Why why why
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 72
Why why why
April 26th I almost died from an overdose. I've been sober since till today. Today I went to my meetings and was doing fine till I got home and no one was here yet. So I broke down and used. I'm wondering how I could do such a thing after what happened last month? Why would I risk my health again? Why would I risk my marriage? why would I risk losing my family. I have so many questions in my life I would like to have answers for once.
Does anyone understand what I'm going thru. I would be so grateful for any advice.
Does anyone understand what I'm going thru. I would be so grateful for any advice.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcohol.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and u I am truely grateful.
The progression of my alcoholism
was extremely rapid from Feb. 1990
to Aug. 1990.
A horrible accident where i hit a
concrete culvert sitting on top the
ground on my way home from a
club at 2 in the morning landed
me in the hospital for 10 day with
a punctured spleen that was removed
so i wouldnt bleed to death.
I was pretty messed up.
The following months i didnt drink
while i was on medication for pain.
The pills took the place of alcohol
till they didnt have any more physical
pain to heal.
It was in Aug. 90 i picked up a drink
and picked up right where i left off
at. Right back at the same club doing
the same thing.
The only thing was, it was far worse.
I wanted to die. To end my miserable
life. The lieing ,drinking that i couldnt
stop. The merry go round i couldnt
get off of.
I took a hand full of pills and one
last arguement with my then spouse
and off to slumber i went.
The next day family stepped in with
an intervention which landed me
in rehab for 28 days of my own
request.
That was better than sending me to
a halfway house out of state away
from my little ones.
They also tact on a 6 week outpatiant
aftercare program.
I picked up the tools and knowledge
of my disease of alcoholism and was
set on the path of recovery a day at
a time.
Many 1 days @ a time collected
together to get me where i am today,
i continue to apply the steps and
principles of my recovery program to
my everyday life.
I had to crawl first in recovery before
i could walk a step at a time.
U can too.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and u I am truely grateful.
The progression of my alcoholism
was extremely rapid from Feb. 1990
to Aug. 1990.
A horrible accident where i hit a
concrete culvert sitting on top the
ground on my way home from a
club at 2 in the morning landed
me in the hospital for 10 day with
a punctured spleen that was removed
so i wouldnt bleed to death.
I was pretty messed up.
The following months i didnt drink
while i was on medication for pain.
The pills took the place of alcohol
till they didnt have any more physical
pain to heal.
It was in Aug. 90 i picked up a drink
and picked up right where i left off
at. Right back at the same club doing
the same thing.
The only thing was, it was far worse.
I wanted to die. To end my miserable
life. The lieing ,drinking that i couldnt
stop. The merry go round i couldnt
get off of.
I took a hand full of pills and one
last arguement with my then spouse
and off to slumber i went.
The next day family stepped in with
an intervention which landed me
in rehab for 28 days of my own
request.
That was better than sending me to
a halfway house out of state away
from my little ones.
They also tact on a 6 week outpatiant
aftercare program.
I picked up the tools and knowledge
of my disease of alcoholism and was
set on the path of recovery a day at
a time.
Many 1 days @ a time collected
together to get me where i am today,
i continue to apply the steps and
principles of my recovery program to
my everyday life.
I had to crawl first in recovery before
i could walk a step at a time.
U can too.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
Debby, it's what addiction does to us. It will destroy us and kill us if we don't stop it. It's relentless and we need to be aware of that.
Try to learn from this experience today. Try to figure out what triggered you and make sure that doesn't happen again.
Try to learn from this experience today. Try to figure out what triggered you and make sure that doesn't happen again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back Debby 
I don't think there's any rationality to addiction.
I'm primarily an alcoholic but I've faced death several times from both drink and drugs - it didn't stop me - until the last time finally was sufficiently close enough for me to actively work for sobriety.
I was lucky cos as you know a lot of us don't get those second chances.
That was over three years now and I don't regret it - apart from staying clean and sober, I've worked on that void inside me that drugs and booze tried to fill, and I've learnt other ways to deal with things than by doing drugs or drinking.
Action is key - it's very easy to just roll on doing the same old crap. Action is the hard choice, but it's a lifesaver...
What's your plan?
D
I don't think there's any rationality to addiction.
I'm primarily an alcoholic but I've faced death several times from both drink and drugs - it didn't stop me - until the last time finally was sufficiently close enough for me to actively work for sobriety.
I was lucky cos as you know a lot of us don't get those second chances.
That was over three years now and I don't regret it - apart from staying clean and sober, I've worked on that void inside me that drugs and booze tried to fill, and I've learnt other ways to deal with things than by doing drugs or drinking.
Action is key - it's very easy to just roll on doing the same old crap. Action is the hard choice, but it's a lifesaver...
What's your plan?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: On my way
Posts: 173
i honestly believe there is not a real answer-
it is what it is, we are who we are-and if there was a answer somehow, would that be enough to make the change?
i've wasted the past several years of my life wondering these same questions....ect--trying to find answers--trying to come up with a reason, an explanation for my repeated actions of self destruction--it never helped me in any way
finally being content with not asking why anymore has done much more for me
i've realized it does not matter why i am this way---i just am
and i am the one responsible for making a change
try and look at this new transition in your life as a great opportunity to finally make the change you so desire--don't worry about the whys--you can deal with that later--focus on rebuilding a life you are proud to be living
remember how bad it is now--so you never have to come back
good luck--this is a great place to help you on your way
it is what it is, we are who we are-and if there was a answer somehow, would that be enough to make the change?
i've wasted the past several years of my life wondering these same questions....ect--trying to find answers--trying to come up with a reason, an explanation for my repeated actions of self destruction--it never helped me in any way
finally being content with not asking why anymore has done much more for me
i've realized it does not matter why i am this way---i just am
and i am the one responsible for making a change
try and look at this new transition in your life as a great opportunity to finally make the change you so desire--don't worry about the whys--you can deal with that later--focus on rebuilding a life you are proud to be living
remember how bad it is now--so you never have to come back
good luck--this is a great place to help you on your way
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Debby - I think Anna's right: we do this because we're alcoholics/addicts - and it's serious business. Everytime I picked up that drink or drug again, I wasn't thinking about rolling around in the bed, feeling sick, sweaty and anxious. I was just thinking about a little relief, a good feeling. The problem is, what do we do the next time we're in the same situation?
I have to come here daily and read the stories of others so that I never ever forget again. I'm glad you here - that's a really good thing.
I have to come here daily and read the stories of others so that I never ever forget again. I'm glad you here - that's a really good thing.
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
Debby,
May I ask why you had the thins you use still in your home if you quit or did you go score real quick? I am sorry but I am a little confused, and I can only offer help if i understand b.c obviously if you get that stuf out of your house and no one was home, it woudl have been a lot eawsier for you to have jumped on SR and asked for help as opposed to using.
So maybe do yourself a favor and get rid of whaever your using out of your house...
Good luck, hang in there <3 Dream
May I ask why you had the thins you use still in your home if you quit or did you go score real quick? I am sorry but I am a little confused, and I can only offer help if i understand b.c obviously if you get that stuf out of your house and no one was home, it woudl have been a lot eawsier for you to have jumped on SR and asked for help as opposed to using.
So maybe do yourself a favor and get rid of whaever your using out of your house...
Good luck, hang in there <3 Dream
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SOUTH,LA
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcohol.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and u I am truely grateful.
The progression of my alcoholism
was extremely rapid from Feb. 1990
to Aug. 1990.
A horrible accident where i hit a
concrete culvert sitting on top the
ground on my way home from a
club at 2 in the morning landed
me in the hospital for 10 day with
a punctured spleen that was removed
so i wouldnt bleed to death.
I was pretty messed up.
The following months i didnt drink
while i was on medication for pain.
The pills took the place of alcohol
till they didnt have any more physical
pain to heal.
It was in Aug. 90 i picked up a drink
and picked up right where i left off
at. Right back at the same club doing
the same thing.
The only thing was, it was far worse.
I wanted to die. To end my miserable
life. The lieing ,drinking that i couldnt
stop. The merry go round i couldnt
get off of.
I took a hand full of pills and one
last arguement with my then spouse
and off to slumber i went.
The next day family stepped in with
an intervention which landed me
in rehab for 28 days of my own
request.
That was better than sending me to
a halfway house out of state away
from my little ones.
They also tact on a 6 week outpatiant
aftercare program.
I picked up the tools and knowledge
of my disease of alcoholism and was
set on the path of recovery a day at
a time.
Many 1 days @ a time collected
together to get me where i am today,
i continue to apply the steps and
principles of my recovery program to
my everyday life.
I had to crawl first in recovery before
i could walk a step at a time.
U can too.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and u I am truely grateful.
The progression of my alcoholism
was extremely rapid from Feb. 1990
to Aug. 1990.
A horrible accident where i hit a
concrete culvert sitting on top the
ground on my way home from a
club at 2 in the morning landed
me in the hospital for 10 day with
a punctured spleen that was removed
so i wouldnt bleed to death.
I was pretty messed up.
The following months i didnt drink
while i was on medication for pain.
The pills took the place of alcohol
till they didnt have any more physical
pain to heal.
It was in Aug. 90 i picked up a drink
and picked up right where i left off
at. Right back at the same club doing
the same thing.
The only thing was, it was far worse.
I wanted to die. To end my miserable
life. The lieing ,drinking that i couldnt
stop. The merry go round i couldnt
get off of.
I took a hand full of pills and one
last arguement with my then spouse
and off to slumber i went.
The next day family stepped in with
an intervention which landed me
in rehab for 28 days of my own
request.
That was better than sending me to
a halfway house out of state away
from my little ones.
They also tact on a 6 week outpatiant
aftercare program.
I picked up the tools and knowledge
of my disease of alcoholism and was
set on the path of recovery a day at
a time.
Many 1 days @ a time collected
together to get me where i am today,
i continue to apply the steps and
principles of my recovery program to
my everyday life.
I had to crawl first in recovery before
i could walk a step at a time.
U can too.
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