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Emotional Wreck

Old 04-18-2010, 01:11 AM
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Emotional Wreck

Day 3 here and I don't know what happened. I slept better last night night and woke up a few times with panic but came to the computer and chilled and went back to bed. Not too bad and definite improvement.

I woke up this morning ok for the first few minutes and then wham I started crying, feeling lonely and having no clue what my purpose is. OMG what is happening to me. There is nothing that happened that was so bad. Actually yesterday was getting better. Its not so much a panic attack but I look around my house and it feels so empty. I feel again so alone and that I have no one. I know with hubby gone that most people haven't even talked to me. I am just crying and crying guys and I wish this feeling would stop.

I feel like I am ready to pass out. My stomach is killing me and only had that little bit of food yesterday. My stomach hurts and it feels like when you get really bad news and I find it hard to breath. I don't know what is happening and I am just so scared. I haven't watched a movie and even a book because I can't focus.

I definitely will try and see my dr. tomorrow but getting through the days are so hard for me. I can't reach out to anyone over here because they just kinda back off and ignore you if you have "problems." They don't get it and that fact in itself is definitely part of the factor. I am so afraid they will report me to hubby's commander and then everything is out of hubby and my control. I am trying so hard guys you have no idea but I have some time to go with hubby gone.

I just want you all to know that withdrawal was not this bad emotionally last time. I don't know why I but I feel my nerves are shot and not being able to eat is part of the problem. I just wish I had some friends here right now but I don't think they would get it and well most people here who have these issues just shut the door and keep it to themselves.

I keep wondering if the pills I took affected me. Alcohol withdrawal has never been this bad for this long. I keep wondering if the hydroxyzine affected me negatively. That is the only thing that I took differently but I only took that for a couple of days. I started feeling depressed/panic when I took it last Tuesday and well the hell has not stopped.

Thanks guys for listening. I am just hanging on to see my Dr. and hoping he can squeeze me in tomorrow.

Kim
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Old 04-18-2010, 01:41 AM
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Hi Kim

Early recovery can be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster - and just because you had little trouble last time is no guarantee you won't this time - every detox had a different character to it for me.

No one here can tell you for sure if it's just the normal emotional to and froing or whether the hydrozine is involved either.

I really urge you to make a definite appointment tomorrow with your doctor - but try and relax as much as possible til then - mostly everyone here has gone through something similar - stay close to SR if you need it

It sounds like to me you lack a little real life support too - I'm not in a programme so I'm not pushing one on you, but I really think it's worth some thought Kim.

take care,
D
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Old 04-18-2010, 01:56 AM
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Hey Kim
The door is always open here, and a lot of people will hear you and listen to you here. But I agree with Dee, have a chat with your doc asap. Withdrawal is an emotional roller coaster, and I know only too well that loneliness you are experiencing... and the empty rooms and hollow walls. Try to remember and believe that this loneliness will pass, and try to engage is some form of social activity. Successive withdrawal symptoms can get worse, but you will come out of the impasse you are experiencing. Take care.
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Old 04-18-2010, 03:58 AM
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Thank you guys.

What I did do is reach out to a friend here today and so I am going to have lunch with her tomorrow and spend time with her boys. I felt so much better talking to her. She said that No you are not alone. You have people who care about you here and want to help but you need to reach out for it. She told me that everyone knows I have had it rough lately and missions are hard on spouses so no one wants to overstep the line and to give me space.

That really helped me. See I usually talk to friends several times a day and I haven't really talked to anyone since my injury. I kinda distanced myself. Of course I was back drinking and alcohol leaves me feeling miserable. I don't eat much, talk much, and all in all become a negative person. Sadly, I started drinking to feel better and I again it proved that it will destroy me.

I need to not underestimate the support of others and I am so glad for SR. I think all a good part of these emotions the past few days are linked to my guilt over having relapsed and again becoming a person I don't like. What I need to focus on is 3 days going strong and hanging in there and celebrating my freedom on the road to recovery. Not everyone will understand or accept why I did what I did but I am taking charge of my life and it wasn't like I became an alcoholic overnight.....it took a long time of drinking.....so recovery will not be instantaneous but I already feel better knowing I am not housebound because I am too drunk or can't visit a friend because I am too drunk or worrying that I sound drunk.
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Old 04-18-2010, 05:13 AM
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Early sobriety is a rough ride, no doubt. I hope you can see your doctor soon.
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Old 04-18-2010, 06:47 AM
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Good advice above. I just want to add that we are pulling for you and that we care. Hang in there, things will get better.
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Old 04-18-2010, 08:17 AM
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I'm so glad to see you reached out to a friend. I too have the instinct to isolate myself when I'm down, all the while knowing it's the worst thing to do. your relapse was a bump in the recovery road, a learning experience. Time to move on. You sound so much better! Keep checking in. And stay strong.
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Old 04-18-2010, 08:32 AM
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(((Kim))) You already know that alcohol isolates you even more and that's a huge revelation because you realize that there isn't solace in the bottle. You are having to deal with some very uncomfortable emotions, but you are learning how. Reaching out is so important right now and please, please see that doctor. Keep us updated hon. You can do this.
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Old 04-18-2010, 09:24 AM
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hi
isolating yourself is just being unkind to yourself - i know exactly how u feel with emotions sometimes getting tooo intense -i'm sure this will pass - try to see your doctor and get the support u need - glad u reached out here and to your friends cos u r definately not alone
good luck and keep coming back
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Old 04-18-2010, 11:18 AM
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hugs sorry your struggling... hang in there it will get better. hug
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Old 04-18-2010, 11:24 PM
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Hang in there, hope this finds you feeling better.
Take it slow, be kind to yourself, eat right, do not isolate yourself, but most of all do not drink.
Can you talk with your family?
Come to SR whenever you need to talk, always someone here, who cares and will listen.

PS: Are you with the military or is your spouse stationed there?
Curious, was station there in 1983, loved it, most amazing time of my life.

Last edited by tallcactus; 04-18-2010 at 11:26 PM. Reason: freaking spelling
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Old 04-19-2010, 05:09 AM
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Hi, glad that you able to find a friend, someone to talk to. Hope that you are able to get to your doctors. Hang in there.
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