lucyford

I'm going to be a sophomore in college next fall, and starting June 1st I'm living in an off-campus house with 7 other people: 4 other girls, and three boys. Two of the girls, two of my "closest" friends, are major potheads. One girl, one who I genuinely consider to be a friend and supportive, smokes occasionally and that's about it. But every single one of them loves to get hammered drunk, absolutely belligerent, which is very common for the party school I go to.
When I initially signed the lease with these people, I wasn't trying to be sober. And now I am.
They all think they're helping me, and they don't think that their drinking influences me at all -- and for a while, I've been doing well. But now I'm extra paranoid because of my last slip up, which was at a party in which most of my future roommates were in attendance.
How do I address this problem? Once school starts up I'll be throwing myself into my studies, as per usual, so I'm not super stressed about that... but this summer I have almost 4 entire months to "goof off" and I don't want to goof off in the wrong way.

artsoul

Hi lucyford (and welcome to SR) - that's a real tough one. There's probably alot of options though and in the end you'll have to decided which one you're most comfortable with. Do you want to room with them still? Are they sober during the week (so that you wouldn't have to avoid being around them all the time?) Can you be honest with them and get someone else to fill the spot? For myself, I know it's going to be really hard for me to hang out with some people, but fortunately I only see them occassionally. With best friends, it's kinda hard, but they really should care about your well-being if you're that close. Good luck - I feel for you!

Dee74

Hi again Lucy

I'm not an American so I've no idea how it works but is there any chance of you getting reassigned to other accomodation?

D

lucyford

Thankfully, I'll have my own room. It's 8 people in an 8 bedroom house, so worst case scenario I can be a faux-shut in and never leave.
D, as far as getting newer accommodations my options are limited. Since I'm not in housing provided by the University, I can't just ask to switch roommates.
I'm thinking I'm going to see how the summer goes and if it is absolutely unbearable I'll be forced to find some place new.
They are mostly sober during the week, during school at least, but they smoke pot whenever they feel like it.
I'm also hoping that if it doesn't work out, my counselor will give me an in for the sober dorm here. I think that'd be my best option... I just don't know if it's feasible yet. :/

aasharon90

For me recovery is top priority.

Because without it, not being
sober, i wont have anything
else.

As u listen to others, many have
lost everything. Family, material
stuff which can be replaced, their
physical health, and other stuff.

U dont have to lose it all. Why wait
till its too late.

Recovery is living a day at a time
not drinking or using. One day at
a time. That's all.

You can plan for tomorrow or
for the future, but there is no
guarantee that tomorrow will
come.

So its a day at a time. What
can u do today to help urself.

Tomorrow and the next day and
so on u ask urself what can i do
to stay sober or clean.

To stay clean or sober it takes
willingness to do whatever it
takes.

And most of all, u never have
to make this dicision by yourself.
As u ask here for guidance u will
be givin some suggestions.

By sharing about the situation
u r in someone will come along
to share their own experiences,
strfengths and hopes that will
possibly help u.

Stick with the winners.

Stick close to the ones in recovery
till u make other plans. Dont trust
urself if ur a newcomer because
drugs and alcohol is cunning baffling
and powerful.

It will sneek up on u when u least
expect it to. Even if ur in a good spot
and ur doing well in school u may have
the urge to want to celebrate with some
"poison".

If u have a good support system to hang
onto then ur i good shape.

Ur recovery is for u and no one else
even if it means losing a best friend.

Those that dont have a proble with
drugs r alcohol wont understand one
that is in recovery.

and u its not necessary to explain
urself to anyone.

If ur young and ur just starting
recovery, u have ur whole life
ahead of u with many wonderful
awesome promises waiting for u
as u grow and change.

Read about the in the Big Book
of AA. Alcoholic Anyonymous.

This is the beginning of ur new
life. Not the end.

Recovery1983

Hello LucyFord. I think you should get out of the lease now and find a different place to live. When I was an undergrad, I lived in the fraternity house and we had a lot of stuff going on over there. It was exactly the environment that you described, however, at the time, I wasnt trying to quit drinking and I had not realized that I was an alcoholic.

Being in that environment will only hinder you from sobriety or even cause you to relapse, especially so early on in sobriety. Also, I see a possibility of you being sober, while living in the house, causing conflicts in the future with your friends/roommates. What if your roommates get tired of you being sober? What if you get tired of them always drinking or always smoking weed? These type of possible scenarios can easily cause conflicts and can also ruin friendships. For your sake, I think you should reevaluate your living conditions now and not wait until the end of summer. Even if you do that trial period (the summer months) and you tell them that it isnt working out, they could resent you for it and it could cause problems. It is better to get out now before you guys move in so that they can find a new roommate from the beginning. If you move out after 3-4 months of living there, they will have to find a new roommate which might be an inconvenience.

AtlasMcGee

I lived in a party house during college & successfully locked myself in my room when I absolutely had to in order to study--it sucked though.

There would be people in my house at all hours of the night, even during the week. I'd have to walk out into my living room at 3 something in the a.m. & tell 'em "I have to be in class at 8 a.m. would ya'll please tone it down or leave??"--it was a year around party, not just summer- that's something to think about. I wasn't even trying to be sober those days either, & I believe if I was I would have left or killed somebody...or who knows? maybe I just would have shook my head a lot

Sorry, I really tried to think of something encouraging to say since you've already committed for the most part (there's still time), but it's going to be tough! & you'll need patience by the kilos...

NEOMARXIST

I can empathise with your situation. I can only use my own experience to post a response to your post.

I can only say that I have to treat my sobriety as my upmost priority. Without it I have absolutely nothing apart from active alcoholism and drug addiction to look forward to. I wouldn't last very long. I would lose everything very quickly. Of that I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever. So I guess knowing that with absolute certainty helps me.

I have had to rebuild my life over the past 10+ months from the ground up. I have had to wrap my life, to a necessary degree, in cotton-wool so as to always protect my precious sobriety. The longer I am sober then the more precious my sobriety becomes. It is the most precious thing that I have in my life now. Because I know that if I lose it then it doesn't bare thinking about. I have felt despair, hopelessness and loneliness that only another alcoholic could empathise with. I don't wish to ever go back there again.

I wouldn't/couldn't live in an environment with any drugs or boozing around. I am an alcoholic and drug addict so I guess most people would see the logic to that. I appreciate however that at "college" (University) then drink and drugs (just moderatley even) is naturally part of life. I got wrecked a lot.

I guess it comes down to how much you value your sobriety and how important you value it. If you think that living with these particualr characters is going to jeopardise your recovery then there is your answer.

All The Best. Increase The Peace.