Two-ton tubby
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Two-ton tubby
*don't read if you don't care for rants*
I'm so pissed off at myself. I'm fat...really fat. There's no way I can possible twist this in my mind and accept my size. I outweigh my mother by 50 pounds! Argh! It's supposed to be the other way around!
I'm depressed and all I can do is eat and sleep. Just started a new med (which costs me 3 bucks a day!!!!!!!!
) so I'm playing the waiting game. I want to put my fist through something...but I lack the energy...and besides...I don't want to hurt myself. I'm frustrated...I'm constantly tired....anything I do to motivate myself doesn't work...I sit in front of the computer and graze. It's what I do to keep from going out of my skull.
I'm having a major case of the fk-its. I'm only posting here because I know that I should...or at least everyone else thinks that I should do everything I can to stay well...but I don't know how to do that.
I'm nearly 30...I'm living at home with mommy and daddy...I'm not stable enough to work at the moment...I have no friends/social life because I don't know how to make friends anymore (and it would be really creepy if I walked up to random people and said, "Would you be my friend?")...I don't have anything to look forward to except for going through the motions of life. Eat. Sleep. Sh!t. Say 'hello' and 'goodbye'. Walk to the store. Computer. Games. How exciting. I don't even have the energy to photograph. I don't care...and it bothers me that I don't care...but I don't know what to do with that.
Empty...hollow.
I'm so pissed off at myself. I'm fat...really fat. There's no way I can possible twist this in my mind and accept my size. I outweigh my mother by 50 pounds! Argh! It's supposed to be the other way around!
I'm depressed and all I can do is eat and sleep. Just started a new med (which costs me 3 bucks a day!!!!!!!!
) so I'm playing the waiting game. I want to put my fist through something...but I lack the energy...and besides...I don't want to hurt myself. I'm frustrated...I'm constantly tired....anything I do to motivate myself doesn't work...I sit in front of the computer and graze. It's what I do to keep from going out of my skull.I'm having a major case of the fk-its. I'm only posting here because I know that I should...or at least everyone else thinks that I should do everything I can to stay well...but I don't know how to do that.
I'm nearly 30...I'm living at home with mommy and daddy...I'm not stable enough to work at the moment...I have no friends/social life because I don't know how to make friends anymore (and it would be really creepy if I walked up to random people and said, "Would you be my friend?")...I don't have anything to look forward to except for going through the motions of life. Eat. Sleep. Sh!t. Say 'hello' and 'goodbye'. Walk to the store. Computer. Games. How exciting. I don't even have the energy to photograph. I don't care...and it bothers me that I don't care...but I don't know what to do with that.
Empty...hollow.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hey there - I'm sorry you feel this way.
I know when I'm feeling down, doing anything different, anything (different morning routine, different music, do the opposite of your insticts) helps, everytime.
If nothing changes, then nothing changes, right?
Hang in there.
I know when I'm feeling down, doing anything different, anything (different morning routine, different music, do the opposite of your insticts) helps, everytime.
If nothing changes, then nothing changes, right?
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
(((Bam))) Depression, quite frankly, sucks!!! You have it big time and until your meds kick in you have to go through the motions as you said. I hope that meds work quickly, but I know they take time. We all want the quick fix for sure. I believe that's part of our modus operandi as addicts and alcoholics. I don't have any answers for you except the very annoying saying "it will pass." You know that I hope. As soon as you level out then you will get the energy needed to join in and you will give a damn.
You know how you hear about that addict voice, well you got the depression that is swallowing you right now. Don't let it. Tell yourself that you will get through it and that the medicine will help you get through it. So sorry to hear this, but glad you are reaching out. That's really good. Sending you love Bam.
You know how you hear about that addict voice, well you got the depression that is swallowing you right now. Don't let it. Tell yourself that you will get through it and that the medicine will help you get through it. So sorry to hear this, but glad you are reaching out. That's really good. Sending you love Bam.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Bam....Breathe. Again.
Okay. I'm glad you came here to rant. Really...that's probably what you needed the most.
I might also suggest...just a walk around the block. That's it. It'll clear your head.
And then breathe some more.
I battled weight for years. EVERY single year for 20 years I would gain and lose 30 pounds. Yeah....that's really good for you. I joined weight watchers and it helped me with portion control.
Then I started running. But that's a different thread.
The friend thing....well that would be another thread.
I guess I'm trying to tell you...that the things you are describing fit many of us. I'm so glad you are here.
PM me, if you want. I'm a Great listener.
Okay. I'm glad you came here to rant. Really...that's probably what you needed the most.
I might also suggest...just a walk around the block. That's it. It'll clear your head.
And then breathe some more.
I battled weight for years. EVERY single year for 20 years I would gain and lose 30 pounds. Yeah....that's really good for you. I joined weight watchers and it helped me with portion control.
Then I started running. But that's a different thread.
The friend thing....well that would be another thread.
I guess I'm trying to tell you...that the things you are describing fit many of us. I'm so glad you are here.
PM me, if you want. I'm a Great listener.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
There's no simple solotiuon
to any of our situations or
addictions.
That's why there are many
programs available for the
asking and taking.
What's also neat about any
of our recovery programs
is that no one has to go thru
them alone.
Having a support group of
people working on the same
problem helps.
Everyone sharing their own
experiences, strenghts and hopes
with each other.
Admitting one has a problem
is a good 1st step. Accepting
one has a problem is the 2nd.
I for myself couldnt make it
thru the many one days at a
time sober to get me where I
am today if i didnt have a firm
foundation of a good program
of recovery to rely on and follow.
So can you.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
There's no simple solotiuon
to any of our situations or
addictions.
That's why there are many
programs available for the
asking and taking.
What's also neat about any
of our recovery programs
is that no one has to go thru
them alone.
Having a support group of
people working on the same
problem helps.
Everyone sharing their own
experiences, strenghts and hopes
with each other.
Admitting one has a problem
is a good 1st step. Accepting
one has a problem is the 2nd.
I for myself couldnt make it
thru the many one days at a
time sober to get me where I
am today if i didnt have a firm
foundation of a good program
of recovery to rely on and follow.
So can you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I love ya Bam! :ghug3 Please don't be so hard on yourself. We love ya lots. Wish we were neighbors. You could come over and we'd talk and have coffee and play with the dogs. But I can only offer my (((hugs))) and the hope you start feeling better soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Hey Bam,
I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I don't have much to add to what all the others have said. But please try not to run yourself down -- we can be so vicious about our so-called flaws and shortcomings. I'd bet you'd never call an acquaintance or even a stranger a "two-ton tubby.'' Don't do it to yourself.
Once you feel better, and you will, you can tackle new goals. it's clear you have a lot of people here who care about you and are ready to give support.
ddog
I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I don't have much to add to what all the others have said. But please try not to run yourself down -- we can be so vicious about our so-called flaws and shortcomings. I'd bet you'd never call an acquaintance or even a stranger a "two-ton tubby.'' Don't do it to yourself.
Once you feel better, and you will, you can tackle new goals. it's clear you have a lot of people here who care about you and are ready to give support.
ddog
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Bamboozle -- I am sorry you're feeling this way right now. Remember you're not alone. I outweigh my mother, too, by more than that! The voice that is telling you all these negative things is your inner critic. Beat her down! Good luck with the new meds.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Bam I don't usually write but I've read a lot of your posts, you're a good person who helps others. Maybe something is out of balance and a naturopath may help pinpoint something. It sounds like you need more social support. Maybe look for groups with similar interests to yours, that can be a starting point and having the same interests breaks the ice.
I know how you feel about AA and God being in the program. A lot of people who are gay/bi go to AA though. Maybe it's time to stop letting this be an obstacle, and modify some views on this - confront it once and for all as a grown up. I know that in early recovery you feel raw, sensitive and these issues can be in your face, but you have a year or so sober now. I agreed with another poster, maybe your present mood is partly to do with hitting the one year mark, I usually feel a bit out of sorts at these times of significant milestones, but I make my way through it and am okay again.
You sound like you have a great personality and I'm sure if others got to know you you'd have no trouble making friends, but others can pick up a vibe of how a person feels about themselves. You deserve some happiness, good luck Bam.
I know how you feel about AA and God being in the program. A lot of people who are gay/bi go to AA though. Maybe it's time to stop letting this be an obstacle, and modify some views on this - confront it once and for all as a grown up. I know that in early recovery you feel raw, sensitive and these issues can be in your face, but you have a year or so sober now. I agreed with another poster, maybe your present mood is partly to do with hitting the one year mark, I usually feel a bit out of sorts at these times of significant milestones, but I make my way through it and am okay again.
You sound like you have a great personality and I'm sure if others got to know you you'd have no trouble making friends, but others can pick up a vibe of how a person feels about themselves. You deserve some happiness, good luck Bam.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm sorry you feel so crappy....but you are not alone....OMG you have the LUXURY of being ABLE to live with your supportive PARENTS, you can concentrate on your own self and recovery (without the additional stress of having to work, worry and pay a mortgage).
your excess weight can be a byproduct of your mental state..yes, i know it's old and boring to say that, but you DO have the power to change it....take your life back, get moving, you will feel better....try to find at least one or two things to be grateful for every day....because things could always be worse.
your excess weight can be a byproduct of your mental state..yes, i know it's old and boring to say that, but you DO have the power to change it....take your life back, get moving, you will feel better....try to find at least one or two things to be grateful for every day....because things could always be worse.
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
I feel you on the depression thing, Bamboozle. I have depression too and it fracks with my mind, my job, my relationships, my functioning, my creativity, my appetite, my energy, my everything. It sits lumpen and heavy; like a fetid blanketing pall.
You're not alone, my friend. I hope your medication starts to kick in soon and you get some relief.
You're not alone, my friend. I hope your medication starts to kick in soon and you get some relief.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 62
Let me know if you want some help loosing some weight. I helped a co-worker loose lots of weight by tweaking small things in their diet week by week. It starts by drinking loads of water. And i didn't take away any carbs...Send me a message if you're interested...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Bam,
Have you had your thyroid checked lately? It could be out of balance. I think that's worth looking into.
My husband recently lost 60 pounds! He's been eating brown rice with steamed vegetables every day and adding grilled chicken three times a week. You can get a rice steamer very cheap. We have a tupperware veggie steamer too, $7 at Sears!
We get those large bags of frozen veggies at Costco or Smart and Final. He adds different salad dressing to mix it up a bit. There's some great low cal Asian ones. You can also add a half cup of low fat cottage cheese to the rice and veggies. It melts and makes a tasty creamy sauce.
He has a cup of bran flakes for breakfast, a huge salad at lunch and then the rice and veggies at night. It's important to eat the three meals a day. Six smaller ones are better, if you can manage it.
He's walking more and moving around more. Nothing that's a big deal. But, now he's sleeping better and has more energy. Be sure to take a multi vitamin every day too. And drinks lots of water!
I hope this helps. You are a wonderful, well-loved person. I hope the antidepressants get settled soon.
Much love to you!
Lenina
Have you had your thyroid checked lately? It could be out of balance. I think that's worth looking into.
My husband recently lost 60 pounds! He's been eating brown rice with steamed vegetables every day and adding grilled chicken three times a week. You can get a rice steamer very cheap. We have a tupperware veggie steamer too, $7 at Sears!
We get those large bags of frozen veggies at Costco or Smart and Final. He adds different salad dressing to mix it up a bit. There's some great low cal Asian ones. You can also add a half cup of low fat cottage cheese to the rice and veggies. It melts and makes a tasty creamy sauce.
He has a cup of bran flakes for breakfast, a huge salad at lunch and then the rice and veggies at night. It's important to eat the three meals a day. Six smaller ones are better, if you can manage it.
He's walking more and moving around more. Nothing that's a big deal. But, now he's sleeping better and has more energy. Be sure to take a multi vitamin every day too. And drinks lots of water!
I hope this helps. You are a wonderful, well-loved person. I hope the antidepressants get settled soon.
Much love to you!
Lenina
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
As a fellow depressed person, I understand how you feel. You need to get out of the house. My suggestion is to go for a walk. Get your body moving. It doesn't have to be an epic journey of 1000 miles. Just walk to the end of your block and back. It will break up the routine, the holding pattern you're stuck in. It really helps.
Rev
Rev
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
Hey Bam, I am sorry you are feeling down.
Might it be that your antideppressant is causing weight gain? That is what happened to me and I let my psychiatrist know and we changed up the medication and I have lost 25 lbs. I still need to lose 20 more and I am trying to eat healthier and exercise. (which helps with depression)
I was previously on Abilify and Celexa and I swear the abilify packed the pounds on. I noticed it right away. I kept on taking it though because it did make me feel better.
Now I take lamactil (mood stabalizer), wellbutrin, and celexa. Wellbutrin actually is known to help people lose weight.
Anyway, just wanted to share my experience.
Good luck and feel better!
Might it be that your antideppressant is causing weight gain? That is what happened to me and I let my psychiatrist know and we changed up the medication and I have lost 25 lbs. I still need to lose 20 more and I am trying to eat healthier and exercise. (which helps with depression)
I was previously on Abilify and Celexa and I swear the abilify packed the pounds on. I noticed it right away. I kept on taking it though because it did make me feel better.
Now I take lamactil (mood stabalizer), wellbutrin, and celexa. Wellbutrin actually is known to help people lose weight.
Anyway, just wanted to share my experience.
Good luck and feel better!
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I'm still on (generic) Wellbutrin...and I gotta say it doesn't help my appetite. Maybe for the first couple of weeks it put the brakes on...but after that...nope. 
I was on (g) Celexa...and I got switched from that to (g) Effexor.
I'm at a bad place. I haven't felt this low in a while. I'm just going to sit tight...and I have therapy Monday. Oh...and I get to babysit tomorrow. That's good.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
my doctor tried Welbutrin for me at one time....It did not agree with me, i jumped at every little noise, sweated up a storm and you could peel me from the ceiling.
Zoloft gave me an intense love for Ben and Jerry..I gained 8 lbs. in one week....but again that's me, Paxil did not work for me either.
Zoloft gave me an intense love for Ben and Jerry..I gained 8 lbs. in one week....but again that's me, Paxil did not work for me either.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I gained a lot of weight using Zyprexa for my BPD. I've tried virtually everything and am now on Lamictal and Cipralex. Getting exercise by visiting the gym when I feel up to it, otherwise I walk the dogs. So far, so good with the Lamictal.
Hang in there, Bam. As you can see, you're in good company. Hugs.
Hang in there, Bam. As you can see, you're in good company. Hugs.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
