wichitaks

Im fresh off a night of drinking until I blacked out and not remembering everything that happend only that somehow I made it home safely. I've convinced myself that since I only do this once a week that I didnt have a problem, but to be honest I know I do. I've had 2 DUI's lost a great job and the only girl I ever loved due to alcohol yet I still go back to it every weekend. I wake up every morning unhappy about my current situation in life and tell myself that I am going to change only to have saturday roll around and Im at the bar again. I've been to AA, did 6 weeks of out-patient treatment and watched family members die of liver disease, only to go back to the booze. Thankfully while researching famous people who have struggled with alcoholism I stumbled across this site and began reading many of the other users posts, and for once in my battle of addiction I didnt feel so alone like I have previously. I dont know if its because of the anonimity that the internet offers or what, but reading everyones posts made me feel that Im not all by myself so thank you for any advice, support, that anybody has to offer and thanks for reading

Dee74

Welcome wichitaks

I started as as a weekend binger so I know what're your experiencing - it never gets better, so you're wise to start to do something about it.

I couldn't stop - I progressed until I drank all day, everyday - it's no way to live.

For a long time I wanted to get sober but I wanted to stay the same too - just not drink.

SR helped me face the fact I needed to change my life if I wanted to stay sober, it kept me focused on what I needed to do, and it's kept me accountable - the support is fantastic too.

I hope something you read here may help make a difference to you too
D

joinedintime

"I've convinced myself that since I only do this once a week that I didnt have a problem, but to be honest I know I do. I've had 2 DUI's lost a great job and the only girl I ever loved due to alcohol yet I still go back to it every weekend."

You know you do have a problem. Be very very happy that you didn't kill or hurt someone on those DUI's or any of the times when you didn't get pulled over.

This site can most definitely help save you. I blacked out on July 12th 2008 and haven't had a drink since. I've not joined AA or any other program but I've learned about this addiction and about myself by being open with others here and it's been lifeline more than once.

Keep reading. Keep posting. Welcome to SR.

least

Welcome to the SR family! Lots of support and good information here. I hope we can be of help to you in staying sober.

wichitaks

Thanks guys it helps getting feedback from people who are going or have gone through what Im dealing with. As of right now all I get here at home are looks of disgust from my parents who tell me Alcoholism is not a disease and if I wanted to quit I would I will definitely be coming back to this site everyday

NewBeginning010

to SR

Impurrfect

((wichitaks)) - welcome to SR!!

Some people just don't "get" alcoholism. My dad never has "gotten" addiction, though I'm an RA (recovering addict) and my stepmom is addicted to pain pills and he can CALL her an addict, SEE what it does to her, he doesn't UNDERSTAND it. I gave up, a long time ago, trying to explain what goes on in our minds.

I focused on ME and what I needed to do, for me, a long time ago. SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery for over 3 years. There's nothing like talking to people who DO "get" you

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Mat

I can relate to this in many many ways. My own family on my mothers side believe that both my addiction to alcohol and my mental health problems are character flaws of some sort. Personal failures on my part.

You just need to remind yourself that they are not professionals, and that they in fact disagree with much medical consensus on the topic. While there are some in the field who do not fully invest in the disease theory, most all would agree that it is a brain dysfunction that is progressive and will kill you. They would also agree that you can't just "willpower yourself out of it" at any moment that strikes your fancy. Quietly chalk their opinions up to ignorance and get help and support elsewhere; that is what I have done.

Peter G

Funny you should mention that your family doesn't get boozing. For many years before I succumbed to the illness myself, I didn't get it either. I watched my brother destroy everything in his own life, and lots of stuff in mine - and I simply hated him for it.

I wrote him off, didn't speak to him for a decade, and watched as my parents and sisters gave up on him also, with the internal satisfaction that he deserved it for being such an irresponsible and selfish *****.

It took me 20 years to catch up to his alcoholism with my own, and now I understand fully how he simply couldn't help himself. It makes me sick to know I did nothing to understand his illness and only berate him for his constant slips.

Recently called him - first time in years - and gave him the most personal and heartfelt apology I could, because knowing what alcohol has done to me has shown that he was the victim of a horrid and clever disease and at no time just being irresponsible or careless. My entire family had it so wrong, and he didn't deserve that kind of "tough love" from any of us. He suffered not only alcoholism, but the years of continual shame, thinking he let us all down. In truth it was us that let him down.

Just thought that was worth mentioning.

Good that you're hear wichitaks, you've found the right place for sure. The people here will "get" you, they/we understand the problem, and people I've met here have truly helped me in trying times. Keep coming back cuz the advice here is golden.

CAPTAINZING2000

This site has been very useful in my recovery. There's not always a meeting any time of the day here like in a larger city.

Freedom1990

Welcome to SR! I don't live very far from Wichita Kansas, and have found some really good AA groups over there. Westside group and UIR are two that come to mind.

It's been awhile since I've been to a meeting over there as we do have a solid group in the tiny town I live in.

You might want to consider giving AA a try. It was the solution for me.

Norther

Yup: Nonalcoholics cannot understand. (They're sane; we're insane - that's the way some AA hardliners put it.) My wife and even my doctor insist there must be some "reason" why I started up again a few months ago. I tell them: "No reason, except that I'm an alcoholic." I'm sure that my defects of character are part of the mechanism, but the only "reason" is that I'm an alcoholic. That's the way it looks anyway to a relative newbie with 3 weeks' sobriety.

artsoul

thanks for your post, wichita and I'm so glad you found us. Support from people who understand me has made all the difference in the world. I wasn't able to stay sober more than a week, and it usually only lasted a couple days. I was starting to want it everyday, all the time and the idea of moderation just wasn't going to cut it anymore. Something "happened" when I finally reached out on SR for help and got support. You can do it, too!
Keep posting!

Kjell

I too have lost a great girlfriend and also a great job. ...and I've also had two duis (pending court date for the 2nd one). I've made a mess out of my life in darn near every aspect.

I've lost a lot/gave it all away for what, exactly?

I've been sober now almost 150 days mainly thanks to AA and this site.

Wanna know something amazing? You never have to drink again.

wichitaks

thank you to everyone for your truly kind and inspirational words, its nice to come home from work for once to some actual positive people and feedback. I start counseling Wednesday as well as going to my first AA meeting in quite some time but to be honest this site in 2 days has done more for me than AA, and out-patient treament did for me all together. The hardest part is telling my friends and seeing that confused look on their faces but knowing that I have this site and you people to come back to for advice and support has me feeling that this could actually work. Thanks again

Kmber2010

Welcome to SR!!! There is plenty of useful info here and tons of support.

SR and counseling has helped me stay the course in my recovery and it so helps to be among others who understand me.

Wish you the best!!

Dream2bClean

Welcome. I am back on day 2 after a pretty nast weekend binge where I tried nearly successfully to ruin my life. I am currently unemployed b/c of my own decision just not to go back b.c I was supposed to woek 20 hours (at least0 in 2 daysa and I knew that would cut into my drinking/drugging time so I just didnt go back, leaving my family w/out insurance and having looked for that job for 1 and 1/2 years.
Now its back to the drawing board, but I went to my first AA meeting, and I think SR is now going to be my second line of support, b/c people are ALWAYs here, but the feeling of love and the reception I got from about 50 people last night, well these nothing that can comare and I know I need those steps to heal, so I dont have to drink to not deal with the mess I have made of my life, I can start to untangle it! Maybe the counseling can do that for you but I know once aq week wouldnt work for me, I drana lot more than that, so I am going to try to do 90 in 90 even if its 2 one day then I miss b.c of family etc. I am doing this. I love it there and those people and I want more chips and for my life to change like theirs. Its so different to see people with sparkling light in their eyes and to be truly happy. I can have that, you can too, I hope you do, please dont drink and drink anymore no matter what you do. Im nop judging I have done it, I have been VERY lucky to avoid the DUI but you have to think about the other people on the roads that are choosing not to drink and drive, I just dont want things to be even more complicarted for you b/.c I know if I killed someone D&D'ing I dont think I could live and then my fmaily still losess me.
Good luck, WELCOME!!!!
<3 Dream

Almath

A big warm welcome to the SR family

The SR Community has helped me get to where I am today - 107 days sober (after coming out of a blackout too..) - through constant support, understanding, assistance, advice and friendship which has given me so much strength, inspiration and motivation.

Please keep coming here and reading/posting - even if it's to rant and vent your frustrations!! We all understand what you're going through and are here to listen and not judge :-). Take it day by day and the very best of luck with this new, exciting and important step in life!!

Big hugs,

Almath

Hope4Recovery

I'm right there with you. Entire paternal side of family are alcoholics. I swore as a teenager and throughout my 20's that i would never be like my father. Guess what? I'm pretty much the same as he is except I'm trying to beat this curse.