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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 85
New here
Hi.
I came across this site while looking up information about alcoholism/sobriety.
I was sober on my own for a few years but relapsed when my beloved Sister in Law lost her 5 year struggle with cancer last August and my ((Dad)) had died just a few months earlier.
I am suffering with insomnia pretty bad.
I know that I NEED to get to AA if I am going to make it this time.
I live in a smaller area and the meetings are limited. I do see a therapist and she wants me to try a women's only meeting that was tonite. I didn't sleep for the last 2 days and can't concentrate for the life of me. I wouldn't dare try and drive in this condition.
I am a caretaker of my elderly mom & 99 year old grandmother. I have no friends or anyone who could drive me. (the only other person is my brother but he works and goes to grief counseling on this day)
So I am not going to go to the meeting and hope that I have slept next week and can go.
I also am just plain terrified of going.
Anyone feel like this? I don't want to drink, I want sobriety bad!!
If you are in AA, what does the AA hotline provide? I also have read some posts and it seems like by now I should have a sponser and be doing the steps. I feel like I am doing it wrong and have no clue how to get a sponser?
I also suffer from mental health issues, panic disorder and depression.
Thanks in advance and apologies if this is discombobulated as I am soooooo tired I can't think straight.
Jamison
I came across this site while looking up information about alcoholism/sobriety.
I was sober on my own for a few years but relapsed when my beloved Sister in Law lost her 5 year struggle with cancer last August and my ((Dad)) had died just a few months earlier.
I am suffering with insomnia pretty bad.
I know that I NEED to get to AA if I am going to make it this time.
I live in a smaller area and the meetings are limited. I do see a therapist and she wants me to try a women's only meeting that was tonite. I didn't sleep for the last 2 days and can't concentrate for the life of me. I wouldn't dare try and drive in this condition.
I am a caretaker of my elderly mom & 99 year old grandmother. I have no friends or anyone who could drive me. (the only other person is my brother but he works and goes to grief counseling on this day)
So I am not going to go to the meeting and hope that I have slept next week and can go.
I also am just plain terrified of going.
Anyone feel like this? I don't want to drink, I want sobriety bad!!
If you are in AA, what does the AA hotline provide? I also have read some posts and it seems like by now I should have a sponser and be doing the steps. I feel like I am doing it wrong and have no clue how to get a sponser?
I also suffer from mental health issues, panic disorder and depression.
Thanks in advance and apologies if this is discombobulated as I am soooooo tired I can't think straight.
Jamison
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 159
Hi Jamison,
You have a lot on your plate. There a lot of people with AA experience here. I'm sure they will reach out to you with some valuable advice.
I just wanted to welcome you, hope you get some rest soon.
Andi
You have a lot on your plate. There a lot of people with AA experience here. I'm sure they will reach out to you with some valuable advice.
I just wanted to welcome you, hope you get some rest soon.
Andi
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm not in AA either, but I know you will get good advice from others.
I think you will find that your insomnia will improve with your sobriety. I always had bad insomnia, but in my drinking years it became unbearable. Ironically one of the reasons I started drinking was to self-medicate insomnia/depression/anxiety. I made everything so much worse.
I think you will find that your insomnia will improve with your sobriety. I always had bad insomnia, but in my drinking years it became unbearable. Ironically one of the reasons I started drinking was to self-medicate insomnia/depression/anxiety. I made everything so much worse.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 32
Welcome, Jamison! I'm new to this site, but have been sober just 2 years and 2 months and I am a member of AA.
First of all, I'm so sorry for the losses you have suffered recently. I started drinking the day my mother died when I was 19, so grief is a big trigger for me. I have managed to stay sober through loss the last two years and am amazed. But my gosh, it sounds like you've had a lot on your emotional plate.
If you call the AA hotline, I know you will find an understanding ear. It is manned by other AA members doing service work. They will listen to you and talk with you and help you to find a meeting. They can also tell you how the program works. Also, check out the sub-forum on 12 step alcoholism support on this message board. There's a ton of 12 step/AA information in that area that would be helpful.
The best thing I can say right now is to not beat yourself up about not having a sponsor or working the steps. First things first, as they say. Just take a deep breath and take things one step at a time. It might be helpful to get a list of phone numbers for women in recovery. Of course, you'd probably need to go to a meeting for this. I'm not sure if someone at the AA hotline could put someone in your area in touch with you, as I have not called the hotline. I just showed up at a meeting when I was ready.
Please hang in there. It's wonderful that you've reached out for, and want, help!
First of all, I'm so sorry for the losses you have suffered recently. I started drinking the day my mother died when I was 19, so grief is a big trigger for me. I have managed to stay sober through loss the last two years and am amazed. But my gosh, it sounds like you've had a lot on your emotional plate.
If you call the AA hotline, I know you will find an understanding ear. It is manned by other AA members doing service work. They will listen to you and talk with you and help you to find a meeting. They can also tell you how the program works. Also, check out the sub-forum on 12 step alcoholism support on this message board. There's a ton of 12 step/AA information in that area that would be helpful.
The best thing I can say right now is to not beat yourself up about not having a sponsor or working the steps. First things first, as they say. Just take a deep breath and take things one step at a time. It might be helpful to get a list of phone numbers for women in recovery. Of course, you'd probably need to go to a meeting for this. I'm not sure if someone at the AA hotline could put someone in your area in touch with you, as I have not called the hotline. I just showed up at a meeting when I was ready.
Please hang in there. It's wonderful that you've reached out for, and want, help!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Jamison - so glad you joined. It takes alot of courage to make any first step and being here is a good one. It's always available, day and night, and can be something you can do when you can't attend a meeting. I understand what you mean about being scared. I am, too. Up until this past week, I've been drinking heavily to cope with everything, so this is new territory. For now, just concentrate on getting through the day, or the next hour. Try not to think ahead. And give yourself a hug. You're stronger than you think.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Hi Jamison,
I started out with a women's meeting at AA, too, and found a lot of great people there who answered my questions. I also was terrified of going, but I tried to reassure myself that: a) anyone else there had a similar issue they were wrestling with, and b) I was going to keep an open mind, try the program out and see what I thought after a 90-day period. Keeping flexible and reassuring myself that I didn't have to decide on whether I was going to continue to go to AA after those 90 days helped take the pressure off me.
I'm still going, btw, and it's been 7 months so I'm still very new but I like the program a lot. It's kind of like a road map for living: How to handle situations, people, myself, etc.
You could start reading the Big Book online at the official AA web site in the interim. Someone will probably give you a hard copy at your first meeting if you want one. And don't worry right away about getting a sponsor, that'll come soon enough.
As for your belief that you're doing everything wrong, I'd say you're doing it right: You put the drink down and asked for help. Kudos to you. As they say in AA, "Keep coming back.''
ddog
I started out with a women's meeting at AA, too, and found a lot of great people there who answered my questions. I also was terrified of going, but I tried to reassure myself that: a) anyone else there had a similar issue they were wrestling with, and b) I was going to keep an open mind, try the program out and see what I thought after a 90-day period. Keeping flexible and reassuring myself that I didn't have to decide on whether I was going to continue to go to AA after those 90 days helped take the pressure off me.
I'm still going, btw, and it's been 7 months so I'm still very new but I like the program a lot. It's kind of like a road map for living: How to handle situations, people, myself, etc.
You could start reading the Big Book online at the official AA web site in the interim. Someone will probably give you a hard copy at your first meeting if you want one. And don't worry right away about getting a sponsor, that'll come soon enough.
As for your belief that you're doing everything wrong, I'd say you're doing it right: You put the drink down and asked for help. Kudos to you. As they say in AA, "Keep coming back.''
ddog
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