Toronto68

Pete, I don't think I like my last response, because I got excited when I recognized the quiet vs gregarious thing. My drinking was associated with those topics very early on. And I wanted to strike out the possibility of you drinking to compensate for being quiet or under pressure.

I think there is probably more to discuss when it comes to the loneliness and the complication of bad thoughts in layers. There is some room for simplicity there. You wanted to stop drinking for a reason and you had gone back to it for a reason. When we use, it's maintaining what we think is "normality." We reach a point where we understand that is false.

Then what? We accept it and then the struggle is there afterward, with the real normality. Do you feel self-pity even though you have stopped, while working in a technical program? You're also in meetings. Try tooting your horn about that here for a few seconds instead. (That sounds scary to me, but I am different, and I have my own sense of achievement as we go through this.) Everyone experiences an exertion of their own. Perhaps you need to highlight the positive.

Luckyv2

Hi ya Pete!

Welcome to SR first of all

Only ESP here and what I've learned

When we get to a meeting or the Program whatever that is we are at Step Two
otherwise why would we even show up at a meeting? If we are not powerless and don't believe that our lives are unmanageable we wouldn't need to even be there. JMO

One thing that I and all of us can understand is the part of being emotionally stuck. See that is just part of early recovery. You mentioned that you were never happy when you had the 18 months. I can relate to that also.

One thing that I'm learning is kinda what Anna mentioned!

Start to live life.

Sure AA NA SA whatever are all good, but I've come to find out that I must not depend so much on a Program but on a God.

Once I was willing to ask God for help, and for forgiveness, I've found so much peace within myself.

I have had maybe two days that I was a little depressed, self-pity.

It didn't last long I started to read the Bible.

Kinda weird cause I never read the Bible since 2007 until recently.

I think IMO I have to come to terms with God to be reasonably happy. You notice here I said Reasonably LOL

Here is something that helps me also. Do this for 30 days and you will not feel the way that you do it is a guarantee!

Look in the mirror and say this,

I can promise you that if you do that, before the 30 days is even up you will have a better outlook!

Blessings to you!