Kjell

My last drink was 12/31/09. I'm in AA, on step 8, working with a sponsor, chairing meetings, working with other alcoholics and praying, praying, praying. I, of course, also belong to SR. I guess you could say things are moving along as much as possible right now.

On 11/01/09, after a few weeks of not drinking, I drank, I blacked out, drove and wrecked into another car and was charged with my 2nd dui in 11 months (my only two). I'm currently awaiting trial for the 2nd dui (which is a very strange place to be).

Today I got a call from my insurance company and it turns out the folks I hit are claiming injuries. I feel so low right now...

I won't have to pay any money out-of-pocket, my insurance company will do that and yes, they dropped my arse already. I guess I just thought, hoped, prayed, that there were no injuries. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, but wow...what have I become? So much wreckage (figuratively and literally) and for what exactly?

Bamboozle

Hang in there, Kjell. Focus on what's good...you are not drinking now. Have you talked to your sponser about this?

Mark75

Kjell

I've followed your progress here on SR. You've come a long way and I have admired your persistence, willingness and honesty. You are doing all you can do, have peace in knowing that. For what exactly, God knows, maybe someday you'll understand. Keep giving back, keep moving forward, and know that people out here care.

Prayers to you and everyone involved.

Mark

Stayinfree

Thats horrible for you.
Prayers for you x

bananagrrrl

That sucks. But the fact that they were not hurt at the scene and left in an ambulance should make you feel better.

It sounds like they 'developed' injuries after the accident. Which I guess is entirely possible. I am suspicious of people that wait a long time to decide they are injured though.

Anna

Kjell, I am really sorry for what has happened to you and to the people injured in the accident.

Please use this as an impetus to recover and heal. You don't have to go through this again.

Dee74

Hey Kjell

I see the same stand up guy I saw here yesterday - the guy who's pulled himself up by his bootstraps and is working hard on his recovery.

Focus on who you are today, mate
D

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. Stick with it mate. I feel for you right now man. It must be a pretty crappy situation that you're in but try not to feel too bad as the thing that matters is that you're doing evrything that you can to do the right thing now. That to me is what matters.

What is done is done, you can't change that. Feel proud that you are doing your best to positvely change now and to live an honest and productive existance.

Keep the faith man. Stay strong.

Thanks for your total honesty too.

All The Best

Horselover

So sorry to hear this Kjell, but no one was killed. Thank God! You are sober. Thank God! You are here and able to help other people because of your experience. Believe it or not there is something good out of most everything that happens. We just have to dig deep sometimes to find the good.

Don't let this get you down too much. You are not the only person in the world that has driven under the influence. I "almost" did but was talked out of it. I would have because I wasn't thinking rationally and after we drink we don't think rationally. I'm not making excuses for you my dear, but hoping you will see it for what it is. Its part of the alcoholism and you are doing something about it.

Anna

That's it, Kjell. Focus on how far you've come and the best thing you can do in this situation is to stay sober.

Kjell

I appreciate all the positive responses. Wow!

I have spoken to my sponsor about this.

I won't drink tonight and I fully expect to do the same tomorrow.

Thanks again.

BP44

I always ran into trees or telephone poles. I could have injured others, and in reality it was only a matter of time. What I know today is that my drinking harmed a lot of people in a lot of ways. The beauty of the steps and the promise going into 4 & 5 is that we are given the opportunity to find and be rid of. That's a powerful statement. Whatever the harm done, isn't it nice that we don't ever have to do that again. There is a process for cleaning up everything. And the beauty is that while it may seem like a liability today, I promise it will become an asset. But, you gotta keep doing the deal. There is not a single item on my inventory that has not become an asset in my life.

porkchopped

Kjell and BP44, thank you for sharing your stories. I have been carrying the shame of just having been arrested for a DUI last month. It was the first time in years that I went out with friends from out of town and drank. Ironically we had all taken a cab to Denny's for a wee hour dinner and then for some reason (alcohol impairment), I got the homing instinct and did not listen to my friends to come back to the hotel with them. They were following me in the cab when I was pulled over... It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I had to tell my sister and my parents and get an attorney. In unrelated news, I was laid off from my job four days later. I never realized how sever the penalty is in Vermont for this crime. A DUI carries a criminal and civil prosecution for a first offense with the maximum sentence of two years followed by probation and the automatic suspension of your license for 90 days and alcohol awareness classes at the minimum. Fortunately my attorney got the criminal charge dismissed, but I will lose my license and have to pay extra insurance for three years when it is reinstated (if they don't drop me).

While my friends and family have said that it was just bad luck and it could have been anyone, I am taking this as my wake up call. Doesn't matter how much or infrequently I drank, I made this poor decision to drive under the influence and I am never willing to put myself or anyone else at risk by ever drinking again, let alone drinking and driving.

-not sure I know how to quote here..
That rings really true B44.

Kjell that is inspiring.

I am finding my own strength in learning from the people here. A big thank you to all.

HumbleBee

It never ceases to amaze me how many times I've been directed exactly where I'm meant to be.

The honesty and humility you've shared here has most certainly stopped another person (including me) from thinking that just one drink won't hurt.

I really do believe that we're not given more than we can handle and that life is a ongoing series of lessons. What we do with those lessons is entirely up to us.

Thank you for sharing your stories, Kjell and Pork. Please know that your painful lesson has stopped this from happening to someone else.

BP44: I'm holding onto this one: The beauty is that while it may seem like a liability today, I promise it will become an asset. Thank you.

keithj

I disagree. Having taken the 12 Steps, and having experienced the freedom from that, and also having worked with many others who failed to enlarge their spiritual life and returned to drinking, I would ask you to consider following the directions.

Right there in the middle of Chapter 6, talking about amends, the BB says,
If I focus on the good of not drinking, and fail to enlarge my spiritual life by not setting right the harms I caused, I may not overcome drinking.

About a year or so before I got sober, I wrecked a car and hurt two teenagers who were riding their bikes on the closed section of a road I plowed through before hitting a parked bulldozer. They were scraped up, and one had to get some stiches in his head. My thoughts when I first considered this in amends was that my insurance company had paid for the medical bills, and there was no lasting effect to them.

In time, I realized that wasn't enough. They were probably scared to death for quite some time. I discussed it with my sponsor and the path was clear. It was humbling for me, as a grown man, to go to these punk kids and express my regret and shame at nearly killing them, and asking if there was anything more I could do to set things right. But I had agreed to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol. I haven't regretted that amends.

Kjell

We can get sober no matter what. I'm living proof of that.

Zencat

I agree with this statement. One important aspect of my addiction treatment is being absolutely accountable for my actions. And by the looks of things Kjell has this in mind. Beyond sobriety would be for me if I were in similar circumstances is to not only be accountable for my actions, but also having peace of mind that I was doing the right thing.

bl87

kjell,
I'm in the same boat as you are so I know what you're going through. Had my second dui in nov. 09 and still awaiting my sentence. My public (pretender) defender says ill get 30 to 90 days in jail and who knows how much money I'll have to pay. Luckily no one was hurt in my accident ( I also hit another car). Also great job on staying sober through all of this. I can't say the same about myself. Good luck.

yeahgr8

Take all the support you have got here and keep working on the steps...be guided by your sponsor and keep us all updated:-)

loveon2legs

Kjell, thank-you for sharing your story, in January I was pulled over and received a dui, thankfully nobody was hurt...and I am still waiting for my sentencing...That was the awakening for me, and I've been sober since..

Take care of yourself....Kjell....and please don't be hard on yourself.. xo