Hope I've turned the corner.
Idiot!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 556
Hope I've turned the corner.
I don't go to AA so this is my only opportunity to talk about this so I hope you don't think I am being self-indulgent rattling on about my "progress".
I really have been hanging on by my finger nails the last week or so. The first couple of months have not been too bad, I have been very up and down and physically ill some days but still had not wanted drink.
I was at the supermarket with my wife and I spotted 24 cans of cider for £9.00 - a real bargain! It was all I could do to stop myself buying them/asking to buy them. This stayed with me for the next couple of hours. I could hardly think straight - butterflies in the stomach etc. Could not get them out of my mind - constructing all sorts of scenarios where it would be acceptable or even desirable for me to get them, my wife to be happy for me and even join me in a night of happy sociable drinking...
I have had various incidents like this the last week. Numerous occasions "I" have given up and threw it all into the hands of my higher power as I could not cope with it any more. Thankfully I haven't drunk yet but I don't take any credit for that myself. I have been so out of control in my mind.
Anyway today I feel better I think. I am able to talk about things, to put the above into words is a small achievement. I was so wrapped up in my obsessional thinking that all the sensible stuff was almost being drowned out with the constant gnawing of that bad other-self that wants me to drink.
So hopefully I have turned the corner. Don't know how long I could go on if being sober was like the last week.
Stu.
I really have been hanging on by my finger nails the last week or so. The first couple of months have not been too bad, I have been very up and down and physically ill some days but still had not wanted drink.
I was at the supermarket with my wife and I spotted 24 cans of cider for £9.00 - a real bargain! It was all I could do to stop myself buying them/asking to buy them. This stayed with me for the next couple of hours. I could hardly think straight - butterflies in the stomach etc. Could not get them out of my mind - constructing all sorts of scenarios where it would be acceptable or even desirable for me to get them, my wife to be happy for me and even join me in a night of happy sociable drinking...
I have had various incidents like this the last week. Numerous occasions "I" have given up and threw it all into the hands of my higher power as I could not cope with it any more. Thankfully I haven't drunk yet but I don't take any credit for that myself. I have been so out of control in my mind.
Anyway today I feel better I think. I am able to talk about things, to put the above into words is a small achievement. I was so wrapped up in my obsessional thinking that all the sensible stuff was almost being drowned out with the constant gnawing of that bad other-self that wants me to drink.
So hopefully I have turned the corner. Don't know how long I could go on if being sober was like the last week.
Stu.
Idiot!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 556
Thanks Ronan. I have bad Tourette's Syndrome and would be quite disruptive at a meeting. I shout out allsorts and when I am having a bad spell it is quite constant. Even if the folks at the meeting didn't mind, I still would...
I have been thinking about it though and after last week would give it a go I think rather than drinking again.
I have been thinking about it though and after last week would give it a go I think rather than drinking again.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi mate. You got through it without picking up, that's the main thing. Those cans of cider would have turned nasty pretty soon with me, they would have been all gone within about 36 hours I'm sure.
You didn't miss anything there mate. I empathise with the supermarkets mate but with more 'work' on your recovery and more sober time then the obsession/compulsion to drink will lessen untill there ain't one anymore. You will always have the odd thought hit you out of no-where when you see the Stella cans etc stacked up to the ceiling for £10 a case. But you learn to laugh it off without giving it a second thought.
Total and utter acceptance that you're an alcoholic really helps me. Most people don't view a 24 case as a single prolonged session!! Only an alkie would think like that. What happens when they all run out? I know the answer to that question.
That is my experience anyway.
peace
You didn't miss anything there mate. I empathise with the supermarkets mate but with more 'work' on your recovery and more sober time then the obsession/compulsion to drink will lessen untill there ain't one anymore. You will always have the odd thought hit you out of no-where when you see the Stella cans etc stacked up to the ceiling for £10 a case. But you learn to laugh it off without giving it a second thought.
Total and utter acceptance that you're an alcoholic really helps me. Most people don't view a 24 case as a single prolonged session!! Only an alkie would think like that. What happens when they all run out? I know the answer to that question.
That is my experience anyway.
peace
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Saying the Serenity Prayer
over and over till the obsession
leaves. Or bad thoughts has
always helped me in time of
need.
I memorized the prayers that
are written in our AA Book.
If you dont have one seek
for them online.
Im no holy roly and no book
thumper, but i do have my
faith that i was brought up
with.
Faith for me without works
is dead if uve heard this saying
before.
In becoming completely
honest in all my affairs
i have been set free of
the desire to drink even
today.
Im human and I am an
alcoholic and with out our
owesome program of steps
and principles to follow id
be obsessing all over the
place.
Keeping my program simple
just by following in the foot
steps of many sober before
me has kept me sober a few
one days at a time collected
together to get me where I
am today.
over and over till the obsession
leaves. Or bad thoughts has
always helped me in time of
need.
I memorized the prayers that
are written in our AA Book.
If you dont have one seek
for them online.
Im no holy roly and no book
thumper, but i do have my
faith that i was brought up
with.
Faith for me without works
is dead if uve heard this saying
before.
In becoming completely
honest in all my affairs
i have been set free of
the desire to drink even
today.
Im human and I am an
alcoholic and with out our
owesome program of steps
and principles to follow id
be obsessing all over the
place.
Keeping my program simple
just by following in the foot
steps of many sober before
me has kept me sober a few
one days at a time collected
together to get me where I
am today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SOUTH,LA
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by ChopperTS 
Thanks for the comments folks - off to bed now and tonight has been cool. Feel a bit humbled and relieved - saved from the jaws of death!
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I found that the gratitute, strength and clarity that I gained when finally working through a "rough patch" similar to what you described was incredible. You really get a sense of what a fine line it is between being successful in recovery or literally back into the gutter again, losing it all, all over again.
Peace.
'one day at a time'
Peace.
'one day at a time'
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