almay777

I'm new here and do not really know how to start. I have been an alcoholic for about 6 years and am 28 years old.
I feel ill and depressed pretty much all the time and am desparate to stop drinking. I have a 6 year old little boy so cannot go to hospital for a detox. I drink about a bottle and a half of wine a day, normally in the evening as I work full time. But the time i finish work I am desparate to drink and normally start pretty much as soon as I walk through the door.
I want to stop cold turkey but am really scared of what I will go through and the dangers of stopping altogether without help. I am hoping to cut down over a 12 day period by gradually reducing my intake.
I have no one I can talk to as no one knows! I have kept this a secret and am too embaressed to discuss with anyone I love. I dont know what to do or where to turn. I am scared if I do not stop now I will die. My face is bloated from all the drink and my eyes look a dull lifeless colour. My doctor recently did my bloods and siad my MCV levels were raised and my B12 is low so I know this is starting to seriously affect my health. I just want help.

Anna

Hi,

Welcome!

You should talk to your dr before you stop drinking because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. Cutting back did not work for me, though I was very determined to make it work. Actually, I think cutting back is nearly impossible for an alcoholic.

I am glad that you posted here and that you are seeking support.

almay777

Thank you for responding. I know detoxing can be dangerous and this is what is scaring me. I am just too scared to go back to the doctors. I am scared he will try and convince me to have a proper detox which i cannot do because of my little one.
I feel so scared of what is to come and even more scared that I may not be able to stop. It is good to be able to finally communicate with people who understand how I feel.

Ghostly

Welcome Almay. Like Anna wrote you really should go to your Dr. There are ways to detox safely. This would be the best thing for you and your son. They won't force you to do anything. Cutting back to eventually quit is very difficult. I know I couldn't do it. Good luck and stick around here if you can.

jsm

Almay--I urge you to go to your Dr. If you don't feel comfortable with him/her, then find a new one. Primary Care doctors are always more than willing to help you with abuse and can (usually) help you safely detox. (As I posted earilier today--Doctors spend all day tring to get rid of patients who are seeking drugs to fuel their addiction or to sell on the streets. They are happy to help anyone who honestly wants their help.) Go to a Dr you trust, tell the WHOLE truth, and he or she will help you.

Horselover

Almay - Welcome to SR and don't, please don't let your fear of what the doctor "might" say stop you from getting medical help. He/she cannot make you go to an inhouse rehab. He/she can help you detox safely. There are many that do it without help, but I don't recommend it. We want you to be safe for your sake and your son's sake. If you aren't comfortable talking with your doctor then you probably know that you should see about finding another or someone that is versed in helping people detox. There are doctors that specialize in addictions and the withdrawals.

There are so many people here on SR that have recovered and you absolutely can. We are here for you, but we can't answer those questions you are bound to have when you detox. We aren't allowed to provide anything that is remotely like medical information.

I too was a daily drinker of wine - mucho wine! I did talk with my doctor and was very relieved to have done so. We build up so much in our minds on what the future holds, but we don't know and the greatly exaggerated thoughts prevent us from moving forward. Don't let that happen to you. You are 28 years old and I am almost 44 years old. Please find the proper way to stop before you reach my age and wonder where the time went.

I look forward to hearing updates from you my friend. Congratulations on your decision.

artsoul

Welcome Almay! Glad you're here.

I don't know where you live, but try looking in the yellow pages and see if there is a doctor who specializes in addiction/detox. I live in a fairly small town and we have a couple of docs who do this. They are very discreet and they see people all the time with our problems.

It's rare that people with our disease can successfully taper. So don't be surprised or disappointed it if doesn't work. I did a kind of half-a**ed version of it the week before I stopped and blew it the night that I came here and posted. I knew I had to do something, but was terrified to go anywhere for help. I had asked my psychiatrist for some medication to help with withdrawals just a month earlier and he wanted me to go to an expensive rehab for assessment. I just couldn't do it because I knew they'd want me to stay and I have kids and am self-employed.

I was pretty deperate to quit, though. I felt better once I came here and reached out to these good folks. I spend the first two days hanging onto this site, and at day 19, it's still working. I did make myself a promise though: that if the detox got too bad, I would go to the ER.

Anyway, that was my experience. Hope it helps.

almay777

Last night I only had 3 glasses of wine - still deciding to try and ease off altogether. Feel quite rubbish today and had the worst night sleep ever. I am hoping tonight will not be as bad :-(

Norther

You can detox as an outpatient under a doctor's care. My doctor told me to stop and gave me librium to take if I had problems. I didn't take them (threw away the prescription, actually), but my point is that detoxing with medical support need not involve hospitalization. I have also detoxed, twice, as an inpatient. It is easier in that they make all the decisions (I mean all) for you. It's kind of a relief after all the hard work of drinking.

least

Yes, please see a doctor for help in getting safely thru withdrawals. After detoxing do you have a plan for staying sober? There are many programs out there for staying sober, AA is the best known and most available but there are others. I stay sober using some AA meetings, counseling, and SR.

Welcome to the SR family! :ghug3

almay777

Hi - ok....I CANNOT cut down, thats for sure. Tried and already failed. So, I have decided to stop altogether. Not too sure what to expect and am scared for what I am about to go through, but nothing can be as hellish as the life I have been living as a drunk. So for me this is day one without a drink. It will be the first day for about 3 years - maybe longer. I hope I can do this. I have never wanted anything more. I envy and respect everyone on this site for stopping drinking - I am just hoping that as you all did it, then maybe, just maybe, so can I.

ninja7

Good choice almay! Keep reading and posting here. You have a lot of friends here.

Toronto68

Almay, I don't know what you decided as far as further doctor visits, but as the days go by you will probably question the odd feeling and be prompted to ask questions. There's a good chance someone has experienced it too, and there are lots of posts on the topic. Keep going!

almay777

Thanks. I just read somewhere that on day 3 you can actually die - something to do with a change in the chemical reaction of the brain. So right now I am seriously scared. But if I do not stop what I'm doing i will die anyway. Any tips on how to cope with day 3? (Or day 1 for that matter) :-(

Toronto68

Well, a lot of people make sure they are focused on something to make the time pass. Stay occupied studiously and then relax as fully as possible. Is there something around the house that needs an overhaul? Anything you can re-organize? In my case, I was a sloppy bachelor, so I had my work cut out for me as far as "things to do" - lots of tidying up. I noticed some snapshots the other day from several months ago, and I was appalled.

You can also take time to make a list of reasons you are glad you are picking sobriety and come back to it every once in a while, maybe add to it or use it as a guide when your mind is starting to think in the old habitual ways. But that is more an ongoing exercise.

I won't be able to touch on "medical" topics, but the rubbish feeling goes away after a week or so. Thinking back, for me the sense of amazement and later "elation" over having quit for a week and then two, etc, had more an impact on me than any of the rubbish feelings from quitting. That was when I really started to understand better what living for today was all about.

It will be natural to feel like you want to question every sensation or thought, because it's like you're discovering life again. And it makes perfect sense, because alcohol is not food, it's a chemical and a drug that shuts down the brain and closes off life. Keep freeing yourself of it.

almay777

Thanks for the advice. I am trying to make a list of things I can do to keep myself occupied. One thing I am scared of is the lack of sleep I am about to get. How do people cope when they wake up in the early hours of the morning feeling terrible? Is it possible to get back to sleep?
I know that if I just had a fighting chance of getting past the physical withdrawal, then I can probably do this. I do not drink because I enjoy it anymore - i drink because if I dont I feel like rubbish :-(

ninja7

You should think that even you can not sleep you can rest and that's enough for us. No one die due to lack of sleep. Believe Me. All of us have such sleepless night during withdrawal. Now I am very happy to sleep and have very happy morning.

Toronto68

Almay, there are a number of people who mention their sleep problems, and I come and go with them, almost like a 2-week cycle, I guess. Part of that is my fault, by not making sure I keep away from caffeine by X time or I omit a walk. Sometimes I am keyed up and it's not really through my own doing or omission of doing. It's a bit of a drag, and it's something I have not had to deal with for 15 or 20 years, but I don't really have a choice. (I was starting to have interrupted sleep in my last couple of years of drinking anyway.)

I try to make sure I exert myself physically according to a routine. This week I noticed myself avoiding thinking about certain topics/concerns when it was later in the evening, and I noticed that helped. These are some of the concrete ways we live inside a single day - instead of trying to address a lifetime of issues in the span of 15 minutes (something that went hand in hand with my alcoholism, I guess I would say).

The list thing sounds like a good thing. I don't hold myself to them legalistically or religiously, but I hang on to lists that I start (specific everyday things and deeper long-term or emotional things). I pull them out once in a while and put a check beside something that is DONE. If something comes back and needs work again, despite the list, that is OK, you can still eyeball other things you wrote down and maybe you never took time to consider that you had already achieved something else on the list.

I suppose what is important in all of that is that it is teaching yourself to pay yourself back and to stay in tune with what works for you, what life's terms are and how you fit in with it - as you, on your own, and not drugged up with a chemical that gave you the illusion that were you stronger, etc. I agree with the people who say it is like being a friend to yourself and splitting yourself into two thinkers. You need that mate inside you.

A lot of people will say that the physical crap to endure is the easy part and that it's the focus AFTER that period (maybe 2 weeks? depends) that is harder. Even if it is not noticeably hard, it is vital. This is the person you are, and whom you have to live with. So you develop ways to trust yourself and know when to protect yourself (being a little paranoid, precautious, even if you think you can handle alco contexts, for example); figuring out what ****works****.

Taking5

GO SEE YOUR DR! You will likely be given a script for anti-seizure medication and probably another for high BP. Then detox at home.

artsoul

Everyone's experience is different and I agree that seeing a doctor would be the best.

To be honest, though, I went at it alone. I was feeling so sick and bad about myself that I couldn't imagine getting dressed and going to see anyone. I pretty much stayed in bed the first couple of days (told myself that's what I'd do if I were sick anyway) and I had my laptop, lots of big glasses of water, food, vitamins (esp B). I stayed on this website for the first 48 hours or so. I really couldn't focus on much else. I made a commitment to myself that if things got bad, I'd see a doc or go to the ER. I drank about a bottle of wine 3-5 night a week, sometimes more, for several years.

By the time I got to day 3, my anxiety was 90% gone, and at that point, seeing someone would have been possible. But I'd also lived at this website and read alot of stories and decided that it was safe for me to assume I was not a candidate for DT's and was through the worst of it. I also had some recent experience of quitting for up to 7 days here and there. During those times, I suffered with bad anxiety and depression, plus some sweating, heart palpitations, slight tremor in my hands, but no nausea/vomiting, no all over shakiness.

I'm sending hugs - I know how scary it is. But you're among friends now, so keep posting. (we have a May 2010 thread so I hope you'll come join all of us folks that are getting sober this month.) And you're right - if you don't get sober, things will only get worse.