby and really cut down (1x week at most, if that), once the baby was born. Got pregnant again, stopped again. Drank even less while nursing the second, which I did till pregnant with third. Never drank while pregnant, drank very little while nursing. Well, he's about to be weened, and I am starting to drink more.
Oh - just to be clear, I nursed before drinking, or while I drank the first drink and then put the baby down for the night!
We married, I got pregnant, and I stopped drinking for the baby and really cut down (1x week at most, if that), once the baby was born. Got pregnant again, stopped again. Drank even less while nursing the second, which I did till pregnant with third. Never drank while pregnant, drank very little while nursing. Well, he's about to be weened, and I am starting to drink more.
Oh - just to be clear, I nursed before drinking, or while I drank the first drink and then put the baby down for the night!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 6
What made you finally stop? How did you do it? I don't want to wait till I'll lose everything. I know i have a problem now, even if it isn't as bad as some others - it's enough that I won't be the best mother I can be to my children. They deserve me present ALL the time, and not hung over from indulging and washing away my stress after they go to bed on Friday and Saturday. I suffer Sunday and dread Monday. I feel fine Tuesday, Wednesday and Thurs, but by Friday, I'm excited for my release, and I don't want to be preoccupied by that desire to get to their 7p bedtime so I can "escape" my good life. What's wrong with me??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Hi MissMissy, Welcome to SR 
Making the choice to quit drinking is a big first step and you've definitely come to the right place. Like least said, if you've been drinking heavily for a long period of time, consider talking to a doctor to get through withdrawals safely. And there are many avenues to getting sober initially and in the long run--rehab, intensive out-patient programs, AA, group support, and many others. You just have to find the one that works for you.
Making the choice to quit drinking is a big first step and you've definitely come to the right place. Like least said, if you've been drinking heavily for a long period of time, consider talking to a doctor to get through withdrawals safely. And there are many avenues to getting sober initially and in the long run--rehab, intensive out-patient programs, AA, group support, and many others. You just have to find the one that works for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 224
Alcoholics drink because we want to drink: we want to feel a little drunk, then more drunk, then blotto. Drinking is what we do, and nothing else is in the end quite as important to us. We are powerless over alcohol. The only solution to this central problem (and to all the other problems it causes or makes worse) is to stop drinking.
I'm sure that this seems hopelessly oversimplified, but it has the virtue, I think, of being true. It's the first step for a reason.
I'm sure that this seems hopelessly oversimplified, but it has the virtue, I think, of being true. It's the first step for a reason.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi,
I'm glad you stopped drinking.
I didn't start drinking till my kids were in their teens, but I also drank to cope with life, to self-medicate.
My advice is that you need to find healthy ways to deal with your emotions. You need to be able to feel frustrated, angry, etc and to be able to know that the emotions don't control you. It's not easy, that's for sure. When I stopped drinking, I felt like I had no clue how to get through an evening without a drink, but you can do it.
I'm glad you stopped drinking.
I didn't start drinking till my kids were in their teens, but I also drank to cope with life, to self-medicate.
My advice is that you need to find healthy ways to deal with your emotions. You need to be able to feel frustrated, angry, etc and to be able to know that the emotions don't control you. It's not easy, that's for sure. When I stopped drinking, I felt like I had no clue how to get through an evening without a drink, but you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Welcome
Congratulations on posting about your situation here...that's a big first step. I hope you understand that alcoholism is a disease, it's NOT something for you to be ashamed of. And there is tons of really good help available to you - like a lot of other people here at SR I'm a big fan of AA; it has saved my life and my sanity.
I used to drink the way you do...two (or three) drinks were never enough for me, and I would regularly polish off two bottles of wine a night. And I hid how much I drank from my family and friends.
I'd definitely recommend you check out AA. And of course keep posting here.
\
I used to drink the way you do...two (or three) drinks were never enough for me, and I would regularly polish off two bottles of wine a night. And I hid how much I drank from my family and friends.
I'd definitely recommend you check out AA. And of course keep posting here.
\
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
What made you finally stop? How did you do it? I don't want to wait till I'll lose everything
That was exactly why I stopped: because I didn't want to lose everything dear to me. I had lost the respect of my kids and my self respect and knew that if I didn't stop drinking it would eventually hurt or kill me and I didn't want to put myself in a mess I might not be able to get out of.
I've been seeing an addiction counselor for the last three years, that and some AA meetings is keeping me sober. I tried and failed to quit too many times but now am finally 'getting it right' and have almost six months sober. See your doctor for help in quitting and then consider a long term program for sobriety and/or counseling and/or any other support system you can find.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
I can so relate to much of what you are saying and how you feel. I started drinking to block out some horrible things that happened to me. My partner has no idea how much I was drinking, like your husband, he would be off if he knew. He thinks I am a lightweight, but I hid bottles of wine where he would never look and drunk at weekends when he was at work or evenings when he went to bed early, I could easily polish of a bottle of wine whilst ironing! When he caught me behaving oddly, he thought it was my underactive thyroid.
However, I have two beautiful grandchildren aged 3 and 11 months. A week ago Friday I had a couple of drinks whilst looking after them!! Can you believe that. If my partner had not have come home when he did, I would have driven them home!!!! UNFORGIVABLE. Thats what sort of a monster alcohol turns me into. That was my big wake up call. I hate myself for what might have happened. That's why I now know I can never drink again. How could I harm the those that I love the most?
I've not had a drink for one week today and I feel so much better.
If i can do this, you can and you will get loads of support here. xxxx
However, I have two beautiful grandchildren aged 3 and 11 months. A week ago Friday I had a couple of drinks whilst looking after them!! Can you believe that. If my partner had not have come home when he did, I would have driven them home!!!! UNFORGIVABLE. Thats what sort of a monster alcohol turns me into. That was my big wake up call. I hate myself for what might have happened. That's why I now know I can never drink again. How could I harm the those that I love the most?
I've not had a drink for one week today and I feel so much better.
If i can do this, you can and you will get loads of support here. xxxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 6
How are you doing? Has it been hard? Are you getting additional help? I would never forgive myself either if I ever drove with my kids drunk, and I haven't. And, that I know I wouldn't do, but whose to say I wouldn't have them miss a playdate, or not get to go outside, putting a movie on instead, so I could just deal with my hangover or NOT have to drive... I so want to learn from other's mistakes and just stop, but then the romance of having a few drinks sets in, and I convince myself that I control it "well-enough." But, isn't that game just buying time till I lose something? Till I harm myself or my family catches on and I really lose out? Till my kids are old enough to see what I do? Till they miss out on their lives, because I can't be a better mother?? There is not an AA anywhere near me, and ... do I take the baby, the toddler and the young child?? I have no help here.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Miss - I can empathize with your pain and just wanted to say that you CAN do this even if AA is not available in your area. I spent the first 3 days here at this website and took it one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. I still check in here several times a day to remind myself why I need/want to do this.
Can you confide in your husband that you want to stop drinking? Are you experiencing any withdrawals (anxiety, depression, shakiness, night sweats, pounding heart?). If so, it would be best to confide in a doctor (even one of those doc-in-a-box clinics). The more support you have, the better. The first few days seem long and miserable but it gets better after that.
Admitting you need help is really hard, so congrats on that.
Can you confide in your husband that you want to stop drinking? Are you experiencing any withdrawals (anxiety, depression, shakiness, night sweats, pounding heart?). If so, it would be best to confide in a doctor (even one of those doc-in-a-box clinics). The more support you have, the better. The first few days seem long and miserable but it gets better after that.
Admitting you need help is really hard, so congrats on that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Doing whatever it takes to
take care of you. If you're
not ok with urself then u
wont be good for anyone
else....like kids, spouse etc.
How do u know that there r
no AA meetings nearby?
I wouldnt have known myself
if there were meetings near
me if i didnt have a meeting
book.
In ur phone book there should
be an AA office.
There are also people in AA just
like myself who have the phone
lines.
There's always someone on call
to answer the phone for emergenc-
ies. Someone there to connect u
with another to either meet u
at a meeting or come pick u up.
There's always someone to talk
to.
I use to feel alone. No one to
relate to in my family because
i was the only drinker with a problem.
No one understood exactly what
u shared with us at the beginning.
Your story hit close to home with
many of us who have been in ur
shoes, including me.
I went thru rehab after my family
stepped in with an intervention
getting me help when i couldnt
nor they could help me.
Not everyone goes thru rehab, but
for me it gave me a good start to
my sobriety and recovery.
They taught me about my alcoholism
and why i did the things i did. They
gave me tools in recovery to follow
and use on a daily bases.
It gave me a fellowship of people
i could relate to when there was
no one else.
There r many moms out there
that have gone thru what u r
going thru or have already gone
thru it.
I was 7 yrs into my 25 yr marriage
drinking, then recovery for the rest.
My kids were little when i went thru
rehab and they grew up with me in
recovery.
They r 2 fine young adults college grads
and living life as it should be.
Me, i have continued to grow and change
in recovery and as a result of living
a day at a time without alcohol and the
steps and principles set down for us,
i am living life open and honest happy
joyous and free.
I live the AA way of life incorporating
the program in my everyday affairs.
One day at a time to get me where
I am today.
So can you.
Like infants we have to be carried
first, then we crawl, then we walk.
Dont be affraid to ask for what u
need. If u need help ask....and u
r doing it here. Suggestions are
handed to u freely. Take them.
It's free.
take care of you. If you're
not ok with urself then u
wont be good for anyone
else....like kids, spouse etc.
How do u know that there r
no AA meetings nearby?
I wouldnt have known myself
if there were meetings near
me if i didnt have a meeting
book.
In ur phone book there should
be an AA office.
There are also people in AA just
like myself who have the phone
lines.
There's always someone on call
to answer the phone for emergenc-
ies. Someone there to connect u
with another to either meet u
at a meeting or come pick u up.
There's always someone to talk
to.
I use to feel alone. No one to
relate to in my family because
i was the only drinker with a problem.
No one understood exactly what
u shared with us at the beginning.
Your story hit close to home with
many of us who have been in ur
shoes, including me.
I went thru rehab after my family
stepped in with an intervention
getting me help when i couldnt
nor they could help me.
Not everyone goes thru rehab, but
for me it gave me a good start to
my sobriety and recovery.
They taught me about my alcoholism
and why i did the things i did. They
gave me tools in recovery to follow
and use on a daily bases.
It gave me a fellowship of people
i could relate to when there was
no one else.
There r many moms out there
that have gone thru what u r
going thru or have already gone
thru it.
I was 7 yrs into my 25 yr marriage
drinking, then recovery for the rest.
My kids were little when i went thru
rehab and they grew up with me in
recovery.
They r 2 fine young adults college grads
and living life as it should be.
Me, i have continued to grow and change
in recovery and as a result of living
a day at a time without alcohol and the
steps and principles set down for us,
i am living life open and honest happy
joyous and free.
I live the AA way of life incorporating
the program in my everyday affairs.
One day at a time to get me where
I am today.
So can you.
Like infants we have to be carried
first, then we crawl, then we walk.
Dont be affraid to ask for what u
need. If u need help ask....and u
r doing it here. Suggestions are
handed to u freely. Take them.
It's free.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 6
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. I checked the internet for the closest AA, and it is an hour a way. I don't have anyone to watch my kids as it is, and I couldn't take them with me there. Maybe when school starts up again in the fall, I can see a counselor locally with just my littlest. I will try. I guess I will just keep coming back to this website until I figure out more help. Do people "sponsor" each other here? I don't really have withdrawals, because I don't drink during the week anyhow, and I often skip weekends. Just recently, I didn't drink for three months, but then my husband went out of town, and I delighted in drinking for the 4 nights he was gone. Of course, I say delighted, only while drinking. The next mornings, I felt horrible and decided enough is enough, I can't do this!
Thank you to everyone for the posts. I am so grateful to have found this website. I am going to take one day at a time. Any books anyone suggests?? Thank you so much.
Thank you to everyone for the posts. I am so grateful to have found this website. I am going to take one day at a time. Any books anyone suggests?? Thank you so much.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Hi miss, people don't sponsor other people here, no..its not an AA website..however, people are supportive and thoughtful and I'm glad you found 'us'. You might like the live chat room for connection to other folks in recovery, plus there are chat 'meetings' too on certain nights (but regular live chat is 24/7).
Welcome!!
Personally, I saw an addictions counselor twice a week for quite a while, which seemed to help..but the work was all mine to do, ya know?
Welcome!!
Personally, I saw an addictions counselor twice a week for quite a while, which seemed to help..but the work was all mine to do, ya know?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Hi
It's been one week and one day and up to now I'm doing good. I feel so much better. I wouldn't say its been easy, the week days are fine, but the weekend was a challenge. However, I frightened myself so much I am determined to stop drinking.
I haven't had any help apart from this site, which is brilliant, and unjudgemental (if there is any such word!) I did try to go to an A.A last week, but by the time I found it I was really late and couldn't pluck up courage to go in, so just sat outside. I'm trying againt this Thursday.
As you have no A.A near you and you have young children I thing the best thing for you to do would be to visit your Dr. He, she should be able to offer help and support.
I would never drink and drive and put the babies at risk, or so I thought. However, I had two glasses of wine, felt fine and in my mind I was o.k!!! That's how easy it would be! I had a very lucky escape with the other half arriving home when he did!
Facing up to it, the only people we are kidding is ourselves.
Be strong, we can do this together.
It's been one week and one day and up to now I'm doing good. I feel so much better. I wouldn't say its been easy, the week days are fine, but the weekend was a challenge. However, I frightened myself so much I am determined to stop drinking.
I haven't had any help apart from this site, which is brilliant, and unjudgemental (if there is any such word!) I did try to go to an A.A last week, but by the time I found it I was really late and couldn't pluck up courage to go in, so just sat outside. I'm trying againt this Thursday.
As you have no A.A near you and you have young children I thing the best thing for you to do would be to visit your Dr. He, she should be able to offer help and support.
I would never drink and drive and put the babies at risk, or so I thought. However, I had two glasses of wine, felt fine and in my mind I was o.k!!! That's how easy it would be! I had a very lucky escape with the other half arriving home when he did!
Facing up to it, the only people we are kidding is ourselves.
Be strong, we can do this together.
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