dabears34

Went to a meeting tonight at 5. Then killed some time and went to another meeting at 7, but it was only a few people and in a real small room, so I immediately turned around and left. At least I made it to one. 7 days without a drink now. My OCD has amped up big time lately, and I used to drink to alleviate the anxiety from it, but don't have that crutch anymore, so I think it's making it worse. Just started on Prozac a week and a half ago to help, hopefully it does! And I think I was clinging to the drinking so much... A lot of times, the way I got through the days I didn't drink and was actually semi-productive/motivated, was because I had the drinking to look forward to, and was my reward. Now that's gone... I'm trying to stay somewhat busy and trying to press on through the next couple weeks til the meds kick in and I have some good sober time under my belt... then see where I'm at. But bottom line, I'm going to go to meetings. Even if they are boring or seem meaningless, I'm going to keep going. I know what happened last time when I stopped, I can't take living like that anymore.

least

As long as you do what you've got to do to stay sober, you're doing it right.

artsoul

Congratulations on a week sober and on your meeting!

I know that Prozac works for me with my depression and some OCD, too. I have also noticed in my 6 days of sobriety that I feel blah about alot of things, but I'm hopeful it will pass. Part of it feels physical, but part of it feels like the absence of the obsession. I was on edge so much with planning to drink, getting a drink, hiding the drink, anticipating what the next drink would do, regretting how much I drank, and recovering from it the next day. The days seem long right now and without the anxiety, if feels a little like I'm walking through mud. I think it's going to take a while to achieve a bit of balance and earn how to enjoy life again. Apparently it can be done though, according to alot of the folks here.

All the best to you!:ghug3

Horselover

Good for you Dabears. What could you consider as a reward now? I mean part of recovery is learning to change our lifestyle and I used to "reward" myself with alcohol too, but I certainly had to change that mindset once I became sober. I personally like to buy a book as a reward or go to a movie or buy some dark chocolate. I mean you get the picture. Just sayin! Keep up the great work!

dabears34

I completely understand what you are saying, Artsoul. My purpose for so many years was that drinking cycle... decide "ok, I'm going to drink tonight." Then drink so much, I was terribly hungover the next day. Maybe drink again that night, then be even more hungover, maybe another day after that too. Take a few days to recover, get to indulge in feeling bad about myself, resolve to make some real changes, then spend a couple days all excited about the new sober life I was starting... then think "I feel great, I'm going out to celebrate" and repeat the cycle again. For years and years, that was my purpose in life. Or at least I found meaning/purpose in the cycle. Now I'm trying to break that cycle, and transition into something else. It's hard to see what that is and its hard to find meaning/purpose in things during the transition, but I'm trying to believe that it will get better and I will find another purpose.

I was trying to explain that to my girlfriend and the fact that my OCD has amped up lately, and telling her that things will get better, it's just I'm kinda crazy/depressed sometimes during the transition.

yeahgr8

Well you know that working the steps get you sober right? Resulting in a spiritual awakening?

It's great you are going to meetings, but have you started looking for a sponsor yet?

I had great fun going to meetings when i first got sober because i got a sponsor straight away and he had been around for ages and introduced me to everyone...so i got invited out and involved thank God...jeez i know some people go to meetings only and stay out of the program but that IS boring!

Ive said it before and ill say it now, if i hadnt got a sponsor straight away and started working the steps straight away NO WAY i would have kept going back to meetings...i didn't know what the hell they were talking about pre-steps and was still messed up and i didn't find anything funny about my situation so was not laughing heartily with everyone else.

Im going to a meeting this morning, havent been for 2 weeks...its amazing to see the difference between those who have and work the steps and those that dont, there are a couple of people with almost a decade of 'sobriety' and their lives are still unmanageable! But they still spout off stuff like everyone is different and the steps aren't for everyone...so insane...i honestly dont know how they dont drink?

So sponsor, steps, spiritual awakening, happy life and freedom from alcohol and all the insanity:-)

artsoul

Exactly! It's so totally consuming. I even remember laying in bed some (many) mornings and thinking "Well at least I have only one thing to focus on today: my misery." Almost like it was a relief to lie sick in bed. pretty sad....

I know about feeling crazy/depressed in the early days. If this were happening to someone else, I would have a sense of real compassion and desire to help. So what I'm trying to do is something new this time and treat myself with a little tenderness like I would another person and allow some space/time to change. It seems to be helping me, anyway.

I know you'll find you own way through and I'm sending a hug!

dabears34

Thanks, Artsoul!!! I was in a 3 week outpatient rehab program last fall, and I remember a little exercise we did. We closed our eyes and thought of the people we loved, and then we thought about how much we loved them and the compassion we feel towards them. We thought about that for awhile... then we had to take that same love and compassion and feel it about ourself. It was illuminating to see just how hard we addicts are on ourselves. That's a great thing to do... leave space and time for change and have some compassion for yourself. It's so so easy to forget to do.

CarolD

I've been an AA recovered alcoholic for a long time.
I regularlly attend 3 or 4 meetings weekly.

I still listen intently.....I try hard to find just 1 thing
of interest in each persons share.....

I think of meetings as recovery classrooms.
Please try that...you might find it calming.
Can't remember? take along a notebook.

Well done on your early sobriety