brit28

hi. I am a 37 years old male and am two days into my umpteenth quit attpemt. My nerves feel raw and my brain is racing and the thought of life without alcohol seems terrible. But the thing is i have to manage it this time. i have a 3 month old baby, i have been diagnosed with hypoertension, i have started drink driving again, i am drinking until i vomit nightly, i feel like i am dying, and most scarily i have reliased i actually WANT to die when i am drunk, which is a very scary feeling... I NEED to stay sober or i am not going to see my baby grow up.

Impurrfect

(((Brit28))) - welcome to SR!!

Though a precious 3-month old baby is a good reason to want to stay alive, getting sober needs to be something you want to do for you.

If you haven't seen a dr., during detox, I highly recommend it...detoxing is harsh on a body and raises your blood pressure (hypertension) even more...can be fatal.

There are a lot of people here who know what you're going through. My DOC (drug of choice) was crack, but I hit a pretty low bottom, myself.

Please keep reading and posting..I know it helped me to know I wasn't alone.

BTW, it may be a bit slow, here, today...holiday in the US, but it WILL pick up!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

ImagineMe

Those first few days were HELL for me. And I am on my 24th day. I would not want to go through that first week ever again. That being said, I think we are all struggling with the anxiety and those defects that make us want to hide in a drug or bottle to begin with.
I also have children. My first, who is now 20, never saw me drink when he was young but my youngest are 2 & 3 and they have seen me drink wine in the evening.

Starburst

I think you have to stop drinking because u have a strong desire too, a baby never made others stop! My F was an alcoholic before i was born, tried numerous times, rhab, eventtully died at age 45. You have to talk to a Dr. get the right meds to help u during this time and then perhaps find a trusted person u can talk too about why u have such strong feelings of hate towards yourself, so much that u think your life is worth nothing! i am sure when u come to that place you will be able to be an awesome Dad to your baby and know how precious life is. Take it one day at a time, we all here for you! Welcome...

least

Welcome to the SR family. It's a wise decision to quit drinking. The risks to your life and health are too great and only get worse the longer you drink. Do see your doctor to be safe when going thru w/d.

Dream2bClean

im with you day 1 for me here (again).

Just had a quick sec to let you know you are not alone, lets do this together, for your baby and my 3and 1/2 year old. For us of course, but for them, for you your child NEVER has to see you drunk since they are o young, I really hope my daughter hasnt seem much but shes pretty smart and I am sure she has

Off to my first AA meeting tonight.

Good luck to you, you can do it, soooo many people here have!

<3 Dream

<3 Dream

Kjell

Hello and welcome!

Be careful with your drinking and driving. I'm a former drinker and driving and it didn't end well for me (2 duis). In the end, I literally couldn't stop driving once intoxicated. I hope that's not the case with you.

Dee74

Welcome Brit

Please do see a doctor. Perhaps they can get the ball rolling in giving you some help and suggestions on what to do.

Have you tried or thought about rehab or any recovery programmes like AA?

D

brit28

Hi guys... thank you VERY much for your kind messages.

So, Im 3 days in now... last night was awful, very bad dreams, I woke up at one point, out of bed - stood in the middle of my room, i didnt know who I was or where I was for a few seconds... awful. Im sat at my desk exhausted. Feel like i want to go ballistic with my GF for no reason... horrible. I know it will pass though.

As for treatment... I have a history of pretty serious drug abuse so i i get prescribed librium for example i will take all my tablets in two days AND drink... so im better off without. Ive been taking antabuse for a few months on and off and drinking anyway... hence the hypertension... its all bad really.... pretty crappy situation.

I owe it to my baby to stay alive. I know everyone is saying that isnt the right reason to quit, but its all ive got to hang to today.

Kjell

I'm happy you're still with us! Congrats on day 3.

Have you considered trying AA? I'm close to 150 days sober today and AA is a major reason why.

notnormal

life without alcohol is going to be terrible.. but more terrible i hope for me is having a hangover everyday.. felling like an a*****e everyday, thinking being dead might be okay, feeling like i've wasted most of my life, knowing, really knowing that I will be happier sober and continuing to drink, hurting the ones I love all that crap is pretty freaking terrible too.. hopefully more terrible....
day 2.

Kmber2010

Welcome to SR!! You have tons of support here and lots of useful info. I agree with others that you definitely should see a Dr.

As far as life without alcohol being terrible.....I think that life with alcohol is pretty terrible and the fact that eventually it will kill you. Now that would be terrible my friend.

Get to the Dr., stay strong and take it one day at a time. Believe me that sobriety is amazing and those withdrawals you are feeling do actually pass.

All the best and so glad you are here!!

Starburst

Be Strong, u are doing well, keep posting, letting us know how you are doing. I'm sure your GF will understand your moods, if you have explained this all to her.

brit28

Hi guys... Im still doing ok. No drink, no drugs. Determined to stick to it. The depression and anxiety feel like theyre drowning me... i feel dissociated from reality and like time stands still. The only real pleasure im getting is from coffee and cigarettes. But i know it will pass (it always does), and now ive got my daughter to spur me on i think im going to manage to keep off it. I feel like i could cry for a hundred years right now.

WhiteWave

Brit,
Please hang in there! Spend as much time on SR as you feel up to - just being here, passing the shaky sober minutes of withdrawal while reading and posting will help ease your mind at least a little bit - I'm sure of it! We are a caring and understanding bunch, please don't forget that if you start to hold back what you're really thinking/feeling - let it out! We can take it!
I am so glad you're pushing through with this! I know the first 7-11 days or so really, really, REALLY suck when you had been drinking to the point of vomiting every night. I've been there a few times myself. My advice is to get yourself to mentally cringe, maybe even shudder, at the memory rr

keithj

Howdy and welcome, Brit28. Nice job on holding tight through the first few days.
This says it all to me. I had to ask myself at one time, "How is this going to be any different than all the other failed attempts at sobriety?"

With an honest answer to that question being, "It's not going to be any different," I had to concede that my track record proved that I had no clue how to get and stay sober, not to mention being happy about it.

So I went to the people in AA that did have a proven record of peaceful and contented long term sobriety and asked for help.

They showed me precisely what they did in order to have a spiritual awakening that removed their problem. I did those same things to the best of my ability at the time (not all that great, either), and I recovered and have never drank since.

You may agree with AA or not; you may like AA or not. But the fact remains that it works for those willing to follow the clearly defined path.

DayTrader

Be REAL careful Brit. This really smacks of alcoholism - aka drinking causes plenty of problems but the REAL problems are 100's of OTHER things in our life that made getting wasted a solution (albeit a temporary one and one that always seemed to always have a high price itself). I found a TON of relief from all that other stuff when I got into AA and started trying to work the steps. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't instant relief it - came in time. Looking back, I held myself back (from that relief) because I was just hell-bent on trying to figure my own way out of the mess I felt like I was in. Turned out, surrendering made me a winner, asking for help from the fellowship of AA got me to where I was hoping to be (and a whole lot better that I had hoped in a lot of areas). I won't say it's impossible to white-knuckle-it through this but the odds aren't good, it'll hurt like hell, and most people who are alcoholics end up finding a way to make drinking "just a little / one more time" make sense........then they're off on another bender. (which just heaps on piles and piles of additional shame). There IS a way out and you CAN get happy again. No question about it.

Our best thinking brought us to the point where booze was just kicking our A$$, doesn't it sound silly that all of a sudden it'll take us back out? Keep hanging around here for sure - but look for some real-life contact with people who have been where you are now but found a way out.........then just do what they did. For many of us, AA fills that bill and then some.

shaun00

Thought about AA.?

There are people there that have stopped the "drink... dont drink" merrygoround.....

there is a solution to that dilema and it lies in the book "alcoholics anonymous"
pricisley set out in the form of 12 steps.

i did what you did...on...off...on....off...on...off for years until i dived into that book with someone that knew what they were talking about.

Leeds has got hundreds of meetings............

pm me if i can be of any help to you mate.........

brit28

Failed....big time

intention

Hi Brit,

I understand the failing. Did it many times over and over myself. Would you consider going to AA for some help and support in staying sober?