vegibean

Ok, here's my situation. Over the past couple of years I have had many instances of "bomb droppings" and I've shared a lot of them here. X dragging me to court, having to move, roommate bailing, old friend passing away, computer crashing before school starting and even recently my car taking a huge EXPENSIVE crap on me, dental issues (very painful ones, eeeek!!!) and I know I'm leaving A LOT out of there but they've all been stressful, yet I've gotten through them all like a rock and I'm really proud of myself for that as I felt many times like I just wanted to give up.

ALSO, I want to point out that I know what I have to be grateful for and it's a lot and I'm incredibly proud of where I am and all of my wonderful successes. Even looking back over the last couple of years I have to ask myself "who would have known I would have come so far????" and I'm really proud of it!!!

But this is where my "damaged" place in my head is........ right there hanging over me is this cloud of "what is going to happen next?"

My boss and I were talking (she's a great lady and we've had some great chats) and she has had her fill of situations, I truly feel for her. She had said "you know they say 'God doesn't give us more than we can handle' but if it were like a faucet I wish God would put it on drip", pfft!!!! Yeah, my thoughts exactly because it seems when things happen, they happen all at once and it's really overwhelming.

I want out of this "what will/is going to happen next" feeling because it's leaving me stressed out a lot of the time and feeling on edge. I shouldn't be stressing over things that haven't happened but so much has that it's like that's my conditioned thinking.

I know I'm powerless over things that happen, I know I'm not a victim, I know that I'm not being singled out and I know that I can survive whatever it is that I'm going through.

Anyway, I know that many of you have probably been through this, I know that many of you are going through things, and I also know that many of you with more years of sobriety than me have "been there done that" and can probably relate to where my "stinkin' thinkin'" is.

So, anyone got any shares or suggestions? I'm kind of struggling with it and I just want to enjoy TODAY without worries. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

Thanks in advance.

OZboy

..wait!! patience is a virtue...

susanlauren

VegiBean,
All any of us have is this moment. I have some yucky moments in otherwise great days. I don't have to ruin my entire day for the sake of an hour or ten minutes or whatever period of time the "yuck" happens. I can enjoy today and I don't have to generalize the "disaster" into more than what it is.

If I have a dentist appointment scheduled for next week, I can think to myself, "Am I at the dentist now?" If not, then I am going to enjoy that time and not worry about the discomfort, expense, etc. Am I in court this moment? No. Then enjoy the day. Is there anything I can do to prepare for going to court? If yes, then do it. If no, then enjoy this moment.

I have expensive car repairs. What can I do this moment. Do I need to make out of budget? Do I need to cut back in another area of my expenses? If so, then do it. If not, then this too shall pass. I can't do anything about it -- for this moment. What can I plan to make the next situation more manageable?

There is a saying, "The worst things in my life have never even happened to me." I think there is a lot of truth to that.

When intrusive thoughts arise, it helps me to think, "Don't give it another thought." Also, the old rubber band trick helps. Any time I think about the intrusive thought, I snap the rubber band around my wrist. A few snaps, and I am less likely to think about ......

We all have a certain number of "problems" in our lives. When any one of those gets solved, another takes its place. That is life. Problems are life. When we are dead, we don't have the privilege of solving any more problems. Be thankful for life.

Do you remember what you worried about a week ago, a month ago, three months ago, six months ago, a year ago? Probably not. I sure don't. If any one of the situations happened independently, would you think you were jinxed? It just happens that a number of situations are happening simultaneously.

You will get through these challenges. I guess I am suggesting living the serenity prayer -- what can I change, what can I not? The problem with worry is that we spend so much energy worrying that we don't have the energy to actually deal with the problem when it arises.

I bet there are some lovely, wonderful things that have happened among all the "yuck". But you probably don't spend as much time looking for those things (i.e., what went right today). Did you enjoy that sunset? a flower? a fresh brewed cup of coffee? a kind word from a friend? the fact that you have a job and a boss you like? the fact that you have a car to worry about repairing? what about your driver's license?

What I focus on grows. If I focus on the good, it grows. If I focus on the "bad", it grows. There are always people with worse situations than us. There are always people with better situations than us. If I had to review the problems other people faced and "trade" with them, I bet I would opt to keep my own problems.

A friend is dying of cancer right now. A number of us are going to do the Kohman Race for the Cure on her behalf. Would I want her life? Absolutely not. A family at church just lost their father/husband in a bus crash while on vacation. Would I want their life? Nope. Another friend is fighting for custody for her kids with her ex-husband. Would I want her life? Again, no. And so it goes.

What helps me a lot is prayer -- especially the Serenity Prayer. SusanLauren

Horselover

Ah Veg. You are sort of waiting for the bomb to drop. This is not good for your health my dear. Can you get excited and "feel" in your heart that something good is going to happen. You don't know what it is, but something good is coming your way. You can't wait to see what it is. It is right around that corner. Why not say "Okay Veg, I got through all that and now I'm on the other side. What are the slew of good things that are now heading towards me?"

Don't know if you are much of a reader but I love to read and have been getting into Wayne Dyer amongst other spiritual self help gurus. I also like Deepek Chopra. Try getting your mind out of the negative vibe its in. Do something that excites you or fires your passion. Do you volunteer? That can help also. Do you like to paint, write, photography or music? Trying to find your spark in creativity puts us in touch with our creator or that's what I believe any ways. Just some thoughts. Take whatever may help and forget the rest.

vegibean

Horselover, I hear ya!! I am so bogged down with work, school, all of my studies (all I'm doing is reading, but is what is required right now in my school work), that I really do make an effort when I have free time to do "me", but I guess the way to explain it in other words is like post traumatic. ???????

susanlauren, I hear you too, believe me I am my BIGGEST cheerleader and "butt" kicker. I write affirmations and put them on my wall and on my dry erase board so they are there to remind me of where I need to put my head.

***Here's an example though, PERFECT example as I'm driving off to work......... my car beeps at me (that warning sound) to let me know................ "oh, I need windshield whiper fluid", but it gave me an INSTANT "WHAT?!?!?!" feeling, like I said up above, it's like some post traumatic stress thing. I'm not "dwelling", I'm not having a pity party, and it literally affects me. Ugh!!!!

A bunch of brains (everyone here, lol!!!) are always better than one, and I know that if anyone is going to have some great suggestions, it's going to be you all!!

OZboy, thanks, I'm working on it Darlin'.

Texasblind

Veg,

I attend a weekly meditation group and a lot of the techniques we learn help me all day long. Something to think about...

vegibean

LOL!!! And see, things aren't so bad, I'm also the Monster Match Champ on SR!!! :rotfxko

vegibean

I'm a willing student Texas, anything you want to share, I'll take.

CarolD

Prayer helps me immensley in all situations
sending one now for your peace and calm.

Try your prayer connection

Impurrfect

(((Vegi))) - I used to think that way, all the time. I've noticed, lately, I don't do it nearly as much. I think it's because I've realized that everything that's come up, I HAVE gotten through it...and though my difficulties have been different than yours, there have been some doozies.

Someone once posted on a thread I've been on practically since I've been on since I joined SR about all the huge hurdles I've gotten past, and I had to think "WTF are they talking about?" I thought, then I remembered..oh yeah, going to court on 5-year-old tickets that were over $4,000, getting robbed at gunpoint at work, etc. By the time they said that, the "biggies" were just something I'd gotten through.

I don't know if this helps or not, but maybe focus on the fact that everything you've come up against, you HAVE handled it and chances are, if something comes up...you'll deal with it, too. Sure, I still spin around like the Tazmanian devil when something major upsets my daily life, but recovery has taught me some great tools to get through it. You've got the same tools and you use them quite well...I've seen you do it

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

NEOMARXIST

No real 'help' from me as I don't feel qualified enough.

All I will say is that you have been an inspiration to me in my recovery!!


peace and Love x

vegibean

Amy, I guess I am also looking for comfort in numbers and I've known you've been there done that as well. Maybe even "this" situation is something that I'll just get over.

I just want my faucet to drip. *SIGH*

Thank you NEO!!

Anna

Vegi,

It sounds like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, and that is so stressful.

Have you read "A New Earth" or the "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. The idea is living in the moment because that is all we have. It's not easy to practice that philosophy but it helps.

Dee74

I struggle with it too Vegi, but that 'one day at a time thing' really is a great piece of advice.

We reckon can mentally turn the faucet back a few turns if we simply do what we can today - and then let the rest go...

that's the theory anyway
D

vegibean

Yes Anna, although I'm trying not to focus on it, it's just kind of there. I think if anything, posting how I feel and reading the responses today DID help. Support can be so helpful too.

Thank you everybody!!!!!

HumbleBee

I actually attended a seminar about this. The gist of it was:

He who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than is necessary.

Meaning that subconsciously, anticipating negative outcomes to a situation or event actually serves to protect us by decreasing any negative emotions when or if the situation or event actually happens, which is rare.

Somehow negative anticipations seem to pay off if the outcome of the result is unexpectedly positive - we'd have a feeling of immense relief along with the positive emotions of success that go along with it. Kind of a celebration of good news and having worried for seemingly no reason.

Anticipating the worst seems to 'prepare' us for what we think is inevitably going to happen and most times does not ever happen. This ultimately makes us feel miserable now.

Somehow knowing why we do this and catching ourselves when we do it seems to jolt us into realizing how unlikely the negative event or situation will occur and that there's little to no benefit in anticipating it.

Hope this helps.

vegibean

That did HumbleBee!!! Thanks for sharing that, it totally makes sense to me too.

See? You guys are great!!!!

Bamboozle

Hello, vegi.

I'm curious about your dental problems. I just had a tooth pulled last week...and I think that the tooth that is still there (but formerly) next to the old decayed tooth (now removed) has a cavity that wasn't picked up by the x-rays. It's a very tiny dark spot that won't wash away. Eek! Looks like I'll have to give the dentist a call or I won't have enough teeth left on my upper right to chew.


I wish I had some wisdom for you. You're a strong person and I know you'll persevere.

Kmber2010

First off congrats on your sobriety and for facing each day sober. You inspire me to keep going even when I have those days similar to what you are going through.

Here is how I handle things. I have one life to live and I won't get another shot. I am returning to my faith and I also have just learned to roll with the punches. Ahhh...I got stopped on base because of tail light and I stressed, hubby went on a mission and I stressed, ash cloud closes airspace and I am stuck and stressed....mammo is abnormal I don't stress. Why? Because I am alive and I focus on the positives.

Exercise is extremly calming....not so much the cardio gym thing. More of the early walk before work......taking in nature and the beauty around us. I listen to soothing music and how about trying yoga? Awesome way to focus on yourself and relieve stress.

I do suggest getting a massage. That always loosens the tension and puts me in a better place.

Also I recommend seeking counseling for stress management. We have a great program here where they help you find ways to handle obstacles and negativity in your life. I think I have moved beyond on my mental health guy now that I quit drinking and know what needs to be done. By seeking counseling on stress management, etc. I start the next phase of my recovery. How can I deal the best way possible.

Sending wonderful thoughts your way my friend. Keep us posted on how you make out.

Kim

vegibean

Let's put it this way, I invested a small chunk of money in a dental plan because I really am in need of putting some attention to my teeth that have been neglected..............not that I have to tell you, but my God does it get PAINFUL!!!! I'm not willing to deal with that any more so I've motivated myself to take action on it and JUST DO IT!!!!