I don't get it?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I don't know about anyone else but I've learned a lot from people here - AA/NA, not AA/NA....some of them had years of sobriety - others had days.
It's very far from being a one way street - and to me, that's what makes this place great.
A better analogy for me than the office would be something like a community meeting - everyone gets a chance to express an opinion, exchange dialogue and ideas...and if we're listening, thats how we all grow.
D
It's very far from being a one way street - and to me, that's what makes this place great.
A better analogy for me than the office would be something like a community meeting - everyone gets a chance to express an opinion, exchange dialogue and ideas...and if we're listening, thats how we all grow.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by Stayinfree 
Thanks for the replies!
Toronto68, I got some St Johns Wort yesterday and have started taking that, I know it won't work for a while but will stick with it for a few weeks and see how it goes.
I will add, and this may be hard to hear, that I don't give much credence to ideas about sobriety from someone who hasn't been able to demonstrate any sobriety. No, not hard to hear, just your opinion, but I wasn't really giving ideas for sobriety just sharing my thoughts on what would or wouldn't work for me.
Everyone has got their own opinion i guess but i cant help but compare some posts to real life and, in this case, imagine someone coming into my office and saying yeah i can do marketing...ive been doing it 3 weeks, need some advice just ask...i mean cmon?! That wasn't my intention, I wasn't giving advice, just sharing my thoughts, how long do I need to be sober for to share those??
Toronto68, I got some St Johns Wort yesterday and have started taking that, I know it won't work for a while but will stick with it for a few weeks and see how it goes.
I will add, and this may be hard to hear, that I don't give much credence to ideas about sobriety from someone who hasn't been able to demonstrate any sobriety. No, not hard to hear, just your opinion, but I wasn't really giving ideas for sobriety just sharing my thoughts on what would or wouldn't work for me.
Everyone has got their own opinion i guess but i cant help but compare some posts to real life and, in this case, imagine someone coming into my office and saying yeah i can do marketing...ive been doing it 3 weeks, need some advice just ask...i mean cmon?! That wasn't my intention, I wasn't giving advice, just sharing my thoughts, how long do I need to be sober for to share those??
I have been pulled up lots of times for the tone of my posts and in most cases rightfully so but the fact is that the members of SR with longer sobriety and experience do help people find their own path...i'm not long in sobriety and they help me, i don't need a hug or to be told thats it'll be ok because it won't, unless i made/make drastic changes, as i have proven for the last 20 years!
Your opinion is that if the recovered amongst us don't have anything positive to say then don't post...my opinion as someone who has actually passed the point of x you were referring to and is actively working on their sobriety and enjoying life is that i want to hear more from the long term sober and i want them to be direct...
So 2 different opinions, thats ok too:-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 241
C'mon yerself Yeahgr8
Yet again you misunderstand. I didn't post that I worked in the addictions field to give 'credibility' to my post, but to back up what I see on a daily basis.
I have been working with substance misusers for many years, long before I 'became' an alcoholic. We are funded to provide a 'harm reduction' service, so the majority of people who come through the door aren't yet looking for total abstinence. This philosophy clashes some now, with my own dependency issues and experience, but thats my problem.
I'll get to the point........on a few threads of late there have been people struggling to stay sober and are/have relapsed...maybe for the 100th time...I'm not sure. I read some of the replies and they make me cringe. I assume that they are posted with good intentions, but if they were replies to me relapsing...I wouldn't see it that way. That is what I said in my first post.
Yet again you misunderstand. I didn't post that I worked in the addictions field to give 'credibility' to my post, but to back up what I see on a daily basis.
I have been working with substance misusers for many years, long before I 'became' an alcoholic. We are funded to provide a 'harm reduction' service, so the majority of people who come through the door aren't yet looking for total abstinence. This philosophy clashes some now, with my own dependency issues and experience, but thats my problem.
I'll get to the point........on a few threads of late there have been people struggling to stay sober and are/have relapsed...maybe for the 100th time...I'm not sure. I read some of the replies and they make me cringe. I assume that they are posted with good intentions, but if they were replies to me relapsing...I wouldn't see it that way. That is what I said in my first post.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by Stayinfree
C'mon yerself Yeahgr8
Yet again you misunderstand. I didn't post that I worked in the addictions field to give 'credibility' to my post, but to back up what I see on a daily basis.
I have been working with substance misusers for many years, long before I 'became' an alcoholic. We are funded to provide a 'harm reduction' service, so the majority of people who come through the door aren't yet looking for total abstinence. This philosophy clashes some now, with my own dependency issues and experience, but thats my problem.
I'll get to the point........on a few threads of late there have been people struggling to stay sober and are/have relapsed...maybe for the 100th time...I'm not sure. I read some of the replies and they make me cringe. I assume that they are posted with good intentions, but if they were replies to me relapsing...I wouldn't see it that way. That is what I said in my first post.
Yet again you misunderstand. I didn't post that I worked in the addictions field to give 'credibility' to my post, but to back up what I see on a daily basis.
I have been working with substance misusers for many years, long before I 'became' an alcoholic. We are funded to provide a 'harm reduction' service, so the majority of people who come through the door aren't yet looking for total abstinence. This philosophy clashes some now, with my own dependency issues and experience, but thats my problem.
I'll get to the point........on a few threads of late there have been people struggling to stay sober and are/have relapsed...maybe for the 100th time...I'm not sure. I read some of the replies and they make me cringe. I assume that they are posted with good intentions, but if they were replies to me relapsing...I wouldn't see it that way. That is what I said in my first post.
For the alcoholic that is ready the message that makes you cringe is the right one, for the other people we have talked about and the alcoholic in denial it is a little annoying i guess...what we gonna do...as i said i think there is a balance here...we aren't always going to agree and thats ok and we each have every right to be here and say what we want...and to be challenged on our opinions, me too...
Anyways its another glorious sober day and i'm gonna go and buy some diet cokes and some fags from the mall...rather than sit thinking about how to stay sober and dissecting the past for the hundreth time in the last hour...so different now...
You have a good one too:-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Gr8, what I read into Stayin's original post was "When you talk with the punitive approach, you alienate people." There's a difference between that and "Don't say anything at all."
Some students will avoid a course based on the reputation of the instructor. If someone wants to learn something, then they don't need to see an instructor in the doorway with a paddle in his hand. It personally drives me nuts watching parents painstakingly conversing with their children (brats) in public when a slap seems so much more efficient and resolute. But maybe my older style of thinking on that does more harm than good, and the child in some cases only gets the slap out of the incident and not the message inside it.
That's why my dander got up in my post further above.
When I see someone being honest about relapsing a number of times here, I don't always get engaged in the conversation because I don't feel equipped to deal with it - lack of patience, lack of useful reaction for that person, what have you. Then maybe I would try again a different day, and the right combination of listening and telling between us would be there. Whether that propels someone further along by an inch on the sober path or not, I'm of course not sure.
Some students will avoid a course based on the reputation of the instructor. If someone wants to learn something, then they don't need to see an instructor in the doorway with a paddle in his hand. It personally drives me nuts watching parents painstakingly conversing with their children (brats) in public when a slap seems so much more efficient and resolute. But maybe my older style of thinking on that does more harm than good, and the child in some cases only gets the slap out of the incident and not the message inside it.
That's why my dander got up in my post further above.
When I see someone being honest about relapsing a number of times here, I don't always get engaged in the conversation because I don't feel equipped to deal with it - lack of patience, lack of useful reaction for that person, what have you. Then maybe I would try again a different day, and the right combination of listening and telling between us would be there. Whether that propels someone further along by an inch on the sober path or not, I'm of course not sure.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Perhaps what you're referring to, and I can only assume because you didn't provide an example or a link, are some of the post from the long-term sobriety folks who say something along the lines of, "Go back out and try some more controlled drinking/drug use."
My experience was that nothing.....and I mean nobody and no thing was going to scare me into recovery. I always thought I could out-fox the odds and get away with it or that the consequences of others would never happen to me.
I learned early in my recovery that my thinking, back then, is true of just about every addict. For most of us, the ONLY way we'll consider recovery and make a serious run at it is when we've exhausted all other options. Folks who are continually relapsing (myself included before I hit AA) who've come up with another "bright idea" this time to avoid the pain but haven't really changed..... I think I'd be doing them a complete disservice to deny them the pain that doing things their way most often brings.
Sobriety and recovery WILL require a lot of changes in the alcoholic/drug addicts life and nobody on the planet can force them to do any of it until they're finally able to surrender.
Some pain meds and a band-aid for a gunshot wound might make you feel better now but they do nothing to solve all the internal damage. If the patient refuses surgery because they don't believe they've been shot, I won't be the one to ease their path into death with BS temporary fixes.
My experience was that nothing.....and I mean nobody and no thing was going to scare me into recovery. I always thought I could out-fox the odds and get away with it or that the consequences of others would never happen to me.
I learned early in my recovery that my thinking, back then, is true of just about every addict. For most of us, the ONLY way we'll consider recovery and make a serious run at it is when we've exhausted all other options. Folks who are continually relapsing (myself included before I hit AA) who've come up with another "bright idea" this time to avoid the pain but haven't really changed..... I think I'd be doing them a complete disservice to deny them the pain that doing things their way most often brings.
Sobriety and recovery WILL require a lot of changes in the alcoholic/drug addicts life and nobody on the planet can force them to do any of it until they're finally able to surrender.
Some pain meds and a band-aid for a gunshot wound might make you feel better now but they do nothing to solve all the internal damage. If the patient refuses surgery because they don't believe they've been shot, I won't be the one to ease their path into death with BS temporary fixes.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I'm pretty sure I know what thread you're referencing.. a lot of us have been coming here for a long time, heck it gets to be almost like extended family. We support each other, and we talk straight to each other sometimes. You have your mama bears that pat people on the head with an "It's ok, hunny", and your grumpy papa bears who shoot straight and offer some tough love. It's that mix of folks that makes this place so great, and people DO come back.
I do know that if I chose to drink again, and came here to talk about it.. nothing anyone said would either keep me sober, or keep me drunk, they just don't have that power.
I think the balance in personalities and opinion is beautiful.. we have lots of sober time, lots of experience, lots of struggles, and lots of successes.. all we can do is respond honestly and thoughtfully, and that might come out differently in each response to a post.
Relapsing is serious business (I hate that word, relapse btw..), and can kill people. A lot of us know people that haven't made it 'back'. It's not part of recovery, and it's NOT something anyone here will support or advocate. Sometimes the hardest things to hear (for me) were the best things for me to hear (read).
I dunno.. read around a bit more, I bet you'll see how balanced it all is in the end.
Welcome!
I do know that if I chose to drink again, and came here to talk about it.. nothing anyone said would either keep me sober, or keep me drunk, they just don't have that power.
I think the balance in personalities and opinion is beautiful.. we have lots of sober time, lots of experience, lots of struggles, and lots of successes.. all we can do is respond honestly and thoughtfully, and that might come out differently in each response to a post.
Relapsing is serious business (I hate that word, relapse btw..), and can kill people. A lot of us know people that haven't made it 'back'. It's not part of recovery, and it's NOT something anyone here will support or advocate. Sometimes the hardest things to hear (for me) were the best things for me to hear (read).
I dunno.. read around a bit more, I bet you'll see how balanced it all is in the end.
Welcome!
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I get my fur up when I come across posts that equate 'cheerleading' with ‘BS temporary fixes‘. Just because certain people take a positive approach to sobriety and recovery does not mean that what they do does not work. I consider those comments to be a slap in the face. I've worked hard to get to where I am today.
I don't refuse to believe that the AA approach does not work. I have seen that it does, in fact, work for some people.
Yet...I can't help but get frustrated at some AA posters who refuse to acknowledge that ways other than AA do, in fact, work for some people.
What’s the deal, folks?
Stop criticizing my sobriety and recovery.
I don't refuse to believe that the AA approach does not work. I have seen that it does, in fact, work for some people.
Yet...I can't help but get frustrated at some AA posters who refuse to acknowledge that ways other than AA do, in fact, work for some people.
What’s the deal, folks?
Stop criticizing my sobriety and recovery.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Sometimes these 'harsh' posts are from people who have seen the ugliest side of addiction: holding someone's hand as they are dying, watching the family breakups from addiction, and other really ugly stories. These people, I think, have seen such horrible problems from addiction that they just can't 'sugar-coat' anything or 'make nice'. They are afraid for your life, and with good reason as addiction kills people every day.
I would just say to take what you need and leave the rest and remember where the 'tough love' is coming from and why the message they give is so urgent.:ghug3
I would just say to take what you need and leave the rest and remember where the 'tough love' is coming from and why the message they give is so urgent.:ghug3
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
I think it's this simple - we're going to hear a lot of truth, a lot of BS, and a lot of something in the middle. We're also going to hear from folks who really don't want to get sober, some who desperately want to, and again, some who are right down the middle.
It's a mixed bag. It's a microcosm of life. It's not all going to be pleasant, and yes, some feelings might get hurt sometimes, but it's all necessary.
It's a mixed bag. It's a microcosm of life. It's not all going to be pleasant, and yes, some feelings might get hurt sometimes, but it's all necessary.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I think this is a great thread and glad to be a part of it, i love flutters post and Dee's analagy makes more sense than my office one...
It's nice to see that different routes to recovery have posted here and no-one has criticised anyone else's journey...i found it very positive and brimming with support and a good discussion to boot:-)
It's nice to see that different routes to recovery have posted here and no-one has criticised anyone else's journey...i found it very positive and brimming with support and a good discussion to boot:-)
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Interesting thread, and I think everyone has made some good points.
My own two-cents-worth: I'm more likely to be helpful if I can really relate to what the other person is going through. I think we all tend to project our experience onto others and are really talking to ourselves as much as we are talking to them. That can be a good thing, though, if it makes for true empathy. I think most people come here broken and alone and I can relate to that, while others I may not be able to relate to.
I'm not likely to kick people in the butt, but that's not me anyway (have a hard time with conflict, period), and I know it wouldn't have helped me either when I first got here. That being said, who's to say that it doesn't work with some people? I think the important thing is what's going on inside us - if someone frustrates us or makes us angry, then there is an issue there that we need to deal with. But if we are focused on being helpful, then it doesn't matter if the response is hard or soft.
I don't know where I got this from but I always liked it:
My own two-cents-worth: I'm more likely to be helpful if I can really relate to what the other person is going through. I think we all tend to project our experience onto others and are really talking to ourselves as much as we are talking to them. That can be a good thing, though, if it makes for true empathy. I think most people come here broken and alone and I can relate to that, while others I may not be able to relate to.
I'm not likely to kick people in the butt, but that's not me anyway (have a hard time with conflict, period), and I know it wouldn't have helped me either when I first got here. That being said, who's to say that it doesn't work with some people? I think the important thing is what's going on inside us - if someone frustrates us or makes us angry, then there is an issue there that we need to deal with. But if we are focused on being helpful, then it doesn't matter if the response is hard or soft.
I don't know where I got this from but I always liked it:
It doesn't matter how well a message is received; what matters is how it is sent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 241
There are some great replies on here.
For myself, I've been thinking about this a lot today and I think I've probably been biased because of my training and work practice. In my job it's all about building a trusting relationship with people with substance misuse issues, who often still want to keep using, and may drop in and out of the service for months/years before wanting to get 'clean'.
On the internet it takes longer to get to 'know' someone and we haven't got the benefit of seeing body language to help us work out how someone's message is being offered.
For myself, I've been thinking about this a lot today and I think I've probably been biased because of my training and work practice. In my job it's all about building a trusting relationship with people with substance misuse issues, who often still want to keep using, and may drop in and out of the service for months/years before wanting to get 'clean'.
On the internet it takes longer to get to 'know' someone and we haven't got the benefit of seeing body language to help us work out how someone's message is being offered.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
We all bleed blood when we bleed
Tough Love.
Hmmm.
You know, tough love is very often misunderstood. Tough love requires the person to posses a genuine personal connection to the person being "tough-loved." Difficult to achieve true tough love connections on an internet forum. For some it will be impossible, for some others it will be possible. For most it will be best to be somewhere in the middle of "hand-holding" and "tough-love" [heh heh]
It's all about being emotionally and mentally harsh for specific "reasons" and at the same time establishing absolute limits and boundaries which when honored by all participants creates solutions that the "tough-loved" person can then embrace and better their lives from. All this must be done with utmost respect, admiration, and love for the relationship between the helper and the helpee.
Getting that established in f2f situations is hard enough, yes? The bottom line is it takes a mutal agreement between all involved before using tough love methods. Without clear agreements bullying and abuse will almost certainly get mixed into the message being given.
I have practiced tough love therapy in my years at rehab. It works when done efficiently with those that require it. But when it dosen't work, and when done on those who do not require it, it really, really dosen't work. And harm is the resultant when it dosen't work. No other way to see it. Tough love gone wrong hurts people. Period.
For me here on SR, i don't see much authentic tough love. I mostly just see people loving people. I sometimes see people who are already hurting themselves hurt others without knowing they are hurting others. I rarely see people flat out hurt others for the sake of being abusive or hateful.
People are people are people. Judging what others need from our own experiences is not always the best method to be helpful to others. Self-disclosure from a poster is a far more reliable source to decide on how one might respond in a thread if one wants to be helpful. Helping the poster with what they actually asked to be helped with is always the best way forward, imo. Sometimes giving more then what was asked for [disclosed] has mixed results, yes?
We all want to help ourselves and others here on SR. We all have different skill sets and experiences. We all have feelings, thoughts, and actions that have some uniqueness and some commonality with others.
Are we there yet?
warmly,
RobbyRobot
Hmmm.
You know, tough love is very often misunderstood. Tough love requires the person to posses a genuine personal connection to the person being "tough-loved." Difficult to achieve true tough love connections on an internet forum. For some it will be impossible, for some others it will be possible. For most it will be best to be somewhere in the middle of "hand-holding" and "tough-love" [heh heh]
It's all about being emotionally and mentally harsh for specific "reasons" and at the same time establishing absolute limits and boundaries which when honored by all participants creates solutions that the "tough-loved" person can then embrace and better their lives from. All this must be done with utmost respect, admiration, and love for the relationship between the helper and the helpee.
Getting that established in f2f situations is hard enough, yes? The bottom line is it takes a mutal agreement between all involved before using tough love methods. Without clear agreements bullying and abuse will almost certainly get mixed into the message being given.
I have practiced tough love therapy in my years at rehab. It works when done efficiently with those that require it. But when it dosen't work, and when done on those who do not require it, it really, really dosen't work. And harm is the resultant when it dosen't work. No other way to see it. Tough love gone wrong hurts people. Period.
For me here on SR, i don't see much authentic tough love. I mostly just see people loving people. I sometimes see people who are already hurting themselves hurt others without knowing they are hurting others. I rarely see people flat out hurt others for the sake of being abusive or hateful.
People are people are people. Judging what others need from our own experiences is not always the best method to be helpful to others. Self-disclosure from a poster is a far more reliable source to decide on how one might respond in a thread if one wants to be helpful. Helping the poster with what they actually asked to be helped with is always the best way forward, imo. Sometimes giving more then what was asked for [disclosed] has mixed results, yes?
We all want to help ourselves and others here on SR. We all have different skill sets and experiences. We all have feelings, thoughts, and actions that have some uniqueness and some commonality with others.
Are we there yet?
warmly,
RobbyRobot
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by artsoul
Interesting thread, and I think everyone has made some good points.
That being said, who's to say that it doesn't work with some people? I think the important thing is what's going on inside us - if someone frustrates us or makes us angry, then there is an issue there that we need to deal with. But if we are focused on being helpful, then it doesn't matter if the response is hard or soft.
I don't know where I got this from but I always liked it:
"it dosen't matter how well a message is received; what matters is how it was sent"
That being said, who's to say that it doesn't work with some people? I think the important thing is what's going on inside us - if someone frustrates us or makes us angry, then there is an issue there that we need to deal with. But if we are focused on being helpful, then it doesn't matter if the response is hard or soft.
I don't know where I got this from but I always liked it:
"it dosen't matter how well a message is received; what matters is how it was sent"
have a nice day
Rob
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Tough love gone wrong hurts people. Period.[/I]
"Love gone wrong hurts people. Period."
Maybe even a more true statement.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I always regret it when I go outside my own experience. If I am seen as giving "tough love" and I was sharing my ESH, then, well, so be it... It's when I go outside my own ESH, and I am guilty of that .... partly because I am in a career where I have to do that all the time, and as long as I stay within my training it's OK... It's when I go outside my own experience, strength and hope in matters of alcoholism/addiction, and I try to give it "straight" or with "tough love" that I always regret it... because I have no credibility to back it up....
If I tell you how it was with me, what I did, how I found my way... and it's tough, stark, difficult... it's OK, because that's my experience...
Well, that's what I've learned here anyway, thanx to all the generous and thoughtful people at SR.... many of them happen to be pretty straight shooters
....
Mark
.... partly because I am in a career where I have to do that all the time, and as long as I stay within my training it's OK... It's when I go outside my own experience, strength and hope in matters of alcoholism/addiction, and I try to give it "straight" or with "tough love" that I always regret it... because I have no credibility to back it up....If I tell you how it was with me, what I did, how I found my way... and it's tough, stark, difficult... it's OK, because that's my experience...
Well, that's what I've learned here anyway, thanx to all the generous and thoughtful people at SR.... many of them happen to be pretty straight shooters
....Mark
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 241
Well, both sides of the message matter. Neither side trumps the other in importance. As for someone being justified in giving whatever response [hard or soft] they deem proper simply because they are "coming from being focused on being helpful" that line of thinking is in a word: self-centered.
How true!
You know, the older I get, the more grey life becomes, there is NO more black and white for me.
When I've built up a good, solid foundation of trust, honesty and empathy in a relationship, I can then offer 'challenges' to that person...to do so before they are ready, or before they trust me, would be detrimental to them, and ultimately myself.
I focus on what do they 'need' to hear, that is going to move them forward...it's not about me, and my frustrations...and also where they are in the cycle of change...I need to know where they are before aiming my responses and interventions.
How true!
You know, the older I get, the more grey life becomes, there is NO more black and white for me.
When I've built up a good, solid foundation of trust, honesty and empathy in a relationship, I can then offer 'challenges' to that person...to do so before they are ready, or before they trust me, would be detrimental to them, and ultimately myself.
I focus on what do they 'need' to hear, that is going to move them forward...it's not about me, and my frustrations...and also where they are in the cycle of change...I need to know where they are before aiming my responses and interventions.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by flutter
I'm pretty sure I know what thread you're referencing.. a lot of us have been coming here for a long time, heck it gets to be almost like extended family. We support each other, and we talk straight to each other sometimes. You have your mama bears that pat people on the head with an "It's ok, hunny", and your grumpy papa bears who shoot straight and offer some tough love. It's that mix of folks that makes this place so great, and people DO come back.
I do know that if I chose to drink again, and came here to talk about it.. nothing anyone said would either keep me sober, or keep me drunk, they just don't have that power.
I think the balance in personalities and opinion is beautiful.. we have lots of sober time, lots of experience, lots of struggles, and lots of successes.. all we can do is respond honestly and thoughtfully, and that might come out differently in each response to a post.
Relapsing is serious business (I hate that word, relapse btw..), and can kill people. A lot of us know people that haven't made it 'back'. It's not part of recovery, and it's NOT something anyone here will support or advocate. Sometimes the hardest things to hear (for me) were the best things for me to hear (read).
I dunno.. read around a bit more, I bet you'll see how balanced it all is in the end.
Welcome!
I do know that if I chose to drink again, and came here to talk about it.. nothing anyone said would either keep me sober, or keep me drunk, they just don't have that power.
I think the balance in personalities and opinion is beautiful.. we have lots of sober time, lots of experience, lots of struggles, and lots of successes.. all we can do is respond honestly and thoughtfully, and that might come out differently in each response to a post.
Relapsing is serious business (I hate that word, relapse btw..), and can kill people. A lot of us know people that haven't made it 'back'. It's not part of recovery, and it's NOT something anyone here will support or advocate. Sometimes the hardest things to hear (for me) were the best things for me to hear (read).
I dunno.. read around a bit more, I bet you'll see how balanced it all is in the end.
Welcome!
I like reading all of the different takes on different situations from different people. We all have our own experiences to share. Sometimes we need some support/understanding & to be picked up & sometimes we need to hear things like "are you done yet" etc. to help people to make it over the hump.
Its tough when you are in the throws of addiction and some times some "tough love" is better than being "loved to death". I think we have a great thing gong here on SR as you tend to get a bit of both.
I personally appreciate everyone's input here but it doesn't mean that I have to agree with everyone... tried that one before, it doesn't work.
Cheers,
NB
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