TOPIC: Defiance And Rebellious
 

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and u I am truely grateful.



Difiance -a daring or bold resistance
to authority or to any opposing force.

Does this discribe you like it does me?

I have always been difianant ever
since i was little due to the verbal
and physical abuse sustained at the
firm hand of a sick mom.

Fear was instilled in me at an early
age if i didnt follow what she ordered
me to do.

At 18 she raised her last object to
hurt me and I swore i would never
have anyone TELL me what to do
again. Esp. not her.

Thru out my intire adult life I have
struggled with any kind of adult
authority and as a result i lost a
few jobs sad to say.

Today I still stand firm and my
wall is still strong towards authorithy
as ive become a REBEL as a result
of it.

A REBEL with a cause to resist authority.

Do u have a problem with the same
situation in ur life like I?

Have you over come it?

Or, are u still a REBEL? :)

Sharon, I like your posts because you're so good with honesty in what you write.

I didn't have a similar unbringing to my mind, but I do remember a few isolated cases of hitting that come to mind every once in a while. Since I quit drinking in Nov, I have probably thought about these memories more often though, at least once a month, possibly more. And the rebelliousness spoke to me just now, because I was in a cantankerous mood earlier.

The problem I had with growing up was more like the semi-absence of my parents. They didn't get very involved with me, at least that's how I see it. When I became of adult age, they died, so I felt like I didn't resolve anything and I was somehow supposed to be an adult, which I'd been really enthused about reaching! I reached adulthood but didn't know what to do with it and didn't know what I wanted or even have anyone to compare myself to or please or disappoint anymore. Alcohol use gradually became a tool for me to use to ward off feelings like I didn't have it together, and as I became more capable of living a life, the alcohol stayed in the picture (of course!). It "helped" with an identity crisis, I suppose. But work has been all I care about. The crisis has been not being satisfied with whatever I looked like to me (I guess that's one of the reasons I chose the Michael Jackson photo recently for my avatar recently; plus I was tired of having a blank).

So I understand rebelliousness in my own way. I am working on finding a new job that will work for me, and I am really mindful of how I will react in the future, now that I am not drinking (how I will make sure I continue not to drink - etc).

I focus on making the best of what I have going for me, and so far I have the last word on my alcoholism :)

Thanks a lot.