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vicious cycle

Old 04-26-2010, 07:43 AM
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vicious cycle

It's day two again, and my first post. I see at the top of my screen I last visited this site on April 9 - obviously relapsed again.

It's hard to say if I'm an alcoholic. I feel like I "learned" how to drink from bad people - I went to a party college where everyone drank to get completely obliterated. I never would just have a beer to relax at night; I always drank until I passed out. And whether or not I consider myself an alcoholic, I know that's the path I'm heading down if I don't stop now.

As it is now, I stand to fail a couple classes because of too many hangover-induced absences. That starts a cycle; I get depressed because I'm failing, so I drink to feel better, then can't get out of bed the next morning. I'm on a prescription for an anti-depressant (Pristiq) which just intensifies my hangovers. I was throwing up for a solid 24 hours Sunday and today.

I know I need to do something different this time. Admit that it's an issue and give up on trying to have "just one drink". It's not going to happen for me. It's a scary change but the future if I DON'T change is scarier. I have so much to lose. And I've already lost a lot.
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Old 04-26-2010, 08:48 AM
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Admitting to myself that I am an alcoholic, and drinking is off limits for me, made all the difference. Someone here has a great sig line that reads, "non-alcoholics don't lay awake at 3am wondering if they have a drinking problem." I wish I had read that 20 years ago. You can play that "Am I or am I not?" game for a lifetime. In your posts, I see alot of things that you are doing to yourself by drinking that can be easily classified as problems (Failing classes, throwing up for 24 hours, being afraid of your own behavior regarding alcohol). The alcoholic "label" is one you have to decide whether or not to put on yourself. No one else can make that decision about who or what you are.

However you choose to look at it, tho. You'll get alot of friendly support and wisdom here. Welcome.

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Old 04-26-2010, 09:05 AM
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Hi, Amygirl, welcome to SR.

Your situation seems similar to mine. I attended a party college where the accepted thing to do on a Friday or Saturday (or Tuesday) night was to get drunk, and that certainly enabled my drinking problem, although the foundation was always in place. I almost failed classes this semester due to alcohol related absences.

Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic, but it never hurts to get a second opinion. Some places offer free screening tests for alcoholism. Whatever you choose, this place has great folks and lots of resources.
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Old 04-26-2010, 12:08 PM
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Hey Amygirl. I know that truly accepting that I am an alcoholic was the turning point for me. I could then seriously think about living a life in 'recovery'. Which is what I am living. And it's so much better than the life of active alcoholism/addiction.

My turing point also came when I stopped looking for excuses/rationalisations. It was easy for me to blame the UK's binge-drinking culture for my excessive drinking and drug taking. It was easy to say that it's a part of my identity: MR Rock N' Roll. it's easy to say that i drank to alleviate depression/worries.

But they are just excuses that kept me in the game. Take responsibility for your own actions and don;t worry about anyone else. They are your problems not anybody elses. I realised that when I was sitting in court receiving a two-year driving ban a few years ago. But I kept going for a good couple more years as i weren't finished with it yet.

I drank with people who would be considered total drunkards at times but the difference they could control it and didn't worship it like me. They would have a few with a BBQ and I would miss work for two days etcetc.

I accepted I was an alcoholic and that most other people are not.

All The best.
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Old 04-26-2010, 03:53 PM
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Hi Amygirl

Someone mentioned screening tests - this is a standard online one.
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST), Revised

It may help to crystalise the idea you need to do something.
I think the important part, though, is whether you think it's a problem or not, and you obviously do.

There's a lot of support groups and recovery programmes available...some try counselling, some of us just use SR. Here's a link to the main recovery groups

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

I agree tho - the key is accepting that 'need to do something different this time' and then doing it...not just not drinking, but cementing that change with action.

You'll find a lot of support here

Welcome
D
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