Oddman

Thanks everyone! I still am feeling crappy, but reading some of these posts have brightened my day. I sound like such a wimp I think.....

So I read the serenity prayer again. It NEVER made sense to me, but I think a lightbulb turned on today.

God grant em the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (my daughter throwing up, why get mad at all, there's nothing I can do about it. Breaking a dish, why swear, I can't change what just happened?)

The courage to change the things I can (I can choose to not buy that six pack after work. I have up until the moment the beer hits my lips)

And the wisdom to know the difference. (know when I can act to make a positive change)

At least that's how I read it today.

I haven't told my wife yet. I posted a blog about how she feels about AA. It's funny because she refers people to AA in her line of work, but she doesn't believe in it herself. She also never drinks and can't possibly understand what some of us face every day, and I think that upsets her, that she can't relate to me in this one area of my life. I did find an 8:45pm meeting tonight (gotta be after the girls go to bed) and I'm hoping I can tell her that I'm going to that meeting. I'm really nervous about it though.

I just go on and on don't I......

It's my irritability that is pissing me off!!! I was short with my wife last night. No real reason. I asked where the stamps were. She kinda rolled her eyes like I was stupid for not knowing where they were...

"could you just f*cking tell me where they are?"

Geez, where the hell did that come from.

"Sorry, I'm just tired..." Not entirely untrue.

Thanks again everyone. I'm 29 1/2 hours in, here's to the next 30 minutes!!

Acorn

Day four for me now. I'm glad to hear other mayflowers are doing well and dealing with the challenges that are thrown at us, good luck art soul we are all with you.

I had my first time in a pub this aft since I stopped. I had no choice to go as it was an impromtu leaving do for a collegue. I didn't have time to come up with an excuse but he food news is a just had a lemonade and went home- I was driving anyway so there was no real option for me to drink.

Here in uk it's general election day and I'm quite looking forward to staying up late with a cuppa watching the results as they come in.

Tomorrow starts the weekend- that's my biggest challenge!

Norther

Here's what I have to do: drive home from work without buying something to drink. If I do that, I have a good chance of making it to day three. (On Tuesday I told my wife all my tricks and showed her all my hiding places to make it hard to stash) For a while now I haven't been able to keep that resolution - I have tended to buy booze like some sort of robot, even as I have screamed at myself in my mind not to do it - but today I think I will make it: I did yesterday. Let's hope.

Oddman

Norther-- I felt like I was reading something that I had written just now. Not buying booze on my way home is going to help me get to day 3!! I felt like a robot too!! 7-11, pull in, park, go to beer aisle, purchase, pound, am sports radio [I actually called them, the sports casters, my drinking buddies the past couple weeks, crazy huh?]. I haven't shown my wife my hiding spots (she's found some already on her own, I guess the drawer where we keep extra toilet paper wasn't the best idea, especially with three girls in the house!). I'm trying to get up the nerve to tell her (ask her?) that I'm going to a meeting tonight! Good luck all!! Glad to be a part of the May group. It's helping me a lot!!

artsoul

From ROBOTS to MAY FLOWERS. Sounds good to me! (And man, that sounds so familiar).

Welcome, welcome, welcome, Norther!! So glad you're in our group! You can get through today - just sing really loudly as you're passing the store. Or say NONONONONO a hundred times. I don't know, I'm just being silly here. But we're all doing the same thing in this first week, you know?
Keep posting as much as you can and congrats on your honesty with your wife - that takes alot of courage.

Oddman - your posts have made me smile today - thanks! Just figure out a way to tell your wife straight up, like "You know, I've decided I really want to stop drinking and I figured I might just check out an AA meeting tonight." You could even tell her you've been irritable because it's been on your mind.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll be able to find the right words. Just having the willingness to be open and honest often makes things work out just right. I understand how difficult it is, though. I haven't told my kids or my parents, but I think it would be harder not to tell my husband, if I had one. Good luck and let us know how things go. Keep strong!

Hey Acorn!! Congratulations on day 4!! You did great not to drink at the pub - I'm proud of ya! Have a wonderful evening with a "cuppa" - is that an expression for tea, coffee, whatever?

Crow3000

Hi all

I actually started April 29th but didn't find this group until a few days ago so I guess I have decided to stay back a grade and stick with the may group. Anyway, this is like the fourth time i've tried to quit the first two times were a while back like one year and two years ago and I was just sort of "seeing if I could do it." The last time I tried near the end of March was downright hellish physical mental withdrawal etc. I decided to reevaluate my approach after my various experiences and hoped that throwing out smoking (pack a day for 8 years), and numerous bad eating habits (MacDs, super sweet things, not eating regularly) would help. They did!!! Not as depressed or anxious. Although I do have to say that last night, now on day 8, was my first real night of sleep (not even all that great). Basically this past week i've been a total zombie and when I did get like 30 min to an hour I would often wake up and find myself standing up staring at my bed, most people wake up in their bed. :wtf2 Anyway, good luck everyone and thanks for all the stories and sharing.

Oddman

Got a problem here. Almost quitting time. My "witching hour(s)". Voices in head "you're not an alcoholic" "wouldn't a beer taste great" Damn right it would!!! Uh oh. Demons from dark places. Need to read some more. We got some good people here. Welcome Crow! I'm very glad I went into this thread!!

artsoul

Welcome Crow! Congratulations on day 8 - that's fantastic. These first days are rough aren't they? (can especially relate about the sleep - ugh). I'm so impressed that you're trying to do everything at once (I assume you are an alcoholic or addict - you didn't say... And that you're also quitting smoking and poor eating habits?).

I hope to quit smoking (again) myself. But right now the only thing I can handle is trying to stay sober. I've had periods of sobriety in the past, but this time, I just know in my heart of hearts that there is no hope for me to achieve any semblance of controlled drinking. Hope you'll post alot. We're all hanging together and taking it a day at a time. If we can do it, you can too!

Oddman

Trying my first quote here. No idea if it'll work right. but thanks artsoul, you gave me some encouragement to talk with my wife. Easier to type than say though..

Dee74

Welcome Norther and Crow
This is a great bunch of peeps here - as you undoubtedly read, you'll find a lot of support

D

artsoul

I've had those this afternoon, too, Oddman. I hate em! I'm trying a bunch of different things to deal with them.

We have to remember we're powerless. This things is insidious - it lies to us and then cheats us out of any kind of life. We have to PRACTICE at it until it gets to the point where, when the thoughts come up, we can see them as passing, silly things that don't make us want to hit the wall anymore. The first few times we do it are going to be the hardest. But if we hang in there, the victory will be so sweet.

Imagine what tonight could be like instead. Order out a lucious meal, go to the book store, get a new movie, buy an expensive vitamin drink. PM me. Whatever YOU want to do that will make you feel good. We did it last night. We can do it one more night. Think about waking up in the morning. Where do you want to be? (Sorry about getting on a roll - I'm talking to myself I think!! haha) Keep reading, keep posting.

Crow3000

Thanks Art thanks Oddman thanks Dee.

And yes Art I am an alcoholic, and been that way for a few years now, i've probably been an addict all my life, I tend to take it ALL in, not always a good thing. I am also fed up with smoking, plus, when compared to drinking withdrawals, smoking discomforts are kind of a joke, at least for me. Also, the last time I smoked while quitting drinking I found it sometimes got me out of whack and thats when the little man in my head starts going on, the same thing happens when I don't eat regularly, like every three hours.

Hope you do quit smoking Art, when it happens I image you'll really kick its ass after this experience ...

Oddman, hang in there with us this afternoon/evening, it really sucks doesn't it? The first few days I ended up walking like 6 miles a day just to keep myself together. I'm about to head out again soon.

Oddman

So I came home, passed the 7-11 (VICTORY) and got ready for my run. Went outside. It's windy, damn. Why do my calves ache? Why does it feel like I'm in cement? THIS SUCKS!!!!! I only made it around the block. Was supposed to go 4! Still sober though. want the day to end now.....

Draciack

Hi, Norther and Crow, Welcome to the Group!

Crow, I definitely can relate to the idea of feeling like an addict throughout my life. Sometimes it feels like I'm hop-skotching through various addictions, and it seems that moderation just isn't part of my behavior. It's great you're joining up--keep on trucking ODAAT! You're making a whole lot of positive changes in your life

Oddman, is there anyone who knows you are going sober? I read one way to combat cravings is, whenever you experience a real bad one, give that person a call and have him/her talk you out of it, reaffirm all the reasons you quit and stuff like that. Two heads and all that.

artsoul

How was your evening Draciack? As for me, the positive vibes worked! I got through the evening with just one little desire-thought crossing my mind (when I was getting ready to leave, a good friend with a glass of wine in her hand, said "have a great evening - kick back, have a glass of wine....." ouch. Only lasted about 10 seconds, though.

I had a nice big tonic and lime and it was very refreshing. I was so glad I was there sober. Normally (especially with a social thing, and being part of the focus of the evening) I would have had two or three before leaving for the event, unless of course I was hungover from the day before, in which case I might have 4 or 5 or 6 just to feel OK.

Thanks for all your support May Flowers! ROCK ON!

AtlasMcGee

Welcome welcome!! Up to 17 now?? Woot woot!

I can relate to the quitting smoking Crow & being an addict pretty much my entire life. (Btw Crow,my sobriety day was the 30th)

One thing that really brought my decision to live a sober lifestyle to a head was the fact that when I drink, all of the other bad habits that I thought I FINALLY got rid of came back in full force. I'd chain smoke again, eat crappy food & etc etc on the bad decisions...also the next day would be pretty much shot because I'd feel awful, or I would just suck it up and wonder through life in complete delirium--a lot of the times at work.

Art--GREAT to hear your evening was yet ANOTHER success .

At work today, a coworker came up to me and said "so, did you throw down last night & go drinking for cinco de mayo?" (I'd come into work QUITE a few times semi-noticeably hungover--would TRY to play it off. So they knEw how I rollED), & without the nitty gritty, I told her no & that I've been layin low on the party meter.

It's kind of cool, in retrospect, to have that epiphany, whether with a friend (Artsoul & the wine) or a co-worker, where it's like "hey! that's not me ANYMORE". Did I mention I was in a GREAT mood at work today, old me would have been hungover...most definitely.

First few days are ROUGH. I feel you oddman on the irritability--took out a lot of frustration out on my dad the other day--VERY quick to apologize though & he knows about my "at odds with myself, lifestyle change"--he actually went through the same thing at the same age, funny how stuff like that happens. Weird how we take things out in a hateful manner to those we care most about. It's a frustrating time, but we're etching closer & closer to clarity, that's how I've been feeling.

Congrats everyone on another sober day!! ( I think I wrote enough!)

Oddman

In bed the end of day two. Sober!! But i did other things that are so unhealthy for me. I'm starting to think that I'm trying to kill myself?!?! I ate a huge plate of Hawaiian BBQ. YUM!! Snort ribs, white rice, all the fixins. Then went to fatburger for an order of fries and a rootbeer. Couldn't even finish the fries. I almost got the same feeling as drinking. Relaxed, better mood. I even hid the bag in my console like many an empty beer can before.

Wife and kids wanted taco bell. I offered to go. I got my self a burrito and a volcanoe taco. By this point I was stuffed but I forced it down. Mainly to not
draw suspicion from my wife why in wasn't eating. Didn't want to explain the crap I had already eaten. Jesus!!! WTF big time!!! 39 1/2 sober hours. I'll take that today. Work on my health tomorrow. Good night all.

artsoul

Hey Atlas - "laying low on the party meter" lol - I like that! Congrats on day 7 (that's a week!) Nice to feel that good mood, isn't it? Even glimpses of that makes me want to do this again tomorrow!!

Let's go MayFlowers - Ambassadors of Sobriety!! We're almost through another sober day!

AtlasMcGee

Hahaha Oddman, I've been crazy munchin this last week. If I don't start exercising again, there'll be trouble. I guess we're making up for ALL those lost calories since we've stopped drinking... Oh well

wallup

Joining up...

thanks