Sobriety feels strange, only on my 5th day...
 

I have made it to my 5th night of sobriety! Things actually seem to be going much better; I went to see a new therapist who deals with addiction in conjunction with mental health problems(I deal with severe anxiety and OCD for those who didn't read my doomy post 5 days back). The first night was miserable, and the second was much MUCH worse. I always go one night, and the thought creeps in: "You did good last night, now you can go get blotto'd!" For this reason, it was actually much more difficult to abstain that second day than the first.

Days 3 and 4 weren't so bad at all, save for the typical "ZOMG MY THROAT IS CLOSING" stuff that I deal with all the time. I feel quite a bit better physically despite the fact that I feel like I am on another planet. I wasn't expecting things to feel so bizarre at such an early stage, I was only getting drunk at night after all. Everything feels different even during daylight hours, my entire phenomenal/sensory experience seems altered rather severely. I feel like I am on drugs? Perhaps this is due to my getting more adequate sleep? It isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it is just... strange.

I am scared to death to pat myself on the back for doing a good job thus far. It is exactly that kind of thinking which has justified(irrationally of course), my going out and buying alcohol.

Hi Mat,

First off, congratulations! That's awesome!

I'm on my sixth night of sobriety, so reading your post was like talking to yesterday me. I have also felt this kind of surreal am-I-on-something experience the past few days. It feels kind of like my head has been filled with water and is slowly draining out, which I realize may not make much sense. I'm also looking to see a professional to help deal with the depression and anxiety I used drinking to medicate. Please let us know how that works out for you.

Just want to let you know that you're not the only one scared to let themselves feel too good about their sober time. I think it's a healthy and normal reaction, and might sustain us until we can trust ourselves a little more. Personally, I know I'm walking a fragile line so I'm trying not to get too ahead of myself and feel overwhelmed.

Abby

Congrats on day 5, Mat:c011:

I remember that first week well, as it wasn't too long ago. It really surprised me too: things like feeling clumsy, foggy, forgetful, tired but not sleepy, kinda disoriented (among other things). The days went by slow and the nights even slower. The next week things got better steadily, but on some days the above symptoms would return.

I read somewhere that if there is any stress at all, it makes it seem much worse. Our brain is resetting itself after being influenced by alcohol for a period of time. Hang in there and if it gets worse, see someone about it!

I found it similar to someone turning the lights on in a room that you have only ever seen dark/half lit. Some things are like you thought they were and other things were completely different/scary.

It takes time to adjust to your new surrounding both in the outside world & your inner self. I am still adjusting but I prefer the lights on as much as there are things I would rather not deal with/see.

All of the best in your recovery, its worth it.

Take Care,

NB :ring

Love that description NB! Thanks!

Hey mat

I remember it felt weird to me too - almost surreal...and a little untrustworthy, if that makes sense. Just keep doing what you've been doing - and reach out if you get into trouble...

If you're anything like me, even if you didn't drink for years like I did, you still probably used alcohol for an inordinate amount of things....?

it takes time but it does get less 'unreal' :)

Keep it up :)
D

I have been drinking on an almost daily basis for the last 10 years. I have used it to enhance the experiences I already enjoyed, and to boost my confidence and medicate my anxiety. Now it feels like it is difficult to enjoy those same things, and the anxiety is full-on.

Confidence levels are actually quite normal though. Seems I really didn't need it for that as much as I figured, or perhaps the confidence I am gaining from my being able to fend off these cravings is replacing what was being gained from the drink.

Chances are mat, that your body and brain is still adjusting to life without alcohol..

I remember feeling weird for a month or two........zoned out if you get me.
when you think about it........thats an awful lot of poison for a very long time.
stands to reason it takes a while to feel like your "firmly on the rails"..

i think once i could eat......4/5 days..........and sleep through...6/8 days things got better and seemed clearer pretty quick.

and the whites of my eyes finally turned back to white.......bonus.

Hey Mat,

Congrats on day 5! This is just the beginning... keep it up! My first week off was certainly strange, to put it mildly. After drinking a bottle of Jack Daniel's (always accompanied by many many beers) every night for the last 2 years continuously (the final act of my drinking career stretching back 10 long years), not drinking for 5 days sure seemed like a weird time slip. It definitely gets clearer, and things are definitely 10-thousand percent better.

Keep posting here on SR, and congrats again on day 5! That's amazing stuff.