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day 1 again!!!

Old 04-26-2010, 07:10 AM
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Unhappy day 1 again!!!

Here I am again moaning about ANOTHER relapse...managed to go for 6 weeks without drinking feeling SO much better but stopped going to AA meetings as told myself that i was too tired after work etc etc (any excuse would do) drinking thinking started to creep back a week before that drank bottle of vino last week then went to a Wake last night (ironically of an alcoholic).
Told myself that I could control it!!! noooo way I drank and drank couldnt stop.... then went back to friend's place and drank all the whisky in his house.
OMG feel disgusting this morning and have lost another day with hangover and it will take me now days to recover from this setback.
I feel strangely calm though as I KNOW i HAVE A DISEASE as i truly wanted to control it but just cant! it is progressive...drinking more and more.
I have another problem though I AM INFECTED WITH THE DISEASE TO PLEASE
going to Vegas next month in such early sobriety my drinking friend suggested that on expensive wine itwont make me sick so why dont I drink that with her?Its so hard shame will not allow me to admit to my friends that a have not ONLY been a social fun drinker but also a lone drinker as well...how do i get around the vegas dilema?
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:25 AM
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Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. Don't ever give up.
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:44 AM
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Hi, glad to see that you are here on SR. Great site for help and insight. You are already mentioned some of the reasons that may have caused your relapse. Sounds like the same things that I did 2 weeks ago. Need to keep going to AA, I also would find every excuse not to go. Another thing that I see, which I also had a hard time is letting go of the relapse/hurt. Not to forget it but it is in the past. Easy to write this but it was very difficult for me to do is to forgive myself. Keep coming around and try and get to a meeting.
Dean
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:56 AM
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That's been important to me, remembering that it's a disease no different than diabetes, for example. I mean, if you were diabetic, and your friends suggested munching on candy, you could easily say, "I can't, I'm diabetic." Unfortunately, there is still alot of stigma attached to diseases like alcoholism, depression, schizophrenia, etc. and many times we feel we need to hide it so we won't be judged. Hopefully, our kids and their kids won't face the same hurdles when they find themselves with this problem.

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Old 04-26-2010, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by fragrantrose View Post
Here I am again moaning about ANOTHER relapse...managed to go for 6 weeks without drinking feeling SO much better but stopped going to AA meetings as told myself that i was too tired after work etc etc (any excuse would do) drinking thinking started to creep back a week before that drank bottle of vino last week then went to a Wake last night (ironically of an alcoholic).

my drinking friend suggested that on expensive wine itwont make me sick so why dont I drink that with her?
G'Day from a fellow Aussie. Your post gave me goosebumps, because I had 41 days up (1 day less than 6 weeks) and blew my sobriety at a wake...and here I am back at Day Four. See my first post here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2577043

So I know the pain and shame you're feeling. As to your friend's advice: Bullsh!t, pure and simple. I once drank two bottles (which wasn't much for me) of Penfolds Bin 707 ($130.00 AUD a bottle) and ended up chucking into the dunny and shower that night. And felt like absolute roadkill the next day.

I've never been to the USA, but I'm sure there's plenty of folks on here who can tell you that there's probably plenty of stuff to do in Vegas without drinking. Or maybe you've already decided that because it's Vegas, that you're going to hit the turps anyway? That you'll just be a misery-guts otherwise, gritting your teeth at the money you've spent to get there and now believe you can't enjoy yourself by drinking?

Have you thought about coming clean to your friend about the trouble you're going through? If she's a true mate, she might be a bit disappointed initially, but if you tell her the extent of what you're going through hopefully she'll understand and won't push you to drink with her. By the same token, let her know if you're OK with her drinking, or otherwise.

All the best, and we're here to help each other.
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Old 04-26-2010, 08:27 AM
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My dad lived out in Vegas, so I used to go there on a regular basis. Never drank especially, tho. I can't stand casinos, for the most part. Too loud. Depression has made loud noise intolerable for me. I much prefer places like Red Rock, where there is quiet and a beautiful desert landscape.

Everything incorporates drinking there. On the casino floor, they bring you free drinks if you are playing. Shows serve drinks, and often have drink minimums. There is also, obviously, drinking in the restaurants. If you're really concerned about giving in and taking that first drink, you might start looking for excuses not to go.

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Old 04-26-2010, 04:05 PM
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I'm sorry to hear your news J - but it looks to me you know where you went wrong.

You just have more work to do on accepting the fact you are what you are.
We don't ever control our alcoholism - we simply have to learn not to fuel it.

I hope this is the time for you

Accepting I'm an alcoholic means making certain choices to me.
I wouldn't do Vegas, J - not with someone who expects me to drink.

D
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Old 04-26-2010, 04:48 PM
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thankyou so much everyone for your very kind posts !!!
I am not even looking forward to vegas as i am a bookworm and "nature girl" I hate casinos... dont like shopping BUT because of "my disease to please" agreed to go with them and have paid my money!
I am going to come clean with my friend and hopefully have a straight heart to heart with her tomorrow... also looking up meetings in Vegas
.BACK TO THE SAFETY OF AA FOR ME AS SR AND AA TRULY ARE MY LIFELINE!!!
also going to reread that wonderful book "under the influence"
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