24, new, and nervous
 

Hi everyone,

I just joined this site after lurking around a bit and checking out a lot of these posts. It's such a relief to read about people who are going through the same experience as me and have made it to the other side.

To summarize: I'm an alcoholic and everything in my life is getting worse because of it. I can relate to some of the younger people who have posted here recently. I'm 24 and I've been drinking alcoholically for about 3 years. My drinking escalated very quickly both in terms of frequency and amount. The past month or so I've gotten to my most intense and solitary alcohol use in over a year - there's a desperation to the drinking I've been doing, I think because it's clear I need to quit immediately. I've been so depressed and unable to function lately that every area of my life is being abused or neglected, and it's become unbearable.

I'm really trying not to sound so self-pitying, just honest about where I'm at now. Here I am, my first day 2 in weeks. I've spent the last year trying to control my drinking with no success. I need and want to stop, but I don't trust myself not to give in when the temptation arises. But I can't go on like this, so I'm here. Thank you so much for listening. I feel so defeated, but it helps to know I'm not alone here.

-Abby

Welcome to SR Abby! I am not one of the younger ones around here, but I certainly admire what you are doing. You absolutely can do this and don't feel defeated. You are not. I know that is an easy feeling for us to identify with, but since you are trying then you are not defeated. Don't ever give up.

Glad you joined SR. If you need more support then try to find a face to face meeting. Either way, welcome.

Hi Abby. I am 24 and I got sober at 23. I have 10+ months sober now. I am not telling you that to gloat but rather to hopefully instill some hope that it is indeed possible to live a life free from alcohol and drugs.

I think the fact that you feel "so defeated" is not a bad thing. Rather it could be your salvation. An alcoholic can only beat the booze by accepting total and utter defeat. Once you accept that then you stand a chance. I accepted that I am totally poweless over alcohol. However as long as I never take that first drink 'just for today' then I will never drink again.

You are in good company here at SR. There are many success stories of people living much more enriched lives in recovery. There are many like yourself who are just starting out for the first time. There are many who are back again for their 100th time. Everybody has a day 1. It can be your last day 1 if you truly want it to be.

Keep reading, posting and identifying.

All The Best

Welcome to SR Abby! NEOMARXIST said it best...so keep checking in !!! I'm a newbie too, 5 days and going strong, but SR has helped me immensely !! My first few sleepless nights I read as much as I could , took breaks and played the arcade games on here, then chatted for a bit...anything to stay focused on the change I want for good ! You can do it !! Good luck !!

Please stay with it each day, hour, or minute at a time. The first few days are the worst, then the payoff in clarity and diminishing anxiety/fear kicks in, and you can begin to work on a new life. Like others, I would recommend AA. I'm only 15 days sober, by the way, and I feel pretty darn good.

I wanted to say hello too, Abby (love that name). I hope you'll join the May Class of 2010 thread. We're all supporting each other in the first days of sobriety, which can seem awfully long and strange. For me, things started getting better about day 3 or 4.

You described the insanity of this disease perfectly. I can relate to everything you said. And it really did get better once I realized I had no power to control my drinking. Like Neo said, feeling defeated was my "salvation."

That's about all for now. All the above posts said alot of what I wanted to say. You really can do this and we're here to help.:ring

Abby - You realize and admit how bad alcohol is for you which is a huge first step. You CAN stop! You have found a great place to find support. I will echo what others wrote that f2f meetings may be ideal for you, consider AA. Whatever you decide there is a lot of support here for you. Stick around and I look forward to reading more from you.

Well you've certainly made a step in the right direction. I also would suggest checking out AA and reading up as much as you can here - There's lots of young people (including me) who have gone through/are going through what you are.

The facts are if you continue to drink that things are going to just get worse and worse. If you stay sober things can only get infinitely better.

Hi, Abby. You sound so much like me not too long ago -- I started drinking at 19, was a complete alcoholic at 21. Women tend to go downhill a lot faster than the men do, and I'm actually grateful for that. I only had a few years of alcoholic drinking before I hit bottom. My last drink was January 12, 2008, a few months after my 22nd birthday. I never thought I could go even a day without a drink, but here I am at two years and counting. My life is indescribably better now -- sobriety is so worth it.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, or want to vent or chat. You can do this, if you want to, and your life will be better for it.

Take care of yourself,
Anna

Welcome to SR! :ghug3 By admitting to the problem you've taken the first step to solving it.:) I too was desperate to stop drinking, so desperate I was ready to do ANYTHING to stop drinking and stay sober. I've been helped by some AA meetings, counseling with an addiction specialist, and coming here every day. You CAN do this!:)

Welcome Abby :)

SR helped me immeasurably to get through those early days - I hope we can help you too :)

D

Hey Abby!
I'm pretty new here too. I'm 22 and only really realised I'm an alcoholic about 6 months ago but even still haven't tried out sobriety until the past month or so. I fell back into drinking but through the invaluable support here, and courage, and being nice to myself, I'm on Day 6 for the second try. And I feel really great. So even if you fall down, as you learn more and more, and get more and more support, it gets easier and easier to pick yourself up again, remember that! Feel free to message me or anything, I'd love to chat with you!
Lily :grouphug:

Wow, thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Just your being here means a lot to me. I'm about to go to bed and put an end to day 2, and I'm looking forward to not waking up hungover tomorrow. My goal by the end of the week is to find a doctor I can talk to about this, and possibly get a recommendation for a more regular counselor.

My only serious attempt at sobriety lasted 13 days, about two months ago. Since then my drinking has skyrocketed, along with a pretty intense depression. I've heard the phrase "the gift of desperation," and I think that describes where I'm at now. Just desperate enough to get my head above water level and take a breath. Thank you all again for your support and encouragement. I'll be back tomorrow!

Abby