Day 2, going it alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 13
Day 2, going it alone
Hi everyone, first post here...about my 40th time trying to give up alcohol. Im on day 2.
The longest iv gone without alcohol in 5 years is 4 days. I drink wine, and lots of it. I have no support whatsoever from my husband....he laughs at me if I mention AA, he buys me wine every night even when I beg him not to as Im trying to quit. Im not using him as an excuse...I dont need much encouragement...
He gets so angry when im irritable because im withdrawing from the alcohol...tells me im selfish as its impacting his life, making him miserable living with me like this.
He sits here and drinks in front of me, hes doing it now...im sat here in tears....my wine is in the fridge, 3 bottles he bought home for me. My mouth is dry, I have a banging headache, I feel so tired but cant sleep....I know its all to do with the drink..but alls I want to do is go and get it from the fridge.
I know ill regret it in the morning, ill probably cry while im drinking it....I dont want to do it but I soooo do! Does that make sense?? I want it so badly.
I keep making excuses for myself....i cant start again tomorrow...or monday, no point starting towards the end of the week, when in actual fact it makes no sense as I drink every single day, whether its friday or tuesday.
I drink to celebrate, i drink when Im sad/bored/lonely...i drink when I watch a good film/cook a nice meal/read a good book....every aspect of my life involves drink.
Iv battled addictions before...cutting, antidepressants...i know deep down im strong enough to beat this....I just dont know how to get started...how to get past this first week....how to curb the cravings.
I know everyone goes on about the 12 steps but i really cant see it working for me...I need actual things to do, tips and advice on how to beat it minute by minute...the 12 steps just seem like such a weird way to go about things, and i know its worked for so many people but I Just don tthink its for me....has anyone else every felt like this??
I guess I just need some support....i want to give this up so much...i hate myself for being like this...I know i cant control it anymore....and I need help.
The longest iv gone without alcohol in 5 years is 4 days. I drink wine, and lots of it. I have no support whatsoever from my husband....he laughs at me if I mention AA, he buys me wine every night even when I beg him not to as Im trying to quit. Im not using him as an excuse...I dont need much encouragement...
He gets so angry when im irritable because im withdrawing from the alcohol...tells me im selfish as its impacting his life, making him miserable living with me like this.
He sits here and drinks in front of me, hes doing it now...im sat here in tears....my wine is in the fridge, 3 bottles he bought home for me. My mouth is dry, I have a banging headache, I feel so tired but cant sleep....I know its all to do with the drink..but alls I want to do is go and get it from the fridge.
I know ill regret it in the morning, ill probably cry while im drinking it....I dont want to do it but I soooo do! Does that make sense?? I want it so badly.
I keep making excuses for myself....i cant start again tomorrow...or monday, no point starting towards the end of the week, when in actual fact it makes no sense as I drink every single day, whether its friday or tuesday.
I drink to celebrate, i drink when Im sad/bored/lonely...i drink when I watch a good film/cook a nice meal/read a good book....every aspect of my life involves drink.
Iv battled addictions before...cutting, antidepressants...i know deep down im strong enough to beat this....I just dont know how to get started...how to get past this first week....how to curb the cravings.
I know everyone goes on about the 12 steps but i really cant see it working for me...I need actual things to do, tips and advice on how to beat it minute by minute...the 12 steps just seem like such a weird way to go about things, and i know its worked for so many people but I Just don tthink its for me....has anyone else every felt like this??
I guess I just need some support....i want to give this up so much...i hate myself for being like this...I know i cant control it anymore....and I need help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi raindownonme
Welcome!
I'm sorry for your lack of support - but it's not a dealbreaker - many members here have little or no support from loved ones...that's why SR is so important - you'll always find support here. Noone who ever has success ever really goes it alone IMO
As for how to do it...there's a million ways up the mountain - I think the common factor tho is really wanting to quit - no matter if it's in your face, no matter how easy it is to get, you have to want to NOT have it.
How do you get there?
I think reading here helps - dealing with other people with lives in crisis needing help reminds me of why I can drink anymore.
I also think face to face support is important for many people as well, but
ultimately it's up to you - I've used SR for my recovery and it's worked fine for me, but I think you owe it to yourself to look into every avenue you can - even the ones that seem weird - they may not be so weird once you've tried them....
here's a list of some of the main recovery programmes to start looking at anyway
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Hope to see you around some more
D
Welcome!
I'm sorry for your lack of support - but it's not a dealbreaker - many members here have little or no support from loved ones...that's why SR is so important - you'll always find support here. Noone who ever has success ever really goes it alone IMO
As for how to do it...there's a million ways up the mountain - I think the common factor tho is really wanting to quit - no matter if it's in your face, no matter how easy it is to get, you have to want to NOT have it.
How do you get there?
I think reading here helps - dealing with other people with lives in crisis needing help reminds me of why I can drink anymore.
I also think face to face support is important for many people as well, but
ultimately it's up to you - I've used SR for my recovery and it's worked fine for me, but I think you owe it to yourself to look into every avenue you can - even the ones that seem weird - they may not be so weird once you've tried them....
here's a list of some of the main recovery programmes to start looking at anyway
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Hope to see you around some more
D
Nathan Thurm fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 406
Hi Raindownonme, I'm so sad after reading your post. I'm new to this so I'm not going to offer any advice...... I just want to tell you I'm thinking of you and feel really bad for you. I'm sorry your husband is like that. I'm alone in this too. There's nobody I can talk to about my addiction problems but my therapist and I only see her once a week for an hour. I can't talk to family or friends. That's why I come to this site. It's really helping me.
Please try to be as strong as possible. I'm thinking of you. Robin
Please try to be as strong as possible. I'm thinking of you. Robin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello and welcome to sr.
i know just about exactly how you are feeling......a bit like cant live with it cant live without it.
i was terrified of giving up,my life revolved around drinking too.celebrating,commiserating,heck yeh,a good book,good tv show,cooking,holidays,bbqs,getting home after hard day at work,i deserved it...blah,the list goes on.i was obbsessed.
i have been my with partener for 7 years.when i met him i thought all my Christmases had come at once,he drank like i did.
all our time together was based on drinking...all of it.
fast forward to xmas 2008.my drinking went off like a ski jump and i got to that place where id dint want it,didnt know if i could stop and was terrified of what i was going to do without it.
but i made a descision and called AA that evening,it was new years day 2009.
after detoxing for 3 days with the screaming heebie-jeebies i went to an AA meeting,i was open minded and was willing to go to any lengths to get off the treadmill.
i got rid of all my pre-concived ideas,who was i to judge and draw conclusions about what AA was? these folk were sober and happy,they had something i honeslty wanted.
i went to meetings every day and i was prepared to give up on my relationship,i was doing this for me and nothing was going to stop me.
2 months later my partener followed me through the doors.
he did it for himself.
im not saying this is what could or should happen with your relationshipship,just my experience but we would not have lasted had he not got into recovery.my life was on the line.
i tried many many times to give up on my own and just couldnt do it,so i was prepared to listen to folk who knew what they were talking about regarding recovery.i knew nothing! i learned a little bit about my illness now and how to live life on lifes terms,just for today and my life has completely turned about.
there is nothing wierd about AA,its just about looking at life with a new pair of eyes and seeing a world where it is no longer necessary to drink simply put.
there are many other recovery programmes out there,and i believe dee put a link in for you.i couldnt do this on my own and soberrecovery has been a tremendous tool in my recovery.
keep us updated and welcome again.
i know just about exactly how you are feeling......a bit like cant live with it cant live without it.
i was terrified of giving up,my life revolved around drinking too.celebrating,commiserating,heck yeh,a good book,good tv show,cooking,holidays,bbqs,getting home after hard day at work,i deserved it...blah,the list goes on.i was obbsessed.
i have been my with partener for 7 years.when i met him i thought all my Christmases had come at once,he drank like i did.
all our time together was based on drinking...all of it.
fast forward to xmas 2008.my drinking went off like a ski jump and i got to that place where id dint want it,didnt know if i could stop and was terrified of what i was going to do without it.
but i made a descision and called AA that evening,it was new years day 2009.
after detoxing for 3 days with the screaming heebie-jeebies i went to an AA meeting,i was open minded and was willing to go to any lengths to get off the treadmill.
i got rid of all my pre-concived ideas,who was i to judge and draw conclusions about what AA was? these folk were sober and happy,they had something i honeslty wanted.
i went to meetings every day and i was prepared to give up on my relationship,i was doing this for me and nothing was going to stop me.
2 months later my partener followed me through the doors.
he did it for himself.
im not saying this is what could or should happen with your relationshipship,just my experience but we would not have lasted had he not got into recovery.my life was on the line.
i tried many many times to give up on my own and just couldnt do it,so i was prepared to listen to folk who knew what they were talking about regarding recovery.i knew nothing! i learned a little bit about my illness now and how to live life on lifes terms,just for today and my life has completely turned about.
there is nothing wierd about AA,its just about looking at life with a new pair of eyes and seeing a world where it is no longer necessary to drink simply put.
there are many other recovery programmes out there,and i believe dee put a link in for you.i couldnt do this on my own and soberrecovery has been a tremendous tool in my recovery.
keep us updated and welcome again.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! 
Can you see your doctor for help in getting thru the first week of withdrawals? Meds can be given to make your w/d safer and more comfortable. Do take a look at the list of programs Dee gave you. There are many people here who are sober without AA, maybe using another program or maybe just with the support here or counseling. It's not helpful of your husband to bring you wine, but you don't have to drink it. Get sober FOR YOU. It's hard to do with an unsupportive spouse, but it can be done.
Can you see your doctor for help in getting thru the first week of withdrawals? Meds can be given to make your w/d safer and more comfortable. Do take a look at the list of programs Dee gave you. There are many people here who are sober without AA, maybe using another program or maybe just with the support here or counseling. It's not helpful of your husband to bring you wine, but you don't have to drink it. Get sober FOR YOU. It's hard to do with an unsupportive spouse, but it can be done. Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Hi Raindownonme:
I can so relate to making excuses about why I could delay not drinking. Lot of years went by that way. As for curbing cravings, I found this site and AA to be really helpful. Nothing like reading/hearing about other people's struggles to get me out of my own head.
Keep coming back!
ddog
I can so relate to making excuses about why I could delay not drinking. Lot of years went by that way. As for curbing cravings, I found this site and AA to be really helpful. Nothing like reading/hearing about other people's struggles to get me out of my own head.
Keep coming back!
ddog
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi and Welcome,
There are many of us here who do not use the 12-step AA approach to stopping drinking. The main thing is to stop and to recover, however you choose to do it.
It's really hard for others to understand that it's so difficult to stop drinking. My suggestion would be to spend time away from your husband in the evenings, maybe in a different room, maybe go out for a walk. Do something so you don't need to sit and watch him drink.
Please know that you can do this!
There are many of us here who do not use the 12-step AA approach to stopping drinking. The main thing is to stop and to recover, however you choose to do it.
It's really hard for others to understand that it's so difficult to stop drinking. My suggestion would be to spend time away from your husband in the evenings, maybe in a different room, maybe go out for a walk. Do something so you don't need to sit and watch him drink.
Please know that you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by Raindownonme 
I know everyone goes on about the 12 steps but i really cant see it working for me...I need actual things to do, tips and advice on how to beat it minute by minute...the 12 steps just seem like such a weird way to go about things, and i know its worked for so many people but I Just don tthink its for me....has anyone else every felt like this??
I don't want to be too pushy but let me just say two things...
It is a program with many "actual things to do"... in fact, it's a lot of work... And the other is.... it works for anyone who works it.
I just don't get it when people say they have tried "everything" to quit drinking and really, they haven't tried anything, well, except for.... they have tried to, um, quit drinking
Nothing changes if nothing changes...
Maybe I'm coming across too strong... we are all here to help you. SR is fantastic place and you will get lots of support, no matter what method of recovery you choose, promise... keep posting!!! Welcome.
Mark
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