The_weight_of_alcoholism
i've done my almost
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
The_weight_of_alcoholism
Anyone out there ever have days where the weight of alcoholism hits home? What I mean by that is when it hits you – “holy #*@! – is this really happening? Did all the insanity over the last few years really happen? Am I really sick? Will I always be this sick? Wow…I’m really going to have to live with this, never drink again, and fight ‘tooth and nail’ for the rest of my life???”
I’m closing in on 150 days (and I’m on step 8 for all you AA’ers) and maybe this is normal (I know it’s certainly not unique).
I’m closing in on 150 days (and I’m on step 8 for all you AA’ers) and maybe this is normal (I know it’s certainly not unique).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by Kjell 
"....I’m really going to have to live with this, never drink again, and fight ‘tooth and nail’ for the rest of my life???”
... I responded just to say.... You are not unique!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Not anymore that went after step 9 you aren't far away so keep going...
I can honestly say i have never had a day like that since finishing the initial step work and i know exactly what you mean!
Take care:-)
I can honestly say i have never had a day like that since finishing the initial step work and i know exactly what you mean!
Take care:-)
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Kjell
…I’m really going to have to live with this, never drink again, and fight ‘tooth and nail’ for the rest of my life???”
Recovery is not drinking and feeling good about it.
I used to use alcohol to feel good about not dealing with life.
I now use life to feel good about not dealing with alcohol.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I'm trying to think back to 150 days.
The struggle is worth it. It will get a lot better. The mountains you face now will be speed bumps later on in your recovery!
Nice having a legal smile these days
The struggle is worth it. It will get a lot better. The mountains you face now will be speed bumps later on in your recovery!
Nice having a legal smile these days
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Did all the insanity over the last few years really happen?
I will NEVER be able to forget my drinking career and move on cause two of my kids are constantly throwing it in my face...
It makes no difference to them that I'm sober and sane now cause they keep on beating that dead horse just to remind me of what a failure I was/am. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I have had to find balance in my life to recover. It's been essential for my recovery.
So, I would say that I am a wife, mother, friend, employee, volunteer, animal rights activist and a recovering alcoholic. I cannot let it weight me down out of proportion with the rest of my life.
So, I would say that I am a wife, mother, friend, employee, volunteer, animal rights activist and a recovering alcoholic. I cannot let it weight me down out of proportion with the rest of my life.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Yer man. I ain't gonna lie to you and say everyday is perfectly peachy and brief thoughts when the sun is beating down and I am chilling in my car and all of a sudden the thought of an iced-cold drink and a spliff and then maybe a few lines briefly flash into my mind. But I just laugh them off if they ever appear, which is very rarely now.
I think it's only natural mate to be honest. By the way this is in no way an urge or anything like that but more just like old memories that are suddenly triggered by a smell or weather condition or sound, almost like an acid flashback or something. Only natural when you've done a lot of drink and drugs with very powerful memories and experiences.
Like Mark75 says thats when you need to live in the day and keep it all 'just for today'.
In an ironic way my alcoholism, and consequence status of a recovering alcoholic, is my greatest asset in many ways. Because it has given me a new found power and uniqueness. There are very few totally abstinant recovering alcoholics in society, especially my age. So rather than being just another young drunk I have actually been given a new identity and one which is shaping my whole existance and future in a really positive and healthy way.
So it's all good man. Keep on pushing forward with your recovery and you'll be fine. It gets easier and the addict mind loses much of it's power untill it is rather humorous and the randomness at little things that 'pop' up. Especially around doing Coke and E's and stuff. It always makes me smile!! LOL.
Peace Out 'One day at a time'.
I think it's only natural mate to be honest. By the way this is in no way an urge or anything like that but more just like old memories that are suddenly triggered by a smell or weather condition or sound, almost like an acid flashback or something. Only natural when you've done a lot of drink and drugs with very powerful memories and experiences.
Like Mark75 says thats when you need to live in the day and keep it all 'just for today'.
In an ironic way my alcoholism, and consequence status of a recovering alcoholic, is my greatest asset in many ways. Because it has given me a new found power and uniqueness. There are very few totally abstinant recovering alcoholics in society, especially my age. So rather than being just another young drunk I have actually been given a new identity and one which is shaping my whole existance and future in a really positive and healthy way.
So it's all good man. Keep on pushing forward with your recovery and you'll be fine. It gets easier and the addict mind loses much of it's power untill it is rather humorous and the randomness at little things that 'pop' up. Especially around doing Coke and E's and stuff. It always makes me smile!! LOL.
Peace Out 'One day at a time'.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
I'm on day 25 and yes I know what ya mean. As the memories of the withdrawal, hangovers, wrecks, arrest,...ect get farther in the past my mind will start ******* with me. "You feel great, you ain't no alcoholic you can have a few beers"....bla bla bla!
I have to be just as vigilant if not more so than in the first few days! I'm only on step two and I'm sure it will subside.
I have to be just as vigilant if not more so than in the first few days! I'm only on step two and I'm sure it will subside.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Every now and again something like that does hit me. But, I think it comes across more like gratitude.....just grateful I don't have to live like that anymore.
That's okay with me....I don't want to live in the past by any means, but I really don't mind remembering why I'm so damn happy to be sober.
That's okay with me....I don't want to live in the past by any means, but I really don't mind remembering why I'm so damn happy to be sober.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
i suspect we all have experiences like that. For me, the key is not dwell on that stuff and return my attention to the present moment, where i'm clean & sober and everything is just the way it needs to be.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I try and focus on the good stuff, and the stuff I can do something about, kjell.
Anna's point about balance is also important to me - I'm far more than just a recovering alcoholic.
Live for today, mate
Congratulations on 150 days - that is awesome!
D
Anna's point about balance is also important to me - I'm far more than just a recovering alcoholic.
Live for today, mate
Congratulations on 150 days - that is awesome!
D
i've done my almost
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Sorry for the late reply (LOST and the NBA playoffs dominated my weekend )
Thank you for all the great and helpful replies. Still sober and still moving forward as best I can, just for today.
)Thank you for all the great and helpful replies. Still sober and still moving forward as best I can, just for today.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 16
Hi Kjell!
I am on day six and also struggle with those thoughts of "what have I done??" Quitting the booze has not been easy but not as difficult as I thought it would be. You have been sober 150 days? Wow. You are inspiring me right now. 2007 until now has been kind of a blur. I've been emotional since I stopped. Tears come easily when I think of those several years that are sort of "lost" and how I was sick everyday when I woke up.
I am sober rookie and what everyone else on this post has said is right: We can't change the past. I am trying to focus on how good I feel and how much healthier I will be and look in the coming months.
I am on day six and also struggle with those thoughts of "what have I done??" Quitting the booze has not been easy but not as difficult as I thought it would be. You have been sober 150 days? Wow. You are inspiring me right now. 2007 until now has been kind of a blur. I've been emotional since I stopped. Tears come easily when I think of those several years that are sort of "lost" and how I was sick everyday when I woke up.
I am sober rookie and what everyone else on this post has said is right: We can't change the past. I am trying to focus on how good I feel and how much healthier I will be and look in the coming months.
i've done my almost
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Dream2bClean & Archives28-
Hang in there. For me, getting to day 150 hasn't been easy and most of the time I feel pretty strange and awkward, but I do get these small glimpses of peace that make it so worth it.
Also, I don't want to waste one more minute on something so selfish as getting drunk just to get drunk. What a waste of human life to live like that (in my humble opinion).
Hang in there. For me, getting to day 150 hasn't been easy and most of the time I feel pretty strange and awkward, but I do get these small glimpses of peace that make it so worth it.
Also, I don't want to waste one more minute on something so selfish as getting drunk just to get drunk. What a waste of human life to live like that (in my humble opinion).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
I focus daily on doing the most I can in my life. Yes, I always mindful of drinking, etc. but I will damned if I am going to spend my entire life in some kind of penance for the things I did when drunk or for being an alcoholic.
I am proud of who I am and while I have faltered along the way, well I have picked up and learned from it. For me, I kinda say the good Lord gave me the task so I would be ever mindful of all of those around me and how I should not judge. I have become a kinder, warmer open soul because of this experience.
Prior to drinking, I was a good person but I was quit to cast judgement. Kinda funny.
I am proud of who I am and while I have faltered along the way, well I have picked up and learned from it. For me, I kinda say the good Lord gave me the task so I would be ever mindful of all of those around me and how I should not judge. I have become a kinder, warmer open soul because of this experience.
Prior to drinking, I was a good person but I was quit to cast judgement. Kinda funny.
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