sweetserenity

I missed work again today...no call no show. I have already put in my notice, but have to go in and face everyone. I know what they all think, that I just don't care, I am simply irresponsible. Yet, know one knows how I am struggling. I have been battling this demon my whole life. Just barely functioning, just enough to save face, to get by. I had 1 year sober, I have been drinking again for a year. I am going to loose everything I worked so hard for. I am going to loose my job, my nursing licence. I am moving back in with my parents in 2 weeks, they have no idea how bad its been. The all night binges, the shame and embarrassment. All the lies I have told, telling them how well I have been doing. This is the time, I have to surrender, I can't go on like this. I am so scared, I know how hard it is to be sober. how will I cope with all the changes, new job, new city, the stress. I should be excited, but I know I am going with me.

Dee74

Welcome to SR sweetserenity

I destroyed a lot of things, got some new things, destroyed those too...and so on.
It's not a great way to live.

You'll find a lot of support here for a sober way of life
Look forward to seeing you around

D

Anna

Believe me, we all lose things as we spiral downwards and there are always regrets. What I know is that the regret and shame kept me from getting well for a long time as I was caught up in the cycle.

I hope you can look at the changes coming up as an opportunity. It may not seem like that now, but it can be. Know that you can do this!

artsoul

Welcome SS! I'm glad to here you're wanting change. It's a miserable cycle of obsession, as you well know. For me, finally getting honest (with myself first, of course) was a real relief. I know you'll find support here and no matter where you go, you can count this as your base.

Remember that your family and coworkers care about you and want the best for you. Sending a hug -:ghug3

porkchopped

Welcome!

As BP44 posted so eloquently in a previous thread:

And the beauty is that while it may seem like a liability today, I promise it will become an asset.

Believe it!! I am seeing it in my life for the first time.

coffeenut

Welcome. Glad you've decided to change your life for the better. Stick around and read the site. SR is a solid place to be.

Hevyn

Don't be scared, Sweet. The way you've been living is far scarier than being sober, I promise you that. I put myself through hell trying to hold on to my crutch, and almost lost my life in the process. You're getting out while you can still look forward to a bright and happy future - without the poison. It's not going to take you down - you can win this fight. Keep talking to us - you aren't alone anymore.

HumbleBee

Hello SweetS,

I quit my job while I was drinking and spiraling downward, all alone. That's the goal of alcohol - it wants to take everything from you, but it wants to get you alone first to really dig its claws into you.

So we hide (alone) and drink, but go thru the motions of working until we can't work any longer and then most of the time, we quit before we're fired.

It's the insane alcoholic thinking that by quitting our job, we have somehow maintained our dignity for never having been fired.

You said: I know how hard it is to be sober. how will I cope with all the changes, new job, new city, the stress. I should be excited, but I know I am going with me.

We can all do anything for an hour. Try not to think so long term about sobriety - doing so will make it seem so unattainable and likely give you the feeling of why bother? Break not drinking down into small increments; a day, an hour, heck, 20 minutes if necessary.

You're right - wherever you go, there you are. You might want to see what's available for outpatient alcoholism counseling in the new city. I met an angel of mercy counselor who saved my life - one hour visits, one night per week (more if needed), on a sliding scale, at night, one-on-one. He taught me the skills I needed in to learn how to live happily in recovery, as opposed to just not drinking. It is possible. It's the best decision I've made in my entire life.

Stick around, read through the forums, post 24/7 - there's always someone here. You're in good company. Glad you're here.

least

Welcome to SR! It's hard to make the necessary changes, but you don't have to live like this any more. Do whatever is needed to get you turned around and headed in the right direction. Staying sober takes some effort but is so worth it. You'll find a lot of support and good information here.

:ghug3

sweetserenity

Thank you all for the incredible insight. This is the support I need. Today is day two. It is a Saturday. I am at home while the rest of the city is out at the festival. I know I can't go the triggers too strong, but these thoughts keep nagging relentlessly. Haven't found the courage to go to meetings yet, I am so glad I signed on today. Thanks!!

Andi

Welcome sweetserenity,

Wishing you the best of luck on breaking the spiral.

Humble how true is that, we've kicked out jobs, relationships, friends,...in order to drink alone.