Back to day 1, and why I think I failed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 11
Back to day 1, and why I think I failed.
Im sad to report that I f*cked up bigtime. I made it 9 days without a drink and then I somehow convinced myself that it was ok to have a couple drinks. My thinking at the time was that "hey, if i go 9 days with only drinking once, then this is going to be a good month". I wasnt thinking logically. So a couple drinks turned into me getting wasted that night and then feeling so depressed about it the day after, i got drunk that day too.
Arent I pathetic?
One of my strongest reasons for my alcohol addiction is tied to the fact that I have horrible sleeping patterns. Drinking knocks me out and I dont have to worry about falling asleep. The 9 days I spent sober, I was using muscle relaxers and sleeping pills continuously to fall asleep. Thats my problem. Once the pills lose effectiveness I turn to alcohol. Because booze always works.
Ive got to kick the pills and the booze. But man is it ever going to cause some sleepless nights. Wish me luck.
Arent I pathetic?
One of my strongest reasons for my alcohol addiction is tied to the fact that I have horrible sleeping patterns. Drinking knocks me out and I dont have to worry about falling asleep. The 9 days I spent sober, I was using muscle relaxers and sleeping pills continuously to fall asleep. Thats my problem. Once the pills lose effectiveness I turn to alcohol. Because booze always works.
Ive got to kick the pills and the booze. But man is it ever going to cause some sleepless nights. Wish me luck.
Idiot!
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 556
No you're not pathetic - just powerless over alcohol! It is a right sneaky bugger. As soon as it sees ANY ***** in your armour it's straight in the gap. Once it is in, it's very difficult to shift.
All you can do is learn from it. Remember that sometime after the first week those thoughts will come again. Except you can now recognise them for the delusions that they are and be better prepared to fight.
And don't be too hard on yourself - your'e not the first and you wont be the last, just start again, one day at a time.
Wishing you the best,
Stu.
All you can do is learn from it. Remember that sometime after the first week those thoughts will come again. Except you can now recognise them for the delusions that they are and be better prepared to fight.
And don't be too hard on yourself - your'e not the first and you wont be the last, just start again, one day at a time.
Wishing you the best,
Stu.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Silver,
No, you're not pathetic. I also used alcohol for sleep, so I guess we both know it doesn't work so well. The sleeping pills never worked for me very well, either.
I know this sounds so silly but try to get a short, maybe 20 minutes or so, walk in every day outside. The natural light on the retina helps the body reset its sleep cycle. And the exercise will help you feel sleepy at the end of the day.
I use meditation tapes at night. I like "Deep Sleep with Medical Hypnosis." It gets easier to go into the trance state the more you use it. Also, a set of breathing exercises helps to calm the mind and bring sleep.
Try to stay in a regular schedule. Get up at the same time every day. That's important.
See your doctor to get checked out. Some herbal remedies work well for some people.
Ask your doctor about these.
Take care, it will get better.
Love,
Lenina
No, you're not pathetic. I also used alcohol for sleep, so I guess we both know it doesn't work so well. The sleeping pills never worked for me very well, either.
I know this sounds so silly but try to get a short, maybe 20 minutes or so, walk in every day outside. The natural light on the retina helps the body reset its sleep cycle. And the exercise will help you feel sleepy at the end of the day.
I use meditation tapes at night. I like "Deep Sleep with Medical Hypnosis." It gets easier to go into the trance state the more you use it. Also, a set of breathing exercises helps to calm the mind and bring sleep.
Try to stay in a regular schedule. Get up at the same time every day. That's important.
See your doctor to get checked out. Some herbal remedies work well for some people.
Ask your doctor about these.
Take care, it will get better.
Love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
The first few alcohol free days will almost always include insomnia. Your brain is accustomed to alcohol as a depressant of the central nervous system, which also helps you to sleep.
What happens, though, is that with continuous daily drinking the brain adapts to that steady supply of depressant by producing natural stimulants. It will continue to produce those stimulants for a few days after you stop, and that is what is keeping you awake.
The good news is that it will stop doing that after about a week.
What happens, though, is that with continuous daily drinking the brain adapts to that steady supply of depressant by producing natural stimulants. It will continue to produce those stimulants for a few days after you stop, and that is what is keeping you awake.
The good news is that it will stop doing that after about a week.
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
Have you ever tried melatonin? I find it really helps me sleep. Just be sure not to get the kind with Vit B6 added. B6 can intensify dreams to the point where they wake some people up, which kinda defeats the purpose.
Rev
Rev
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
Hi Silver Star
I fell for the 'oh well I'll only drink once this month' more times than I count.
I see now the fact is I am an alcoholic and any alcohol will always open me to the possibility of what happened to you - loss of control and maybe a subsequent binge...
It's good that you're aware of that now.
As for the sleeping I really urge you to bite the bullet and try to get out of the habit.
I found eventually that more and more no amount of alcohol would help me sleep...and even when it did, the sleep was very poor and I'd wake up at 3 or 4 am....
It took a while - but I sleep like a baby now and have for years...
If you have sleeping problems, see a Dr, Silver - don't drink over it.
D
I fell for the 'oh well I'll only drink once this month' more times than I count.
I see now the fact is I am an alcoholic and any alcohol will always open me to the possibility of what happened to you - loss of control and maybe a subsequent binge...
It's good that you're aware of that now.
As for the sleeping I really urge you to bite the bullet and try to get out of the habit.
I found eventually that more and more no amount of alcohol would help me sleep...and even when it did, the sleep was very poor and I'd wake up at 3 or 4 am....
It took a while - but I sleep like a baby now and have for years...
If you have sleeping problems, see a Dr, Silver - don't drink over it.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
The sleep you get with alcohol is actually really terrible for you. Same for pills. I am seriously THE LAST PERSON with the right to lecture someone about that but it is the truth. You don't go into REM sleep and that's the deepest stage of sleep and the most important. It's what allows you to wake up feeling rested. Yesterday was day one for me and I think MAYBE I got thirty minutes of sleep. But I bet it gets easier with time.
Have you ever thought about using a natural sleep aid? Personally I haven't had much luck with those but they do help a lot of people. Sleeping is the kind of thing you can train your body to get used to. Just force yourself to get to bed at a certain time. Get into a routine and wake up at the same time every morning.
And as for the drinking thing... do you really think all the people who have been sober for like fifteen or twenty of forty years just quit completely cold turkey and never had relapses? Personally, I really doubt it. I mean if alcohol was easy for us to resist we wouldn't be alcoholics would we? And nine days is awesome. That's still a pretty big accomplishment if you ask me. It's a lot longer than I've gone and it does show you're strong enough to resist alcohol. Wasn't there a time where you were drinking every day? And now look where you are, you went nine days without drinking and you made a mistake but you're on this board admitting that and asking for help. That's a huge step forward and a sign of progress.
You can't beat yourself up for every mistake you make. You have to cut yourself some slack. I am not encouraging you not to be tough with yourself about not drinking. Considering how bad you feel right now it is most definitely not worth it. Next time try not to take that first drink, re-read this post or call your sponsor or go to a meeting or go on a run or something that won't live you hung over and feeling badly about yourself in the morning. A slip up doesn't erase the progress you've made.
Have you ever thought about using a natural sleep aid? Personally I haven't had much luck with those but they do help a lot of people. Sleeping is the kind of thing you can train your body to get used to. Just force yourself to get to bed at a certain time. Get into a routine and wake up at the same time every morning.
And as for the drinking thing... do you really think all the people who have been sober for like fifteen or twenty of forty years just quit completely cold turkey and never had relapses? Personally, I really doubt it. I mean if alcohol was easy for us to resist we wouldn't be alcoholics would we? And nine days is awesome. That's still a pretty big accomplishment if you ask me. It's a lot longer than I've gone and it does show you're strong enough to resist alcohol. Wasn't there a time where you were drinking every day? And now look where you are, you went nine days without drinking and you made a mistake but you're on this board admitting that and asking for help. That's a huge step forward and a sign of progress.
You can't beat yourself up for every mistake you make. You have to cut yourself some slack. I am not encouraging you not to be tough with yourself about not drinking. Considering how bad you feel right now it is most definitely not worth it. Next time try not to take that first drink, re-read this post or call your sponsor or go to a meeting or go on a run or something that won't live you hung over and feeling badly about yourself in the morning. A slip up doesn't erase the progress you've made.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Silver....you are not pathetic but an alcoholic. I know just relapsed a few weeks back and it was because of the same thinking "Oh, I can just have one or a few." I did that a few nights on vacation and was ok....came home and nothing. Then whamm.....I hit a snag and immediately bought the alcohol and started drinking one week until it culminated in a non-stop 2 day binge. The panic/anxiety/depression kicked in due to the drinking and all I could think of was drink more to solve the problem. Big mistake so almost 3 months sobriety went out the window.
I am now going on day 15!!!! Oh yeah I couldn't sleep for anything the first week and still wake up 1x a night but I come on SR and do some reading and back to bed I go. My sleeping has improved but I have come a long way from those first 3 days where I couldn't sleep more than maybe 1 hour before waking up.
Hang in there and know you can do this. You have our support but you must remain strong. For me my last binge almost killed me....so I guess it scared me sober. I haven't really had any cravings. The thought pops in my head of course but it is very vague and distant. Easily controllable because I face certain death if I try to handle "just one."
God Bless and I am looking forward to reading about your recovery!! One day at a time and stay strong!!
I am now going on day 15!!!! Oh yeah I couldn't sleep for anything the first week and still wake up 1x a night but I come on SR and do some reading and back to bed I go. My sleeping has improved but I have come a long way from those first 3 days where I couldn't sleep more than maybe 1 hour before waking up.
Hang in there and know you can do this. You have our support but you must remain strong. For me my last binge almost killed me....so I guess it scared me sober. I haven't really had any cravings. The thought pops in my head of course but it is very vague and distant. Easily controllable because I face certain death if I try to handle "just one."
God Bless and I am looking forward to reading about your recovery!! One day at a time and stay strong!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Silver, I was somebody who had a hard time keeping a normal sleeping routine before I started drinking. It was just in my nature and it got worse during the post-secondary school years (late 80s and a bit). Then during drinking I did manage to get a routine going, which incluced getting up at a productive time. I was amazed at being able to get up with no alarm clock too. Then a couple of years ago I started noticing I would wake up at ludicrous times, like Dee said. The eating pattern had also deteriorated - to accommodate drinking, of course. Eventually drinking would probably have continued its domination over everything else. I am struggling with the right pattern of sleep now, but I know it has to do with a mix of other things I have to manage emotionally and physically. I would rather fight that battle without alcohol now. Getting to 9 days was a big deal to me only a few months ago. Do it again without giving in to the thought of celebrating it with alcohol, because that is what the addiction wants you to do. It doesn't want you to succeed, it wants you bound up for as long as possible. Astound yourself with another DAY of not drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Definitely don't beat yourself up, but don't let that addict voice win again. It can be convincing at times though, can't it?
I would not be afraid of not getting sleep. Do you get out and walk or exercise? That can help. Try to wear yourself out physically. Don't have any caffeine after 3pm. Try reading something non-stimulating before bed. Keep the lighting low in the evenings. Try a warm bath in the evening. Just some ideas.
I would not be afraid of not getting sleep. Do you get out and walk or exercise? That can help. Try to wear yourself out physically. Don't have any caffeine after 3pm. Try reading something non-stimulating before bed. Keep the lighting low in the evenings. Try a warm bath in the evening. Just some ideas.
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