traderjane

Draciack, I actually used alcohol for that too (dulling emotional pain). It started out innocently enough -- as a stay at home Mom trying to take the edge off a bad day -- but then over time became a serious problem. I got a divorce, then had a difficult breakup, and the emotional stuff got worse. The drinking got worse. What a cycle. If I had a bad or overwhelming day it was like a switch would go off in my brain that made me want to drink. Once that happened it was very hard to change my mind and I usually carried it through and drank. I think it's important to recognize all the things that made you want to drink and figure out other ways of dealing with them -- like the physical pain, the emotional pain, the emptiness, etc.

I just finished watching the 20/20 special on women and alcoholism. I had taped it and just got to watch it tonight. It was very good. This is a serious problem for many women, probably more than any of us realize because most people keep it a secret. A lot of the stuff about being a stay at home Mom and "drinking to take the edge off" hit home for me. That is when my drinking really got out of control. It's a powerful show if anyone has a chance to see it -- I think it's on the ABC website.

One thing that struck me as funny: one of the women who was an alcoholic had some very nice and concerned friends. They staged an intervention for her to try to help her. Elizabeth Vargus interviewed the friends and they said that their friend Tina had a serious problem with alcohol and doesn't even remember some of the things she has done while drunk. Elizabeth Vargus looked SHOCKED and said, "She doesn't even REMEMBER some things?" I was like, "DUH!!!!" I guess for people that are not alcoholic that would be a shocking statement, but it did not shock me in the least.

The two women they profiled were in much worse shape than I am, far worse, but I never want to get to that stage. The only way I can guarantee that is if I stop now. It was a good reality check.

Good night all and I'll check in this weekend!

Laura

artsoul

Can't believe how much we're alike, traderjane. My drinking problems started after getting married and having children, at around age 32. I liked partying before that, but it was all social and with other people. Hope they run that 20/20 thing again - I'd love to see it.

Hope everyone gets a good (or half-way decent?!) night's sleep!!! Tomorrow, the quest continues!

Norther

Day 5! The worst of the purely physical withdrawal seems to be over. Now I have to watch out for thinking that since I can stop, it's ok to start up again. That's insane, of course, but that's he way we think. I'm going to a meeting today. That's where I get reminders about how the insanity works. It's always there, looking for a way to get the drug. I remember even when I was talking with my doctor about how I would detox and he offered librium to help me through it, I thought "Great. Whatever I don't take I can stash away in case I need a little something." I caught myself thinking that way and tore up the prescription as soon as I got out of the office. I'm trying to do everything I can to out-trick the insanity of this disease. Good luck to all.

traderjane

Day 5 for me and it's the weekend!!! YAH!!!

I'm not drinking this weekend, NO MATTER WHAT. This is the new reality (sober) and it feels great.

Off to do a million things....

traderjane

I got an email on Thursday from one of the local wine stores (I had signed up to be on their mailing list about a year ago). They announced they were having an in-store wine tasting event with live music. When I got the email, I was initially wishing I could go, thinking, "Oh, that sounds so great!" But then I remembered something.... I don't like wine tastings. WHY? Because it's just a "tasting." I remember being at wine tasting events in the past. They give you these tiny little plastic cups and pour about a 1/2 inch of wine in them. Then you're stuck going around trying to get more samples. Has anyone else experienced this with wine tastings? So this goes along with the theory "One glass is never enough....."

I'm going to a special yoga event tonight. That's the good news. The bad news is that wine is part of the event, after the yoga part. I went last year and it was really fun. I just read the description of the event on the website. They called it a "splash of wine." After reading that, I knew I would be able to go and skip the wine part. Who wants a "splash" of wine? That just doesn't even sound worth it. Clearly these events were designed for non-alcoholics

Anyway, I'm going and I'm going to skip the wine part. If I have to leave the room and go home, I will. I'm not drinking the wine!

traderjane

Okay, one more thought and then I promise I'm out of here (I guess I needed to post a lot today!)

I'm finishing up Caroline Knapp's book Drinking: A Love Story and have just a few pages to go. Will finish it up today.

There are many important and amazing observations in this book, but I just thought of one. There is one story she tells where she is at a party. She is drinking wine, white wine, and her glass gets to the point where it's 1/2 empty. She decides to go get some more wine to refill it because to an alcoholic, a 1/2 glass of wine is just a few sips away from being empty (so true). She goes to look for the white wine, and it is temporarily out of stock, so she grabs some red wine and pours it right in with the white ("instant rose" she calls it).

This got me thinking about my own drinking habits at parties. I used to do the same thing. I would never completely finish a glass of wine -- always refreshing it before it got to the end. Why? I think it was depressing for me to see an empty glass, so why not refill before it gets empty. It was always nicer to have a full glass than just a few sips of an old glass. This technique allowed me to drink at parties without knowing precisely how much I drank. How much did I drink? I don't know! I just kept putting wine in my glass. I'd always convince myself in my mind that I had "2-3 glasses of wine" but I never really knew how much I had. Crazy stuff.

Okay, off to the dog park on this beautiful day. Then going to buy some new running shorts

artsoul

Loved those posts, trader - THANKS!

Wine tastings and splashings?!? Yeah, I would have been looking for the "biggie" size, for sure. I used to drink my wine in a mug, so my kids would think I was just having coffee. The story from that book blew me away, too. I did the very same thing. Made me nervous to have just a few sips left. wow.....

You're doing great - have a wonderful day!

traderjane

One more thought on the same subject .... did you ever go to a friend's house and were offered a glass of wine. You accept it, and when it's handed to you you notice that there's only like an inch of wine in the glass? That has happened to me before, a few times in fact. So I end up taking the glass with a feeling of utter disappointment and say, "Thanks." (thinking to myself: "That's not going to do it for me.")

My ex-husband's family does not drink a lot. They come from the mid-west and have these solid mid-western values. I remember going to his house for Easter or Thanksgiving or whatever for big family meals. They would get out these tiny crystal wine glasses, which were ridiculous in and of themselves, and then pour the wine. My (ex) father-in-law would pour about an inch or two of white wine in these tiny crystal glasses. I would always look at the small amount of wine they were serving and say, "You've got to be kidding me."

My Dad, on the other hand, is a self-admitted alcoholic. He quit years ago, cold turkey, one night after crying and admitting to us that he was an alcoholic. That was it. I have never seen him drink again since that night. But he would always offer us a glass of wine before dinner, a nice big round glass, filled to the top with wine. That's what I was used to. Something you could get a buzz off of.

Well, it's all in the past. We know how the story ends when I start drinking those big nice full glasses of wine. Not good.

artsoul

Exactly!! It's like being given one potato chip. Had to laugh at the image of teeny wine glasses - I have some of those, too. Never used em! Really, I thought a bottle of wine was 3-4 drinks. Wow!

artsoul

Alrighty then - I took a count at this week's end and we now have 21 in the May Flowers clas! Here's the roster:

Me (artsoul)
Draciack
Traderjane
Richard54
AtlasMcGee
Acorn
Wallup
Dream2bclean
Keepcomingback
Oddman
Norther
Californiapoppy
biodrunk
Snowman
John0000
Wallup
December 15
Rondaveu
Spen71
Crow3000
Nancylee

(And for those who haven't checked back in a while, we'd love to know how you're doing)

MAYFLOWERS CAN'T BE BEAT! BLOOM ON!!!!!!

Draciack

Norther, that's exactly how I feel. I swear, once the physical beating has lessened, a small part of me starts whispering, "Hey, I feel good now. Alcohol can't be that bad. Just one drink, that's it this time. C'mon." Absolutely ridiculous.

Traderjane, Drinking: A Love Story is fantastic. So many times I put the book down, smiling and shaking my head, thinking 'that's describes me exactly.' I remember going on a wine tasting about two years ago. It started at 8AM and we toured five wineries. Some of the group would swish inside their mouths just to taste. Me? That whole glass was gone. The concept of wasting alcohol, not finishing a drink, refusing an offered drink, or stopping at any point in the process seems distasteful, like spurning a treat. And that is one of many reasons why I'm here

Happy sober Saturday, everyone

Dee74

yoga then a wine event? that's bizarre to me LOL
Good call to skip the latter TJ

Happy weekend all!
D

Dav

Today is my first day not drinking in a long time.May 8 2010. Count me in.

If anyone has any pointers on getting started in here or where to go next that would be

great or i'll just keep on looking around the site

Thanks dav

artsoul

It's officially Saturday evening and I'm NOT LISTENING to the stupid little voice that wants to "relax" with a drink. Relax my butt!!!!?! I've successfully outlasted a few cravings during the week and they really don't last that long - maybe a minute at the most..... Take a deep, breath turn my attention to the TV and SR...... I can do this. We can do this.

My treat to myself today was getting some Chinese food (one of those all-you-can-eat buffets, perfect for alcoholics!). So, I finish my meal and find that they gave me two fortune cookies. I just had to share these with you guys:

1. The only limits to the possibilities in your life are the buts you use today.

2. The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more.

Cool, eh?

p.s. remember - tomorrow is Mother's Day!

Dee74

Welcome Dav

A lot of folks here have recovery programmes like AA...I can give you some links if you're interested in that route.

Others just use SR.
When I came here I just read a lot, got a few ideas, posted a lot too...and just took the no drinking thing one day at a time.

You'll find a lot of support here
D

artsoul

Welcome Dav!!!!:day6 Good to have you here - there's alot of places to go around here, I agree. I'm slowly finding my way around, too. I like the newcomers section the best, I think, but I also read alot in Alcoholism. Also, the personal stories are really good. I haven't tried the chat room yet, but there's always someone around to listen. One of the best ways to get input is to start your own thread introducing yourself. In any case, everyone is here to help and you really can't make any mistakes!

Congratulations on not drinking today and coming here for support. The first day or two are the worst, so keep posting and reading. You can do it!

Draciack

Welcome Dav

SR is a great community; lots of supportive people around here. Glad you joined up.

CarolD

artsoul.....Well done on your week sober......
Thank you for starting the Class of May group.

Cogratulations to all sharing here....it's great to see
the blend of older and newer members.....

artsoul

You're welcome, but the pleasure is all mine, believe me - you could even call it "self interest." And I know that you know what I'm saying!

AtlasMcGee

Agreed!! This is awesome. WELCOME all newcomers

Crow---About the Cig cravings- I "quit" 3 years ago--with the exception of two times, lasting about 5 weeks each, of reverting back to a pack every other day & of course allowing a cig here & there while drinking ( not all the time though). I smoked weed though (quit that too along with booze--going on 9 days now with both). So the cravings for cigs haven't been bad. Other cravings have been--even for stuff that I haven't done in a long a** time. Weird.

So far this weekend's been good. Before meeting up with my family on Friday, my MOM called me to ask what kind of wine I liked again---I was like "REALLY mom?? I don't drink anymore", she had forgotten for a sec. Her & my Aunt don't drink the stuff I like (too sweet), so it wasn't too bad to be around.

After work today, I rushed to finish a bit early, I went to my first AA meeting. The group's called "One Day At a Time" I gotta Silver chip! I met some seemingly cool people. Two of which recognized me, I thought they looked familiar too...haha. I use to work with one guy & the other one, we couldn't exactly figure out how we knew each other--we left it to probably some party or something...I'm probably going to go back tomorrow night & get the big book--like 6 or 7 $.

I think I'm still in denial a little bit, because when whoever was sharing they would always say their name & then "I'm an alcoholic & addict" & I kept thinking about when I speak up if I could say "I'M an ALCOHOLIC". I Know I know, we've had a few conversations about the stigma we associate with the terminology & how we shouldn't get wrapped up in it, but that's what I kept thinking. Then I thought...I totally feel comfortable in saying "I'm an addict".

Two women gave me their numbers afterward, in case I needed to talk with anyone during this rough time, they like to keep it same sex for newbies--just in case someone tries to take advantage of a vulnerable situation-that's what someone told me after. Makes sense I reckon. They also gave me a list of all other meetings in all of middle TN, pretty cool. I didn't speak up & spill all my beans--I wanted to check the scene out first & I didn't feel pressure to do otherwise, which was cool. I also talked to someone after & she said she didn't talk for a couple months & you just go your own pace. Thought maybe some of ya'll who haven't been to one would like to hear that. I could relate & benefited from their sharing--esp. about dealing with emotions in a more positive manner & welcoming humility instead of fearing/resenting it.

I hope everyone's weekend is going well!!! let's keep it growin' goin'!!