Luckyv2

USING ........................... CLEAN

Maybe DUI ,..................... Keep License
Loss of life ...................... Live
Loss of family ................. Another Chance
Jails ............................. Freedom
Institution...................... NA/AA
Prostituion ..................... Regular Job
No home ........................ Nice Apartment
No respect..................... Self respect
NO JOB........................... JOB


This are only a few things but it is like they say either SOBER UP, GET LOCKED UP, OR DEATH

leviathon

For an extensive review of the good and the bad you can check out this link... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nks-don-s.html

Peace, Levi

wingsfree

The bad....living with a drinker, sobriety next to impossible. bless the person who has the stength to do other wise

A person would need huge amounts of strength, I got no more, and I'm sorry for that.

The good.....trying everything possible to help yourself

The bad...I don't care no more been at this for to long...what's meant to be will be eh

Luckyv2

Don't give up hope Denise, there is always a way to do things different if we really look for it. Everyday sober is a good day, even the drunk days are good also if we learn from them. What I have finally come down to is that no one but Vic can do this for Vic. Yes God is doing for me what I can not do for myself, but there is a huge amount that Vic has to do for himself. I have quit fighting, time to say that King Alcohol and Queen Dope got the best of me and I know that I am powerless over them both and that my life is totally unmanageable when I use. I believe there is a power greater than me, and I have turned the King and the bitch Queen over to my HP who I choose to call God.

Love Vic

2dayzmuse

What's meant to be will be. It's your choice Denise. Either you spend your days drinking and being miserable, or you quit and live a sober life. It is your choice.

Luckyv2

OK I had to come back and share some ESH with you all who are willing to listen.

I just went out side to take Chance potty, he is such a good puppy now, I don't even have to lock him in the room with a baby gate no more. Anyway as he was doing his duty both Number 1 and number 2. This car with two girls drove by when I was taking him potty and they stopped to talk to me Of course they were partying hard, meth, pot, drinking. They had a joint fired up and they said do you want a hit. I said nope not today. You know that my mind didn't even go there. The place that it did go was well you know but see that is a trigger for me, I am aware of that today. So did God do for me what I couldn't do for myself, or did Vic have to make a stand on what side of the street he is on? Doesn't really matter what counts is that Vic is still clean. Oh BTW the pot smelled really good.

Love Vic

wingsfree

I asked to be able to come back here..and it's caused some grief fixing things so I'm able to be here.....and yet I continue to want to ruin thngs...and don't know why, when a place like this has helped me.

I have a huge problem of fitting in...I know it's in my mind, something makes us the way we are right?

Sorry I drank...yeah the bad...my younger brother called last night drunk or somethin, figuring that's a trigger cause I can't help him.he's to far from me, and guilt sets in so bad, he has on one, all those kids where i come from.....i can't stand it when I talk to them, it hurts so bad they have no one...hard to explain until you look into their eyes, eyes i understand

Will leave this here, I posted it on the adoption boards, that I don't go to anymore, don't like it there to depressing, but I'm one of them.
--------------

I come in here and read, and my heart breaks for so many.

Who am I?? A little speck in this big universe, but one who hurts, isn't that the word so many use? WE hurt!!!

My life has been different then most adoptees. When I say that most would not believe. Where has it got me today? A stronger person, a lonely one, lost one, one who's learning about spirituality, and when she lets that go...well...and one who suffers from addiction, now imagine that.

I hurt so much and it won't stop, WHY? because of all the stuff, I got so much stuff I don't know how to get rid of it.

I have two children, God was very generous blessing me with them, but I can't be a full mom the way I feel all the time.

What am I looking for? No one can help me here, because you all don't understand.

I want to fit somewhere so bad.

My wings are free because I found a message board that has helped me with my addtiction, I'm still learning, but today I don't know what I need to do...do I need to help myself with the adopted thing, or do I need to help myself with the addiction thing...I'm so lost. I think I'm doing ok and I'm not. The age I'm at now I get sorta angry, get on with things you dummy.....and on that note I'm done for now.......

ps not looking for anything here, its just how it is....some would say get over it, I've tried...if it was just me.....would be different...see that my originl user name.....justme ....always will be that way

take care or yourselves no one else will..up to us and yeah the big guy in the sky....he's got his work cut out more so with some then others

Ahh the good the bad an the ugly of addciton...

Anna

Denise,

We are all here for you and SR is never the same when you're not here.

You know that.

wingsfree

oh my gosh I'm a drunk which means stupid thinking

Some good....i love this song....it's catchy....up lifting...give it a chance
http://www.videocodezone.com/videos/j/jack_johnson/upside_down-3.html

Upside Down

Who's to say
What's impossible
Well they forgot
This world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There's no stopping curiosity

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
I don't want this feeling to go away

Who's to say
I can't do everything
Well I can try
And as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren't always just what they seem

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste
Well it all keeps spinning spinning round and round and

Upside down
Who's to say what's impossible and can't be found
I don't want this feeling to go away

Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Is this how it's supposed to be
Is this how it's supposed to be

2dayzmuse

(((Denise)))

GreenTea

"...I asked to be able to come back here..and it's caused some grief fixing things so I'm able to be here..."

Hey, I just got here. You have no history with me -- you're a clean slate as far as I'm concerned!

. . .

"...I have a huge problem of fitting in..."

Boy, do I ever know *that* feeling! One of the things I learned today, (or perhaps received confirmation of), is that this thing is an EMOTIONAL disease as much as it is anything else. I think you're in good company here.

. . .

"...I hurt so much and it won't stop, WHY? because of all the stuff, I got so much stuff I don't know how to get rid of it..."

I'm not an adoptee, but some might say that I might as well have been. Things started when I was about three. I've certainly got my share of scars and baggage, and there's family members who still try to inflict more scars on me to this very day.

When I first started drinking, it was a way that allowed me to fit in with others. Suddenly here was a group of people who were at least tolerant of me if not accepting (as opposed to my family) -- I was "allowed" to join in because we had a common factor, a desire to get sh*t-faced.

Later, drinking became a way for me to "deal" with the scars and baggage. It provided some temporary relief from the pain, or at least that's the way it felt at the time. And there's always another bar to find that's filled with people. If I'm in there hanging around with them then I must be "human" too, right?

Still later, I forgot why I was drinking, only that I was. If I thought about it, I kidded myself that it was still a way to "fit in" and be "human", or at least to have people around me even though I was still completely alone.

It was that "still alone" aspect that wasn't getting better. If anything it was getting worse. And the scars and baggage weren't being dealt with -- they were only piling up like my credit card debt from the bar bills.

. . .

"...do I need to help myself with the adopted thing, or do I need to help myself with the addiction thing...I'm so lost..."

"2. it makes you hate yourself"

"4. it makes you so depressed at times, you wonder if you can snap out of the horrible depression at times"

"6. it makes you say things you'd never ever say, let alone think when you are sober"

"15. it brings shame"

"17. it makes us discusted with ourselves"

"19 it makes us wallow in self pity"

"20. it makes some of turn into boohooing people (oh real fun to be around)<-----yepper that's me"

It seems to me like you already know the answer to that one.

My advice is to deal with the addiction first. When you can think straight again you can process your emotions successfully. When that happens then you can properly deal with the scars and baggage in a way that is right for you.

"When the hardware isn't broken and is and running right, then suddenly the software starts to work better".

. . .

Another long post from your friendly neighborhood GT. Hope it helps.

bizygal70

That was so well said. DITTO is all I can say because I am so there myself and trying to figure out what sort of help I'm going to have to get myself. Haven't drank in 2 days but it doesn't mean the urge wasn't there tonight, ya know? It's unfortunate though comforting to know that there are others like us going through the same pain!!

GreenTea

WE Are NOT Alone!

YOU Are Not Alone... I Am Not Alone... We are all here facing this stuff together.

Group hug anyone?

Luckyv2

Very true this is a WE thing and WE are NEVER ALONE

wingsfree

Green Tea.....I'm putting that down as the NUMBER ONE GOOD and a constant reminder...we aren't alone, especially on the days we get stuck in our heads, and can't see past what's bothering us....nope NEVER ALONE.

That made me think also, today waiting to get some tests done, I looked around the full room of people also waiting, all different ages, different problems, some would smile back when I'd smile at them, some looked so sad..and I thought...WOW we're all connected aren't we? And not alone, was a comforting feeling considering where we were.

.......plus some of this .....and this

Luckyv2

Even after I posted that now today I felt a little alone, went to a meeting and reminded myself that I am never alone. Well it is a process and it is probably going to take a while to feel good in our own skin which I do most of the time but there are times that I don't. I think this is just part of being human.

Love Vic

Little Missy

((Denise)) Glad you are here sweetie!!

You know, I never thought I fit in anywhere. I drank to have the courage to even be around other people. I drank to escape being around ME. The pain, loneliness, missery that was inside of me. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't get rid of it. I just wanted it to go away and if I had to go away too, that was ok with me.

Thankfully, I found this board. I read and I learned. You remember our good friend ((Dan)). Well, he pretty well saved my life. He reached out to me and helped to show me the way. He got me in the doors of AA, even though he was in Canada!!

I had to decide that enough was enough. I had to be willing to make a change, no matter what. I put myself out there and asked for help. Felt very vonerable and afraid, but I did it. It was hard, but I've done it, one day at a time.

I am now happy, joyous, and FREE!! Please walk this path with us. You deserve a better life!!