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-   -   Is this an AA program here? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/200901-aa-program-here.html)

nancylee 05-12-2010 02:29 PM

Is this an AA program here?
 
My first AA meeting was a year ago, May 12th. Since then, I have gone about 3 to 7 times a week, and kept drinking. The most time I have had sober is 11 days.

I had planned on going to a meeting tonight, but I just can't force myself. I can't stand the whining and moaning about the same things, over and over and over. I can't stand how people avoid me, because I am one of those "unsuccessful" people. I can't stand the hierarchy, of those who succeed and those who don't. I can't stand the people who don't call back because you drank.

I also cannot stand the stories of moms who neglected/abused their kids. I never did that, when my kids were young, I really kept a tight rein on my drinking. The stories make me physically ill, sick to my stomach, they make me sit there and cry. I cannot understand people who get 4 DUIs. It makes me feel so different than they are, a built in excuse for drinking.

Do people get sober without f2f meetings? 'Cause if I have to go back to meetings, I don't think I can do it.

Thanks,
Nancy

bananagrrrl 05-12-2010 02:37 PM

SR is not an AA program.

Have you thought of trying a different meeting location?

Anna 05-12-2010 02:41 PM

There are people on this board who stay sober with a variety of methods.

We do not pass judgement on other people, even if they may have had 4 DUIs and even if they are stuck and feeling helpless. We are all here to help each other and ourselves.

nancylee 05-12-2010 02:42 PM

Yes, I have tried different meetings
 
I think the issue is that I haven't gotten in trouble with my drinking, although I know that can happen. When I hear such drastic stories, I say, "Oh, I am not that bad!!" Not good for me.

Also, I hate the stories where kids and animals are neglected. Just put me into a tailspin,
Nancy

nancylee 05-12-2010 02:44 PM

I am not passing judgement, I just cannot relate. And it emotionally upsets me, especially the kids and animal stories. Perhaps I don't belong here either.

bananagrrrl 05-12-2010 02:46 PM

You haven't gotten into trouble YET.

People don't come here or join AA because their lives are rainbows and lolly pops. Alcoholics can be anyone, from any walk of life. We all share that in common.

Dee74 05-12-2010 02:47 PM

Hi Nancy

Welcome to SR :)

No we're not an AA board, tho we do have many AAers here.

I've never been to AA so obviously AA is not the only way to recover, but it is the one a lot of people choose, so there must be a reason for that.

Did you try another meeting?

I don;t know how much of this resonates with you, but I remember feeling a little unique when I first came here - it took me a while but I finally realised it didn't matter that I'd never had a DUI, or bashed my wife, or neglected my kids or ended up in jail or whatever

I was just lucky perhaps - but I was every bit 'the drunk' that anyone else here was...

I started to move forward when I realised my pride was working against my recovery and whatever my differences, my problem was something we all have in common....alcoholism.

D

Hevyn 05-12-2010 03:08 PM

Nancy - I've become sober just using SR and determination. I don't attend AA meetings, though I know people who feel it's a lifesaver for them. I hope you'll tell us more - and please don't feel that you don't belong here. There are quite a few who feel exactly the same way.

Toronto68 05-12-2010 03:27 PM

Nancy, when you were getting disgusted about the people neglecting their children or animals due to their alcoholism, over about a year's time, did it get disgusting enough to stop drinking? I am having a hard time believing that you couldn't find someone to identify with at AA meetings for an entire year. When you joined the website a couple of weeks ago, has it not occurred to you since then that this is not an AA-only environment? It doesn't even take more than one click to figure that out when you enter the Forums section of soverrecovery.com . (I can't handle obtuse questions and statements.)

Bamboozle 05-12-2010 03:34 PM


Originally Posted by nancylee (Post 2596226)
I am not passing judgement, I just cannot relate. And it emotionally upsets me, especially the kids and animal stories. Perhaps I don't belong here either.

Nancylee, you are welcome here. There are many ways to get and stay sober.

nancylee 05-12-2010 03:56 PM

Thank you, everyone, for being so kind and helpful. Yes, I have gone to AA meetings for a year, and I have found a few women I can relate to, but so many of them have stories that are so different than mine, it is hard.

justjo 05-12-2010 04:10 PM

Hi Nancy

When I read your post, It reminded me of my sister. Your words were exactly hers.
All of these things that you cant stand, - is it your denial to admit that you just may be an alcoholic?
When my sister was saying exactly those things to me, it was because she just couldnt admit she was an alcoholic at the time. You know, different to all the rest, sick of hearing about it. She sat in the background wondering why she was there and that was because she just couldnt wait to get home for that next drink. She just wasnt ready for recovery.
I am not having a go at you, I am just telling my experience.
Alcohol eventually killed her because her addiction to alcohol became too great and in the end she just couldnt even get to a meeting.
Wishing you all the best. You can go into the chat rooms and talk to people who really understand you.

topspin 05-12-2010 04:25 PM

Welcome to SR Nancy,

My feeling is that with or without you attending AA, if you come here and post,

and truly want to quit drinking above everything else; I think you'll find this site as helpful, if not waaaay more helpful than your experience this past year.

Have you tried other avenues ?, like counseling , .....look around this site and you will find plenty of alternatives to AA. I'm not an AA critic because I find f2f help both useful and dynamic for my recovery, but it's definitely not all I do.

I hope you'll find this site as helpful as I have these past 5 weeks.

nancylee 05-12-2010 05:05 PM

HI,
I do know that I am an alcoholic, because I canNOT stop drinking. I am not denying it. I am saying that with my disease, when most of the people at meetings were much further along the continuum than I, it makes me feel that I am NOT an alcoholic, so I think it is OK to drink. I didn't have the problems of many there, so my crazy, alcoholic brain uses that for an excuse.

I certainly pray that I don't die because I don't like AA meetings. That is what I mean - those for whom AA works swear that if it doesn't work for you, you will die from this disease. Very upsetting and discouraging, because it has not worked for me!! I find it beats me up, I don't need that, I don't need to focus on that.

TTOSBT 05-12-2010 05:24 PM

nancylee,

AA did work for me but do NOT believe that if AA does not work for you, you will die from this disease. There are lots of people that get sober through other programs. There is information about them on this board.

I am curious if your experience in AA was different in any way during that 11 day sober streak?

Dee74 05-12-2010 05:27 PM

I surrounded myself with drunks so I could say the same thing Nancy - at least I'm not as bad as X...

My drinking still nearly killed me though....and X is still drinking, as far as I know.

It's not a comparative disease.
D

nogard 05-12-2010 05:34 PM

I get well using SR as well as another program, others recover doing what they do.

Stick around here Nancy and give it a while.

Kevin

nogard 05-12-2010 05:35 PM

I have to remember that I am surrounded by addicts who are sick, lime me, and whilst they support me and I support them we are all unwell to some degree, then I don't need to worry about what they say or do anymore. and can get on with recovery and life.

nancylee 05-12-2010 06:06 PM

Hi,
Yes, I did go to AA more consistently, but I also took off two weeks from work, I was calmer, I meditated every morning, I had time to call people, I think it was a combination of things when I stopped drinking for 11 days.

justjo 05-12-2010 06:07 PM


Originally Posted by nancylee (Post 2596363)
HI,
I do know that I am an alcoholic, because I canNOT stop drinking. I am not denying it.Great start
I am saying that with my disease, when most of the people at meetings were much further along the continuum than I, it makes me feel that I am NOT an alcoholic, so I think it is OK to drink. Exactly my pointI didn't have the problems of many there, so my crazy, alcoholic brain uses that for an excuse.See

I certainly pray that I don't die because I don't like AA meetings. That is what I mean - those for whom AA works swear that if it doesn't work for you, you will die from this disease.AA Meetings wont stop you from dying, only you will stop you from dying
Very upsetting and discouraging, because it has not worked for me!! I find it beats me up, I don't need that, I don't need to focus on that.

Not all things are right for everyone, just like I do not like celery. Find what may work for you in your area


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