The bottom...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 14
The bottom...
Mon. May 3rd I finially knew what it ment to hit rock bottom. The lowest of my lows, after years of hearing that I needed a bottom, from others alike, to truly admit to step one and believe it, there I was flat on my back at the bottom of what I can only explain as an empty endless hell.
Oh hi, my name is Jen, and I am an alcoholic. I have known for awhile now that I am an alcoholic, I just denied the fact that I couldn't control my addiction. I was very problematic in my teens, got married at 18, made 4 babies, drinking wasn't much of an issue. I figured I had gained control. Then my 4th child was born 5 yrs ago, and poop hit the fan. In alot of ways I picked up where I left off.
Well I found out, that my husband has been so miserable that he found someone else, and my marriage is probably over. I have taken so many things for granted, have been selfish for so long, that I don't even have any words to describe what it is that I feel except that I think I feel every emotion possible all at once.
I finially hit bottom and as scary, and lonely, and horrible as it feels, it also feels refreshing, wonderful, and full of possibilities. Minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day, it's getting better. I am 100% powerless over alcohol, my life has become unmanegable, and I can finially let go.
Thanks for letting me share.
Jen
Oh hi, my name is Jen, and I am an alcoholic. I have known for awhile now that I am an alcoholic, I just denied the fact that I couldn't control my addiction. I was very problematic in my teens, got married at 18, made 4 babies, drinking wasn't much of an issue. I figured I had gained control. Then my 4th child was born 5 yrs ago, and poop hit the fan. In alot of ways I picked up where I left off.
Well I found out, that my husband has been so miserable that he found someone else, and my marriage is probably over. I have taken so many things for granted, have been selfish for so long, that I don't even have any words to describe what it is that I feel except that I think I feel every emotion possible all at once.
I finially hit bottom and as scary, and lonely, and horrible as it feels, it also feels refreshing, wonderful, and full of possibilities. Minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day, it's getting better. I am 100% powerless over alcohol, my life has become unmanegable, and I can finially let go.
Thanks for letting me share.
Jen
Sobriety Date: Feb 2009
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Osaka, Jpn
Posts: 389
Welcome to SR! Here is very supportive place for you. Write and read posts with us. Almost all of the people here have their experience of hitting bottom. Do not think past! One day at a time.
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
Welcome, as said above just take it as a lesson and remember with all you are goign through or potantially are with 4 kids and a potential divorce you are going to need all of your strength and most importantly a clear head to feal with all of this and most of all if you want those kids to be with you you are going to have to prove that you are sober, living a clean life, and working a program, otherwise I am sure your husband will bring up a lot of things about your problems especially if he wants the kids. I cant imagine goignt hrought that but i can tell you I am so much happier now even 6 days sober that I no onger have to worrt that someone is goignt o try to take my young daughter away b/c of my selfish actions. I now knnow if anyhting ever happened and it wa out in the open that i am workin a program, leaning on my faith in God, and actiave on sites like this it will be apparent to everyone that I am taking my recovery very seriously and no one is going to take my daighter away for that. THe past is the past, dont dwell on it, just movve forward with your new life that has endless possibilities.
The changes I have made and seen in my life alone and beliefs, and actions and the way I react to situation with a slear head and only being sber for 6 whole days well today is the beginning of say 6 so a little over 5 days has already begun to show me the moracle of recovery.
God luck stick around and keep reading and positing it is the oNLY things that got me through my first couple of days and my daughter too of course and she only 3 and 1/2 so she doesnt know it but I am pretty sure she will never see me drink (again) as tthat is what i grew up watching, promising myself if i had kids I would never do to them, b/c of alcohol what was done to me and is still being done, b/c I basically have no family all b.c of alcohol and people trying to run from their problems.
You will love it here, please stay and enjoy! <3 Dream
The changes I have made and seen in my life alone and beliefs, and actions and the way I react to situation with a slear head and only being sber for 6 whole days well today is the beginning of say 6 so a little over 5 days has already begun to show me the moracle of recovery.
God luck stick around and keep reading and positing it is the oNLY things that got me through my first couple of days and my daughter too of course and she only 3 and 1/2 so she doesnt know it but I am pretty sure she will never see me drink (again) as tthat is what i grew up watching, promising myself if i had kids I would never do to them, b/c of alcohol what was done to me and is still being done, b/c I basically have no family all b.c of alcohol and people trying to run from their problems.
You will love it here, please stay and enjoy! <3 Dream
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Jen! I'm so glad you found SR. It's funny how these things work; I was pretty much at the bottom when I found SR too. I think you'll really enjoy being here.
I had the same experience of relief when I finally let go of that desire to control my drinking. Lord knows, I tried to control it for years. It got more and more frustrating, and I found myself getting more and more miserable. I wasn't winning at all - infact I was loosing ground and my life was eroding.
I hope you'll stay close to the forum. You've got alot of stuff going on right now. :ghug3
I had the same experience of relief when I finally let go of that desire to control my drinking. Lord knows, I tried to control it for years. It got more and more frustrating, and I found myself getting more and more miserable. I wasn't winning at all - infact I was loosing ground and my life was eroding.
I hope you'll stay close to the forum. You've got alot of stuff going on right now. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: On my way
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by jsibbib 
I finially hit bottom and as scary, and lonely, and horrible as it feels, it also feels refreshing, wonderful, and full of possibilities.
When I tried to explain it, it didn't feel right--that I was almost happy? at such a horrific time in my life--I somehow finally found it--freedom? I don't know--as if I was free from the burden?
Don't loose that feeling!! It will bring you a long way
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome to SR!!! You will find plenty of information and experience and tons of support. For everyone it is a bit different but for me I hit rock bottom when I was alone, suffering massive panic attacks and just wishing everything would end.
Alcohol was no cure for anything and it was then that I tossed the booze from the bottom of my dark hole and I fight everyday to stay sober, live a healthier more positive life, and to be the best person I can be.
All the best.
Alcohol was no cure for anything and it was then that I tossed the booze from the bottom of my dark hole and I fight everyday to stay sober, live a healthier more positive life, and to be the best person I can be.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
after years of hearing that I needed a bottom, from others alike,
Thank You Treatment Centers for spreading this manure throughout the industry.
I guess it means more coffee for me in AA meetings.
I talked about a funeral I went to last month for a 26 year old girl.
No DUI, No Divorce, No Job Loss, No Criminal Record, Etc...
No Drama whatsoever.
Very pretty, very smart and dead at 26 from a shot liver trying to process a couple Tylenol for a headache.
Maybe she was waiting for her mother to disown her or some other form of a "Bottom".
We don't need a bottom. We just need to realize that Alcohol has taken control of our lives, we can't drink, we can't not drink and we need help!!
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
Welcome Jen...you have taken some very valuable steps. You have admitted that you have a problem and you are doing something about it. The thing that you have to remember is that your bottom....it goes further and further down. I once heard that an alcoholic bottom is when things get worse faster than you can lower your standards. Things never get better by going out drinking - they will only get worse.
Stick with the winners Jen and don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens. If I had left after being a few months sober I wouldn't have got so much that I have in my life now. It's not always easy and to be honest with you things feel really hard at the moment but I have every confidence that they will get better.
If there's any support I can give you then please reach out xx
Stick with the winners Jen and don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens. If I had left after being a few months sober I wouldn't have got so much that I have in my life now. It's not always easy and to be honest with you things feel really hard at the moment but I have every confidence that they will get better.
If there's any support I can give you then please reach out xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Pinkcuda
These "Pearls of Wisdom" have probably killed more alcoholics than anything else.
Thank You Treatment Centers for spreading this manure throughout the industry.
I guess it means more coffee for me in AA meetings.
I talked about a funeral I went to last month for a 26 year old girl.
No DUI, No Divorce, No Job Loss, No Criminal Record, Etc...
No Drama whatsoever.
Very pretty, very smart and dead at 26 from a shot liver trying to process a couple Tylenol for a headache.
Maybe she was waiting for her mother to disown her or some other form of a "Bottom".
We don't need a bottom. We just need to realize that Alcohol has taken control of our lives, we can't drink, we can't not drink and we need help!!
Thank You Treatment Centers for spreading this manure throughout the industry.
I guess it means more coffee for me in AA meetings.
I talked about a funeral I went to last month for a 26 year old girl.
No DUI, No Divorce, No Job Loss, No Criminal Record, Etc...
No Drama whatsoever.
Very pretty, very smart and dead at 26 from a shot liver trying to process a couple Tylenol for a headache.
Maybe she was waiting for her mother to disown her or some other form of a "Bottom".
We don't need a bottom. We just need to realize that Alcohol has taken control of our lives, we can't drink, we can't not drink and we need help!!
My explanation of my "bottom" was the only thing I could think of because at the time thats what I felt, at the very freakin bottom of my own self-pitied hell, lined w/ resentments and guilt.
But you are correct in that what it really amounts to is that I am powerless and finially faced the fact that I need help.
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
It sounds to me like you've been at "the bottom" for a long while, and the real change is that you now see it all around you for the first time. I was never forced, by some awful thing like a DUI or waking up in the hospital to confront my problem. Some may need to be, but I wasn't. I just needed to accept that I was an alcoholic, and that my drinking was not like other people's drinking. I had a moment of clarity, as I call it, when it was just obvious to me what was going on in my life.
I quit drinking a little over a month ago, and so long as I remain honest with myself about the nature of alcohol in my life, I find no desire to return to it. Posting and reading at SR helps alot to keep my clear on things, and I really credit the people here with making the difference this time (previous attempts to quit never really worked out).
Rev
I quit drinking a little over a month ago, and so long as I remain honest with myself about the nature of alcohol in my life, I find no desire to return to it. Posting and reading at SR helps alot to keep my clear on things, and I really credit the people here with making the difference this time (previous attempts to quit never really worked out).
Rev
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
