New guy checking in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 22
New guy checking in
I was at W.V.U. from August 2005 - May 2009. That is where all my drinking started. I was a social drinker and had great grades, a perfect relationship that went downhill (not to do with drinking at all, I would go about 6 months between having a beer with dinner when I was with her).
When that relationship ended in 08' I started hanging out with all my friends that I hadn't seen too much while I was in the relationship. That turned into going out multiple nights a week and more often than not, blacking out. I guess that's what you get for going to the top party school in the U.S.
Fast forward to last May, I was drinking about a 750ml of rum about 4 nights out of the week. I graduated...with honors, go figure.
I came back to live at home until I could find a job after being "on my own" for 4+ years. I had my graduation party with friends back home, another black out night, 2 nights after I graduated. Then, for 3 months, completely focused on my job search and maybe had a beer at the bar once every 3 weeks, whenever there was a game on t.v. 1 beer, the rest were Diet Cokes.
Present day, I'm still at home after only getting 6 or 7 interviews since last May. The kicker is none were jobs I even wanted, but I was willing to take them just to get health insurance.
About the end of last July, as friends started moving back to their respective colleges, I was only left with 3 close friends in this area, who live and work here. I graduated in 4 years and all my friends at W.V.U. are there for their "Super Senior" year if not more, so I only see them in the Summer.
At that time, I started making daily trips to the ABC store. I have a habit of sitting in my room and mass applying to jobs, usually 10 or 20 a night. When I find out I have an interview, I stop drinking for at least a week to get in my right mind.
I know I need to stop, I'm just self-medicating at this time and I can't keep telling myself that it's alright. I went out this past Thursday night and blacked out, woke up with a big bruise/cut from falling out of my own car (friend was DD and was driving, I REFUSE to drink and drive and have never done it, we all take turns for DD). Woke up Friday with a crucial hangover and went for a run with my dog and had an "aha" moment.
Since then I haven't even had the craving for a beer or rum and coke. Had a mild case of the sweats, but that's been it. This two year run hasn't been good to me after the break up, I've gained about 50 pounds since 08', I know the alcohol wasn't helping.
So, again, just checking in. I plan to keep lurking on here to find inspiration, all of these stories are great motivation. There seems to be a great group of people posting on here.
When that relationship ended in 08' I started hanging out with all my friends that I hadn't seen too much while I was in the relationship. That turned into going out multiple nights a week and more often than not, blacking out. I guess that's what you get for going to the top party school in the U.S.
Fast forward to last May, I was drinking about a 750ml of rum about 4 nights out of the week. I graduated...with honors, go figure.
I came back to live at home until I could find a job after being "on my own" for 4+ years. I had my graduation party with friends back home, another black out night, 2 nights after I graduated. Then, for 3 months, completely focused on my job search and maybe had a beer at the bar once every 3 weeks, whenever there was a game on t.v. 1 beer, the rest were Diet Cokes.
Present day, I'm still at home after only getting 6 or 7 interviews since last May. The kicker is none were jobs I even wanted, but I was willing to take them just to get health insurance.
About the end of last July, as friends started moving back to their respective colleges, I was only left with 3 close friends in this area, who live and work here. I graduated in 4 years and all my friends at W.V.U. are there for their "Super Senior" year if not more, so I only see them in the Summer.
At that time, I started making daily trips to the ABC store. I have a habit of sitting in my room and mass applying to jobs, usually 10 or 20 a night. When I find out I have an interview, I stop drinking for at least a week to get in my right mind.
I know I need to stop, I'm just self-medicating at this time and I can't keep telling myself that it's alright. I went out this past Thursday night and blacked out, woke up with a big bruise/cut from falling out of my own car (friend was DD and was driving, I REFUSE to drink and drive and have never done it, we all take turns for DD). Woke up Friday with a crucial hangover and went for a run with my dog and had an "aha" moment.
Since then I haven't even had the craving for a beer or rum and coke. Had a mild case of the sweats, but that's been it. This two year run hasn't been good to me after the break up, I've gained about 50 pounds since 08', I know the alcohol wasn't helping.
So, again, just checking in. I plan to keep lurking on here to find inspiration, all of these stories are great motivation. There seems to be a great group of people posting on here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 159
Hi WVU,
Welcome to SR, I am a binge drinker, most of the time, like yourself. I didn't drink everyday, all day...but when I really started there was no stopping. I "remember" countless black outs over the years and they are terrible.
I am on day 23 now, the first couple weeks didn't feel like a huge accomplisment to me (even though it was!) because I didn't drink all the time. But now I can see that it is a progressive disease and trying to halt it, is a big deal. I hope you can find the support you need here!
Welcome to SR, I am a binge drinker, most of the time, like yourself. I didn't drink everyday, all day...but when I really started there was no stopping. I "remember" countless black outs over the years and they are terrible.
I am on day 23 now, the first couple weeks didn't feel like a huge accomplisment to me (even though it was!) because I didn't drink all the time. But now I can see that it is a progressive disease and trying to halt it, is a big deal. I hope you can find the support you need here!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Welcome wvuwhat
Good to have you with us - those aha moments are worth their weight in gold, aren't they?
Like Rev, having a support base and somewhere to be accountable really helped me - you'll find a lot of support here - hope to see you round
D
Good to have you with us - those aha moments are worth their weight in gold, aren't they?
Like Rev, having a support base and somewhere to be accountable really helped me - you'll find a lot of support here - hope to see you round
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to SR!
You're so right! And now you're one of them!
I find a lot of support and good advice here. I hope you find it as helpful.
There seems to be a great group of people posting on here.
I find a lot of support and good advice here. I hope you find it as helpful.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 7
I just discovered this site about a week ago, and it is great. I am far away from home, and there really arent any meetings to speak of around here. So, having this lifeline has helped, atleast for the last week. It is now Sunday and I made it through the weekend, and knowing that i had this 'place' to go when i had an urge, really helped. Good luck with the job search, i know it isnt easy. I bet if you stay sober around the clock, you will be able to network more effectively and some good will come of it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I sure hope you find your way into a healthier sober
productive future....drinking a toxic liquid...alcohol
is certainly not the way to improve your life.
Pleae check out the 2nd sticky post in our
Alcoholism Forum. Blackouts are explained there
but do read the entire thread.
Welcome to SR...
productive future....drinking a toxic liquid...alcohol
is certainly not the way to improve your life.
Pleae check out the 2nd sticky post in our
Alcoholism Forum. Blackouts are explained there
but do read the entire thread.
Welcome to SR...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 22
Well, I stumbled. Went out with some old friends tonight. Had one drink with my Prime Rib (and it was reallllllllly realllllllllly good, the Prime Rib that is). Socialized and had a great time with friends, again, one drink. As soon as I left, I felt a void in my life, as my friends are all doing something with their lives even though they are still in school. I've got a degree and can't even get a part-time job, so I decided to drive to the ABC store. I'm 3/4 of the way through a litre bottle of whiskey and almost 8 diet cokes.
I feel empty, thought I would be able to turn my life around and get a job, but after multiple emails back and forth with recruiters this past week, nothing is looking good. I don't know what to do and I'm self-medicating with whiskey for the time being, because I don't have 600 dollars a month to pay for my Cobra coverage, hence, no prescriptions.
On a lighter note, I was able to play golf and fish ALL day. From sun up to sun down and completely skip on any drinks. And....shot a 70, 2 under, to boot. Probably one of only 10 rounds of golf in the past 3 years where I haven't even had a beer or mixed drink. I think this is where a root of my problem comes up, I was a great golfer, probably PGA Tour material previous to college, passed up good scholarships to go to a "fun" school. In the end, I probably threw away my dream by not playing college golf.
I feel empty, thought I would be able to turn my life around and get a job, but after multiple emails back and forth with recruiters this past week, nothing is looking good. I don't know what to do and I'm self-medicating with whiskey for the time being, because I don't have 600 dollars a month to pay for my Cobra coverage, hence, no prescriptions.
On a lighter note, I was able to play golf and fish ALL day. From sun up to sun down and completely skip on any drinks. And....shot a 70, 2 under, to boot. Probably one of only 10 rounds of golf in the past 3 years where I haven't even had a beer or mixed drink. I think this is where a root of my problem comes up, I was a great golfer, probably PGA Tour material previous to college, passed up good scholarships to go to a "fun" school. In the end, I probably threw away my dream by not playing college golf.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
hi again vwuwhat
well I guess you know drinkings not actually helping anything.
I'm not familiar with other medical systems - but can you not get your meds any other way? Have you explored all avenues?
Whatever the answer is, I know booze isn't it, vwuw....been there tried that for 20 years.
It doesn't get any better.
D
well I guess you know drinkings not actually helping anything.
I'm not familiar with other medical systems - but can you not get your meds any other way? Have you explored all avenues?
Whatever the answer is, I know booze isn't it, vwuw....been there tried that for 20 years.
It doesn't get any better.
D
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi mate. You took that first beer mate, so the 1 litre bottle of whiskey was then an option. An alcoholic has to never take that first drink. That's the reason I never take the first drink because I remember what a mugs-game drinking a 750ml bottle of whiskey and Coke all alone is. Sure it blocked everything out for a while but when I woke up from passing out then it was a nightmare. Time for another triple measure swigged straight out of the bottle to get me out of my depression again. So it goes on.
To achieve happy sobriety you have to learn to 'live in the solution and not in the problems'. I used to drink over what could have beens. Now that I am sober and in recovery I can still achieve great things. But the difference is I don't worry about it anymore. What will be will be.
Give the drink up mate. It will just take you into the gutter. Carry on drinking if you wan't to die achieving absolutely nothing apart from destroying your own life, as well as everyone who comes into contact with you.
To achieve happy sobriety you have to learn to 'live in the solution and not in the problems'. I used to drink over what could have beens. Now that I am sober and in recovery I can still achieve great things. But the difference is I don't worry about it anymore. What will be will be.
Give the drink up mate. It will just take you into the gutter. Carry on drinking if you wan't to die achieving absolutely nothing apart from destroying your own life, as well as everyone who comes into contact with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 22
Believe me, I'm not trying to justify my decision. I'm sitting here sobering up, answering texts from a girl I really care for. I regret my decision tonight. I need to get back on the wagon and just move on. I canceled my wedding and haven't had anything even remotely close to that feeling since. I miss her, the one who wanted to marry me and be the mother of my children and I don't know how to move on.
Maybe one day I'll move on and be able to deal with it. Until then, I'm living a lie.
Maybe one day I'll move on and be able to deal with it. Until then, I'm living a lie.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
You move on by committing to recovery and accepting that you're an alcoholic. You must never take that first drink ever again 'just for today'.
Wallowing in the past will do nothing but keep you drinking and going down lower and lower. Believe me, I've been there.
However you've got to get into a recovery programme of some sort or you will just drink again when you're feeling better. AA is a good start.
You will only stop when you've had enough mindyou.
Wallowing in the past will do nothing but keep you drinking and going down lower and lower. Believe me, I've been there.
However you've got to get into a recovery programme of some sort or you will just drink again when you're feeling better. AA is a good start.
You will only stop when you've had enough mindyou.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SOUTH,LA
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Rev 
Sometimes I post, sometimes I just read, but I find being around here keeps me focused on my sobriety goals. I hope you find it as helpful as I have. Welcome.
Rev
Rev
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