Raindownonme

Im on day 4. Hubby just walked in with 12 bottles of wine. 12!!!

I keep going to the fridge and looking at it.....sat here with tears in my eyes. This is so hard. I thought it was getting easier this morning...I didnt even think about a drink for about an hour after I got up.....but this is the time I usually drink...and hes sat here with a glass....I want it, i want a whole bottle, or 2...I just want to get completely drunk and fall asleep.

I know I will be feel utterly crap tomorrow though, Ill just feel like I have let myself down.

I read on here that people still feel like this after day 30!! I cant imagine having that much willpower...I just want to give up.

I guess maybe I just needed to let that out.

least

Don't give up! Vent here all you like, just don't give in. It's hard to stay sober in the face of so much temptation but it can be done. Do something to distract yourself. Make a list of the benefits of being sober, the risks of drinking. Go for a walk. Brush your teeth. Clean something. Be strong! Your sobriety is at stake here.

Robin66

I agree..... I know how bad it sucks and I can't imagine having that temptation in the house. I'm thinking of you. You can do it. Robin

Lenina

Rain,

For me, it wasn't a question of will-power. I had to change my thought process, my philosophies. I needed a plan. Have you considered any treatment program? AA is a good one but there are others. AA is free, it's widely available and you can make new sober friends.

Is your husband an alcoholic? Does he understand you are trying to quit drinking? Can you have an open and honest discussion with him?

Please keep reading and posting here. I've learned so much and gotten very good support!

Love,

Lenina

barb dwyer

Lenina offers good advice there... I hope you'll check it out.

Dee74

I agree with Lenina - I don't believe it's will power.

I'm stubborn as all get out - didn't do me any good when dealing with my alcoholism.

What did work for me was acceptance - accepting that I was an alcoholic, and accepting that alcohol will always lead me into trouble - maybe even danger - and make me into someone I don't want to be....

I'm sorry your husband is being so unhelpful - but I know others have posted here before and risen above their partners sabotage, whether innocent or wilful.

You can do this - if you bring the commitment, you can find support here

D

Lenina

Rain,

I don't crave, I don't want to drink today. Getting to that place of acceptance, that place of peace IS possible! Do learn as much as you can about this disease of addiction. Knowing what was going on with me made it so much easier to recognize and deal with it.

You can get there too!

Love,

Lenina

Raindownonme

I didnt drink.

Im on day 5!!!! I was so close to being back on day 1!

Sat here crying again haha!

Thanks so much for all your words of support. I sat on this site all last night, just reading, it helps so much.

Hubby is an alcoholic though he would never ever admit it, and yes, he deliberately tries to sabotage my efforts because 'im more fun when i drink'.

But I didnt let him win last night, and I wont tonight either.

Today is my first big milestone. I havent ever been past day 5.

Im looking into AA meetings around my area...might just pop along and hide out in the back lol.
Will have to make up some excuse to go out though as if he finds out he will just call me names and laugh.......

Thinking about it, I dont really care....he wont be laughing when he finally realises im serious. If he keeps up this sabotaging I may just have to tell him we need a break.

Anna

That is really, really sad!

I'm glad you are doing so well and I know that I can always find inspiration and hope here, so keep reading and posting.

Dee74

I'm really proud you did that, rain
That's made my morning
D

kyb5

Good for you rain.

Keep up the good work. You CAN do it!!

Lenina

Good for you, Rain! Take care of yourself! Get to the meetings if you can.

Love,

Lenina

LibertyorDeath

Hi Rain. Your post reminds me of when I was just a few weeks into sobriety and lo and behold here comes July 4th and the beer was a flowing. I wanted to cave so badly. It was very uncomfortable but thinking it all the way through helped. I saw, felt, tasted, smelled July 5th- the guilt, agony, fatigue, queasiness, shame....

I did not drink. I woke up on the fifth to birds chrirping, coffee a brewing and a very positive self image. Bliss. I was proud of my achievement!

Think it through. You can do this!

Happier

Rain, Congratulations. Some nights and occassions can be difficult for me but a sober morning is always such a welcome reward. Hoping, wishing, and praying all the best your way. Your success is inspirational and I hope that it may eventually sink into your husband as well. Do this for you though. You deserve it.

Hevyn

Hi Rain. I'm happy you were able to overcome that temptation - so unfair you had to be faced with the wine. I know we say it all the time on here, but that's because it's true - it DOES get easier! It will not stay this intense or frustrating - the stress will ease up as you go along. Be proud of yourself for what you were able to do. I'm glad you came here to tell about it!

coffeenut

Good for you, Rain! Stay strong! And keep coming to SR.

CarolD

Rain.....

How wonderful that you are still doing what you
know is in your best interest!

Reubena

Rain,

So great to read that! Good for you and stay strong. Sorry you don't have support at home but sounds like you are figuring things out. Keep us updated

Horselover

I just read through this thread Rain. My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine where I would be if I had that kind of temptation in the beginning. I know others have and my admiration is beyond words. You can do this Rain. You have proven what a strong woman you are. I have a lot of respect for you. Keep up the good fight and let us know if you try that AA meeting. Would love to hear your take on it. I think I would need some of that strong support if my husband was not in my corner. Praying for you.