dabears34

I've been on and off this board for the past 8 months or so. I've been attempting controlled drinking the past couple months, but it has been an incredible struggle. I will drink twice a week, but its so much each time that I'm incapacitated for the next day and a half. And the days I don't drink, its a struggle and a constant talking myself out of it. Lately, I'm moody and anxiety-stricken and my OCD has flared up. I manage to socially drink on occasion, but I fight the rest of the night, thinking of excuses/ways to get by myself to get more booze. It's wearing me out! Anyway, I have decided to give AA a serious try this time, went to my first meeting Monday and plan to go to 2 tomorrow and one or two over the weekend. I'm really tired of fighting, and have talked to a few friends who are in AA and they say their lives are much better because of it. It seems to be the only way for me. Thanks for letting me vent everyone!!!

Anna

Dabears, I remember those days of determined controlling and becoming more obsessed than ever about alcohol. I think you will find that stopping drinking altogether is a relief. Freeing my mind was the most amazing feeling!

ElegantlyWasted

Welcome back! Can so relate.. For me attempting controlled drinking was a recipe for disaster as denial come back to permeate my soul until something really bad happened . Keep quitting till you quit! Always seems to take at least a couple tries...

Mark75

Welcome back...

Hey... get into the Big Book hard, get with someone who can take you through the steps... get recovered.

artsoul

Hi Anna - you really hit the nail on the head. The obsession is exhausting. Just the mental part alone is so consuming. Even when I enjoyed the first drink, I was at the same time worrying about who saw me, where the next one was coming from, how fast and how many could I drink without feeling miserable the next day (as if I ever stuck to my "plan"), could I talk/walk and act sober enough to avoid really messing up, and what was I doing to my body? I can't imagine why I put up with it for so long. Thanks for your post today and congratulations on getting help at AA.

smacked

Welcome back! My life became much less complicated once I just decided to be done.. Glad you're here

BeautifulLife

Wow, thank you for this trip down misery lane! It's good for me to remember how it was and that's how it was for me, except toward the end I didn't bother holding back much.

I know getting sober is one thing and staying sober is another, but in my experience, doing both was easier for me in AA. I found the fellowship of people who knew how my disease worked. I couldn't shock anyone, which shocked me. I'm also in the solution now instead of the problem.

I look forward to following your recovery. Just remember to work on today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just don't drink TODAY. Welcome "home"!

Dee74

Welcome back!
Glad you're giving it a go again, 'bears

D

Horselover

Welcome back Dabears!! (Go Bears! I lived in the Windy City not such a long time ago.)

Glad you've decided to give the controlled drinking the boot. It really does wear you out. You are making the right decision and now your heart and soul are on board with the decision. You'll be fine.

least

Welcome back! Glad you're trying again. Living sober is so much simpler and more rewarding, and eliminates the negatives that come with drinking.

coffeenut

Controlled drinking is even harder than constant drinking.....I'm glad you've decided you've had enough.

yeahgr8

Jeez you've even got friends in AA! Go already!

I had to laugh thinking about the controlled drinking, i tried for years...its only getting sober that has allowed me to see just how insane the act of trying to control it was...there's something we know will make us feel bad and we would love to be without but we try and control it...i tried so many times to explain that to non-alcoholics who would say as mature, sane people (some of them)...well if you don't like doing something or it does you harm just stop doing it, which actually is a perfectly logical thing to do actually!

Im sure you will be pleased to be sitting in a room of people that understand you and can help you recover by working the steps.

I have a friend in AA, hes 27, been sober over a year now and he took to drinking like a fish to water...would get up early for work to have a couple of drinks before, go to pub at lunch and drink every night...i think for all the years i spent torturing myself by controlling it that i am the idiot and he got it spot on, looking at alocholism, because he got to that point where he was willing to do anything to change much quicker then me...

I can honestly see how this controlling thing can easily last until we die, on and on with the dry spells, the new ideas, the new treatments until we sit there are 65 and think what a pile of crap my life really was!

Let us know how you get on at the meeting:-)

Kmber2010

Dabears welcome back! You have our support in your quest for sobriety and I know all too well the struggles with trying to control/monitor the drinking. Reality usually sets in that an alcoholic simply can not drink and that life without the bottle (whether it be wine, beer, etc.) is the only way for us to live our lives.

Sobriety is the only way my friend and I am so glad to see you have sought AA. Sobriety for me is about quitting, having support and making the necessary positive changes within and around us to sustain this blessed life.

All the best! One day at a time.